“ No, no, child! I’m not sayin’ that at all. We can never know what was in Zin’s heart, not truly. He had a beautiful young girl in love with him. He was a man, after all, even tho’ he weren’t human. I hope he meant what he said. Anyway, the two of them just did what came natural ‘tween a man an’ woman.”
“ Not according to the priests and just about everybody else! Haven’t you heard? Elves are supposed to be soulless and unclean,” Jelena retorted sarcastically. “My mother committed an act of abomination when she lay with my father!” Her anger tasted of bitter gall on her tongue.
“ I never believed that nonsense, child, an’ the gods know I tried to raise you to not believe it. Yer cousin Magnes, good man that he is, doesn’t believe it, either.” Claudia took another drink from her cup and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand.
“ So, what finally became of Zin?” Jelena asked.
“ He left, like he said he would. Yer mother knew he couldn’t stay, nor could she go with him, no matter how strong their feelings for one another. He gave her the ring as a keepsake. What he couldn’t know is that he also left her with a child… You.”
Claudia fell silent, lost in the country of remembrance where a young girl she had once loved still lived, laughing and happy. Jelena felt so tightly wound up that she could barely breathe. She knew so much more now than she did this morning. The mere possession of her father’s name, and an object that belonged to him, gave her hope that finding him would not be such an impossible task after all.
“ Mother, why didn’t you tell me any of this before now?” Jelena asked. She continued to play with the ring, slipping it on and off her thumb.
“ I could tell ye that it was because yer mother didn’t want you to know until you were ready, but that would be a lie. The truth is, I was afraid that if I told you, you’d want to go off and try t’ find him…yer dad, I mean.” Claudia shook her head sadly. A single tear leaked from the corner of her eye and trickled down her lined cheek. “I am a selfish old woman. I didn’t want to lose my baby.”
“ You’ll never lose me, Heartmother, not really,” Jelena said. She reached out and placed her hand over Claudia’s. Conflicting emotions stirred her soul. She felt a little angry that Claudia had not told her about her mother and father, but at the same time, she ached for the loss that Claudia would suffer when she left.
“ I have to find Zin, Mother. He’s the only one who can tell me what the blue fire means.”
“ Ay, gods…I know you do,” Claudia murmured sadly.
Jelena raised the ring up to eye level and stared intently at the white griffin inlaid into its surface.
I will find you, Father… Or I’ll die trying.
Chapter 7
Regrets, Risks, And Resolutions
Zin has to be a son of a noble house. He wouldn’t wear a ring like this otherwise,” Magnes commented as he inspected the heavy white gold signet. “It should make him, or at least his kin, much easier to find. I’ll get you a chain so you can hang it around your neck.” He dropped the ring onto Jelena’s palm.
The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky, and atop the battlements the wind was picking up. The official banner of Amsara-three black lions rampant on an azure field-snapped crisply overhead. After recounting the story of her parents to Magnes, Jelena now listened as her cousin outlined his plan for their escape.
“ I’ve got us some packs, a couple of old blankets, a knife, bow and arrows for you. It’s all safely hidden in my rooms. You’ll have to see about getting us some food. You’ll arouse far less suspicion if you’re seen in the kitchen than I would. I don’t see how we’ll get away with taking horses, though. We’ll just have to walk very fast.” Magnes grinned ruefully. “I’m really going to hate leaving Storm. He’s the best horse I’ve ever had.”
“ I won’t be able to take too much food,” Jelena sighed. “Cook always seems to know exactly how much of everything she has, and if too much goes missing, she’ll not rest ‘til she finds out why.”
“ We’ll have to forage, then. Shouldn’t be too hard at this time of year.”
“ With your knowledge of herbs and your trapping skills, at least we won’t starve.” Jelena was far more concerned with pursuit and capture once her uncle discovered that she had run away. Without horses, it would be nearly impossible to outrun a mounted posse.
“ We’re running out of time. Duke Sebastianus leaves for Veii in two days. I think we should get out of here tonight,” Jelena said.
“ I agree,” Magnes replied. “My father intends to officially announce my betrothal to the fair Lowena tonight at a small supper gathering. Of course, I’m supposed to behave in a manner befitting the Heir of Amsara. I just hope I can get through the meal without puking.” He raked his hands through his thick dark curls, a familiar gesture. His distress was palpable.
“ You’re thinking of Livie, aren’t you?” Jelena asked softly. She always seemed able to guess his mood.
Magnes laughed, but there was no humor in it, only sadness. “You know me so well, cousin. I wanted to tell her about all of this myself. Now, she’ll hear of it secondhand, and the pain will be that much worse for her. She will think that I didn’t love her enough to tell her about my leaving.”
“ Why can’t you go and see her now?”
“ She’s off visiting her married sister in Greenwood Town. That’s a full day’s ride from Amsara. I’d never get there and back in time.” He stared out into the distance, his eyes clouded with bitterness. Far below, cowbells clanged softly, providing a mellow counterpoint to the rhythmic cooing of the doves settling in for the night beneath the eaves of the great hall. Soon, the village girls would come to drive the cattle in for the evening milking. How peaceful the land looked, Jelena thought, then she suddenly realized that she stood on the edge of a deep, black chasm into which she was about to jump, with no clue about what lay at the bottom; yet, she felt no fear, only elation. She was finally taking charge of her own destiny, and there could be no turning back.
“ I’m sorry Magnes,” she said, laying her hand on his forearm. “I know how much you are giving up to help me. Someday, I hope I can repay you.”
“ Nonsense.” He looked at her and smiled. “You don’t owe me any repayment. Don’t you know I’ve always wanted to go off on a big adventure, especially if it involved keeping my annoying little cousin out of trouble? ” Jelena punched him playfully in the shoulder, and Magnes let out a mock cry of pain. His naturally cheerful temperament never let him stay depressed or angry for long.
“ There’s no moon tonight, but we’ll still have to be very careful,” Magnes continued. “The best time to leave will be during the changing of the watch at midnight. The guards won’t be paying as much attention then. Meet me in the kitchen garden. Remember that old gate we found in the wall when we were kids?”
Jelena nodded excitedly. “The one covered over with the wild grapevines. I remember we used to pretend it was a doorway that opened up into a faraway land full of strange creatures and fierce savages.”
“ Well, I just happen to have the key. After old Jano died, just before Brennes took over, my father gave me the master key ring to keep until he could find a new steward. Well, you know me, ever the curious one. I had to see if any of the keys would open that lock, and sure enough, one did, though it wasn’t marked. I don’t believe Jano knew about the gate, or he would have marked the key. When I turned the rest of the keys over to Brennes, I kept that one. I didn’t really have a specific reason at the time…just a feeling that, someday, I might have a need for it. I guess that day is here.”
“ Lucky for us,” Jelena said. “After the evening meal is done, I’m supposed to put away all of the staff crockery. I’ll just move very slowly tonight. I should be able to draw it out long enough to be the last one to leave. The kitchen boys may present a problem, though. They sleep by the main fireplace. I’ll have to hide in the pantry until they’re asleep. It shouldn’t be too difficult to snea
k past them then.”
“ How did Claudia take the news of your leaving?” Magnes asked.
Jelena winced at the memory of her foster mother’s tears. “She’s heartbroken. To her, I’m just as much her daughter as I would have been had she borne me herself. She is the only mother I will ever know. It tears me up inside knowing the pain I’m causing her, but she understands why I have to go. If she didn’t, she never would have given me my father’s ring or told me my parents’ story.”
“ You did tell her about the blue fire?” Magnes asked carefully.
“ Yes, and she seemed totally unsurprised, as if she knew about it all along…I wonder,” Jelena mused, tugging at a stray coil of hair that had escaped an ivory comb.
“ Perhaps she did…Or at least suspected,” Magnes replied. “Anyway, you’re lucky to have had her to raise you. I just wish I could remember my mother a little more clearly. I have so few real memories of her. They are more like barely recalled dreams.”
Jelena had no memory at all of Magnes’s dead mother. All she knew of Duchess Julia was what she had been told by Claudia. According to Claudia, the duchess had been everything the duke was not, and her death had been an occasion of great sorrow for the staff. All of the castle’s residents were in agreement that Magnes had inherited his looks from his father, but insofar as his soul was concerned, he was definitely his mother’s son.
“ All the staff loved your mother, Magnes, just as they love you. You will be sorely missed.” Jelena paused. “Are you absolutely sure…”
“ Yes!” Magnes cried, throwing his hands up in the air in mock exasperation. “I’m beginning to think you don’t want me along, and I have to say that my feelings are hurt.” He clutched at his heart dramatically and made a tragicomic face. Jelena laughed loudly, but she recognized Magnes’s intent. By deflecting her concerns with humor, he hoped to hide from her just how difficult the decision to leave Amsara was for him.
“ I’d better get going, then. Cook’ll be wanting to start the evening meal soon, and I really don’t feel like getting yelled at for being late,” Jelena said, a rueful smile playing about her lips.
“ Rejoice, Cousin. Your days of servitude are coming to an end,” Magnes replied, slipping his arm around Jelena’s shoulder as they headed along the wall walk towards the stairwell.
Perhaps so, Jelena thought, but am I trading an unhappy situation for something better, or worse?
~~~
This is the last time I’ll ever work as a drudge in some lord’s kitchen, thought Jelena as she wiped up the last of the staff crockery. No matter what challenges she would face in the coming days, she felt sure of one thing. From now on, she would choose her own path.
The kitchen was quiet now. The rest of the staff had departed, their work finished. Only the kitchen boys remained. There were three of them, orphans all, and they earned their keep by turning the spits, tending the fires, and running errands. They made their beds by the main hearth, huddling together like puppies in winter, sprawling out on the stones in the loose-limbed way of young boys during the hot summer nights.
At present, they were hunkered down beneath the big chopping block in the center of the room, whispering and giggling. They ignored Jelena completely, as they usually did, unless she had a reason to speak to them, which was seldom. Their total absorption with each other would allow Jelena to pilfer the needed supplies much more easily.
She put the last bowl in its place and wiped her hands on her apron. She then made a show of going around and extinguishing the few remaining lamps, leaving the kitchen shrouded in gloom, only the red glow from the banked fire in the great hearth providing any illumination. Keeping a watchful eye on the chopping block, she went over to the door leading out into the yard. With a quick glance over her shoulder, she pushed the door open then shut it, dropping immediately into a squatting position close to the floor.
She held her breath and listened.
The giggling and whispering went on, uninterrupted. Cautiously, Jelena crept toward the pantry, keeping low and holding her skirts up to minimize the risk that she might trip and alert the boys that she remained in the kitchen. She made it to the pantry without being discovered and immediately set about the task at hand. Her apron would serve as a handy carry-bag. She removed it and spread it out on the floor, then proceeded to gather together a supply of small, easily carried food items-cheese, bread, apples, sausages, several slabs of salted and dried fish, a little bag of shelled hazelnuts. Her hand hovered over a pot of preserved sweet cherries-a treat she dearly loved-but she thought better of it and left it on the shelf. Too big to carry, anyway, she thought.
Piling the loot into the center of the apron, Jelena folded up the corners and tied them securely in a knot. She then crept to the pantry door to listen. The main room had fallen silent. She could just make out three shadowy mounds by the hearth: the boys, bedded down for the night. Just as she pushed at the door, one of them whimpered and sat up. Jelena froze, then waited anxiously until the boy lay down and flopped onto his stomach. After what seemed like hours to her fretting mind, the sound of snoring signaled that she could now escape.
Moving as quickly and quietly as she could, Jelena made her way to the outer door. Slowly, she pushed it open, wincing at the soft squeal of old hinges, and slipped out into the cool of the night. An owl hooted directly overhead, momentarily startling her and further fraying her already shredded nerves. She lingered a moment more, ears straining to pick up any sounds from within, but the three boys slept on, oblivious.
Clutching the bundled apron to her chest, Jelena hurried off toward the servants’ quarters, hugging the shadows cast by walls and buildings. The sounds of late evening drifted on the air-the laughter of off-duty guards playing at dice, the sweet notes of a lute floating from the half-open door of the great hall, the far-off squall of a fussy baby. Her nose caught the scent of night-blooming jasmine mingled with the odor of the stables. Of their own will, her feet slowed their nervous rush to a walk, then rooted themselves to the earth beside the closed keep door. Abruptly, a stark realization struck her like a hard slap across the face.
I’m really leaving.
These were the sights, the sounds, the smells of home. A home in which she was an outcast-despised by many, barely acknowledged by any of her kin, save one-but a home nonetheless. At Amsara, at least she knew where she stood, how she fit in to things. She had learned over the years how to cope with her lowly status, and had made, if not a good life, at least a tolerable one for herself. Now, she stood poised at the edge of abandonment of everything she knew for an uncertain future.
Jelena felt herself wavering and was shocked at the unexpected feelings of loss she had begun to experience. Why am I feeling this way, she thought. Why do I suddenly not want to leave?
She dashed tears from her eyes in irritation. She didn’t want to leave Claudia…that was the problem. She couldn’t possibly have any regrets about putting Amsara far behind her. Besides, if she didn’t run, in two days time, her freedom would be taken from her, and she would lose the chance to determine her own destiny forever.
There’s the magic as well. Don’t forget that! She drew in a deep breath to steady herself, gripped the bundle of supplies more securely, and rounded the corner of the keep…
… to collide headlong with a very hard shadow.
“ Gods! What the…Who is that! Speak up, right now!”
A wave of dismay, followed closely by fear, hit Jelena at the sound of Thessalina’s imperious command. The collision had knocked Jelena back several steps, and the bundled apron now lay in the dirt at her feet. She had to think fast. “It’s me, Cousin! Jelena. I…”
Thessalina cut her off before she could speak any further. “What the hell are you doing sneaking around at this hour, girl, and what’s that you’re carrying?” Thessalina stepped forward menacingly. She stood at least two inches taller than Jelena and possessed a warrior’s physique.
Jelena had good reason t
o fear her cousin. She bent down quickly and scooped the bundle back up into her arms. “It’s just dirty laundry. I’m planning to wash it myself tomorrow.”
“ You’re lying, girl. Give me that!”
Before Jelena could react, Thessalina had seized the bundle and pulled it from her arms. She dropped it to the ground, then bent down and with a few jerks, untied the knot to expose the pilfered food. “What are you doing with this stuff? You stole this food, didn’t you? Answer me!” Like a lioness stalking its prey, Thessalina unfolded her long limbs into an attack stance, poised to pounce.
The air was heavy with danger, and Jelena knew that she would need to think very fast in order to avoid catastrophe. “I didn’t steal anything,” she said, sidling slowly backwards. “I’m just taking some provisions for my journey to Veii. I…I was told that it might be a good idea to have some of my own food, that’s all. Veii is a long way from Amsara.”
“ Huh! It’s not that far. D’you really think that Duke Sebastianus isn’t going to feed you? He paid good money for you, didn’t he? Though the gods only know why he’d want a tink like you.” Jelena could feel her cheeks burning with anger and humiliation. She was thankful for the cover of darkness, for it hid her eyes from her cousin. If Thessalina could have seen the hate that smoldered there, she would have beaten Jelena for sure. She clenched her hands into fists and prayed that the blue fire would continue to remain dormant. If Thessalina were to discover that she possessed magical abilities…
Thessalina prodded the half-opened bundle with one boot tip. Even in the dim starlight, Jelena could see the ugly expression of contempt twisting the other woman’s face. “I still don’t believe you, but I’m too tired to deal with it right now,” she said. “You’d better get to your room, and stay there until morning. If I catch you sneaking around here again tonight, I’ll beat you senseless, and I promise you won’t have my silly brother to come to your rescue.”
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