by L. E. Bross
“Maybe we should…”
I don’t have a chance to finish because Riot twists the throttle and gravel spews from under the back tire as he flies out into the darkness. X pulls up beside me.
“The hell did you say to him this time?”
I throw my hands up in the air. “Nothing. Blame Baz, he wanted us to talk.” Riot’s tail light fades and I turn to X. “Is he going to be okay?”
X gives a harsh laugh. “Did you see the way he was riding tonight? No, he’s not okay. I’ll go after him, make sure he doesn’t drive his bike off a cliff or some stupid shit like that.”
Sour coats the back of my throat and I press my fingers to my lips to keep from crying out. X’s gaze softens just a bit.
“He’s not going to drive off a cliff. I’ll find him and talk him down, okay?”
I nod because my throat is too thick to talk. He takes off and I stand and watch until I can’t see his tail light anymore. The crowd thinned out really quickly and I realize that since I came with Meri, I might not have a ride back to the house.
It’s not a long walk, it’s just dark and I’m not one hundred percent sure where I’m going. But Baz is definitely gone and I haven’t seen Meri since she went to reward Trey, so walk it is.
I’m on the couch in the game room half asleep watching Walking Dead when X stumbles in, obviously drunk. I couldn’t sleep without knowing they were safe. Riot isn’t with him and I sink back in relief. I’m not ready to deal with all that anger yet. Not when the fear is still too real.
With narrowed eyes, X sees me and weaves over, kicking off his shoes as he goes. At some point he changed because he’s got on low-slung faded jeans and a t-shirt that hugs him in all the right places.
I didn’t even hear them come in.
“Ever,” he murmurs and drops down next to me. The smell of tequila is so strong I wrinkle my nose. “Found Ry. We had a few drinks and it’s all good now.”
X shifts and slides his arm behind my back. I have no idea what he’s doing, but I’m not going to stop him. When he settles in and exhales, I let out a shaky breath. The last couple of days with Baz have made me realize how much I miss them all. There’s a bone-deep sorrow that happens when no one wants you, and I’d been filling it with temporary fixes all my life.
How crazy is it that I finally found a sense of contentment in some mansion living like a fucking princess? With three irresistible broken princes just down the hall.
X yawns and then slowly slides sideways until his head is in my lap and his feet rest on the far cushion.
“Touch me.”
His whispered request is barely audible and I freeze. After a moment, his breathing evens out and I can breathe again. His dirty blond hair is a riot of messy curls and I start to run my fingers through it.
I reach down and gently push a few strands away from his forehead, then brush my thumb over his temple. He groans and shifts until his arms hold me tighter, one forearm leaning across my thighs, but his head hasn’t moved.
“More,” he murmurs, then sighs loudly as I start running my fingers through his hair again.
The soft curls wrap around my fingers as he burrows even closer. I thread them in and out, lightly scratching over his scalp. X admitted that he’s a player because he’s lonely.
I think we all are.
I didn’t realize just how touch-starved I’ve become, because this simple act is affecting me more than I want to admit. And when X runs his thumb along the skin above my shorts, I suck in a harsh breath, but don’t stop him. In fact, my fingers tighten around his silken strands.
The guttural sound coming from his throat tightens my nipples and they press against the thin material of my tank top. He holds me tighter and turns to press his lips against my skin, a low groan vibrating against me. I need to stop him. He’s drunk and will probably regret this tomorrow.
He still hates me.
A few more minutes won’t hurt, though.
“Everything's different now,” he murmurs, running his nose back and forth right above my belly button. “It was all shit. Falling apart. You came and you settled us, then fucked us over. You hurt us.”
Air lodges in my lungs at the heartbreak in his voice. Guilt makes it hard to even look at him.
He turns his head and red-rimmed eyes look up at me.
“I miss feeling loved. I had that, you know. I grew up with it. Fuck, I miss my Gran so much sometimes.”
The devastation in his eyes takes my breath away. I always assumed that my story was everyone’s story, that being unwanted created the foster system. There are so many reasons, though.
Baz’s story is tragic and heartbreaking. I have no idea what brought X here. Or Riot.
“Tell me about her,” I urge softly, keeping my fingers moving.
“She was bat shit crazy,” he says with a crooked grin. “Not certifiable, but in a fun way. We’d have breakfast for dinner or sit on the roof looking at stars until morning.”
“She sounds amazing,” I whisper.
“She raised me. When I was two my mother decided that drugs and men were more important so she left me with Gran. I had no idea I even had family, but from the second we met, we were inseparable. She showed me what love was. Unconditional and real.”
My chest is already tightening because I know where the story is going. There’s only one outcome that would have put him in the system, that would have brought him here.
I’m not sure he’d be telling me this if he hadn’t been drinking, so I cherish every word he shares. I don’t want him to regret a single one.
“I was almost seven when she just...dropped dead one morning.” His eyes grow glassy and I press my lips to his forehead. “They said it was an aneurysm. They’re unexpected. A blood clot hits the brain and you just...die.”
“I’m so sorry.” I can’t hold him any tighter, but I try.
“They tried to find my mother, but she was long gone, so I ended up in foster care. It’s where I met Ry and Baz. We were in the same group home. Wendi and Peter showed up a few weeks later. I was lucky. I didn’t have to live there long. Baz had been there about six months I think. But Ry, he’d been in foster care his entire life. He has no idea what it feels like to be wanted, to be loved.”
Just like Belle, except Riot didn’t have someone looking out for him. He didn’t have someone to show him that love is real. X shifts and when I look down, his eyes seem clearer. Like he’s not as drunk as he pretends to be.
“Ry needs to fix everything. It’s just what he does. It’s why he fell so hard for you. He looked into your eyes and saw how broken you were and was a goner. In his eyes, you were his to fix. He’s fierce, fucking loyal to a fault, but he holds a grudge when he thinks he’s been wronged. Hell, he still hates Hook and we all used to be tight as brothers.”
I sit up a little straighter. “What happened?”
“No fucking idea. One day Ry went off on him and that was the last time they talked.”
“So you hate Luc because Riot does?”
“No, we stick with Riot because he’s our brother. Whatever reason he has, Baz and I trust him on it.”
“Then why did Baz go against him and talk to me again? Why are you here right now? If Riot had his way, I’d be sitting on the curb outside the gates.”
X sighs and shifts again. “If we thought Ry was serious, yeah, we’d probably stand by him in this, too, but he’s not. He’s hurting but he doesn’t hate you. I know that for a fact. None of us do.”
He lifts his hand and cups my cheek, running his thumb up and down the scar that isn’t hidden behind makeup right now.
“Just because he isn’t talking to you right now doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Ry is black and white, there aren’t any grey areas with him. But if you weren’t important, he wouldn’t waste a second on you. You’re under his skin and tonight proves it beyond a doubt.”
“He wouldn't even talk to me tonight even after Baz threatened him. He won’t even look a
t me.” Riot has made ignoring me an Olympic event and he’s contending for the gold.
“Oh trust me, sweetheart, he looks. He’s just so fucking stubborn that he won’t admit you matter a whole hell of a lot to him. He’s hurt. I mean, you’ve gone for Luc twice now. I think Ry could handle it if it was anyone but Hook. There’s history there.”
I stare down at X then narrow my eyes. He’s been talking an awful lot for someone who was staggering drunk minutes ago.
“Are you really drunk or is it an act to lay in my lap?”
The corner of his lip tilts up.
“I’m here, aren't I? And maybe a little bit of both. Had a few too many shots but wanted to see you. I’m a chatty drunk, what can I say. And this is nice.”
He settles back down and drags my hand back to his head, dragging it back and forth until I pick back up where I left off. His soft exhale makes me smile.
“X.”
He makes a hmm noise but doesn't open his eyes.
“I don’t want you to be lonely anymore.”
“Kay,” he mumbles.
I tug at his hair until he opens his eyes. I need him to know what I’m telling him.
“What I mean is, if you remember this in the morning, if you are lonely, I’m here.”
“I hear what you’re sayin’, sweetheart. And if you want Ry, then fight for him. It’s not going to be easy and he’s going to dig his heels in and will be the hardest one to break down, but I promise we want you here. You just need to be sure it’s where you want to be.”
He settles back down and once again, wraps his arms around me and turns his face to rest against my stomach. His raw honestly kills me. I do want them, I just don’t know if I can play both roles and still end up with them. I’m not sure they can blindly trust like I need them to. I know I probably wouldn’t be able to.
I play with his hair until I hear his soft snores start.
The remote is too far away to reach, so the room fills with the muted sounds of zombies and X. It is strangely soothing to the soul. The episode ends and a new one starts. It’s got to be after one now but I’m not tired.
A noise at the door makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up, the dark and zombies don’t make a good combination, but when I glance over, Riot is there, a dark menacing shadow, glaring at me.
A zombie would be less intimidating.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he grits out, moving into the dimly lit room toward where X is passed out practically on top of me.
I throw up my free hand like it will stop him from coming closer.
“Don’t you dare touch him. He came to me and you’re not dragging him away because you’re mad about it.”
He doesn’t stop until his shins press against the couch. He towers over us, so close I can smell the faint mix of tequila and cologne. Hot jealousy flares in his eyes as he looks down where I’m still threading my fingers through X’s hair.
X shifts and moans in his sleep, turning to nuzzle his face against my stomach again. My pulse leaps when I feel his lips grazing softly over the bared skin again. He’s still passed out and doesn’t know what he’s doing, but it feels so good I don’t stop him.
My nipples strain against the thin material of my tank top. I wasn’t expecting so much company tonight. Riot’s gaze drops to them and he scowls.
“Are you going to fuck him?”
His voice is guttural, filled with accusation and lust. I can practically feel the vibrations from the war going on inside him. His jaw ticks as he grinds his teeth, fighting against what his body wants.
It makes my pulse race.
X said that Ry would come around. That he just needed time.
He’s too stubborn to give in like this, but god, I want him to. So badly that I ache with it. No, I’m not going to fuck X when he’s questionably drunk, that’s not how I want to get him back, but the chance to nudge Ry is too good to resist. He’s been making everything hell the past few days. Letting Aine hang all over him, letting her touch him when he knows exactly what he’s doing to me.
He doesn’t like it much when the tables are turned.
I stroke my fingers over X’s cheek, then trail them around to the back of his neck. His gaze follows every single stroke and his throat bobs when he swallows.
“It’s none of your business what we do.”
Ry sucks in a ragged breath then lifts his fire-filled gaze to me.
“He’s drunk. Any fucking pussy will do when he gets like this. You’ll just be another in a long line.”
“Maybe I don’t care,” I goad, watching the desire burn brighter in his eyes. A deep rumbling growl echoes in his chest.
“I told you once, Peep, you want to play games you do it with me. Leave them out of it. You fucked them up enough already. I don’t know what you promised Baz to make him forgive and forget, but if you think I’ll just let you hurt them again, you’re wrong.”
This childish game crumbles at my feet and I wilt. Hurting them is the last thing I want to do. What X told me before he passed out? It changes everything. There’s no way I’m going to stop fighting for these lost boys now.
I inhale a trembling breath and my gaze softens. I’m tired of fighting with them. There is so much hurt inside Riot, so much pain, that I can’t bear to add more. I pat the cushion next to me, on the opposite side of X, and motion for him to sit.
When he doesn’t move, I sigh and look up into his stormy eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt them, despite what you think. Any of you. Everything’s a mess and complicated and if you’ll just trust me, I swear it will all make sense. I do care about you, probably more than I should since we barely know each other, but it feels right. And one thing I’ve learned in all these years is to trust my gut. We’re the same like that I think,” I say softly. “Give me a chance to prove I’m not what you think, Ry.”
He swallows hard as an honest moment of vulnerability crosses over his face. In it, I see the boy desperate for love and the man certain it doesn’t exist. This is why I’m fighting, not only my demons, but his as well.
They’re all worth it, I just need to prove to them that I am, too.
His expression closes off and he stares down at X and me. “I already know what you are. And he won’t remember any of this in the morning.” His eyes shine with animosity. “Whatever he told you is just the alcohol talking.”
I shrug. That may be true, but X can’t undo it now and I won’t ever not know his story.
“Goodnight, Ry.”
I pull the throw off the back of the couch and drape it over X.
He stands there for a few more seconds, just looking at us, before he clenches his jaw and walks out. I exhale the breath I’d been holding and sink back against the cushion.
Peter will be home in two days.
Forty-eight hours until I can come clean and then go get my sister.
Chapter Five
I wake up with a crick in my neck and a snoring boy lying half across me. For several minutes I lie there, content to just look at X. There’s no telling what he’ll do when he wakes up so I mentally brace for the cold shoulder I’ve been getting.
My arm’s asleep so I try to slide it out from under him and that’s all it takes to wake him. I’d have pegged him as a heavy sleeper but I guess not. His eyelids flicker then open and he stares up at me in confusion.
“The fuck,” he croaks, pushing himself up onto one elbow. He looks around the game room, then back at me and blinks a few times as if to clear his head. I brace for the inevitable. Instead, he grins and rubs his hand over his face.
“Thought it was all a dream. Gotta say, sweetheart, don’t mind waking up with my face this close to your cat.”
I smack the top of his head and he cringes and laughs, pushing to sitting with a wince. The loss of his body heat makes me shiver and I pull the blanket around me.
He blinks several more times, then his golden-flecked eyes settle on me. They’re softer now and I could g
et used to it.
“Morning, sunshine.”
I watch him, hopeful but wary, not sure how much of last night he remembers.
“Fuck, feels like I slept with a dirty sock in my mouth.” He smacks his lips together and makes a horrible face.
“Tequila will do that.”
He cringes again. “Yeah, and we’ve got a test in Science. Fuck that, nope, I’m going to bed.”
He pushes to his feet and sways for a few seconds, then heads for the door. A sinking feeling settles into my gut. He doesn’t remember last night. At the threshold, he pauses and looks over his shoulder.
“I heard what you were saying last night. I’m not sure I’m where Baz is yet, and I sure as hell don’t trust you yet, but sweetheart, you really need to make up your mind what you really want. Ry’s my brother and I’d do just about anything for him, but this time, I think he’s wrong.” His eyebrows dip down. “But you really need to get your shit together and decide what you really want before you drive all of us to madness.”
With one last look, he leaves and I sink back against the cushion, gritting my teeth to keep from screaming in frustration. I want to tell him I’m close to being able to tell the truth, I just can’t.
I’m tempted to skip school, too, but in the end, I decide to go.
I’ve got a date tonight and the last thing I need is to feel even more guilty. I’ve got that covered in spades. They aren’t the only ones I’m hurting, what I’m doing to Luc isn’t right either.
Just as soon as Peter has the watch, just as soon as I know where Belle is, I’m going to bring Trey Reynolds to his fucking knees. Images of revenge get me through the day and after a quick run home to change, I’m back at school sitting in the bleachers with Meri next to the baseball field.
I was right, it’s boring as hell. Even with all the tight pants.
Trey is behind the batter and Luc is the one throwing the ball. It’s a very, very long game of catch where someone stands between them trying to hit the ball.
Finally, Luc’s up to bat and it’s the bottom of something, honestly I tuned Meri out when she tried to explain how the game worked, and he hits the ball so hard that it soars over the guy’s head who’s standing way out there all by himself.