On Edge

  “You ready, princess?”

  I nodded and kissed his neck. He guided himself to me and we both paused. Our eyes met and we both grinned.

  “Finally. Waited forever for this, Jet.”

  I closed my eyes, savouring his words.

  He kissed me, capturing my mouth fiercely. I melted against him; my hips pressed up and he surged forward.

  “Fuck.” I flinched. I couldn’t help it. Bloody hell, that hurt. Pax froze, his big biceps flexing to hold him still. “I’m sorry, Jet. Princess, I’m so sorry. It’s gonna get better. I’ll make it better.” He lifted a hand and started stroking my ribs, my breasts. He placed hot kisses up and down my lips, my cheeks, my neck. I groaned and melted against him. Without meaning to, my hips shifted and we both hissed out a breath.

  “Fuck, Jet. Fuck. You’re so tight.” Perspiration dotted his skin. He smelled amazing and I buried my head in his neck, pressing tiny kisses there. He was breathing hard and his pulse fluttered against my lips.

  “Jet…?” It was a question and a plea. I lifted my hips in response and he surged forward again. This time we both groaned, but in pleasure.

  “Oh.”

  I couldn’t believe how full I felt. He reached down and started to circle a thumb around my clit, even as his hips slid his cock in and out. Oh God.

  “Oh God. Oh… Pax.” He laughed gruffly and shifted just a tiny bit, and suddenly I couldn’t get enough of him.

  “Right there,” I breathed, and clutched at his back, my nails digging in, my heels pushing into the bed to jerk my hips up.

  “More. Pax, I need—” He thrust forward with a growl and we both groaned. He was moved faster, harder. I was ready, primed, and—

  “PAX!” I screamed his name and came. Hard.

  He pumped twice more before throwing his head back, and in a glorious moment I got to watch him come.

  He collapsed on me and we lay there for long minutes, our breathing slowing, our skin cooling. I giggled.

  He raised his head to look at me, an eyebrow cocked in question. I smiled, hugely.

  “I think Nessie and I are about to get very well acquainted.”

  It took him a second, then he roared with laughter. “You are not calling my dick a girl’s name.”

  “Lochie?”

  “You’re not naming it.”

  “Paxton Junior? PJ?”

  He growled, pushing my hands down and pressing insistent, silencing kisses to my lips.

  I grinned. Yeah… we were going to be best pals.

  I woke to kisses down my spine and into the shallow of my lower back. I smiled against the pillow and then laughed softly as a hand snaked its way under the blankets to cup my bottom.

  “You’re awake.” Pax’s voice was gruff with sleep and arousal.

  “Mmm.” I made a noncommittal noise. He gently rolled me over and lay on his side, one elbow bent to prop his head, watching me.

  “Sleep well?”

  “Mmm.” I didn’t seem capable of words. He grinned. “Sore?”

  I moved a little and then shook my head.

  “What’s the time?” Finally, words from my mouth!

  “About quarter to eleven. We seem to have worn each other out.” He wriggled his brows teasingly and I laughed and rolled into him, snuggling my head under his chin, my arms wrapping around his torso.

  “Have you heard about Evie?”

  “Yeah, she’s still in a critical condition, still in ICU. She hasn’t woken up again, but the doctors are positive, so that’s something.” I looked up and saw his gorgeous eyes looking serious.

  “She listed her work colleagues as next of kin. What happened to her family?”

  “I can’t tell you that, princess. It’s not my story to tell.”

  I looked at him for a long moment and then nodded. “Fair enough.”

  We settled into a comfortable silence, me silently praying for Evie to be alright.

  “Jet?”

  “Mmm?”

  “You going to be alright if I act like a prick and say I wanna fuck you so bad right now?”

  I stiffened. “Would I be equally inconsiderate of the fact that Evie is in hospital and I really, really want her to be better, and wish it hadn’t happened, but will say I want that too?”

  Our eyes met and Pax’s heated up.

  “Evie would like this. She likes you. She’d want us to be together.”

  I nodded. She had toasted my de-virgin-ing the night before.

  “Okay. You can… you know.” I tipped my head suggestively.

  “Thank God.” He rolled me and we didn’t surface for a long, long time.

  Eighteen months earlier – Paxton

  Dear Pax,

  Do you remember the day I came over after my parents told me I shouldn’t bother going to university? We lay on your bed while your parents were out and you held me while I ranted and cried. I wanted it so badly and I knew you would understand.

  You did. You told me I deserved to do what made me happy, fuck everyone else.

  You made me happy.

  I have your pictures around my house. It’s been so long….

  Courtney left today. She moved to Sydney. I’m okay with it. By the end, it almost came as a relief. But for so long I was the parent. The responsible adult.

  I lost contact with everyone. They travelled while I raised a teenager. They got 9-to-5 jobs with perks and found partners and married, and are about to have kids and I’m just… floating. I feel so lost and alone.

  I don’t want to go to university anymore. I actually think that dream is gone because I’ve changed. My priorities have changed. I associated uni with things like responsibility and stability. But I now realise how stupid I was. How naïve.

  I still want a home. A place where I can create my own space. Be my own person. A place with history. Where I can build a family with the person I love.

  Your mum said you were back. That you’d been hurt.

  I want to speak to you. To see you.

  This is my last letter. I can’t keep wondering if you’ll reply or if what I thought we had was real.

  I want to give myself the opportunity to have something real with someone who will love me.

  This is goodbye, Pax.

  You know where I am. You know what I want. But if I’m with someone else...

  Don’t wait, Pax. Please. Don’t wait.

  I love you. Forever.

  But I can’t wait for something that won’t happen.

  Jet

  Pax reread the words over and over, fighting against the urge to press the button that would give him the welcome shot of morphine.

  His leg was fucked.

  Three surgeries and another three to go. He couldn’t even stand up. There was no way he was going to let her see him like this. A broken, weak shell of his former self.

  He looked over at the picture pegged to the far hospital wall. Every day he told himself he’d get up and walk to it to see her face. He hadn’t yet achieved that goal. But every Goddamn day he told himself he would.

  Present Day - Jetta

  The hospital ward was cold and smelt strongly of disinfectant. They’d moved Evie to a private room and downgraded her from critical to stable.

  Walking in, we’d passed hundreds of bouquets and numerous reporters all trying to get updates on her condition. While Pax and I had been cocooned in our love nest, someone had leaked Evie’s story of heroism to the press. The already juicy story of a drive-by shooting in a country that rarely had such things occur, suddenly became a story of self-sacrifice and bravery.

  While this was abundantly true, and I felt like I owed Evie so much, I was disgusted that these people were flocking to gain from someone else’s misfortune. I wanted to yell at them to have some respect; instead, Pax tucked me into his side while I juggled the pack of goods we’d brought from Evie’s apartment.

  She looked so small on the bed, sleeping, curled on her right side, the terrible hospital gown stark a
gainst her pale features. Luc watched us from a chair beside the bed. He held a book and folded a corner of the page to mark his spot as we walked in.

  “She’ll wake up in a few. She’s been out for a while. The pain meds kicked her around and the nurses are due to wake her for tests again.” Luc imparted this in a hushed tone as we settled into seats beside him. I placed her bag on the ground and Luc raised an eyebrow at the heavy thud it made.

  “We brought the important things. Laptop, DVDs, phone and charger, books, clothes, toiletries and most importantly, socks.” I smiled a little and Luc nodded.

  “Good. She’s been saying she’s cold. More blankets don’t seem to help.”

  “We would have gotten here sooner, only we had to swing by your work earlier so Pax could bring a laptop.” I shrugged. “I couldn’t find her personal one.”

  Luc shook his head. “She doesn’t have one.”

  “But isn’t she a—”

  “Yeah. Ask her about it sometime. It’s a fascinating contradiction.”

  We all sat for a while in uneasy silence, watching Evie breathe.

  “Jack rang on the way over.” Pax broke the silence.

  “Yeah?” Luc leaned back in his chair, eyes on him.

  “Police has a few leads, Feds are involved. We’re getting shut out by the locals but the Feds are bringing us in.”

  “Is it tied to anything we’re dealing with at the moment?”

  “Doesn’t look like it, but the fact we were there…”

  “Suspicious.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Jetta, Jarrett, Kel or me?”

  “No idea. Either way, asking you all to be on guard. Hence, me being with Jetta rather than working this. Jack and Ewan have lead. Ben’s going to look after our general enquiries for the moment. Sawyer is working out of AFP HQ and Kel is gonna stay with Jarrett for a bit.”

  I understood about half of the conversation, but that was enough to frighten me.

  “Good plan.” Luc interrupted my minor freak out. “You okay?”

  I breathed out heavily and Pax’s hand tucked into mine. I looked up at him with a distracted smile before answering Luc.

  “Yeah, yeah I’m getting there. I’m scared as all heck and I feel guilty.”

  “Don’t.” The voice came from the bed. We all looked over and Evie smiled sleepily at me. “You’re fine. I’m fine. We’re both good.”

  I felt my breath hitch. “You got hurt for me.”

  “Did you bring me socks?”

  I blinked at her question. “Umm, yeah. Do you want them? I can put them on for you.”

  “Debt is repaid if you do.”

  I looked at her pale face and felt the knot in my chest relax. “Deal.”

  Luc stretched over and brushed her hair out of her eyes. “Hey, darling. How you doing?”

  Evie sighed and closed her eyes. “Fine for the moment.”

  “Liar. You want some more painkillers?”

  “No. I want to not be forced to sleep.”

  “Sleep is good for you. Helps you mend.”

  “I’ll sleep when I’m dead. I’d kill for a steak and chips.”

  “You’re nil by mouth for at least another day, baby.”

  “So sneak me some and I’ll let you feel me up.”

  Luc threw his head back and laughed. The rest of my tension released as I giggled hysterically in relief.

  I gently pulled Evie’s socks on and then re-tucked her feet in as the guys talked shop and Evie drifted in and out of consciousness. We chatted softly as she kept drifting off and slurring.

  The nurse came in a few minutes later and pursed her lips at us.

  “Visiting time is over. Ms Franklin needs her rest.”

  Evie’s eyes drifted open and she yawned. “I’m fine. This is my sister from another mister. She can stay.”

  The nurse gently but firmly moved me out of the way. “And I’m saying she needs to go.”

  She looked over at Pax and me with a gentle smile. “Your… sister… is doing well but it’s time for more meds, a sleep and then a doctor’s visit.” She paused and thinned her lips at Luc who was, at that point, leaning against the wall.

  “You.” She pointed a finger directly at him. “You, I already know about.” She started bustling and getting out Evie’s chart while Pax wrapped his left arm around my chest and leaned over me to clasp his right hand with Luc’s.

  It was a couple position, intimate. A statement. A small smile played on my lips.

  “Let us know if you or Evie need anything.” Pax’s deep voice was rough; I knew he was feeling this.

  Luc nodded at him. “Of course.”

  Pax released me and then paused at the top of the bed and leant down to kiss Evie’s forehead. “Get better soon, Evie. We need our smartarse around the office.” She smiled up at him sleepily and then groaned in pain as the nurse shifted her a little.

  “That’s our cue.” Pax tucked me against him. Luc was already at Evie’s head, brushing her hair back and whispering soothing words to her.

  We left and Pax paused me in front of the lifts. “You okay?”

  “No. But I will be when she gets out.” He pulled me into his arms, his warmth enveloping me and dissolving my resolution not to cry.

  “You’ll be okay, princess. She’s a fighter. She’s strong. Evie will be fine and if she’s not a hundred percent, then we’ll take care of her.” My breath caught and I knew he heard it by the way his body tightened against mine. His lips were gentle as they brushed against my cheeks.

  “Let it go, Jet. It’ll only burn you up if you keep it.”

  I nodded and drew a deep shuddering breath.

  “Come on.” He hit the lift button.

  “Where are we going?”

  “I’m going to distract you.”

  “Pax… I’m really not in the mood right now.”

  He looked down at me with a sexy grin. “I could change your mind in under thirty seconds, but that wasn’t what I had in mind.”

  I felt a small answering tingle in my lady parts. Yeah, he so could change my mind.

  “Where are we going then?”

  “You’ll see.”

  Pax drove me out to Point Hut crossing, a bushwalking trail that ran alongside a rambling river just outside of Canberra. It was quiet and except for the very occasional bushwalker and their dog, we were alone.

  I didn’t say much, just took in the beautiful sunburnt landscape. There was something wonderful about the hazy summer heat and the cool breeze coming off the river. We sat on the sandy shore and dipped feet in while silently taking in the long afternoon light.

  “When I left, I couldn’t write to you.”

  I froze. This was unexpected. Pax sighed and ran a hand through his short hair, leaving it sticking up in clumps.

  “At first, I was too busy. They put us through training that took so much out of you, some guys dropped out from sheer exhaustion.”

  A long silence settled and I kept my eyes directed forward, watching the light shimmer and dance across the river.

  “Then we went to Afghanistan. Over there… I had nothing positive to say. Sure, there was the occasional good day, but they were far too rare. You had your own struggles with Courtney and the fallout from your parents’ death. I couldn’t burden you with the shit I saw. And it was shit, Jetta, the whole thing was dirty.” His eyes remained focused on the river, his jaw tight.

  “The sand, the work. I did what I had to do so I could come back. I did it well. Hell, a few years out they offered me a chance for the SAS. The special services weren’t something I ever aimed for but I picked that shit up and tried out and got in. That was the hardest fucking month of my life. Two weeks downtime and then straight back over to the sand trap.”

  He stopped and buried his feet deeper in the sand and I waited. My arms were crossed on my knees, my head resting on my arms, face tilted to him. In profile, he looked so strong. Thick corded arms, muscular thighs, strong fingers. The tick i
n his jaw gave him away.

  “The sand is like dust. You can’t get rid of the fucking taste. Every pack you gave me, I stretched those chocolates for as long as possible. The mints, the toothpaste. I wanted to write and let you know they were what I wanted.” He shifted again until I was reflected in his sunglass lenses.

  “Every pack, every CD, every letter I kept. You got me through everything. Every tour, every shit day, every time I lost a friend or had to take a life. You were there.” I didn’t move, just let that sink in.

  “When you decide to go to war, you don’t do it for yourself. You don’t do it because you want to go and kill people. You do it for country and family. You do it for the girl who loves her guitar and has the voice of a sex goddess. You do it knowing that she can sleep easier, safe at night.” Pax looked back out over the river and rolled his shoulders. “I didn’t always read them, but when I did, those letters were a reminder of what I was over there for. Heavy shit, Jet.”

  I entwined my fingers with his. “I’m sorry I stopped writing.”

  Pax shrugged. “Gave me the kick I needed to get out of the hospital bed.”

  I paused. “Are you going to tell me about that?”

  “Not today.” He turned to grin at me and stood, tossing his phone, wallet, keys and sunnies to the ground. “Give me your stuff.”

  “What?”

  Pax pulled me up and quickly divested me of my belongings.

  “What are you doing?” I screeched, laughing as his hands started running all over my body.

  “You’re looking hot, princess.” His eyes were dark, his voice rough with desire. I shivered.

  “Oh, really?”

  “Mmm….” He reached down, pulling me close and cupping my arse. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  “Whatcha gonna do about that?” I whispered, letting my head drift closer. His lips tilted up.

  “This.” Pax hauled me into his arms and ran toward the river. Tugging me back, he tossed me in. I surfaced, spluttering as he laughed, dove in, and rose behind me, pulling me to him.

  “I’m all wet!”

  “Oh. I know.” With that, he kissed me.