by MJ Masucci
Xander had moved into his little apartment above the garage and lived there while they renovated it. He spent the first two months drinking himself into a stupor each night while listening to music that made him think of Ava. Finally, Janelle put a foot in his ass and told him that if he didn’t get it together, she was going to kick him out.
While he was still severely hung over from the prior night’s overindulgence, she made him pour all the bottles of alcohol he had in his apartment down the sink. Then, with a splitting headache, she watched as he cleaned the place. She made him some good strong black coffee and told him he had to get a job and pay rent.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Xander,” she spat at him. “You’re not the only one that has had to face adversity. I’m doing you a favor by letting you stay here and lying to your parents about your whereabouts. I expect you to be appreciative, like do stuff around the property and help with the kids when Billy and I need it. I also expect you to get a job because eventually your savings will be gone. If you can agree then you can stay; otherwise, you need to leave.”
Xander looked at her with bloodshot eyes while he nursed his coffee and agreed. The next day, her father-in-law offered him a job working in his lumberyard after seeing his handiwork during the renovation. Xander no longer had aspirations to work as an attorney, now a notion from his past. He couldn’t do it without her by his side. The last thing he requested was that they no longer call him Xander. He wanted to be called Alex. Janelle thought it silly to abandon a nickname he had for his entire life but she humored him.
He breathed in the mist-filled morning air as he ran towards the river. The sun was just starting to rise, and he slipped on his sunglasses as he ran eastward. The lumberyard would be closing early tomorrow so the employees could prepare for the Fourth, the next day.
The town usually had a parade in the morning, and fireworks display over the river just after sunset. Xander was looking forward to it because it meant that he could be with his young cousins. Jimmy always liked to sit on his shoulders when the parade came while Sophia sat on her father’s.
He entered the park by the river and ran the loop leading back to the house. When he got back to his place, the sun was fully up and the morning mist had almost burned off. It was already warm outside even though it was barely 6:00 AM. He took a quick shower and got dressed. He wished he could wear shorts, but Bill insisted all employees wear jeans and boots (but at least he could wear a tank top).
He had been doing that since it had gotten warm, leaving his shoulders, arms, neck and face deeply tanned. Even with his long hair (which he kept in a ponytail during work hours) and unkempt beard, women still flocked to him. Janelle had tried several times to set him up under the guise that a friend just stopped by for dinner.
He wasn’t stupid, and he knew what she was doing. He didn’t feel the need for female companionship of any type and could have done what he did in college (just had serial hook-ups with women), but he was no longer twenty years old. He was almost thirty-two, and he only wanted to sleep with one specific woman.
It was quiet at the lumberyard when he arrived. He leaned against his truck sipping his coffee, waiting for Bill to arrive and open the gates. He hoped that it would be an easy day.
When Bill came five minutes later, he flipped Xander the keys to the gate from his car window. Xander opened the gates and set the doorstops. Other employees started to filter into the parking lot. Bill greeted Xander warmly. Over the past four years, he treated him like his own son.
“Alex, how are you on this fine day?” Bill asked as he thumped him on the shoulder.
“Good, Bill. How are you? Looking forward to tomorrow?”
“I am if Janelle makes that potato salad I love so much.”
“I’m pretty sure I saw her peeling potatoes last night for it.”
Bill smiled widely at him as Xander handed him the keys back.
“Why don’t you keep that set?”
Xander shook his head. “Maybe you should give Billy the keys.”
“Alex, Billy has no interest in this lumberyard. I need someone to carry on my legacy. I think you’re just the guy. Keep the set, please.”
Xander shook the keys in his hand and put them in his pocket. He had told Bill before he preferred not to have the responsibility of the yard. This time he would humor him and take the keys. He sometimes wished that his father treated him the way Bill did.
Peter Wilder had always been hard on Xander. He expected a lot from him when he was a child and kept pressing him. It was yet another reason why he chose to stay away. Deep down, he had a fear that he could never live up to his father’s expectations.
The day progressed as Xander had wished. It was quiet, and only a load of two by fours were requested for the day after the holiday. Xander got right to work on the order so that it would be ready to load on July fifth. Bill closed the yard a bit early since there was no business and Xander hoped he would close it by noon the next day.
As Xander drove home, he thought about the only Fourth of July that he spent with Ava. They had had a horrible fight the night before. Well, mostly it was his fault. He treated her badly during his recovery from the attack by Liam. She packed her things and went home to her apartment. The next day he got out of bed miserable from a night without Ava. He got up, showered, shaved off the week-plus beard and paced the apartment in his towel. In the end, he went to her at her uncle’s house and took her home with him.
They made love, and later she pressed her body against the high-rise windows in his apartment watching the fireworks over the adjacent Hudson River. He had come into the room to see how sexy she looked pressed against the glass and his heart skipped a beat as that was how he'd been thinking about taking her for weeks. He smiled at the thought. He had wanted to press her back against that glass while he drove into her, but his injured ribs prevented him from it. He planned on it but never got the chance; he never would.
When he got home, his cousins were in their small wading pool splashing around. He waved to them and then went upstairs to turn on his air conditioner full blast. He pulled off his boots and jeans and slipped on a pair of shorts, then went to a pile of spiral notebooks he had stacked near his couch and selected the top one. He paged through it until he found a blank page, and began to write. When he was finished, he dated it and placed it back on the stack. He had been doing this for the past four years.
He put his head back and dozed off for a time until knocking at his door woke him up.
“Alex, can you please let me in?” Janelle’s muffled voice called.
“Yeah, give me a minute.” Xander shook the sleep out of his head and went to open the door.
“Why in the hell are you locking the door? It’s not midnight, you know.”
Xander gave her a sheepish grin. “Force of habit. I did grow up in Manhattan you know.”
“I need you to watch the kids for a little while. Billy has to go to the office, and I need to pick up some hot dog rolls from the store.”
“You forgot to get hot dog rolls? Why didn’t you get them when you went shopping yesterday?”
Janelle scowled at him. “You try shopping with two rambunctious kids nagging you and then tell me if you remember everything on your list.”
Xander smirked at her, “I have no problem when I take them with me.”
“Because you let them do whatever they want or you bribe them with ice cream. I can’t do that all the time.” Xander laughed because it was true.
“Do you want me to get the rolls for you?”
“I need to get a few other things, and it would be easier without the two munchkins. So can you watch them?”
“Sure. Where are they?”
“In the pool, so I need you to leave this icebox and watch them right now.”
Xander didn’t relish going out into the heat, but he loved those two kids and would do anything for them. So he went to the yard, sat by the wading pool and Jimmy immediately splas
hed him.
“Hey, boy. Don’t start something you can’t finish,” Xander said in his best cowboy voice.
Jimmy splashed him again, and Sophia joined the fun. Xander backed away from the pool and ran around the side of the house. He picked up the garden hose and watched them from the corner of his eye. Then he struck. He turned the handle on full force causing Jimmy and Sophia to climb out of the pool and run away.
They ran into Sophia’s doll house, and when they came back, Xander was stretched across the length of the pool bathing himself in the cool water. They protested until he started splashing them and they squeezed themselves in the pool with him. He played with their water toys while sitting cross-legged with them. When Janelle got back, they were still there in the tiny wading pool.
The next day, as usual, Xander woke up early for his morning run. As he ran through town, he saw signs of preparation on for the parade. They had set up barricades and tape so that the onlookers wouldn’t cross in front of the parade. Further, down by the river, he noticed a barge that would probably be where the firefighters would be shooting the fireworks.
When he got back to his apartment, he checked his phone, and there were three missed calls from his father. It was barely 6:00 AM and he quickly dialed his voicemail to listen to the first message. His father’s voice sounded panicked.
“Alexander, you’re going to have to come home immediately. Your mother had a dizzy spell this morning, and she passed out. They’re assessing her in the hospital, and she is asking for you. I know it’s a holiday tomorrow, but I need you to come home as soon as you can.”
He raced around his apartment, shoving clothing and toiletries into a bag. He tore off his running gear and took a quick shower; he pulled on jeans, a tank top, and his sneakers. Within eleven minutes, he was banging on Janelle’s door.
“Alex, what is it at this hour? You woke us,” but her voice trailed off as she saw the worried look on his face.
“Mom had a dizzy spell this morning and passed out. Dad called, and she is in the hospital asking for me. If I leave now, I can be there probably by 10:00 AM.”
Janelle hugged him. “Call me when you know something.”
“I will,” he said as he raced down her front stairs to his truck and jumped in it, peeling out of the driveway as he raced down Main Street. When he hit the highway, he pushed the old truck as fast as it would allow. Maybe his father was right. Maybe he needed to come home now that his mother was sick. Four hours was a big trip when there was an emergency. Fortunately, it was early, and there was no traffic for him to delay him. He made it to Manhattan within three hours, racing into the hospital’s parking garage.
At the front desk, they looked up his mother’s room and gave him directions to get there. He tried not to run through the halls, but he was anxious to get to see her. His father was sitting in a chair next to her bedside when he arrived.
“Dad, how is she?” He saw that his mother had a bandage on her forehead.
“She’s fine, it seems. They had to run a CT scan and want to keep her for observation until tomorrow. She hit her head on the side table when she fell. It took a few stitches to close the gash in her head.”
“What did the doctor say? Why did she faint?”
“She was dehydrated, and they are giving her a new antibiotic.”
Xander looked down at his sleeping mother. She looked frailer than when he had seen her a few months ago.
“Is she getting any better?”
“The doctor says she is. Two days ago her appetite came back. So I think that she is improving. She still gets easily fatigued, but it’s less than it was a few months ago.”
Xander sat down next to his mother and took her hand. He stroked it, and her eyelids fluttered.
“Alexander? Is that you?”
“Yes, Mom, I’m here.”
“When are you coming home?”
“Soon, Mom. Soon.”
Gabby closed her eyes, and Peter gestured for Xander to come outside the room.
“Alexander, I don’t like you lying to your mother. You know you have no intention of coming home anytime soon. Frankly, I am getting sick of this self-imposed exile. And I asked that you cut your hair. Your beard is out of control. Would it kill you to trim it at least?”
Xander exhaled, “Dad, this is part of the reason why I don’t want to come home. You constantly badger me about my lifestyle. My hair is too long, my truck is too old, I’m wasting my life working in the lumberyard.”
“Alexander, you had a wonderful career as an attorney. Why throw that away because of something that happened years ago?”
“It’s my choice. Why can’t you accept that I will never be as good as you want me to be?”
Peter furrowed his brow. “Alexander, I am proud of you; I always have been. I’m sorry if you think differently.”
Xander turned as he heard familiar voices coming down the hall. He felt a rush of annoyance. He spotted Jacob and Daniel Keene, and before he could duck away, they had seen him. Fuck! This was the last thing he wanted.
Daniel nodded at Xander as he went into Gabby’s room with Peter. But Jacob was another story; he narrowed his eyes at Xander and stared at him.
“I dreamed about what I would say to you if I ever saw you again. You’re an asshole.” Jacob fell silent waiting for a response.
“I’m sorry, Jacob, that you feel that way. Ava was… she is better off without me.”
“No, she’s not, you selfish fuck. For reasons - I have no idea why - she still loves you. Do you know she has not dated anyone since you? Her life is passing her by because she can’t get over you. She doesn’t say as much, but I know. I can see it on her face. Why did you do it?”
“I can’t explain it to you because you wouldn’t understand. You haven’t done things that make you hate yourself.”
Jacob’s face softened. “Everyone has. You aren’t any different. Ava has no closure because you never gave her that. I’m sorry you hate yourself so much that you can’t see your way through to explaining it to her.”
“I’m sorry, Jacob. Please don’t tell her I was here.”
“I wouldn’t because each time she finds out you’re around and don’t see her, it tears her healing wound open again. I understand your Mom is sick, but stay away from Ava.” Jacob walked passed him to see Gabby.
Xander went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. He sat at a small corner table stroking his beard deep in thought. Jacob is right. I never gave her what she needed. I just left. He waited an hour before he went back up to see his mother. His father wasn’t in the room, and she was awake, drinking some juice when he entered.
“Mom, how are you feeling?”
“I feel much better. I have for the past couple of weeks. I think this Lyme is finally leaving. I have no idea where I got bitten. How are you, Alexander? You look tired. I’m sorry I dragged you away from your plans.”
“I didn’t have anything planned.”
“Alexander, why don’t you go to her? She misses you.”
Xander turned away from his mother to look out the window. He didn’t want his mother to see the tears that blurred his vision. He wanted to go to her, but he couldn’t allow himself. He pushed the tears away.
“I can’t. I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“I have always stood behind you even when you are wrong, but you’re destroying that young woman’s life.”
It was the first time his mother had said anything like this. Four years and she always was on his side. It made him feel even worse. He kissed his mother on the cheek and left the hospital.
He drove his truck around the city until he got fed up with the traffic. He went to the River Garage on West Twelfth where he used to park his SUV. Leaving the vehicle there, he walked the streets until he got to her apartment. He stood on the opposite side of the road hoping to see her. After an hour of pacing in the Manhattan heat, he left and walked over to Washington Square Park. It was teeming with activity.
>
Unbeknownst to him, he walked the same path that she had just run a few days ago. He went to the familiar spot where she had fallen years ago, and sat on the bench. He stayed there for over an hour watching the foot traffic and listening to the sounds of the park. If he closed his eyes, he could hear her voice. He slipped his sunglasses on against the bright sun and flipped his baseball cap backward. Then he saw her.
Chapter 6
Ava had spent a wonderful week with her family centered around the kids, which caused her to skip studying, but was well worth it. Now it was time to go back to New York. On the last night at dinner with her family, William sat on her lap crying. He didn’t want her to leave. She tried to calm him down.
“Oh, sweetie, I’ll be back in a few months for the holidays.”
“No, Aunt Ava, want you to stay here,” he moaned and cried.
“But I have to get back to work. You don’t want Aunt Ava to get fired, do you?”
That only made him sob harder. Walter finally took him on his lap to comfort the boy. Both Elizabeth and Mikey had just turned four, and they were more understanding that she had to leave. She would miss them all. She had gotten to know Felice and had told her father that he didn’t have to sneak her out in the early morning. She was glad that he had someone for company. Her lunch with Felice was pleasant enough, and she found out that the woman had almost as much money as her father, which lessened Ava’s suspicion as to her motives with her Dad. She went back to New York with those fears alleviated.
When she arrived home, the cats were impossible. They had made a mess of her house plants, tearing one of them to pieces. Gage had stacked her New York Times on the small side table in the foyer, and it was also shredded on the floor. She called down to the front desk, and Gage told her that everything was fine when he was in her apartment this morning. It was almost as if the boys knew she was coming back today and decided to show her their discontent for her being away.