His eyes, glittering in the spotlights, caught mine towards the end of his solo. I always watched him, but he didn’t usually hold my gaze like this while thousands of rabid fans screamed from the audience. He cocked his head back slightly, as if he called me over. I didn’t move, because there was no way I’d ever go out on stage during the show.
Tristan nodded and crooked his finger towards me. I could hear the confusion swirling around the theater. I narrowed my eyes at him. I had no idea what he was doing. “Come here,” he mouthed, continuing to stare at me.
I took a few steps towards him, unsure of what was happening. A hush fell over the crowd as I came into view. Tristan smiled at me, letting me know I was doing as he wished. He held his hand out to me, and I took it.
He rubbed his fingers in my palm, calling my attention down to our hands. He took his hand out of mine, and I realized he’d sliced his finger during the solo. The blood glistened in the lights, calling to me. I mashed my lips together, not knowing if I could resist the temptation of the Bloodlust in this room full of people. Watching.
His fingers lazily trailed up my stomach, between my breasts, carefully not to stain my top with blood. When he reached my chin he tipped it up so my eyes met his again. I pleaded with him silently not to do what I knew was inevitable as his torn finger landed on my lip.
I couldn’t help but open my mouth just slightly enough to accept. And drink the blood from his wound. Everything, everyone else melted away as the blood slipped through my veins, transporting both of us to that magic place that we crawled away to every time we got the chance.
When he took his finger away from me, I almost fell backwards from the shock. I opened my eyes, not even sure where I was. The silence overwhelmed the room.
“What did you do to me?” I whispered as I started to back away.
One corner of Tristan’s mouth turned up in a knowing smile, like we shared a secret and not a burgeoning scandal. The jealousy and rage from the overzealous fans washed over me in waves, threatening to knock me off my feet. They all knew sharing blood was an erotic experience. I retreated back to my hiding spot, out of sight of the crowd. There was nowhere to go. I slid down the side of the black road case, hugging my knees, captive on the side of the stage.
I didn’t rise at the end of the show as Tristan approached. He stood in front of me, waiting for me to stand up and join him for a few minutes. Finally he realized I had no intentions of moving and sunk to his knees in front of me.
“Beautiful, what’s wrong?”
“I’m not a toy.” I barely lifted my head off of my arms.
“I know that.”
“Then why do you keep doing things like that in front of so many people? That’s for me and you. Not them.”
“I didn’t think it was such a big deal.”
“It’s a big deal. A really big deal.” There was no making him understand. Lennon was right, vampire emotions weren’t human emotions.
Tristan picked me up with the ease that a normal person would pick a shirt up from the ground and carried me back to his apartment. I didn’t fight him. There was no use. I needed him. I was on a mission. He didn’t put me down until I landed flat on my back on his bed. I stared at the swirls in the ceiling without looking at him.
I felt Tristan stretch his body out beside mine. His fingers worked their way up and down my arm, eventually tangling through my hair. I still didn’t look at him.
“Sometimes I just can’t help myself.” His voice almost startled me, slicing through the tension in the room. “You make me crazy sometimes.”
I rolled up on my side to face him. “It’s just me? None of those other girls ever get under your skin?”
He shook his head. His answer took me by surprise. I made him act more out of control than usual? Why? I thought about my conversation with Lennon earlier in the day. It had bothered me for so many reasons, but at least some of it I could ask Tristan about.
“Do you still feel human emotions?” My voice sounded small. I concentrated on him twining his fingers through mine.
“I do.” He said thoughtfully. “We feed off of energy. So when there’s positive energy, like at a show, I feel good. Sometimes, I can pick up on the despair and the hopelessness of people losing in the casino, or getting involved in stuff they shouldn’t. That’s where the Venom comes in. It numbs the pain. Everything is more intense. It’s like driving a car I have no control over.”
That explained a lot, but that’s not what I meant. “What about for yourself?”
He nodded. “I feel anger, and jealousy, and happiness. It’s all more intense.”
“What about love?” I couldn’t look him in the eye. He picked up on it, and cupped my chin in his hand. He smiled in a knowing way which made me feel stupid for asking. There was no way to ask without him taking it the wrong way.
Or was that really what I wanted to know?
“It’s more like a hunger, an obsession. It’s much more carnal, primal than human love. Vampires weren’t meant to be monogamous.” I held my breath at his words. For someone who seemed to not want to face what he was, that was a pretty intense description.
It didn’t give me any comfort. It scared me, reminded me of what I was really dealing with.
“Had you ever felt that way as a human?”
“Love? I think so.” He leaned in and kissed me. My heart fluttered, convincing me not to run screaming from the room. “But now when I think about my human life, and I have to admit, I don’t often, it’s like watching a grainy old movie. They don’t feel like my memories anymore.”
“That’s sad.”
“It is what it is. I wasn’t the happiest human.” His hand worked his way down to the curve of my waist under my blouse. I didn’t know if he realized how much it distracted me or if that was his plan.
“Are you happy now?” I’d asked him this before, when I first reconnected with him, and he gave me a flip answer. I had higher hopes this time.
“If this is what happiness is, then yes. I am.” He kissed me again, working down to nuzzle my shoulder. I let myself get lost in the moment, the way his hands felt against my skin, the coolness of his mouth against my neck. I pulled him in closer to me, not wanting to ever let him go.
He brought his head up so his eyes met mine. He didn’t say anything right away.
“What about you? Are you happy here, like this?”
I sighed. I didn’t want to take too long to think about my answer, but it couldn’t be answered in a simple yes or no. “This isn’t what I expected. But it’s so much more than I expected. I can’t imagine my life any other way now.”
“And the other thing?” He smiled almost nervously.
“Yes.” My whole body warmed. Finally we had a chance to peel everything away and be honest with each other.
Tristan leaned back down, his hair tickling my chest, working his way from right above my heart back up to my neck. I’d never felt so relaxed before. I hardly registered when his teeth sunk into my vein except for the pull of my life force to his.
I closed my eyes, gasping silently. He held me firmly by my shoulders. I didn’t want to squirm so much as writhe, but I couldn’t move. I just wanted to react, respond in some way. I wanted to share the emotion with him.
I understood hunger and obsession, too. I wanted him to know it.
When he finished feeding, he brought his mouth up to mine, still bloody. I bit down hard on his bottom lip, making him cry out as he mashed himself closer to me. Our blood intermingled as I drank it all down and held on to him for dear life so we could both survive its swirl.
**
I felt guilty when I woke up later in the sunshine, alone as always in the guest room. My body numbed with fear as I put my hand on Tristan’s doorknob. I didn’t know what I would find. I opened and closed the door as quietly as I could, I didn’t know who else was in the house, or if Tristan could be disturbed easily. I tiptoed across the plush carpet in the protective darkness, hold
ing my hands out not to bump into anything or knock anything over. My heart thundered loud enough to wake a vampire from the dead, I was sure of it. I swallowed hard to force it back down into my chest.
My thighs grazed against the edge of the bed. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and I could make out the silhouette of Tristan’s body, half tangled in the sheet. His body was still and looked peaceful now, but it looked as he had thrashed about. Of course, the bed hadn’t been undisturbed when he went to off to never never land, but I still fought the urge to cover him properly.
He lay on his back with his head turned towards his shoulder. His tattooed left arm lay sprawled out on the empty pillow. Now that I was here, I wasn’t sure what to do.
I decided to kneel down beside the bed, not to shift the mattress. I ran my fingers lightly along the inside of Tristan’s wrist, watching his face for any signs of movement. Nothing. I lowered my face down to his arm, breathing as lightly as I could. Would the heat of my breath alert him to the danger he invited to his home? No. My lips grazed his skin. Desire took over my body as I sunk my teeth in and drank from him.
Intoxicated from so much of his blood, the colors exploded behind my eyes as I sucked greedily from his wrist. Tiny explosions went off in my body. I felt like I was floating along in the ocean, getting caught in a water funnel. Spinning out of control.
Tristan groaned, making me jump back away from him. I lost my balance and banged my shoulder against his dresser, knocking something over. The shock paralyzed me.
“What are you doing?” Tristan slurred his words, sounding sleepy and weak.
“I couldn’t help myself.” My voice didn’t even sound like it belonged to me. I backed away from the bed like a crab towards the door. “I’m so sorry. I needed more.”
“It’s too much.” He rasped.
“You’re going to be okay.” I assured him. I pulled myself to my feet by the doorknob and got the hell out of the room as fast as I could.
What had I done?
The sunlight sucker punched me in the face. Blinded, I fell down, blocking my face with my arm. My skin felt like it was on fire.
I’d taken too much. I couldn’t escape his apartment. The sun would eat me alive.
I lay flat on the floor, my head cradled in my hands. I didn’t know what to do. I crawled back to the guest room, fiddling with every control and resisting the urge to scream until I figured out how to close the blinds.
I was stuck here, so full of Tristan’s blood I felt like I could explode, until the sun went down. I climbed in bed, pulling the sheets and blankets all the way over my head. I tried not to get sick. The spin of the earth made me dizzy. My body burned. This pain, it didn’t feel human.
I slipped in and out of consciousness, welcoming the relief of escaping the images of fire licking my skin flashing in my brain.
What had I done?
Chapter Forty Eight
Emptiness rumbled violently through my body. My eyes snapped open, not quite waking from sleep, but from something else. I needed to eat. Now.
“Damn it.” Tristan sighed. I sprung up way too fast in the dark room, feeling hands on my shoulders before I realized Tristan’s arms tensed against them.
“What’s happening?” I could see him perfectly in the dimmed room. It was like I was looking at him for the very first time. I could smell his skin, feel the blood move through his veins when I reached for his arm. So hungry. He wrestled himself away from me.
He stood up quickly and turned on the light. His arms were folded in front of his chest, and he rubbed his hands along his biceps as if he fought off a chill. He backed away from the bed slightly, looking sad, disgusted. Afraid.
“I’m hungry.” I felt like a helpless child, unable to take care of my own needs. My lips quivered, reacting to Tristan looking at me.
“I know you are, beautiful.” He sat down on the edge of the bed stiffly and reached out to stroke my hair. I grabbed him before he touched me, not missing his look of surprise, and tore through the skin on his wrist with so much ease. It wasn’t enough, it was like sucking through a straw at the bottom of an empty drink. I pulled his arm and his body slid along the bed until it was against mine. Was this a dream? He had to weigh almost twice as much as I did.
I’d figure it out later.
I straddled his lap and pushed him down on the pillow by his shoulders, just like he had attempted to hold me down. He was mine to mold and take. I smiled down at his gorgeous face. Dark eyes wide, watching my every move. His soft lips parted, not sure what to say. I nipped them quickly, enough to make his head come off the pillow wanting more.
I laughed, pulling away just out of reach before dropping my lips down to his neck. I sunk my teeth into the vein without making nice first. My hunger didn’t have time to mess around.
Tristan cried out. “Callie! Stop! Please.” He pushed me hard enough to send me flying through the air, landing at the end of the bed. I laughed and crawled back towards him, wanting to get back to the wound on his neck before it healed completely.
He lunged towards me, tackling me, holding my arms down to my sides. I wriggled and squirmed against him, hard enough that we fell off the bed. He squeezed me tighter. Still hungry, I wore out easily. When we were both still, I lay pinned underneath him on the floor.
I stifled a giggle.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying this.” Tristan sounded like he was trying to reprimand me. Like he had the right to scold anybody.
“You aren’t?” I asked, bucking my body underneath his. He pushed down harder.
“I’m sure I will eventually,” He arched his shoulders up away from my body, still holding me down. “Once we get you under control.”
“Oh, what? I need to be broken like a mare?” I followed his face with mine as much as I could.
“Something like that.” He sighed. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done to yourself?”
“Oh what I did. Because you’re so innocent.”
“I can’t take any blame for this one, beautiful. I warned you to stay away from me when I slept. I thought it was me I had to worry about. I never thought it would be you.”
“What are you talking about?”
Tristan shook his head in disbelief. “The other night, after I drank from you, you came in and nearly drained me dry. You took too much. I’m still not totally recovered. I passed out on stage.”
“Sorry.” That didn’t even sound convincing to me. My lips quivered, fighting a smile. How long had I been asleep?
“This isn’t about me. I’ll be fine. In fact, you got me a couple days off. But you. You’re not going to get better. You turned yourself.”
“I did what?”
“You turned yourself into a vampire.”
Shock rolled through my body. I waited for Tristan to burst out laughing, but he didn’t even crack a smile. He looked down on me as if he looked into my casket.
“How?”
“You drank too much from me after I drank from you.” He looked so sad.
I rolled up, pushing him off of me with enough force that his body hit the window. I gasped, watching his body slam against the glass. Once his surprise wore off, he moved back towards me. I hissed at him. Hissed. Like an alley cat in a fight.
“Like hell you didn’t do this to me!” I roared through clenched teeth.
“What are you talking about? I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Never for you.” He reached out for me again and I swatted at his hand.
“You couldn’t leave me alone. You drank my blood. You told me to drink from you. You made me crave your blood like a drug. So yes, you did this to me!” I burst into tears. Just like a little kid. How embarrassing. Here I could throw a two hundred pound man almost through a window and I cried because I was a vampire.
This time, I let Tristan cradle me in his arms. I’d have him forever. A sense of belonging filled me, but the emotions were all off. I didn’t know what I was feeling.
Besides hungry.<
br />
“I need to eat.” More whining. Ugh. I looked up at him. He wiped my tears away. I cringed when I saw his fingers were tinted red.
Tristan pulled me in to his lap and rested his chin on my shoulder. His fingers laced through mine. “Close your eyes, and concentrate as hard as you can.” He instructed.
“On what?”
“The city, the activity below. You’ll start to feel the vibration.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, concentrating on the feel of Tristan’s hands in mine. He felt warm. I cleared my mind, which was much easier than I thought it would be. Things I would have normally worried about seemed so unimportant. I felt a slight buzz, and a tuned into it as much as I could. Excitement. Anticipation. Admiration. It filled me as if someone poured liquid into my body.
It felt good, almost weightless. Like I was invincible. I felt my body strengthen, and opened my eyes to watch my muscles firm under my skin. I let go of Tristan’s hand, and wriggled my fingers in front of my face.
Everything almost seemed normal.
I turned around, still his lap and kissed him on the lips, pulling away quickly but leaving my arms around his neck. All signs of my earlier ambush had disappeared. I couldn’t help but laugh again, and finally Tristan cracked a smile.
“This is amazing.” I rested my forehead against his.
“Oh man.” He said, still smiling. “It’s going to be good to have a partner in crime.”
Chapter Forty Nine
No matter how you leave the mortal world, there are loose ends that need to be tied up. It’s not like you can just send out little announcement cards like you could for a birth or a marriage that say, “I’m a vampire!” Although, someone should start selling those. There’s probably some money to be made there.
Now I understood why Tristan didn’t contact me when he turned. I hardly cared about anything that happened before the other night. It didn’t happen to me anymore. That was someone else. Everything about me now felt different than me then.
Because the Night (The Night Songs Collection) Page 25