“I understand.” Liv nodded. “But right now I think Ari needs to talk her way through this before she can make a decision.”
“I will go and speak to Doctor Lathe in the meantime so he can be ready, yes I will, yes I will,” Yipper declared.
“No!” Ari sat up in bed and grabbed for his hairy little arm. “No,” she said again urgently. “I want your word that you won’t tell him anything.”
Yipper looked confused.
“But if he can help you…”
“No!” Ari exclaimed again. “He never wants to see me again and I refuse to be dependent on his charity.”
The little surgeon shook his head in a baffled way.
“Do you know, sometimes I think I understand human emotions and then I find that I was wrong and I do not understand them at all. No I don’t, no I don’t,” he said mournfully. “Sometimes I think it was easier to work with the Dark Kindred. They were…simpler.”
“Just let Ari and I talk for a while and then we’ll make a decision,” Liv said gently. “I know you just want to help, Yipper, but it has to be Ari’s choice what treatment she gets.”
“Very well, very well.” The little surgeon left, still looking upset and Liv turned to Ari.
“All right, hon, as my best friend Kat would say—spill. Go ahead and get it all off your chest so we can work through this thing together.”
Ari started slowly…talking about how Jak had been taken by slavers, then sold to Yonnie Six, then sent to BleakHall. Then she explained the solid-holo device and the transport bubble she had hidden in her prison ID tag.
“Wow—it’s ugly but useful,” Liv remarked, staring at the tag in surprise as Ari activated the bubble for a moment. She couldn’t show Liv the solid-holo because her power source was depleted but Liv made her promise to let her see as soon as she got it powered up again.
“And Yipper can remove that for you as well,” she added. “It looks surgically implanted but I’m sure now that you’re out of BleakHall you don’t want to keep it as a souvenir, right?”
“I would like to have it taken out,” Ari said and sighed. “He might as well do it when he’s replacing the entire side of my neck and head.”
“You know, before you go that route we really should at least let Doctor Lathe try healing you,” Liv said softly. “He really does have an amazing success rate.”
“No,” Ari said stubbornly. “You heard him—he never wants to see me again.” Tears threatened and she had to sniff them back. “I just can’t believe he’d act like that. After everything we went through…”
“Tell me more,” Liv urged gently. “Tell me the whole story. I think you need to get it off your chest.”
Ari went on, telling Liv how Lathe had taken her under his wing from the first. And how quickly feelings had grown between the two of them.
“He even told me he was falling in love with me,” she confided to Liv. “And he couldn’t…couldn’t understand why because he thought I was male.” She hung her head. “I should have told him then what I was—I should have shared my secret with him. But he had been going on and on about how he hated liars and people who misrepresented themselves. Apparently there was some girl who wanted a job on the Mother Ship and she tried to use him to get it but she was already engaged?”
She looked at Liv, hopeful that she might have more information but the nurse only shrugged.
“I’m sorry, hon—I don’t know about that. Doctor Lathe hasn’t been aboard the Mother Ship that long and he’s always been an intensely private person. If some girl kicked him to the curb, he probably never said a word about it to anyone. That’s the kind of guy he is—he keeps it all inside.”
“Well, he let it all out with me,” Ari said softly. “It seemed like he did, anyway. He was so warm and protective and gentle with me…right up until he didn’t want me anymore,” she ended in a whisper.
Liv frowned. “I think this sounds like a bad case of wounded pride. He doesn’t like it that you fooled him so thoroughly and made him think he was in love with another guy when he probably sees himself as straight as a board.”
“He’s definitely not a lover of other men,” Ari said. “But for a while I made him question that and I think…” She sighed. “I think he just can’t forgive me for it. I tried and tried to apologize but he just wouldn’t accept my apology. I think he thinks I was just using him for protection but honestly, it was so much more than that.”
“So how do you really feel about him?” Liv asked. “I can see how upset this is making you—are you just bothered because you don’t want Lathe to think badly of you?”
“No, I’m upset because I love him!” Ari clapped a hand over her mouth. Oh Goddess, had she really just said that out loud?
You said it all right—and you meant it too, whispered a little voice in her head. You’re madly in love with him and you have been for a while—probably from the minute when he held you and let you cry out on the Rec Yard.
“I love him,” she said again, testing the words and hearing the ring of truth in them. “I do.”
“Just now figuring that, are you?” Liv asked dryly, a little smile playing around one corner of her mouth.
“You know…I thought about it some at BleakHall but it was so scary and violent there I felt like I barely had room to breathe. Out here in the free world I can see…” Ari cleared her throat. “I guess I can really see what I lost.”
“I wouldn’t say he’s lost for good,” Liv said. “Maybe just really thoroughly pissed off you made him question his entire sexuality. That tends to be pretty hard on the male ego, no matter how progressive a guy is.”
“No…” Ari shook her head mournfully. “No, he’s gone, Liv. He’ll never want anything to do with me again and I guess…I guess I don’t blame him. It’s my fault he left…and my fault he’s never coming back.” Her voice sounded choked and wrong in her own ears and her eyes stung as she spoke.
“Honey, don’t blame yourself that way.” Liv put an arm around her and squeezed her shoulders. “You were incredibly brave to go into that hell hole all by yourself like that. Of course you were afraid to tell your secret. Listen…” She looked Ari in the eyes. “I’ve never been to prison, thank God, but I know what it’s like to feel helpless and vulnerable in an all-male environment. I was kidnapped by the Scourge back when the All-Father was still in power and if my husband Baird hadn’t traded himself for me…”
She shook her head and Ari saw that her eyes were bright.
“Sorry.” Liv sniffed. “It was a long time ago but I still have nightmares about it occasionally—standing there naked with the All-Father and his minions all around and feeling completely alone…totally isolated.”
“That’s it—that’s exactly how I felt.” Ari nodded. “But I never meant to fool Lathe in the first place. He came up to me. He told me…” Her throat felt thick. “Told me he couldn’t ignore my cries for help. And he said my scent drew him to me.”
“Yeah, that sounds like a Kindred.” Liv nodded knowingly. “Sometimes I think they find their mates through their noses way more than their eyes.”
“His scent was pretty amazing too,” Ari admitted. “His bonding scent, I mean.”
Liv’s eyebrows went up.
“His body released his bonding scent for you?”
“Uh-huh.” Ari nodded. “Is that unusual? Or do Kindred do it for every woman they’re interested in?”
“Listen, hon—the bonding scent is the big guns. It doesn’t come out until ‘the one’ shows up—the woman the Kindred wants to mate with for life,” Liv said, frowning. “I forgot to ask you, but did you ever dream of Doctor Lathe? You know—before you met him?”
Ari nodded. “I dreamed of his eyes. They’re so vivid you know—such a gorgeous turquoise.” She sighed.
“And did he dream of you?” Liv asked, still frowning.
“He said he did,” Ari admitted.
“So you were Dream-sharing and he was making his bonding
scent for you and he still walked away?” Liv shook her head in evident amazement. “He must really be mad at you.”
“That’s exactly what I’ve been saying,” Ari pointed out. “He’s angry with me. So angry he can’t forgive me.”
“It’s a lot to consider.” Liv took a deep breath and pressed her hand gently. “Thank you for telling me all this, Ari. It sounds like you’ve been through some really awful traumatic experiences and I know it couldn’t have been easy to talk about.”
“Thank you for listening to me.” Ari took a deep breath. “It really helped to talk. I think I’ve made my decision—I’m going to let that little Yipper guy do what he said and give me a whole new neck. Does he do good work?” She looked at Liv anxiously.
“Oh yes—he’s the best,” Liv assured her. “But tell you what, why don’t we get you a nice warm bath to relax you and then a good supper and you can sleep on it tonight and make the final decision in the morning.”
“Do I have that long?” Ari asked anxiously. “I thought this poison stuff—this corruption—was spreading.”
“We’ve been able to slow it down a lot,” Liv promised her. “You can have a night to think about it—this is a really big thing to decide. You need time to make up your mind.”
“My mind is already made up.” Ari raised her chin stubbornly. “Lathe hates me now—and if he doesn’t want anything to do with me, then I don’t want anything to do with him.”
“That would be great if you weren’t still crazy in love with him,” Liv said softly. “Am I right?”
Ari hung her head. “It doesn’t matter if I love him,” she said in a small voice. “He doesn’t love me back.”
“Well…let’s just get you a bath and some supper and a good night’s sleep,” Liv said soothingly. “Things might look different in the morning.”
Ari didn’t see how they would. She was determined not to bother Lathe or even let him know she was sick in any way. As far as she was concerned, they were out of each other’s lives forever.
No matter how much it hurt to know she would never see him again.
Forty-Eight
Lathe was in a debriefing meeting about his time in BleakHall with Commander Sylvan when Nurse Olivia knocked twice and then stepped into Sylvan’s office.
For some reason the head of the High Council looked suddenly anxious and his eyes widened slightly. He sat up straighter in his chair, his body tensing.
“Olivia? Is that you?” he asked in a low, hoarse voice.
“Of course it’s me.” Olivia—who was the sister of Sylvan’s mate—frowned. “I’m sorry to interrupt but can I please speak to Doctor Lathe?”
“Well, we were about to wrap things up, I believe.” Sylvan rose and nodded graciously. “Do you need privacy for what you have to say? Would you like to use my office?”
“I think that would be a very good idea. Thank you.” Olivia spoke to Commander Sylvan but she was looking at Lathe and her eyes were flashing. He thought uneasily that she looked angry for some reason which was totally out of character for her. She had always been an excellent nurse to work with—very cool and calm under pressure and extremely professional and knowledgeable.
“Thank you for your time, Commander Lathe. I’ll let you know if we need you to testify before the Yonnite Sacred Seven but I believe the vid evidence you brought back should be more than sufficient,” Sylvan said. Then, nodding and giving Olivia one last unreadable look, he left them alone in his office.
Olivia didn’t waste any time. She marched right up to Lathe and slapped him hard across the face.
“Ow!” Lathe took a step back, his eyes widening in surprise. “What was that for?”
“You,” Olivia said succinctly, “Are being a jerk.”
“What?” Lathe was still stunned by her behavior. She had never been anything but consummately professional before. He just couldn’t believe she had struck him. “Nurse Olivia,” he began but Liv shook her head.
“Oh, no—I’m not here to talk to you Nurse-to-Doctor. I’m here to talk to you as a woman talking to a man. Do you have any idea how brave Ari had to be to do what she did? To walk willingly into that horrible place filled with murderers and rapists knowing she could be killed or raped herself at any minute if anyone found out what she was—that she was really a girl? Do you have any idea?”
“Of course I do!” Lathe protested. “BleakHall is a horrible place for everyone. I should know—I spent six months there.”
“But maybe a little less horrible for someone who knew they could defend themselves?” Olivia put a hand on her hip. “Think about it, Lathe—when was the last time you felt truly vulnerable? You’re a seven-foot-tall Kindred warrior with deadly, poisonous fangs. You can take on just about anyone who comes for you. But how would you feel if you were Ari’s size? She’s tiny—five-foot four at most. And she put herself in terrible danger to save her brother, even knowing anyone and everyone she met in BleakHall could and would want to hurt her.”
Lathe frowned uncomfortably. “Yes, I understand that.”
“Maybe you understand here.” Olivia reached up and poked him in the forehead with one stiff finger. “But I don’t think you get it here.” She poked him in the abdomen which made Lathe wince. “You don’t understand that gut feeling of fear because you don’t have to,” she continued. “Of course Ari was afraid to tell you her secret—she thought you’d be angry with her and kick her out of your cell to be raped and murdered. Or maybe that you’d hurt her yourself when you found out she was a girl.”
“I would never have done that! Never.” Lathe growled. His surprise at Olivia’s behavior was beginning to wear off, leaving anger and defensiveness in its place. “I never laid a hand on her,” he protested.
“Think about it though, Lathe,” Olivia said, glaring up at him. “Ari saw you kill multiple men while you were there. One of them she said you put through a freaking meat grinder. I can only imagine how horrible that must have been to watch.”
“I was in Rage,” Lathe muttered. Feeling put on the defensive, he added, “The male was trying to hurt Ari. Trying to rape her. Just the thought of him doing that…” He couldn’t finish—his jaw clenched and he shook his head. “He died too slowly,” he said, his voice deep and furious, even in his own ears. “After what he tried to do, he deserved his fate and more.”
“All right, I know you were killing in self-defense and in Ari’s defense,” Olivia said patiently. “But the point is, you’re a mountain of muscle and she saw you commit multiple violent killings. Of course she was frightened of you—too frightened to tell you the truth.”
“I…said things to her. Did things when I thought she was male that I never would have…never could have…”
“I understand that must have been hard on your ego,” Olivia said, frowning. “It would be hard on any straight male. But the fact is, Ari didn’t intentionally make you think you were into guys. That was the conclusion you drew yourself when you found yourself attracted to her. And then you freaked out because you thought for about two seconds you were gay.”
“I have no problem with two males being together,” Lathe protested.
“Right.” Olivia put a hand on her hip. “As long as one of them isn’t you.”
“Why are you here?” Lathe demanded, angrily. He had an uncomfortable feeling that everything she was saying was true and it didn’t exactly put him in the best light. “Did Ari send you?”
“Oh no—she doesn’t even know I’m here,” Olivia told him. “She thinks you hate her now—that you want nothing to do with her—so she’s determined not to bother you. So determined that she’s decided to undergo a massive head and neck reconstruction surgery rather than ask you for your healing bite.”
“What?” This was more shocking to Lathe than even her slap had been. “What are you talking about?” he asked urgently. Seizing Olivia by the shoulders, he peered into her face. “Did something happen to her? Is she injured? Where is she?”
&
nbsp; To her credit, Olivia didn’t keep him in suspense or try to draw out the tension to punish him.
“She’s in the med center and she’s in stable condition,” she said quietly. “She was apparently cut by a knife owned by the same guy you put through the meat grinder. Topper, was it?”
“Tapper,” Lathe said absently. “Gods, I knew I smelled fresh blood on her! Why didn’t she tell me she was hurt?”
“She didn’t know how bad it was herself, I don’t think,” Olivia said. “But Lathe…the knife was poisoned.”
“What?” The news got worse and worse! “What are you talking about? I thought you said she was in stable condition,” he demanded.
“She is,” Olivia assured him. “For now. But the corruption from the poison is going to keep on growing if it isn’t excised or healed. Those are Yipper’s words—not mine,” she added.
Lathe nodded. He trusted the little Tolleg surgeon’s opinion implicitly.
“And does he think that my bite could heal her?” he asked.
“He thinks it’s worth a try but Ari isn’t having it,” Olivia said bluntly. “As I said, she thinks you hate her.”
“Gods…” Lathe raked a hand through his hair. “Nothing could be further from the truth. But she made me believe—”
“I know,” Olivia interrupted. “She made you believe you were gay.”
“No, damnit—I wasn’t going to say that!” Lathe blew out a breath in frustration. “I was going to say, she made me believe that she loved me the way…the way I love her.” He could scarcely get the words out and he couldn’t meet Olivia’s eyes when he said them. “When I know that she doesn’t,” he added in a low voice.
“I think you’ll find you’re wrong about that if you’ll just talk to Ari.” Olivia’s voice was suddenly and unexpectedly gentle after the scolding she had given him.
“I’m sorry but…I just don’t believe that to be true.” Lathe took a deep breath. “But of course I’ll heal her if I can. Even if she doesn’t care for me, I would never knowingly let anything bad happen to her if I could stop it.”
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