by Sieni A. M.
“It’s okay,” Manu said. “I shouldn’t have dropped this on you like that.”
“No...” she shook her head “...we needed to talk about this.” They sat in silence as she listened to the steady rhythm of his heart. It pained her so much that she hurt him. She swallowed hard. “What is Lily like?” she finally asked.
She could feel him smile against her forehead. “She’s a bookworm like you. She’s funny as hell and has a cat fetish.”
“I like her already.” Alana smiled before her face crinkled in seriousness. “I want you to be happy, Manu,” she added. She heard him sigh.
“I know, Lana, I know. I will be. And so will you, muzungu,” he said before kissing her on the head.
***
Alana helped lower the tarpaulin to keep the rain from coming into the meeting fale. One of the largest on Manono, it was the headquarters for the project, and the local residents came in groups of extended family for check-ups. With a population of no more than nine hundred people, the medical team was kept busy. Alana was relieved she joined it. She loved to be in the grass roots area, giving immediate attention to those who found it difficult to make the long journey to the National Hospital. This was what she studied for and why she became a nurse: to feel humble from a person’s gratitude and to see the difference a kind gesture did for them in their warm eyes. These acts of service made it all worth it.
Now, on its fifth day of the mission, it poured heavily. The atmosphere was charged with intensity, lightning flashing in the distance, accompanied by high gusts of wind. A blast of air blew into the fale and scattered medical papers everywhere, raised mats off the floor, and toppled some chairs. Alana and the team scrambled to secure items: stethoscopes, gloves, and blood pressure pumps.
“Do you think we should cancel today’s check-ups?” she asked Manu. “No one is going to want to walk out in this weather.”
It was early in the morning, and not one single person had arrived yet.
Manu gazed reflectively out at the sea, its waves starting to surge more powerfully. “Let’s give it another hour or so.”
When an hour passed and still no one showed, the team packed up their gear and started towards their lodgings. Rain poured down, the roar of it hurting Alana’s ears. She slung a bag over her shoulder and opened her umbrella just as a young boy ran to them, dripping wet, and shouting.
“Please help us! My father is not well. Please come!”
Manu approached him. “Where is he?” he asked calmly. The boy spoke between pants, a look of terror on his face.
“He’s by the wharf. He collapsed.” Alana dropped the bag and together with Manu and another team member raced to follow the boy. The rain soaked through her clothes, its sharpness pricking her skin, large puddles splashing on her ie lavalava. The wharf was a short distance away, a relatively small one that catered to the fishing boats that went between the two islands. A stretch of concrete walkway extended to the sea, its stony foundation holding it in place. Alana could see the man the boy spoke of. He was lying face down, unmoving. Waves surged around him, growing larger by the minute.
“What were you doing out here?” she shouted to be heard.
“We were trying to secure the boat,” the boy answered, and Alana noticed the boat thrashing against the side of the wharf.
“This is getting dangerous!” Manu yelled. “We can’t check him here. Let’s move him to a safe area.”
A wave swelled and crashed over the edge of the concrete, hitting Alana and soaking her already damp clothes. Stunned, she reached for something to hold onto.
“Move it, people!” Manu bellowed over the howl of the storm.
Lightning flashed nearby followed by a boom of thunder. The boy jerked in shock and crouched low. Manu and the other volunteer moved quickly to the sides of the man to lift him. Alana’s eyes squinted against the pelt of rain as she grabbed his legs to help hoist him up. The waves were becoming more and more forceful, smashing over the concrete, its ferocious strength growing in velocity and size. Alana’s breath quickened, her heart beating faster and faster. The wind picked up, almost throwing her off the edge.
“Alana!” Manu shouted, and she gripped tightly onto the man’s legs for support.
She looked up at Manu as his eyes widened in horror at something behind her, making her heart race. There was no time to look back. The wave pounded against her back, breath punched from her lungs, and threw her off balance, her fingers slipping from the man’s legs.
“Alana!”
She was falling.
Falling.
And then crashing.
Her body slammed down on the concrete, and sharp pain shot up her arm into her shoulder. Gasping for air, her fingernails tore at the rocks as she tried to pry herself over the ledge. Her legs were dangling over the wharf, half submerged in water. She heard shouts and yells, but couldn’t be sure. Her head pounded from pain and her ear throbbed, a sharp ringing sound reverberating inside. Blind against the rain and deaf against the roar of the sea, she stretched until she felt someone’s hands. Manu’s hands. A surge of relief washed over her but it was over as soon as a second wave crashed down, sucking her in with its power.
“No!”
She heard shouting but it became muffled as she was thrown in the water, the current tugging and tightening its hold on her, pulling her under. Deeper and deeper she sank, and she noticed a ghastly quiet underwater. Adrenaline kicked in and she thrashed against the invisible noose that was wrapped around her torso. Holding onto what little breath she had, she kicked wildly to reach to the top. She could make out the grey lining, the blur of light where ocean met sky, and tried to reach for it. Fight! her mind screamed. Kicking against the pressure, her lungs started to burn for air. She thrashed around hysterically until her arms and legs soon became heavy and numb. Dread filled her when she felt she was getting nowhere, replacing what little hope she clung onto. No, no, this can’t be it, she cried. This could not be the way her life ended. But her body was weak and her lungs were ready to explode. Letting out her breath, she inhaled cold seawater instead. This unnatural act terrified her and made her panic some more. She fought again and again, kicking for some form of release. Oh God, it hurt! She thrashed her arms around hoping to reach the surface. Fight, Alana, fight! She fought some more until her body was drained of strength. Blood pounding behind her eyes, she couldn’t keep them open anymore. Terror filled her as water rushed and filled her lungs. She started to pray for the first time in a long time. Please, God. Just take me. The darkness came swiftly, swallowing her whole.
Chapter 26
The pain and darkness disappeared, replaced by something else.
Luminance.
Calm.
Love.
It was as if she went to sleep and woke up wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and tranquility. Brilliance surrounded her, illuminating her very core.
“Alana, what are you doing here?”
She knew that voice, that presence. Her spirit reveled at its sound. While she couldn’t see her father’s face, she felt him close by.
“I want to be with you. I want to come home,” she answered.
And it was home. She had returned to it. Her soul rejoiced with its reunion.
“It is not your time, pele. Let him take you back.”
“But I don’t want to go,” she protested.
At once, familiar warmth wrapped around her, gently pulling her back.
Away.
Away.
She fell.
She was falling from the light into the dark again. Away from her father. Away from her home. She didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to return to her shell. Please, she pleaded. Let me stay.
Live.
Live
“Soon, very soon, my child.”
Those were the final words she heard before she slipped away.
Chapter 27
Alana felt the cold shifting earth before she opened her eyes. She felt the sand grazin
g under her neck, the waves crashing around her legs, the sting on her face. She was back in her broken body. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she mourned her death. No, no, please, no. Take me back, she sobbed. Please, let me return home.
And then she felt him.
A warm familiar hand caressing her cheek, wiping the trail of droplets from her eyes. Alana inhaled sharply and opened them slowly. Chase hovered above her, lines of strain marking his forehead, eyes shining brilliant blue. They were the same blue she recognized from the hospital, and they beheld empathy, remorse, and understanding.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered hoarsely.
Grey majestic wings beat against the wind, and she reached out with her hand to touch its serrated edge. Its feathers felt soft and firm at the same time. Her voice was thick, quiet.
“Angel,” she breathed.
Closing his eyes, he drew closer, touching his forehead to hers, inhaling the air she exhaled. “Yes, love,” he replied softly.
It was true, she thought. What she had suspected of Chase was the truth. Fresh tears sprung from her eyes, and she pinched them shut and gripped his arms, moving them so they encircled the back of his neck. Chase tightened his hold around her, pulling her away from the ground and engulfing her in his warmth, embracing her as she wept into his chest.
“Take me back, please, Chase,” she sobbed.
Chase smoothed her hair away from her face. “I can’t, Alana,” he said with a strained voice. “It’s not your time.”
She crumbled on the inside and closed her eyes to welcome the darkness again.
Chapter 28
Alana awoke to the sound of pounding rain, the tarpaulin and woven pandanus walls whipping ferociously from the howling wind. Darkness filled the corners of the room while a soft glow from a lantern provided little light, its brightness spilling on the roof, shadows dancing from the gusts. Turning her head slowly, she recognized the fale she and the medical team were staying in. Groaning from the movement, she was aware that every inch of her body ached, from her throbbing head to the tips of her fingers, right down to the calves of her legs. With each pulse of her heart, she felt as if it were beating pain into her. Through the slits of her eyes, she saw Manu approach and crouch low.
“Thank God you’re awake, Alana. I thought I lost you back there.”
Confused, she wanted to ask him what happened, but no sound came from her scratchy throat.
“Shhh, it’s alright,” he soothed. “You fell in and when I went after you, I couldn’t find you anywhere. God, I was scared.”
She noticed scratches on his face, and comprehension dawned on her. She remembered everything. The water. The drowning. Her father. Angelic wings. Chase. Where was he? How did she end up in this room? Sharpness clutched at her chest as she relived each experience in her mind. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes.
“How?” she managed to whisper.
Manu stroked her hair away from her forehead. “Someone found you down by the beach a few hundred yards from the wharf. When they brought you back here, your body was warm, your heartbeat steady. Other than a few cuts and bruises, you were okay. It was the strangest thing. We searched over an hour for you, Lana. We couldn’t find you anywhere.”
Over an hour? Where was Chase? She tried to lift herself and winced from pain.
“Don’t get up,” Manu ordered gently laying her back down. “This was the most serious injury,” he said quietly, touching her on her shoulder. “I had to clean and stitch the wound.”
Alana couldn’t see the wound he spoke of. She strained to speak, and when she did her voice broke with emotion. “Manu…I want to go home.”
Manu smiled sadly down at her. “I bet you do. I don’t blame you. But we can’t go anywhere until this cyclone passes.”
Her eyes widened. “Cyclone?”
“It’s on its way. There have been warnings on the radio and text messages from Upolu since this late morning. We just have to sit tight and wait for it to hit.”
So that’s why Chase was here, she concluded sadly. She imagined him going around the islands anticipating threats to people’s lives and pulling them to safety. It was the sole reason he was back in Samoa, and he had just saved hers.
“What time is it?” she asked thickly.
Manu glanced at his watch. “It’s almost nine in the evening.”
She swallowed hard, her throat raw as if sharp coral scraped along the inside of her esophagus. “I want to speak to my mother,” she finally said.
Manu nodded. “She’s been ringing your cell phone every hour since she found out about the cyclone warning.”
Alana cringed and gave him a tight smile. She must be worried sick.
Manu’s face turned serious. “Alana...” he held her gaze “...she doesn’t know what happened. I didn’t tell her anything. I just told her you were busy…asleep and would call her when you awoke.”
Alana moved her head in understanding, and he reached for her cell phone and placed it in her hand.
***
The cyclone lasted days, its high force winds and relentless rains keeping residents from venturing outside. Alana could hear the thrashing of waves from where they were staying, and she shuddered at the memory of going under. When she spoke to her mother, she decided not to tell her about her near-drowning experience, thinking it would only exacerbate her worry when they were apart. Her strength returned with each passing day, and she became more and more restless to depart from Manono and return home. She noticed island fever started to consume the other members of the medical team as they were also eager to reunite with their own families. There was nothing they could do besides sit around and listen to the beating that took place outside. Gusts of wind shook their fale and water flooded some of their belongings, its flimsy walls doing little to protect the rain from coming in. They scrambled to secure items, but once they had, they were on alert to anticipate the next threat. Uncertainty charged the air, an uneasy expectation that something worse could happen never far from their minds: the roof getting blown off, posts shaking and crumbling down to the earth, a tornado forming out at sea, flooding. The atmosphere was strained and made more so by the deafening roar of the storm. There was no reprieve from it, no form of escape. Alana’s cell phone battery had long ago died, disconnecting her from her family and the rest of the world. Dark, coldness, and terrifying noises filled the spaces in between, and the time passed slowly. Isolated in a fale with the other medical staff, she felt alone and desolate. But what she was unaware of was that someone was concealed from sight outside and watching closely. Rain dripping over grey feathers, his face serious, and hands fisted at his sides, he was protecting her and the little house she was secluded in.
***
There was a powerful force surrounding natural disasters that would bring you to your knees. There was nothing quite like the feeling of seeing something that was standing before, now brought down by a storm. It was a test of faith and humility as much as it was a lesson of detachment, and Alana felt all three. Heart racing, she took in the scene around her. Her mother’s garden was ripped from the ground, shredded and torn, and scattered leaves and branches littered the yard. The fale where the dogs usually resided slanted sideways, the wind from the valley pushing it at an angle. Shocked, she glanced at what used to be her bedroom. It was a sight she couldn’t get used to looking at. The large banyan tree that shadowed the back of the house had uprooted and fallen over, crushing the roof of her room and leaving a gaping hole. Branches and leaves were mangled together with roofing iron, ply wood, and all of her cherished earthly possessions destroyed: photo albums from her childhood, its pictures blurred from the rain; pages from beloved books torn and dispersed in soggy clumps, including the gardenia petals she cherished from Chase which were carefully pressed inside; muddy clothes and bedding tangled in debris. Her heart sank at the damage caused. Everything that she had collected over the years was now lost forever. She ached from the appearance of it but silently
thanked God her mother and brother were camped out in the living room when it happened. She learned it was a struggle for them to keep the water from coming in and destroying the rest of the house. When the water soaked the hallway and flooded the floorboards, they were able to salvage some framed photos and furniture. While the outer structure of the house stood securely, its ivory paint tinged with sticky leaves, her room and the bathroom next to it bore the brunt of the cyclone. She looked at her brother now who was chopping away at the thick branches with a machete and picked up a salu to sweep away the leaves and twigs strewn haphazardly across the porch. The wound on her shoulder was healing slowly, the pinch from moving the broom back and forth a reminder that it was there.
When she saw her father’s gravestone buried under a pile of leaves, she dropped the handle and walked over to it. Alana used her hand to brush away the twigs that obscured the marble and read the inscription there. Chosen by her mother, the poem spoke of heaven and hope, a dream and a promise. She closed her eyes and savored his voice, remembered his presence. When she opened them again, the sun was lowering, casting a fiery glow on the stone. Sucking in a breath, she stilled and watched the colors change from bright to dark. It was then that she willed herself to feel everything—the loss, the pain, the heartache. She bore it all and let it go on an exhale of breath, the effect bringing tears to her eyes. This is the last time, Alana, she reflected. This was going be the last time she would allow herself to feel this way because now she understood. Now she knew where her father had gone, and it was the most beautiful gift she could have ever received. She got a glimpse of her fate, of every person’s destiny, of home. Purging her soul for the last time during sunset, Alana rose and swiped at her eyes. Turning away from the disappearing sun, she walked back to the porch, picked up the broom, and started to sweep again.
Chapter 29
Chase pranced restlessly outside in the foyer. He knew why he had been summoned. The reward for everything he had worked so hard for was just beyond those solid walls.