by MJ Masucci
“I’ll do it. You’re pregnant, now stand back.”
Rachel stood back, and Ava popped the hood lifting it up and securing it. Black smoke billowed from the engine.
“It smells like rubber burning,” Ava said.
“This is just what I need. Luckily, I have Triple A.” She dialed the emergency number and told them at what mile marker they were now parked. Within a half hour, they were on their way in a tow truck to Saratoga Springs. At the repair station, the mechanic ran a diagnostic and told Rachel it was a faulty fuel injector.
“Can you fix it?” She asked.
“Sure can. The only the problem is that I need to order a part. I don’t keep foreign car parts here in the station. I might not be able to get it until Monday. But if I can get it early enough today then I can repair it and have you on your way by afternoon.”
“You can’t do it any sooner?” Rachel pleaded.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, even if I had the part, we close at noon on Saturdays.”
“Is there a place we can stay around here? Or a car rental place?”
“There are several hotels here in town but with the races and it being a weekend, you might not find any vacancies. There is also an inn run by a friend of mine. They usually have one or two rooms available. I can take you over there once my coworker gets back from a coffee run.”
Ava groaned. “Rachel, I wanted to go to Montreal.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, but we have so many samples in the back that I need to take to my client that I need this fixed. I could probably call my client and set up a later appointment for Monday. But, hey. Saratoga is nice this time of year. We can stay here over the weekend and then head north on Monday. I’m sure I will have to come up to do a fitting, and we can shop around Montreal then.”
“I suppose so. I might have to call and ask for an extra day off work if we’re going to be delayed. I’m sure Victoria is not going to be happy, but nothing I can do. Fortunately, I caught up with my work last week.”
They waited for the mechanic to drive them to the inn. It was on the outskirts of town about a mile from the Hudson River. The rooms were nicely decorated and had a private bath. Ava carried in the bags and set them on the floor. She was tired but not more tired than Rachel, who sat back on the pillows of her bed on top of the comforter and was fast asleep within a minute. Must be the hormones.
Ava decided to walk around town. It was hot out but not as hot as Manhattan, and she didn't want to be cooped up in the room while Rachel slept. Ava thought about texting Tim but was annoyed by his behavior last night. His intentions of sleeping with her so soon into their relationship were overly apparent.
She wanted to talk to Rachel about his attitude and was worried that he was becoming possessive of her after one date, but that would have to wait until after her cousin’s nap. Stepping out into the bright sunshine and walking towards the river, she realized that she had forgotten her sunglasses in the Volvo, so she stopped into one of the small shops lining Main Street to purchase another pair.
When she stepped back out onto the sidewalk, a man had just passed by the store. Ava walked into the wake of his cologne. It was the same one that Xander had worn. In fact, the man that was in front of her looked very much like the man she had seen on the park bench last week. He was tall and had his almost blonde hair in a ponytail. His Yankee cap was flipped backward. He was wearing a tank top, but his arms were much more defined than Xander’s had been.
She followed the man as he walked down the street. He caught up with a woman who had two small children holding her hands, a boy and a girl. The little boy clung to the man’s legs, and he swung him up to his shoulders. He picked up the little girl and planted kisses on her chubby face. He kissed the woman on the cheek and as he did she glimpsed his full face. She was shocked. It was Xander. She hadn’t seen him in four years, but she would know his face anywhere. He had a long unkempt beard that was several colors, mostly blonde but red and strawberry in some areas.
Her heart was breaking all over again. He was married with children. She felt like a fool for waiting for him to come back. It was obvious he had moved on in his personal life and she had not. She decided to follow them, and when they got to a small park with swings, teeter-totters, and slides, she hid behind a tree watching.
For several minutes she watched as Xander pushed the children on the swings. A man approached them, and he heard the children scream “Daddy!” Her heart soared. They hugged the man around his legs just as they did Xander’s and the woman kissed this man on the lips. He waved to Xander and then left with the children holding his hand.
Ava watched as Xander walked to a bench and sat down. He took off his ball cap and leaned his head back catching some sun on his face. From what she saw he didn’t need it. His arms, face, and neck, were very tan. She doubted he worked as an attorney anymore. Through the years, she had checked the New York State Bar Registry and had only found his old city address. If he did work as an attorney, he never changed his address.
Her stomach was in knots. Should she go and speak with him? She was a ball of emotion, with anger leading the way. But she was also happy to know she had found him. She had texted him last week when she found out Gabby Wilder had been taken to the hospital. He never replied to her. This is how it had been for four years. She would be given a sign that he was near and when she tried to reach out — nothing.
She needed to do this or she would never be able to move forward. She was taking the first steps now with Tim, but she was so unsure that he was the right person.
She approached the bench, and he made no indication he had heard her. Several times she reached out to touch him and several times she pulled her hand back. Finally, she got the courage to touch his shoulder and speak his name. He wheeled around as if she had burnt him with her fingers.
“Fucking Dammit, you scared the hell out of me,” he yelled at her. As his face flickered with recognition she waited for him to speak. He just stared at her.
“How did you find me, Ava?”
That’s it you son of a bitch? That is what you have to say to me?
“I didn’t find you. We got stuck here. Is that all you fucking have to say to me?” She was furious. She wanted to tear his beard off his face.
“What do you want me to say? That I’m happy to see you? I told you to stay away from me. I’m no good for you.”
Ava was seething. She had waited four years to say this to him.
“You fucking made that decision without me. How could you do that to me, Xander? I loved you so much, and I thought we would be together forever,” she hissed.
“Forever is bullshit. I found that out quick. And the name is Alex, not Xander.”
She looked at him with shock.
“Do you think you can run away and change your name to hide your true feelings? I have no closure. You stole that from me.”
Xander looked at her warily.
“This is officially your closure. Move on with your life. Find a husband, get married and forget I exist. This is my home now. I was no good for you. You told me that you wanted nothing to do with me, so you got your wish. I left before I could hurt you any further.”
“How dare you throw my words back at me. That was out of anger and before I could take it back, the accident occurred. Then you were gone. I only recently found the notes you left for me. If you want nothing to do with me then why Xander; why?”
“Why what?”
“Why would you send me lavender roses for my graduation? Were you there hiding from me? Too cowardly to show your face? What about the rose you painted in the art lodge at the camp? Are you going to lie and say that wasn’t for me? Then the text that you missed me? If you want closure, then be done with me and shut off all communication. Stop sticking knives into my heart.”
Tears were freely streaming down her face now. She turned and walked away leaving him to ponder the questions she had asked. She started to run out of the park at full speed
until her lungs burned with the heat of the day. She ran to the inn and rushed into her room. Rachel had just woken up and was frightened by Ava’s crying.
“What the hell is going on? Why are you crying?”
“I saw him. He’s here,” she sobbed.
“You mean Xander? Is that who you are talking about?”
“Yes. He’s here, and I spoke to him. He doesn’t want me. He said that he is officially giving me closure to move on with my life. Can you fucking believe that? He is giving me permission to go on without him.” She started crying even harder, and Rachel sat next to her to give her comfort. Ava reached inside her shirt and tore at the necklace which she threw on the bed.
“This means nothing to me anymore.”
Rachel tried to soothe her and got her a washcloth to wipe her face. Ava stretched out on her bed and buried her face in her pillow. When she had fallen asleep, Rachel left the room. She wasn’t sure she could help Ava with her problem. In all the years she knew Xander, he could be a stubborn bastard. He had proved that by disappearing.
She walked across the street to get something to eat. As she walked by the bar next door to the drugstore, she saw him sitting with his back to the window with two other men. She entered the bar.
“Hey, asshole, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Without even looking at her he answered. “Do all you Keenes have to call me an asshole?”
The two men sitting with him laughed. He got up from his chair and walked to a quiet table in the corner of the bar. Rachel followed him, and she sat down.
“So who else called you an asshole?” Rachel asked with a smirk.
“Jacob did last week when he came to see my mother in the hospital.”
“See, we call you that because you are one. What the fuck are you doing to Ava? It’s so unfair, Xander.”
“My name is Alex.”
“Fuck you, Wilder. I shared a crib and a bathtub with you when we were babies, and you will always be Xander to me. You can’t just disappear and change your God Damn name to Alex to make it all better. It’s not better, and it won’t be until you’re together with Ava. And what the fuck is that thing on your face? Really?”
“I can’t be with her. She is better off without me. What’s on my face?”
“You can be with her, and she is not better off without you. She is a freaking blubbering mess. She came into our room crying so hard that I thought someone died. I’m talking about that rat’s nest on your face. Ever hear of scissors? Or a lawn mower in your case.”
“I told her to move on with her life. I have.”
Rachel pushed her purse onto the floor, and when Xander reached down to pick it up, his necklace with the ring fell out of his shirt. As he went to tuck it back in his shirt, she grabbed at it and held it in her hand.
“Is this what you mean by moving on with your life? You’re full of shit, Xander. You haven’t moved on; you’re stagnating. And now she is dating this guy that kind of creeps us out.” She let that slip by accident, but it had the impact she needed.
“My father said she was dating someone, but I didn’t believe it.” He felt like someone punched him in the stomach.
“She just started dating him, brought him to the barbecue. I don’t like him, but in the interest of not making her life more complicated, I didn’t say anything to her. He is much too charming for me, and that always raises red flags. So either you come back, or she will be with this guy that is all wrong for her. I think all the badgering we all did has finally gotten to her.”
“Why are you here anyway?”
“If you wouldn’t have disappeared you would have a clue. I have a client in Montreal, and I need to go over patterns and fabrics with her.”
“For what? What type of patterns?”
“Wilder has that tan gone to your brain? I design wedding dresses with my husband, Rigo. If you had swallowed your pride, you would have met him when we got married. Ava came with me, and we were going to make a girl’s weekend out of it in Montreal. My car broke down, and it’s in the repair shop by Dunkin' Donuts.”
“Isn’t that convenient that your car broke down where I live?”
“If you are accusing me of staging this then you’re crazy. Do you think I climbed up on my car engine and messed with the fuel injectors? I have no idea where they even are. I never knew you lived here until now.”
Xander was curious about what had gone on while he had been away and he spent the next two hours talking with Rachel. His parents didn’t tell him much with his brief visits to the city. When they were done talking, Rachel hugged him and told him to shave and get a haircut. The room was dark when she entered, and she heard Ava’s even breathing.
Chapter 9
The next morning Ava woke to rain against the window of their room. She looked outside and saw that it was steadily falling. Rachel was still asleep in the bed next to hers, and she quietly went about the room. She wanted to go for a morning run and slipped on her running gear. She took her jacket to the porch of the inn and put the hood up before she ran out from under the overhang. Her slow run became a fast jog and headed towards the river. She didn’t hear the footfalls behind her until she entered the park. Arms grabbed her, and she screamed in fear, trying to break away and run faster. The arms held steadfastly and turned her as they slowed together.
“It’s me. Calm down.”
She pushed out of his arms. “Don’t touch me. You gave up that right when you abandoned me.”
Xander looked as if she had slapped him. “I deserve that. And you’re right; we aren’t even friends. I’m sorry.”
“For what? Leaving me? Lying to me? Being dishonest? Tearing my heart to shreds?”
“For all of it. I’m sorry I did this to you. To us. I saw Rachel yesterday, and we had a long talk. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I don’t know. You tore me apart. Did you know?”
Xander looked at her puzzled, “Know what?”
“We lost two babies that night, our twins. I can’t have children. When you left, I was delivered three losses, you and our babies. Do you know how painful it was for me to go through that alone? It was worse than the injuries.”
Xander hung his head because he knew she had suffered. He made a snap decision based on a promise he made to himself when he was fighting for her life.
His voice softened. “Do you know why I left? I left because I made a promise to myself.”
“What was the promise?”
“That if you were able to come back, that I would leave you, that you would be better off without me. It would never have happened if I had been honest with you. When you died in that field, I lost my mind. I did CPR on you until the paramedics came. When they got your heart started again, I knew what I had to do.
Your father sealed the deal when he told me to stay away from you. I needed to leave. Once you were moved out of ICU and into a room, I sat by your bedside that last night. Then I kissed you and put a note in the pocket of your sweater. I went home to Manhattan, packed only what I could carry and left the city. It was the worst birthday I had ever had in my life.”
“Oh, Xander, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you stay and wait for me to wake up?”
“It was the best way to do it. I couldn’t bear to see the look on your beautiful face when I told you we couldn’t be together. It was bad enough seeing you in that bed all broken. I just needed to make sure you were alive before I left. Once I was sure, I had to go. I wrote the note.”
“Were you at my graduation?”
“Yes. I had to see you graduate because I knew you worked so hard.”
She smiled up at him as the rain poured down heavier. She stroked his beard and longed to kiss him. They moved under a large pine tree to avoid the rain. He pulled the necklace with the ring out from under his shirt.
“I never forgot. You were always with me.”
Ava reached into her shirt and realized her necklace was not there. She had ripped it off
and threw it on the bed last night, but still said, “You are with me all the time, too.”
“Let me see.”
“I don’t have it with me. I was upset last night after I talked to you and ripped it off. It’s on my nightstand.”
“I have so many things I need to make up to you. I want to do that, but I need some time to get it together. I need to be the best man I can for you. Rachel told me you are dating someone. Is it serious?”
“We just started dating, like two dates. He is a nice man, but…”
Xander reached out and grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. She felt chills as his lips touched her. She had a deep need to feel him against her, but this was not her Xander. This man was new to her, different. They could never be as they once were or could they?
He intertwined her hand with his own, and they walked up the main road. She said nothing because the contact was all she needed from him now. When they arrived at the inn, he kissed her cheek.
“We need to talk. I have to go into Syracuse to run an errand for my boss today. How long are you going to be here?”
Ava struggled to hide her disappointment. Now that she found him she didn’t want to let him go.
“I have to go to Montreal with Rachel on Monday, but I’m sure she won’t mind if I stay here. We were supposed to have a girl’s weekend, but her car broke down, so we have been here since yesterday morning.”
“I should be back late tonight. Can we talk tomorrow?”
Ava nodded, and he squeezed her hand before he let go and left the porch. She watched him run back towards wherever home was.
She shook off her jacket while still on the inn’s porch and went up to the room. Rachel was sitting on her bed reading on her tablet. She looked up when Ava entered and noticed her face was flushed, she knew something had happened.
“You saw him, didn’t you?”
“He talked to me. I went for a run, and he was behind me. We talked in the park.”
“I talked to him, too. After I had left the room yesterday, I was walking by a bar and saw him inside. I talked to him about you, and what had been going on the last four years he has been away. Maybe it softened him and made him realize he needs to be with you.” She noticed how sad Ava looked. “What did you say to him today?”