by Fiona Miers
“I met a young woman this evening, a woman you ought to know well. Lady Catherine, daughter of the Duke of York.”
“I apologise. Who?”
“Lady Catherine. You met her in London before summer began. You had just returned from France, bruised and broken, and clearly she provided you with the comfort you required,” Abigail said, tears forming in her eyes and making them shine.
James told himself to stay calm.
“Abigail, I don’t ruin young ladies,” James said. He had spent time with Catherine when he’d returned from France, but it was not how she had painted it. Not at all.
“She meant that little to you that you do not even recall her name?” Abigail said with a gasp, her eyes wide and shocked as she stared at him.
“That is not the case. Why does this upset you so? I know many people in London. It is my home. And anyone who lives in London would tell you that it is not unheard of that people tell untruths.”
“And the fact that this young woman warned me to keep my distance from you means nothing? She warned me to stay as far away from you as possible. You used her and discarded her as soon as you got what you wanted.”
“That is preposterous.”
“Is it true?”
“Of course not!” That was not how it had been, at all.
Abigail cocked her head apprehensively and shook her head, refusing to speak.
He tried again. “Who would you rather believe at this very moment in time? A woman you have never met or heard of, before this evening? Or me?”
Surely, she could see the sense of his words?
Abigail hesitated before answering and James lowered his gaze then muttered. “As I have mentioned before, I have a past, a past I am not particularly proud of. But I cannot change it, even if I wanted to.”
Abigail nodded slowly.
“That is not the real reason why you are upset.” James surmised.
Abigail gazed at him and her brow furrowed. “I beg your pardon?”
“You are not upset by the fact that this young woman was supposedly ruined by me, or that she warned you off me. It is because you were ridden with jealousy.”
“That is preposterous,” Abigail said with a scoff. “I cannot believe you have the audacity to imply such a ridiculous thought.”
“You do not need to lie to me.”
There was no way all of her reactions were due to anger.
“I am most certainly not. I am merely...” Abigail crossed her arms over her chest and glanced out the window.
As her voice trailed and James grew more amused by her lack of a response.
Then suddenly she turned to him and admitted it. “I am ridden with jealousy.”
James nodded, and saw his chance to offer her the place as his mistress. “Would it make you feel better if I offered upon you the exclusivity of spending the summer with me?”
Abigail stared wordlessly at him, uncertainty in her eyes. “As in a courtship?”
“Similar to a courtship but not as long-winded and permanent. Only for the summer season.”
Abigail frowned. “That is not similar to a courtship at all. You merely wish to use me for your own amusement when it suits you. And when the summer concludes, you will discard me when you return to London. As you did with Lady Catherine.”
James’s jaw clenched and he shook his head. “You do not know that woman in the least, and yet you take her word as the truth.”
“I saw the pain and rejection in her eyes. I saw the self-loathing and heartache that comes with being thrown to the side by someone who had promised them the world. I felt those same emotions and have experienced it for myself.”
“You know not of what you speak.” Why would she not believe him?
But Abigail was enraged still.
“How dare you say such a thing to me? You are well aware of the trauma I experienced when my engagement to Timothy ended, and everything that was a result of it,” Abigail said angrily.
He narrowed his eyes at her. “This is precisely why I proposed this short-term arrangement to you, Abigail. I am well aware what you have been through and because of it, I assumed you would not wish to involve yourself in something serious and permanent.”
“You are a fool for thinking so!” she cried.
He tugged on his jacket and shifted on the seat. “I don’t understand why you are raising your voice to me. All I offered was to provide you with companionship for the summer. I was under the impression it was all you wished to give, granted the scandal you had been forced to endure in Bath.”
She sobbed, then swallowed hard, the sound wrenching at his heart. “You were sorely mistaken, James. I am not looking for a shallow summer involvement. Nor something with a temporary status. I was hurt deeply by someone who I thought loved me. But never for one moment did I ever say that I did not wish to be loved again. If anything, it has made that need even more obvious. The thought of risking my heart once again is terrifying, but I had not shut my feelings off entirely.”
At that moment, the coach came to a stop and James glanced the window. The dark townhouse stood before them. They had arrived back at Abigail’s family’s home.
James’s jaw tightened as he clenched his teeth. He hadn’t realised she’d so adamantly deny him.
“I was clearly mistaken, James. You are not the man I thought you were. After this evening, I have officially heard of, and now seen, your true nature.”
James turned back around to respond, but before he was able to defend himself, Abigail climbed out of the coach and turned to him. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself!”
He slid to the edge of his seat and grabbed hold of the door frame, ready to jump from the carriage. “Abigail, please wait,” he said, but Abigail turned on her heel and stormed into the townhouse.
James pulled shut the door and slid back on to his seat, scowling into the darkness as the carriage began rolling towards his estate once more. “Damn it all to hell.”
Chapter Eighteen
Tears streamed down Abigail’s cheeks as she stared blankly out the window of her bedchamber. It had been hours since the sun had risen, and even longer since she had arrived home after her evening with James.
She couldn’t even think of her evening at the theatre, as it only caused her to sob even more uncontrollably.
She had been outraged when James had propositioned her to be his companion for the summer.
And for the summer only.
His reasoning was rather insulting, especially as it proved she meant nothing to him. Worst of all was that he didn’t even understand why his proposition was outrageous, or why Abigail was upset with him.
The tear on her left cheek trailed down her chin and dripped onto her arm. She sighed, slowly rocking herself in her old rocking chair. The sky was as grey and dull as her heart and she didn’t even look at the people strolling past. She wished only to be left alone.
Abigail had thought living in Weymouth would be a new beginning for her, but the heartache had simply followed her from Bath. Misfortune was clearly attracted to her, and perhaps she was not meant to be happy, nor find a man who would bring happiness into her life. Perhaps she was destined to be a spinster after all, as she had convinced herself at the beginning of the summer.
Despite how much she wished for it, perhaps she wasn’t the kind of woman, unlike her sisters, who would find a husband, marry and start a family of her own.
As much as the thought brought tears to her eyes and a deep ache in her soul, it may be for the best. She didn’t wish to be married to man who she didn’t love or who didn’t love her in return.
She also didn’t wish to engage in a marriage of convenience. She shuddered at the thought and wrapped her arms around herself. She would much rather remain a spinster and care for her ill mother. There was much less pain in that life.
An urgent knock on the front door echoed through the quiet townhouse but Abigail simply turned her head and closed her eyes. She possessed ne
ither the patience nor the strength for any visitors, regardless of who it was.
She faintly heard her mother’s voice, but she was unable to distinguish what her mother was saying, or who had been at the door. Abigail was not well enough to entertain a guest, and her mother was well aware of that.
It was only when footsteps from the stairwell reached the floor where her bedchambers were that she turned her head to the door. The footsteps were soft and light, so she was not certain who was on the other side of her door.
She inhaled sharply, suddenly afraid that the door would open and she would see James standing in her doorway, silently pleading at her with his alluring eyes and the smile that had broken through her defences. She didn’t have the strength to shove him away, but the repercussions would be far more severe if she did not.
James had affected her deeper than she’d realised, which was why she felt shattered inside.
She had thought James cared for her. She had believed he was different than Timothy and had meant the words he’d spoken to her. Those words that she thought carried so much meaning did, in fact, mean nothing. She was merely another reckless pursuit of pleasure to James, and she had been naive enough to think he truly cared for her.
A deep pain erupted inside, causing her to gasp as she clutched her chest. She fervently wished this deep-rooted loathing would end quickly.
A soft knock sounded from the door and Abigail ignored it. It was only when she heard the familiar voice of her friend that she stopped the motion of the rocking chair.
“Abigail, it is Julia. Your mother sent for me. She didn’t inform me of what has happened, but I can make an educated guess.”
Julia’s voice remained calm from the other side of the door, yet Abigail did not approach. She was too ashamed of her actions and her naive thoughts.
Julia had warned her on more than one occasion that James was not to be trusted, but she had given him the benefit of the doubt. She’d believed him when he had said he wasn’t the kind of person he used to be.
He insisted he had learned from his mistakes. But in the end, she was the one who made the mistake of trusting him, of believing him, and of giving herself to him when he merely wished to use her for his own amusement.
“Abigail, please let me inside. I do not wish for you to go through this alone. You are my dearest friend and there is not a thing in this world I would not do for you.”
Abigail sniffed and wiped the tears from under her eyes as she slowly rose from the chair. Dragging her feet, with a sob caught in her swollen throat, she approached the door and turned the iron key in the lock.
When it was open, she shuffled away and plodded back to the rocking chair in front of the window.
After a brief pause and a momentary silence, the door slowly opened. Abigail’s eyes began to fill with tears once more.
“Abigail?” Julia called out tentatively.
Abigail turned around and stared at Julia, who closed the door of the bedchambers and walked towards her with her arms outstretched.
“Dearest Abigail,” Julia said as she embraced her.
Tears streamed down Abigail’s cheeks as Julia consoled her with reassuring whispers. Thankfully, her crying ceased, and she drew in a deep breath. She slid from Julia’s embrace, wiping her tear-drenched face.
“I apologise,” she said and stepped away from Julia to find a handkerchief.
“There is no need,” Julia assured and motioned to Abigail’s bed. “Shall we sit, and you can tell me what has upset you?”
“There is no need to tell you. You already know who upset me.”
“Tell me anyway.”
Abigail bit her lower lip and nodded, making her way to the bed. She sat on the edge, Julia sitting beside her and running her fingers through her messy locks.
“I am truly embarrassed. I should have listened to you.”
“Regarding James?”
“Indeed. He did not care for me in the least. He only wished for me to be his companion for the duration of the summer. Nothing more.”
“He said that?” Julia asked, her tone shocked.
Abigail nodded and gulped down the emotions that threatened to spill over once more. “Indeed. I have never been so insulted. As soon as I mentioned how preposterous it all sounded, he accused me of wanting such a thing! He said that I was emotionally vacant as a result of the scandal with Timothy and that he was under the impression I did not want anything of a serious or permanent nature. Can you believe that?”
Julia reached out her hand and tucked a lock of Abigail’s dark hair behind her ear and sighed softly. “As much as it pains me to say this, my dear friend, you cannot blame him for thinking that way.”
Abigail leaned back and frowned at her friend. “I beg your pardon? I was under the impression you are my friend, here to calm me and support me.”
“I am. I truly am.” Julia reassured her.
But Abigail didn’t believe her. “Just last evening you made me believe that James was a terrible man and now you are contradicting yourself by defending him?”
“Not in the least. But to be fair, you did, in fact, vow to become a spinster after the scandal with Timothy. Did you not?”
Abigail drew in an annoyed breath. “I did. Oh, no... I feel even more embarrassed now. Perhaps I was giving him the wrong impression, after all. But he certainly did the same thing to me.”
“Not all men who gaze upon you lovingly wish to marry you, Abigail. What James did was wrong, but he was probably not the only one who was at fault.”
“I understand. I merely wish that there was some way of...”
“Of what? Changing him? Why on earth would you wish to change him?” Julia asked, sounding shocked.
Abigail’s looked at Julia from behind wet eyelashes, unable to say the words that were sounding inside her heart.
Julia’s eyes widened.
“Good heavens!” Julia gasped. “I had wondered why James had resonated so deeply with you. I had initially thought it was an infatuation, but it is rooted much deeper than that.”
“I am such a fool,” Abigail said, covering her face with her hands.
“It is not love that makes us fools. It is love for the wrong man that makes us feel foolish, but it does not make us fools.” Julia said.
Abigail dropped her hands away and laughed softly. “I beg to differ, my dearest friend.”
Julia smiled encouragingly at Abigail, which made her feel much better somehow. Although there wasn’t much Julia could do or say to take the heartache and humiliation away from Abigail, she was truly grateful for her friend’s presence.
Chapter Nineteen
James had been under the impression his argument with Abigail had been an overreaction on her part, and that she would soon send word that she wished to apologise.
Unfortunately, she was even more stubborn than he’d thought she might be.
He attempted to convince himself that her words did not sting, but he had stomped around the manor house for the past three days with a dark cloud above his head. Even his brothers had noticed his grumpy demeanour, but despite their comments and suggestions to call upon Abigail, he ignored them.
After dinner, he retreated to the private parlour where he had taken Abigail after the rainstorm, mostly to escape the questions from his brothers he wished to avoid. They were relentless in their pursuit to learn the truth, especially as James had been nothing but grumpy for the past three days.
James stomped around the parlour, anxiously attempting to silence the horde of questions he had inside swirling his mind, all of them demanding his attention. He was more on edge than he had cared to admit, and despite attempting to pretend that his argument with Abigail did not matter and had not upset him, he knew very well that it had.
His shoes scuffed against the floor as he paced the length of the room just as Thomas entered, but he paid no attention to his brother.
A loud thud echoed through the room, which made James’s body jolt and
he turned to his brother. A thick, leather-bound book lay on the side table beside Thomas and James could only imagine Thomas had slammed it on the table to attract his attention.
“I have had quite enough, James.”
He glared at Thomas. His brother had never raised his voice at him. Although, the tone did describe the level of intolerance Thomas displayed with James and his mood recently.
Thomas had always been the most honest of the four brothers, not afraid to speak his mind. He was easily amused and preferred to joke about most things. But where serious matters were concerned, he showed a higher level of maturity than any of his older siblings.
“I’m not certain what happened two days ago, but stomping around the manor hall and being abrupt and uncouth to everyone here is not the proper manner in which to deal with the situation.”
“You don’t know what you speak of,” James grumbled.
His answer seemed to infuriate Thomas even more and Thomas clenched his fists. “If you do not stop being in such a foul mood and begin talking about what happened, there will not be a single person left at this estate who will tolerate you.”
James turned away. “You would not understand.”
“I am willing to understand if you are willing to make an attempt to explain it to me,” Thomas said.
James sighed miserably and he turned back to his brother.
Thomas’s eyebrows flickered up in question. “Am I correct in assuming that this concerns Abigail?”
Even though James did not answer verbally, the clench in his jaw gave his brother enough information to continue.
“What happened, brother?” Thomas asked. “Three days ago, you left the house with a spring in your step, but now you’re isolating yourself and alienating everyone around you.”
“I offered her a position as my companion for the remainder of the summer.”
“You did what?” Thomas asked, his brows shooting up.
James shrugged. “Neither Abigail nor I are seeking anything permanent, especially not with what we have been through. Love and romance are certainly not on the road for either of us, which was why I had assumed it would be a tremendous idea.”