by MJ Masucci
Xander woke from another miserable night. He missed Ava terribly, but she had lied to him. He questioned whether he was a hypocrite. Years before he had not been honest with her and it almost cost them their lives. Did he have a right to be angry about what she did? His emotions shifted back and forth since Tuesday when he had told her she was morally bankrupt.
He waded through the mess that was his apartment, his cleaning lady on vacation. He had several dirty glasses, plates, and silverware in the sink. A couple of pizza and take out boxes sat on the coffee table along with two empty bottles of scotch. He needed to do laundry and vacuum. He usually kept his apartment neat, but this new situation with Ava threw him into a tailspin.
They just couldn’t keep stable. Either he was upsetting her, or she was upsetting him, mostly her upsetting him. He had been tolerant of her behavior and attitude of late. This was just one more thing that he chalked up on the con side. The list was growing longer by the day. At least he wouldn’t have to see her until Monday.
Ava got dressed and was out the door by mid-morning. She was going to his apartment to get her cats. She nodded at the concierge when she entered the lobby of his building. He knew her, and she didn’t have to show ID. His apartment was a disaster when she arrived.
The boys were penned in his guest room, and she left them there. She couldn’t leave his place looking like it was. It was probably because of her that it was so disheveled. She spent the better part of the day cleaning the apartment including changing the sheets and doing his laundry. His refrigerator was empty, and she ordered groceries from Stan’s, unloading the delivery as soon as it arrived. When she was finished, she wrote him a note and left it on his kitchen counter.
I’m sorry.
Then she packed up the boys in their carrier and cleaned up their food bowls and litter. The last thing she did was leave his key card on the counter next to the note. It seemed so final, but he had sounded so final when they last spoke.
Xander arrived home from work in the evening wanting to do nothing more than settle into his couch and have a liquid dinner. His lack of sleep was starting to have effects on his work. He fell asleep at his desk while reading through a case file only to be woken by Jacob several minutes later. At least tomorrow was Friday.
He opened his door and knew that something was amiss. He looked around and noticed that the garbage on the coffee table was gone. He recognized the faint smell of lemons. His kitchen was clean. Everything in the sink had been washed, dried and put away. On the dark counter, he saw a yellow sheet of paper with a key card, her key card. The one he had given her several weeks ago. She had gotten him groceries, not that it mattered because he had no plans to eat. He found the receipt in the garbage and stuffed it into his pocket.
All he cared about was a drink. He reached into the freezer and grabbed a handful of ice cubes; they clinked in his glass as he dropped them. He poured a liberal amount of scotch and went to sit out on the terrace. Manhattan had a warm spell. The sky was clear, and he looked out over the city and across the river at the twinkling lights. The fresh air cleared his mind. He had decisions to make, and they would impact both their lives.
On Monday morning after spending several miserable days without one word from Xander, Ava got ready for work. She was dreading seeing him because it was apparent that they were at the end of their relationship. He was angry and non-committal. It was going to be hard to work with him, but she had to deal with it unless he asked her to be transferred.
She looked in the mirror after her shower. Her eyes were bloodshot with dark circles under them. She looked pale, and her head was pounding from lack of sleep. She pulled the scale out from under the sink and weighed herself. The digital readout indicated one hundred seven pounds. She had lost three pounds in the last week. She had no appetite and felt nauseous.
She chose to dress more conservatively than usual in a pair of slacks, a v-neck sweater, and flats. She put her hair up in a ponytail. She was in no mood to contend with the throngs of people on the subway and took a cab to the office. At her desk, a white envelope was tucked under her laptop. Her heart fluttered slightly at the thought that maybe it was from Xander. It was but not what she was expecting. In it was the receipt she had thrown away in his garbage for the groceries. He had paid her back the exact sum in cash and coin.
There was no note included, not even anything written on the outside of the envelope. Ava felt her chest tighten, and her breathing become shallow. She was starting to feel anxious. Sam entered her cube and asked her how her trip was. She was in no mood to engage in conversation and told Sam she needed to head to Jacob’s office. He needed her immediately. She squeezed her friend’s hand and walked past her. Sam was intuitive and knew that the brush off had nothing to do with needing to get to Jacob’s office. She caught up to Ava part of the way down the hall and pulled her into the nearby women’s bathroom.
“Spill it. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, why do you think anything is going on?”
“Because Xander came in this morning and was gruff as a bear to me. Did you two have a fight?”
“No, it’s nothing.” She removed a ball of imaginary fluff from her sweater.
“Ava, look at me.”
She was doing everything in her power to hold the tears that she wanted to cry. They threatened to spill over her lids.
“What happened? I’m not letting you leave until you tell me.”
Ava bit her lip not wanting to reveal what she had done. Sam stood staring at her with her arms crossed.
“I have to get to work. I’ll talk to you at lunchtime. Please, Sam, I was just away for a week, and I need to take care of several things for Jacob.”
“I’m noticing you keep mentioning Jacob but not Xander. Don’t lie to me. I know something happened.”
“I promise I will tell you during lunch.” She brushed past her again and out the door. She hurried down the hall and by the time Sam came out she was almost to Jacob’s office, he was not in yet, but Xander was. She steeled herself and took several deep breaths before she knocked on his door.
“Come in.”
She opened the door, and he was sitting at his desk with his shirt sleeves rolled up and his tie loosened. She loved seeing him like this.
“I came to see if you have anything for me to do.”
He never looked up at her, only gestured to a pile of folders on the coffee table near the couch.
“I need the top two files done by noon. Please get this done. Thank you.”
She picked up the stack and carried them to the door. He looked up at her as she walked out and felt nauseous. How was he going to keep this up? He loved her, but he was also furious with her. He couldn’t reconcile in his mind that she had lied to him.
Ava stopped by her desk to retrieve her laptop and legal pad before she headed down to the research room. Xander never looked at her, not once. He barely said anything to her, and that’s what hurt the most. He wanted nothing from her even though she was ready to give him everything.
She managed to avoid Sam throughout the day. She didn’t eat lunch and therefore wasn’t available for Sam to badger. She didn’t know what to say to her. As luck would have it, she was able to avoid her for most of the week even ignoring her texts and phone calls. It was a shitty thing to do, but she felt bad enough without wanting to go into the details about why.
At the end of the week after walking on eggshells with Xander, he called her into his office just before it was time to leave. She sat in front of his desk and watched as he removed the watch she had given him for Valentine’s Day from his wrist. He placed the watch on his desk telling her he couldn’t take the gift since they were no longer together. She rose from her chair and walked out without saying a word to him, without taking the watch.
She was hoping not to encounter Jacob or Sam, but that wasn’t to be. Sam cornered her in the elevator, slipping in just before it went down to the main floor. Sam gripped her hand so she
wouldn’t pull away once the doors opened. She gave her a stern look to let her know she was not happy with Ava. As the doors opened and the other occupants filed out, Sam pulled her over to a bench on the far side of the lobby.
“Sit. I don’t know what I should more pissed at, you avoiding me or not telling me what your problem is. I’m waiting for an explanation.” She crossed her arms and tapped her foot while glaring at Ava.
“What do you want from me, Sam?”
“You are being the shittiest friend to me. I never expected it and from someone who I asked to be my maid of honor.”
Ava hung her head and began picking at her nails.
“We can sit here all night. I have nowhere to be since Robert is teaching spin classes until nine.”
Ava started to tell her what happened while she was in Georgia and how icy Xander was towards her. Her lip quivered as she told the story, but she was able to hold the tears back. Sam was sympathetic but understood why Xander was so angry with her. As they talked, they didn’t notice Xander walk out of the elevator.
He looked around the lobby and noticed the two women sitting on the bench. The look on Ava’s face tortured him. He knew how she was feeling because he felt the same way. This weekend he was going to erase any trace of her from his apartment. Soon she would become an attorney and no longer his assistant. They wouldn’t work together since she probably would be moved to another floor. He would just have to hold on until then.
The only thing was that he was fooling himself. He had started writing in his journals again.
Ava stepped out into the mid-April warmth. The winter had finally passed, and spring was here. It was warm today, in the sixties. She could feel the sun on her face as she walked to the subway. She was looking forward to this upcoming weekend; today would be the last day of the work week for her. She was joining several friends of Samantha and Robert’s for the bachelor/bachelorette party. She needed a break from everything.
She had found work to be very stressful, but over the weeks that followed since her breakup with Xander, they had developed a level of civility. In a few weeks, the stress would be alleviated some when she got her grade for the bar exam. They would be available for viewing the first week of May. She had satisfied the other requirements and was ready to start her career as an attorney. Uncle Daniel had said she would more than likely be working on seventeen. There were several empty offices.
Xander was also going to Las Vegas, and she would make sure to avoid him. This was a vacation, and she wasn’t going to walk on eggshells around him. She wanted to enjoy herself in the warm sunshine. Sam had told her that they were going to rent several suites courtesy of her father. Xander, Jacob, Robert and Michael would share one suite, and her brothers, Christos, and three other friends would share the other.
The women would also share two suites. Ava, Samantha, Dani and Sandra would share one suite, and the other would be shared by five of Sam’s cousins. Ava wished that Brooke and Rachel could join them, but each didn’t want to leave their babies. Sandra and Jacob were lucky because Aunt Mavis would be taking care of Jake and Nicole. They would only be staying for half the week while the rest would be staying for the entire week.
After work, Ava prepared for Vegas. She was looking forward to getting out of the city. She had gotten three new bikinis and several dresses to enjoy the nightlife. Nico had VIP passes to several of the Vegas clubs since he was in the business. They would get top service anywhere they went.
The next morning she got up early and waited for Sam to call her. They were taking the same flight and had hired a limo to take everyone to the airport. She hoped she wouldn’t sit near Xander. It was enough to work with him each day without losing her mind. His cologne was the worst part. She loved the smell, and it made her sad.
Though it was early in the AM, Xander poured himself an orange juice and added a shot of vodka. It was his way of coping these days. He was on edge because he would be in such close proximity to Ava for nearly six hours. Hopefully, his seat would not be near hers. Her damn perfume affected him in a way he thought after six weeks of being apart, wouldn’t.
Each morning she came to his office to get her instructions and pick up files. And each morning he had to avoid looking into her sad eyes. She looked exhausted day after day. The brightness had gone out of her smile which he rarely saw. The worst part was that she had lost weight. He wasn’t sure how much, but it was quite obvious because her clothing was loose.
He often wondered if he had made a stupid mistake, yet again. Was a little lie so bad? Did he blow it out of proportion? It was a daily argument in his head. He had packed away all her things; there was not a trace of Ava in his apartment. He even put away her pictures, but several times a week he would masturbate to her image in his head. He could remove the things in front of his eyes but not the things in back of them.
His phone buzzed with a message from Robert; the limo was waiting downstairs. He was lucky because a seat clear on the other side of the vehicle was open. He avoided Ava’s eyes even though he knew that she was watching him. When he looked up, she looked away and began chattering with Sam.
Unfortunately, they were not so lucky with the assigned plane seating. He was on the aisle seat sitting next to Nico and on the opposite aisle seat was Ava, next to Sam. Her perfume immediately wafted over to him the minute he sat down. It was a sweet smell that he would always remember whether she was near him or not.
Fuck, he cannot be sitting across from me. It was Ava’s worst nightmare. At least in the office, they spent very little time so close to each other. Now she was stuck with him across from her for the next six hours. The minute the plane taxied down the runway and the air circulation started blowing in the cabin; she was surrounded by the smell of his cologne. Her eyes started to mist, and she quickly blinked them to push it away.
Once the seatbelt sign went off, Sam’s cousins turned in their seats to talk to her and Ava. She was exhausted and told them that she was going to try to catch a nap. If she had opened her eyes anytime during the two hours she was asleep; she would have seen Xander looking at her. He could watch her sleep for hours and had when they were together. She looked so peaceful. By that time mostly everyone else was napping as well.
An hour before the flight landed, the captain’s voice came over the loudspeaker and woke her.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to be heading over some rough weather. Please stay in your seats with your seat belts buckled. We might experience some turbulence.”
Xander glanced at Ava. He could see fear on her face. Flying was not one of her favorite things to do. Several minutes later the plane started to dip and shudder as they flew over the storm. Ava gripped the hand rests tightly, and her knuckles turned white. She had crossed her feet, and he could tell from her posture that she was tense.
Without thinking, he reached across the aisle and placed his hand over hers. Her eyes had been closed, and they fluttered open at the feel of his hand. She felt him move his fingers under hers. His thumb stroked her knuckles until the turbulence stopped. The feeling of love that he felt when he touched her was overwhelming. He smiled like a Cheshire cat.
“Xander, you can let go of my hand. Thank you.”
He removed his hand though he didn’t want to.
Sam saw what was going on and scowled at Ava.
She whispered in her ear, “What the fuck was that? He barely talks to you, and now he is holding your hand?”
“Sam, let it go. I want to enjoy this trip,” she whispered back.
The suites in the Bellagio were unbelievable. It was a huge space, and they had everything they could want: a living area, a bar, huge marble bathroom and extra large king-sized beds. The view from the windows was overlooking the entire city of Las Vegas. Everyone was excited to go out and enjoy all the city had to offer. Ava was exhausted and wanted to nap; they all did even though they slept on the plane, they wanted to be ready for the night life.
They woke and
started indulging in the bar that was located in the room. Sam’s cousins joined them in their room, and they drank champagne and wine for an hour before the guys knocked on their door. Ava had dressed in a body hugging mid thigh length dress that was the same color as her eyes. She put her hair up, and Sam insisted on doing her makeup, which she considered too heavy. Lastly, she put on a pair of four-inch heels.
By the time the guys came to their room to get them they were all ready to party for the night. Ava saw from the corner of her eye that Christos was looking her up and down. It was not missed by Xander who felt a deep pang of jealousy. He better keep his hands off her or else. Or else what? She isn’t your girlfriend any longer. Regardless of their relationship status, he would be watching out for her the entire night.
As soon as they walked out the door, Christos offered his arm to Ava. She didn’t want to take it but why start the night off with tension? She liked Christos, but she didn’t want to flirt. Besides, the way he was with women she would only be a notch in his belt. They walked to a waiting limo and first headed to the Voodoo Rooftop Nightclub at the Rio. The DJ had the place pumped. The ladies went out on the dance floor, and some of the men followed. Xander watched Christos grind on Ava. He frowned and took a sip of his vodka.
He scanned the club. There were a lot of beautiful women here, but he had no interest in them. He only wanted one woman. Christos came and sat down pouring himself some champagne. Xander wanted to warn him to keep his hands off her, but it wasn’t his place. He kept an eye on her and eventually he worked his way out onto the dance floor. They were all dancing as a group, but he made sure to try to get as close to her as possible.
He took his attention off her just long enough for a man to wrap his hands around her waist. She tried to pry him off her, but he was drunk and acting belligerent. Xander reached over and grabbed him by the throat, screaming in the man’s face.