Tobias was gone. Hawk held me now. His eyes were wild l as he licked his lips and lowered his face to my ear.
“You can't hide from me, Jada. I'll hunt you down if you try. You're mine,” he hissed.
I wake up screaming. My heart is in my throat and sweat is dripping down my face. His eyes – Hawk's icy eyes burn themselves into my mind.
“Jada?” Kari calls from behind the door.
Wiping the sweat off my head, I wrap myself up in the quilt tight before I answer her.
“Come in,” I croak. My voice shakes.
Kari pops her head in. “You okay, honey? I heard a scream?” She's wearing an old, blue bathroom that looks ineradicably soft.
“Yeah, sorry,” I say. “Bad dream.”
She pursed her lips at me, unconvinced.
“Your dad called.”
I bolt upright.
Dad.
“He asked if I'd seen you. I told him that I went over to your place before the storm got too bad to ask him for some help securing my windows, but since he was 'sleeping' you volunteered to help me. When the storm got worse, I wouldn't let you go out it in. Said we tried to call him but my battery was dead.”
She comes to sit on the bed with me. Wow. That was a pretty good story.
“Did he believe you?”
She nods. “I think he did. Why would I lie?”
I bite my lip hoping the cover will work.
“Does he leave for work before you leave for school?”
I glance at the clock beside the bed. “He's already gone,” I lie. I know what she's trying to do. She doesn't plan on letting me go back to the house while he's still there but that's just delaying the inevitable.
“Good. Then I'll run down and make us some breakfast before school. How does that sound?”
How did that sound? It sounded too good to be true.
“Sounds perfect.”
Kari stands up and leaves me alone in the room. When she's gone, I slide out of the covers and look out the window. Our house is in clear sight from here. Dad's bedroom curtains are closed, as always, but it's the kitchen that I focus on. The house looks dark. To an outside observer it would look like he had already left for work. But I know better. He's down in the kitchen. Waiting. Waiting for me.
The breakfast Kari made feels warm going down my throat, but I don't taste it. My mind is trying to shut itself down.
At 6:30, I tell her I have to go home to get ready for school. I see the worry in her eyes, but she lets me go. It's not like she really had a choice. I had to go to school.
As I walk across our connecting yards, I feel my stomach churn. I barely make it to the front of the house before I throw up Kari's homemade breakfast.
With feet like lead, I climb up the front steps and open the door to accept my fate.
Chapter 14
Jada
Slipping into the darkness is the easy part.
It's coming out that blinds you.
Chapter 15
Jada
Even though my head is throbbing and feels thick, I can tell that nothing is broken. Taking a physical inventory, I can feel that my rib cage has taken the brunt of the blows. There may be one or two of them that are fractured, but the pain is tolerable. My arms are splotched with red but should fade by mid-morning. It will mean I'll need another long sleeve shirt in this damn humidity.
Standing, I walk over to my mirror. Except for the traitor tears that have spilled and a bit of blood from a small crack in my lip, my face is fine. Nothing a little lip gloss can't cover.
Slipping into the tub, I carve out my ‘A’ without even looking. My fingers know their way by now.
The air count righted itself overnight so school wasn't canceled. You'd think I'd want a day to rest with the pain I'm in, but I can't wait to get out of this house.
Once properly camouflaged to blend into the background, I start the walk to school. I'm annoyed that I have to walk slower because of the damn throbbing in my ribs. The only thing that pushes me on is knowing I'll get to see Tobias today. I have to know that he's okay.
At 8:45, I delicately perch myself in the entrance of the school and watch as students trickle in. The closer it gets to 9:00 and Tobias doesn't show, the more anxious I become.
Why is he not here yet? Did he get worse? Did he have to go to the hospital after all?
My eyes flick again toward the road leading toward the school, but there are only a few clumps of girls straggling toward the entrance. All around me people are pushing past me to get out of the wind and into the school. I stand firm in the door frame taking their passive aggressive hits, which makes my ribs scream but I don't flinch. Not anymore.
Where is Tobias?
“Looking for me?” a voice whispers from behind me.
I jump a foot off the ground in surprise. I turn around slowly to see a concerned Hawk looking at me.
“Whoa. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” He lowers his shoulders to look me in the eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I'm fine,” I say. “How is Tobias? Is he here? Is he okay?”
Hawk crinkles his eyebrows and cocks his head to the side.
“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t he be okay?” His voice comes out slow.
“Wait, you didn't walk here with him today?” My head turns back to the road searching for him.
“No, we... had a disagreement. He doesn't want to speak to me right now.”
Hawk turns my body to face him. He looks upset.
“I knew it. He's hurt isn't he? I sensed something was wrong.” He drags his fingers through his hair. “Tell me what you know!” he shouts, shakes me a bit.
I push his arms off me, annoyed. “He almost died last night. He got stuck in the storm.”
A dark expression falls over Hawk's face. He grabs me around the waist and yanks me towards the underbelly of the stairwell. I have to bite my lip hard against the pain he's causing to my side.
“Tell me what happened,” he orders. I’m shocked, not by his anger but by how scared he looks.
“He didn’t tell you?”
Hawk sighs and tugs at his hair. “He won't talk to me.” His body looks like its crumbling in on itself. He's really worried about Tobias.
I can't tell him the truth, that I just could sense Tobias out in the middle of a storm. I had a hard time believing it myself. So I tell as close to the truth as I can.
“He showed up at my house last night in the rain. He must not have made it home before the storm started. He could barely breathe. I took him to my neighbor's house. She has a car and she drove him home. He said he had meds there that would help but, now he's not here...” I bite my lip and walk back to the door praying he'll be walking down the road.
I feel Hawk follow beside me.
“He's okay. I’m gonna guess his mom kept him home today. I would have felt it if it was bad.”
I turn around to look at him. “Felt it?”
The first bell rings. The shuffle of feet above our heads begins to thrum loudly against the stairwell. “Meet me for lunch?” he says. “We need to talk.”
“Um, okay,” I blurt without thinking.
He gives me a small grin before he turns away and heads up the stairs.
My next two classes go from bad to worse as the minutes tick toward lunch. I can't concentrate on anything around me and nearly end up in the Principal's office for not answering Mr. MacKamay's question about some ridiculous quote from Romeo & Juliet.
Like I give a rat's ass about Romeo and Juliet right now!
Fortunately for my tongue, I bite back my clipped reply and instead feign illness, which is not as hard to fake since my ribs are killing me. I get sent to the nurse's office to lie down.
Of course, I don't actually make it to the nurse's office. I spend the last thirty minutes before lunch in the girl's bathroom splashing water on my face and downing pain meds so I don't walk funny anymore.
When the lunch bell finally rings, I slink out of the ba
throom and disappear into the cafeteria. I'm only half aware of the food that is placed on my tray. I don't plan on eating it anyway, not today. I have a sneaking suspicion my digestive track isn't going to work properly for the next few days. Pushing my food down the line, I wait patiently for the State Mandated fluoride water. Can't have us getting cavities, now can we?
“Wow. That looks awful.” A voice from behind startles me. Like lightning, I tug my sleeves down thinking a bruise must be showing, but when I turn around, I find Hawk making faces at my lunch. Relief floods in.
“I've had worse,” I throw back, doing my best to make a joke.
His smile softens. “I bet you have.”
Flustered, I push my hair behind my ear, grab my tray, and find the closest empty table. Hawk follows close behind me and slides himself into the chair right beside mine.
He leans back in the seat and gives me a look that I can't make out. It's almost like he's trying to get into my head.
“What?” I ask, unable to stop myself.
“Do I make you nervous?”
The question is so blatant and dead on that I actually stutter out my reply. “Wh-what? No! Well, yes... um,” I hang my head, embarrassed. “Maybe?”
I have just entered total Loserville.
However, my answer seems to please him because he pulls his chair even closer to mine (if that is even possible) and drapes his arm across the back of my chair.
“Good,” he whispers close to my ear. My face grows red. That one word sends a shiver up my spine, and it's impossible for me to tell if I like it or not.
Picking up my fork, I stab at what appears to be mashed potatoes. I search for something to break the awkward silence that has crept in between us, when Hawk breaks it for me.
“So you were going to tell me about how you could feel if Tobias was okay or not.” Might as well cut to the chase.
He gives me a dark smile.
“It's just a gut feeling I get. I think because we we're born on the same day, I'm connected to him somehow. When he's hurting, sometimes I can feel it too. Not every time, but a lot of the time. I felt something last night, but I thought it was just me feeling bad that we were fighting.”
He stares solemnly at his tray.
“So, I told you one of my secrets, now you tell me what you're hiding.”
I nearly choke on the small bite of potato I'd swallowed.
“I'm not hiding anything,” I cough out, taking a quick peak at my arms to make sure.
Hawk sighs. “I know you’re hiding something on your wrist. That strap of leather, although I'm sure is quite hip, isn't just for fashion.”
Instantly, my hand is covering the cuff. He leans in close. “I can smell the blood, Jada.” He points to his nose. “Tracker, remember?”
My heart starts to pick up. I have to think of something. Fast. “It’s a tattoo,” I blurt. “Of something I’d like to forget.”
Hawk’s eyes narrow. He shakes his head. “You're a terrible liar.”
Surprisingly annoyed at his cockiness, I yank at the cords and take off the cuff. I reach my hand across the table so my name throbs right in his face. Let him see the monster that I really am. Maybe now he'll leave me alone.
His face freezes as he takes in the scars. The 'A' is still crusted over with blood, but it is clear what I have done to myself. Clear what I am.
He surprises me when rubs his thumb over the raised marks.
“They're beautiful,” he whispers. The way he says it, I almost believe him. Almost.
I try to say something but I can't. Instead, I rip my hand out of his grasp and I wrap my wrist up again, trying to process what he just said. My scars are not beautiful. They are morbid and twisted, just like I am.
We sit in silence for a few minutes. The hum of the lunch crowd is echoing in my ears. I'm listening hard to hear if anyone saw my arm, but it's clear that no one would have cared to look my way.
“We all have demons, Jada,” Hawk says after a while. “I'll make you a deal. I won't judge you for yours if you won't judge me for mine.”
I can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of that statement. “What possible demons could you have? You're Mr. Greek God.”
I expect him to laugh, or at least smile, but he doesn't. Instead, he looks like he's about to cry.
“I'm sorry. That was mean. It's just, it doesn't seem like you have any sort of outward problems that I can see.”
He nods his head.
“Yeah. I fool a lot of people that way.”
Intrigued, I reach out a hand and touch his arm. “What's your demon?”
He sits up straighter, takes my hand, and gives it a squeeze before he lets it go.
“I may have a tiny problem with my anger.” He gives me a small smile before it fades. “I punched my best friend in the gut. My sick best friend. I mean, who does that?” He rubs his eyes with his hands. “I don’t know what happened. One minute I was fine, the next, I was going crazy on him.”
Although I'm not happy that he hit Tobias, it's clear that he's upset about why he did it.
“Everyone loses it sometimes,” I try.
“Yeah,” he says, “Except, with me, it's happening a lot more. Sometimes I feel like a monster.”
The obvious pain in his voice disturbs me. I reach out and take one of his hands from his face.
His eyes open at my gesture.
“You're not a monster,” I say.
“You don't know me enough to say that,” he says, slipping his hand out from mine.
Without another word, he pushes away from the table and walks away, leaving me wondering even more just who Hawk is.
Chapter 16
Tobias
Although she calls in every favor she can think, of Mom is unable to get her afternoon shift off from work, which means she'll have to go in after lunch. She makes me promise on a stack of Bibles that I will not leave my bed while she is gone. Since I don't believe in God, I have no problem lying to her.
I wait a good twenty minutes until after her ride picks her up before I dare to head school. Triple checking my pockets, I confirm I have my meds before I slip out the door and into the woods. I opt for the cover of the trees to take me to school. Sure, it would take longer, but if anyone saw me on the street Ma might find out and I couldn't risk that. Besides, she’d already told the school I wouldn't be in, so it wasn't like I could actually attend class. I just needed to see her. Just once. Then I'd be able to breathe fully again.
At least that's the idea. It takes me almost an hour to make it to the school using the winding trail in the woods, but I'm also going slower on purpose. I can't risk pushing myself again.
When I finally make it to school, there is still about forty-five minutes left before they let out, so I take advantage of the time and rest my head against the cool earth. The sun above is shielded by the evergreens surrounding me. The gentle sounds of the wind and the birds in the trees fill the darkened woods, and I find myself closing my eyes to hear it better. As I listen, my breathing slows and my body relaxes. I feel myself floating in and out of sleep as I wait.
When my stomach clenches without warning, I know she is near. Sitting up, I hear the bell ring. I crouch down and peer out from the shadows. I'm suddenly aware that I'm holding the position Hawk has tried to teach me when he hunts. For some reason the idea disturbs me, so I stand up. That's when I see her.
Her golden hair swirls in the wind and I swear I catch her scent a moment later. She's calling someone's name over the sea of students. At first, I imagine that it's my name she's calling, but as she comes further down the stairs, I can hear who she really wants.
“Hawk! Wait up!” she yells. My eyes dart to find Hawk who turns to look at her, but keeps walking. She starts pushing past those around her and is soon walking beside him.
As they move forward, so do I. I'm suddenly desperate to hear what they are talking about.
A few yards before my cover of woods disappears, they stop. Or r
ather, Hawk makes her stop by grabbing her shoulder and turning him to her. My heart pounds in my chest waiting for her reaction; waiting for her to slug him or snap at him for touching her like that. What I don't expect, however, is what she actually does.
Jada
I've shouted his name at least a dozen times now. I know he hears me, which just makes me more determined to catch up to him. He's been avoiding me all afternoon and I refuse to let him play head games with me. He's trying to make me feel sorry for him, but it won't work. We've all got our baggage and he needs to know I'm not going to fall for his trap.
“I know you can hear me, so stop being a dick and turn around!” I shout, causing a few girls nearby me to giggle.
At that, Hawk stops. His shoulders square a moment before he spins around and grabs my arm so fast that I don't even have time to flinch.
“Stop following me,” he hisses.
I rip my arm from his grip. “I'm not following you. I just want to talk to you.”
“Why?”
It's my turn to stand up taller. “Because you need to know that I don’t think you’re a monster.”
His nostrils flare at me. “You don’t know anything about me.”
He has me there.
“That’s true, but just because you’re moody doesn’t mean that you’re a horrible person. Trust me. I know horrible people. And you aren't one of them.”
Those cool blue eyes of his lower to meet mine. Anger burns inside them. He whispers hot into my ear, “That's where you're wrong.”
I step away from him, suddenly afraid.
“I smelled you in the woods that night. I had just gone out to do a little hunting, but then I caught your scent, and I was done for. Nothing else mattered to me then. I needed to find you. Hunt you down like an animal and make you mine. I didn't actually expect you to beg me to screw you. That was a bonus.” He lowers his face to mine and whispers hot into my ear. “Now, tell me I'm not a monster.”
But I can't. I can't say anything. I just stand there, shaking. It's not like I can accuse him of raping me because, technically, he didn't. I do remember begging him. I'm the monster, not him.
Pulled Back (Twin Flames Series) Page 11