Because the Night (The Night Songs Collection)

by Strassel, Kristen

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Blade came to pick me up around one in the afternoon on Sunday. I felt like we were going on our first date. God, I’d like nothing more than to go back in time and ride the gondola, watch the water show, and play Go Fish with the hooker cards like we did that night. If I could only go back and erase all the stupid things I’d done.

  But did I really want to erase everything that had happened? No. Was I sorry I did it, or was I really just sorry I got caught? No wonder I felt like I was tip toeing on egg shells as I approached the mustang.

  “Hey there,” I greeted him as I strapped myself in. Routine wanted to lean in and kiss him. Instinct told me that probably wasn’t my best idea. Instead I played nervously with my scarf.

  “Hey,” he faced me without removing his sunglasses, making his face almost unreadable, but he couldn’t help at least smiling when he saw me. My heart warmed and I smiled back, still keeping on guard.

  He still hadn’t shaved. I loved a little bit of stubble on him, but I’d never seen this much. “What’s with the beard?”

  “I don’t know, just lazy, I guess.” He shrugged as he pulled into traffic. “A lot on my mind.”

  That sounded loaded, so I didn’t press him about it. I had a feeling I’d find out all in good time.

  “Listen, do you mind if we just go back to my place? I’ve got stuff we can make.”

  “No, that’s fine. It will be fun. I’ve missed cooking for you.”

  Once we got back to his house, I’d discovered he’d bought all the makings for tacos. Perfect. I seasoned the beef and put it in his ancient skillet to brown, then collected the vegetables out of the refrigerator bin to chop. Blade settled himself on the stool on the other side of the counter and cracked open a beer. I thought it was a little early for that, but I kept my mouth shut. I wanted to keep disagreements to a minimum.

  “How are rehearsals coming?” I asked as I sliced into an onion.

  “Good.” Blade said between sips. “A lot to learn and remember.”

  “How long has it been since you’ve played out?”

  “A couple of years.”

  “I didn’t think you were interested in that anymore.”

  “Truthfully, I wasn’t, but I really like these guys, so it seemed like a good opportunity. Why not? It’s just one night, for now.”

  I finished dicing the peppers and slid them off the cutting board along with the onions into a waiting pan. I placed the avocado on the cutting board before sacrificing it to the guacamole Gods. The kitchen smelled heavenly already with everything simmering away on the stove.

  “If I ask you something, will you —” I almost used the word promise, still an open wound. “Not get mad?”

  His eyebrows flattened as I waited for his answer. He ran his hand along the beer bottle. “I can try.”

  I took a deep breath and continued mashing avocado. I couldn’t look at him while I asked. “Tristan said you had something to do with Immortal Dilemma in the past. He didn’t tell me what though.”

  When I looked up, Blade’s face had turned red with anger at the mention of Tristan’s name, as I could have predicted. He pursed his lips and moved them around, as if he was willing his mouth to speak. Or maybe not speak. He never took his eyes off of the bottle in his hand.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He exhaled loudly. “I could ask you the same question. It didn’t seem important.”

  “It is important. I knew you had a problem with him, but I thought you just hated the whole vampire thing. If I had known you had a part of it, it would have changed things.”

  Would it have?

  “I was never a part of it.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “Alright, fine.” Blade leaned back in his chair, and ran his hands through his hair. I put down my utensils and sat down on the stool next to his to listen. Our knees brushed against each other. It was all I could do not to reach out for him. It wasn’t time yet.

  “When we first moved down here, I got caught up in all the excitement of the scene. They had just finished building the Alta Vista, and there was a casting call for a reality show with Trevor George as an executive producer, and they needed musicians. The economy had just fallen into the toilet, and I didn’t have much else going on. It sounded like a good time. So I auditioned.”

  “It was for Immortal Forever?” Which of course I knew, since Tristan’s dad, movie superstar Trevor George, was the co-executive producer as well as one of the primary share holders in the Alta Vista, along with Talis.

  “Yeah. At first it was really cool. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. I made it all the way down to the final three for drummers. I would have preferred to play guitar, but as we know, that spot was taken. But they neglected to mention until then what you had to give up to win.”

  “You would have had to become a vampire.”

  “Right.”

  “This might be a stupid question, but why didn’t you do it?”

  At least now Blade was looking at me. He had softened again, he seemed much less defensive. Maybe he felt relieved to tell me.

  “It’s not a stupid question. I struggled with it for a long time. Who doesn’t want to live forever, you know? But then, what happens when you live forever, trapped in the body of a twenty year old? Does your mind get old, while your body stays young? Would I always be the same? Would it be boring? If I hated it, what could I do to change it? I mean, look at Tristan,” I was shocked to hear Blade say his name. “Trapped in the Alta Vista, doing those concerts and those shows like a puppet, drugged out of his mind, just a pawn of that stupid bitch Talis. Is that how I wanted to spend eternity? No, I wanted to have a family and see the world on my own terms. I wanted to grow up. Even if it meant the clock was ticking.”

  “It makes a lot of sense.” I said quietly. “I think you made the right decision.”

  “I hadn’t questioned it at all until recently, until I found out about you and Tristan,” I opened my mouth to speak but he put up his hand to stop me. “Maybe if I had done it, if I had become one of them, it would be me you were so hung up on.”

  “It is you that I’m hung up on.”

  He reached out for my hand and smiled sadly as his fingers wrapped around mine. “I’m just worried it will never be enough for you. I can’t compete with Bloodlust.”

  “It’s not a competition.”

  “That’s what worries me.”

  I sighed. “You just need to let me try.”

  The hamburger finished cooking so I got up to serve the tacos. It seemed like a good way to break the cloud of doubt that hovered over the room for both of us. I knew just how Blade liked his tacos, so I made his three without asking. I placed the ingredients in my plate and didn’t bother with the shell. We dug in our food in silence for a few moments.

  “So did you always hate him?”

  “Tristan?” Blade finished working on the food in his mouth as he thought about his answer. “Not really. He’s a good time; the guy definitely knows how to party. But he was always an arrogant prick. Such a spoiled rich brat that always had everything handed to him, even now. Especially now. I always had to work so hard for everything I had. I mean, getting this house left to me and Dave was a Godsend. We would have never been able to come over here otherwise.

  “Back to your question, no, I pitied him more. He’s got everything, but he’s so alone, and angry. So really, he’s got nothing.” He paused, looking away from me. “But now, yes, I hate him.”

  I pushed around the remaining food in my plate, no longer hungry. I didn’t want to look in Blade’s eyes because I knew they’d be full of anger and darkness. Instead, I noticed he had cleared his plate, so I picked it up to bring to the sink along with mine.

  “Leave it,” Blade startled me by breaking the silence and I almost dropped the plates. “I can clean it up later.” He grabbed another beer out of the refrigerator and headed towards the couch. Not knowing what else to do, I foll
owed him.

  He flipped on the TV and settled on some football game. He was sitting in such a way I couldn’t help myself but to snuggle up beside him. Rejection terrified me. If he shunned me or pushed me away I probably would have just died on the spot. Thankfully, he put his arm around me and pulled me in closer. I reached up to his face and softly played with the hair in his beard.

  “That tickles.”

  “It’s soft,” I twisted my fingers into it more. Before this would have probably led to a full on wrestling match on the couch, but now, who knew. He moved my hand away from his face and leaned in to kiss me. Soft and slow, he seemed unsure and maybe as scared as I was.

  “Oh,” We were interrupted when Dave walked into the room. He seemed flustered. “Hey, Callie. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  “Actually, I was just about to take her home,” Blade said, sitting up straight. I fell away in surprise by default. What? He was?

  As soon as Dave walked in, he’d popped our little bubble that shielded us from reality. I stared blankly at the television and tried to hide my bewilderment.

  I searched my brain for anything that would seem like appropriate small talk on the way home and came up with nothing. But I had to say something. “Will you pick me up before your show next weekend?”

  “Yeah, I can do that. We will have to get there a little early to load in and for sound check, so you might be a little bored during that.”

  “That’s fine.”

  “Alright, I’ll probably pick you up around five.”

  “Whatever works.” Anything to keep the hope of making things better alive.

  We already were in front of my building. “It was good to see you today.” I wanted to lean in and kiss him, but I wasn’t sure he’d recovered from the reality of being walked in on by his brother. It stung to think he was embarrassed to be caught kissing me. What had he said to Dave?

  “It was good to see you today too. Thanks for lunch.”

  “Anytime.”

  He reached over and squeezed my hand. “Next weekend.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Since Blade seemed so unsure about his feelings for me, I figured I really needed a wow outfit for his show this weekend. Normally, I’d make something, but I felt like it was time for a change. A shopping trip was in order.

  I’d missed a couple of shifts at the bar with my neck injury. It didn’t seem like a smart idea to spend the night in a room full of vampires with an open wound so visible. So I needed something cheap. And sexy. The only solution was to go to the mall. I hated the mall. Luckily for me, cheap and sexy seemed to be in. Really in. I think there was even a store called Cheap and Sexy. I liked my chances in that one so I stopped in and decided to browse.

  I walked right past the displays of black clothes. I wasn’t going to wear anything black, Victorian, velvet, fishnet or of the like. Nothing that would remind Blade of Immortal Dilemma. That narrowed my choices considerably. Several girls perusing those racks in front turned to watch me as I walked by. Was there anyone who didn’t pay attention to Janelle’s website?

  There were a few lonely racks of lighter colored clothes towards the dressing rooms. I started to flip through. These clothes were so out of my comfort zone I had no idea what I was even looking for. A sales associate circled me nervously. Finally, I gave in and asked her to pick a few things for me, then followed her to the dressing room to try out her choices.

  Most of the dresses I tried brought cheap and sexy to a whole new meaning. Too much skin, too tight, too revealing. I looked like a stripper. Gross.

  The last dress seemed softer and prettier even before I took it off the hanger. I slipped it over my head and shimmied it down over my hips. Yikes, it didn’t come down too far on my legs. I adjusted the spaghetti straps as I considered my reflection. The blush color dress made my green eyes pop and looked great against my skin. Form fitting and short, it had lacy ruffles that came down from the neckline in a V, tapering at the waist, and then flaring out to an inverted V in the skirt. It created the illusion of an old fashioned bombshell hourglass figure. I felt like a million bucks. This was the one.

  As I left the dressing room with dress in hand, I noticed that some of the girls who had been shopping up front when I entered were now checking the rack I’d shopped off of. They’d be so disappointed if they knew my intentions towards this dress had nothing to do with Tristan.

  I held the dress up again for inspection before check out. What was I going to wear with this thing? I did another lap around the store. Thankfully, it seemed to be one stop shopping. A small collection of shoes were on display and my new best friend, the sales girl, suggested a pair of sparkly gold platform heels I was probably going to break my neck in. I slipped my feet out of my china dolls and gave them a try. They were pretty awesome, although completely impractical.

  I’d held my breath as she rang everything up. Much to my benefit, the Cheap and Sexy was having a buy one get one half off sale. I would have been really embarrassed if I had to put things back, especially since a handful of people observed my purchase with a little too much interest. I ignored them. Weren’t there enough things to entertain them on the internet without having to report my every move?

  Mission accomplished. Headed back home, I felt pretty excited about Saturday night. I hoped it would be a chance to start over. I just had to hope Blade was feeling the same way.

  I modeled my outfit for Janelle. My neck was healed now, except for the new pink skin. I felt confident enough to wear my hair back and fastened with a matching flower.

  “You look amazing.”

  “Am I doing the right thing?”

  Janelle thought a minute before she spoke. “I think I understand how you feel about Tristan. I’ve never met him, and even I feel some sort of pull to the band. But I’ve seen a change in you, Callie, since you’ve moved in with me. You hardly make stuff anymore. You sleep all day —“

  “I work until dawn!”

  “I know. You hardly eat. You’re moping. Tristan isn’t making you happy.”

  I flopped down on her bed. “I know. I just keep hoping somehow he will.”

  “You haven’t been excited about anything lately except for going to this show. I think Blade is really good for you.”

  “He’s amazing.”

  “I really want this to work. For both of you.”

  “Thanks.” We sat quietly for a few minutes. “Does all this Immortal Dilemma stuff make you happy?”

  “It’s business for me now. I make so much money off of merchandise and advertising; it’s not the same as when I started out. I’m happy this is my job. But they’re entertainment for me. If I was trying to make a life with one of them,” she sighed. “I don’t know.”

  “Sometimes I just feel like you use me to make money.”

  “I won’t lie. I do. Of course I wanted you to move in with me. Do you know how easy you make my job?”

  “But your website screwed everything up. This is my life, Janelle. Not just some business.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way.” She looked scared to say anything else. “If you didn’t go to Tristan, I’d have nothing to put on my website. Think about that.”

  Chapter Twenty Six

  The Shotgun Saloon at Santa Fe Station, where Blade’s band was playing, looked about as far from anything to do with Immortal Dilemma as I could get with its concrete and iron interior, and that was exactly what I needed. I had to do everything right if I was going to keep Blade even speaking to me at this point.

  “You like the place?” he asked with a grin. His excitement over playing tonight had seemed to help him forget any worries he had about us. Pushing my own concerns aside, I took the pink drink he handed me and brazenly kissed him, just to take advantage of his good mood, ignoring whispers from around us.

  He pulled me back in when I finally let him go, eyes blazing, and smiled. “God, I’ve missed you.”
He kissed me again, spilling both of our drinks a little he rocked me back and forth.

  “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. Thanks for bringing me tonight.”

  “Thanks for coming and looking like that,” he said with a sweeping hand gesture.

  Two and a half hours of primping and poking at myself had paid off. Laughing, I moved back just a little towards the bar stools behind me, grazing some girl with my shoulder.

  “Sorry!” I yelped, but she glared at me hard from behind thick eyeliner.

  “Slut, watch what you’re doing more and suck face with your wannabe less.” She scowled at me and walked away, with three more girls who looked just like her in tow.

  I wished I had imagined the Immortal Dilemma tank top on the last one.

  I turned quickly back to Blade, who thankfully was laughing with two other guys next to us at the bar tables. I breathed a sigh of relief that he’d missed that little glitch in the evening.

  “And who might you be?” one of the guys said as I caught his eye. He smiled wide with gleaming teeth and held out his hand. “You can’t be here with him,” he joked, elbowing Blade in the ribs.

  Blade looked a little embarrassed that he hadn’t introduced me, but it didn’t slow him down. “Callie, this is Johnny and Rich. We used to jam together, but it’s been years!”

  “Callie.” The second guy, Rich, mouthed to himself. He seemed to think he recognized me, and he probably did. His black eyeliner was a little to Tristan-like for my comfort.

  I smiled, and excused myself to the restroom. Blade kissed me on the cheek, and went back to his friends. I was so glad for Blade right now that I kissed him full on the lips again, determined to let him know it. Johnny whistled low, and I felt my cheeks redden.

  Head down, I headed off to the bathroom, hoping not to catch the gaze of a small group of Immortal Dilemma fans that congregated nearby. The name Tristan was on their lips as I passed, and I quickened my steps, breathing harder. Not now, not tonight ….

  I hit the bathroom door a little too hard and felt conversation stop on the other side. I smiled nervously at the women smoking near the sinks. Smoke filled my nostrils and fogged the whole bathroom, but not too much for me to see one of the girls wearing the very same dress I was wearing. And the same shoes. The salesgirl from the store!