by S. L. Viehl
Ask for him. The man who had destroyed the last of my illusions just so he could have me for himself. Yeah, I was going to do that.
I kept my expression blank. “That’s very nice of you, ClanBrother, but I’m not in any distress that I know of.”
“You are not.” He frowned. “But surely you have been subjected to some recent unpleasant revelations.”
“Nope.” Now that I knew he had been the one to slip me the disc, I wanted to punch him in the face. Pretending nothing had happened between me and Reever would hurt him more, though. “Duncan came up yesterday with Marel to see me before I left, which was wonderful. I am glad he’s decided to stay behind with her. She’s had enough upheaval in her life, don’t you think?”
His eyes narrowed. “As you say.”
“I’d better get to Medical and check on my staff.” I picked up my case. “See you later.”
Shon met me at the boarding ramp and glanced back at where Xonea stood watching me. “The captain does not appear pleased.”
“The captain can go jump out an air lock,” I said pleasantly as I walked up into the ship.
I made an appearance in Medical to greet the ship’s staff, introduce the extra hands, and issue orders for shifts and work assignments. I designated Shon and ChoVa as alternate shift supervisors but left the running of the bay in the hands of the residents and nurses. Everyone seemed much more comfortable around ChoVa than PyrsVar, but the rogue decided to make himself useful by joining the crew in the cargo hold and helping them transport our equipment and supplies up to the bay.
When the ship’s navigator gave the five- minute warning before transition, I had Shon accompany me into one of the treatment rooms.
“The last time we did this, I was someone else,” I joked as I lay on the berth and let him strap me down.
“I will stay with you.” He brushed back my hair before he attached the monitor leads to my temples. “I would also like to scan you during transitional phasing, if that is acceptable to you.”
“Sure.” I stifled a yawn. The panic attack I had been expecting hadn’t arrived, and all I felt was a sinking feeling that had been boring into my belly since I’d listened to Reever tell Jarn he’d never loved me. “While we’re waiting for reality to take a vacation, why don’t you tell me something about Jarn?”
He adjusted the linens covering my legs. “What would you care to know?”
What did she have that I don’t? seemed like a pathetic thing to ask. “What was it about her that you loved?”
He sat down on the stool beside my berth and thought about it. “She was direct, like you, but she could be kind, as well. The first time I saw her was when she was making rounds with the Omorr. She looked across the ward at me, and in that moment I knew her. As one hunter recognizes another.”
He described his first meeting with Jarn, and how she had paid him what sounded like the ultimate compliment by deferring to him as a female to male.
“She put an end to that as soon as we were alone,” he admitted. “But even as she exercised her authority, she remained courteous.”
So she’d had great manners. Mine were okay, as long as my temper wasn’t involved. “What else?”
“She had a tenacious respect for life,” he said. “In every instance when she had to choose between her personal safety and someone hurt or in danger, she never gave herself a single thought.”
I’d been reckless that way a few times myself. “Immortality is very reassuring.”
“She jumped into an open pit of protocrystal to save my life,” the oKiaf advised me. “Your body may be as inviolate as mine, Healer, but it is the one thing that can kill us.”
“Is that why you jumped in the pit?” I asked softly.
He nodded. “I was very depressed and lonely. Jarn had soundly rejected my overtures, just as Jadaira had on K-2. I did not want to face eternity alone.”
I closed my eyes. “No one does.”
Distantly I heard the final warning before transition, and felt the soft warmth of Shon’s paw cover my cold right hand. Even with my eyes closed, my head began to spin, and then I was pulled down into that whirlpool of blackness until it consumed me.
I floated above the deck of a Jorenian ship, where a group of people stood around Reever and a cloaked woman holding Marel in her arms. I spiraled down, pulled toward and then into the woman, until I saw the others through her eyes.
“Teulon,” I said in a harsh voice. When he came to me, I handed Marel to him. “We are taking her with us. The Iisleg are my people; I don’t know any of you. I am Jarn, not Cherijo, and you cannot stop me.”
Squilyp took a hop toward me, but Xonea put a hand on his shoulder and held him back.
Then my husband got in my face. “I challenge your right to take her from me. I am her father. We are the only family she knows.”
“You have each other. I have nothing.” I slipped a dagger out from the sheath on my belt. “No, Reever. You will not take her from me.”
“Squilyp.” Reever waited until the Omorr came to us. “Is what she says true?”
“I will have to run some tests, but she has suffered at least two point-blank pulse fire shots to the head,” the Omorr told him. “If there was enough brain damage, the cells would have regenerated, but the memories belonging to Cherijo would not. Cherijo, in essence, would no longer exist.”
“We will leave now,” I told the men.
“You would kill anyone who tried to take your daughter, would you not? Is this the way of the Iisleg women now?” my husband demanded. When I nodded, he said, “So would I. Anyone but you.”
“But he took the kid away from you anyway,” a deep female voice drawled.
The faces around me paled like ghosts of themselves, and then faded away, leaving me standing on an empty deck.
I turned around slowly, looking for her. The subliminal implants in my brain that allowed my dead surrogate mother to communicate with me seemed to work only whenever I was seriously disoriented, unconscious, or having a near-death experience. “You might as well show yourself. Transition won’t last forever.”
“You’d be surprised at how long I could keep you here.” Maggie stepped out of the shadows.
She was dressed in an inappropriately fitted Jorenian flight suit, her red hair coiled up into a sleek knot atop her skull. She brought a cigarette to her lips, inhaled, and blew out a stream of smoke before she dropped it on the deck and crushed it out under her bootheel. “Nice of you to come back, though.”
“I never chose to leave.”
“That’s not true.” She waggled a finger at me. “You see, when your kidnapper crashed you on that frigging ice cube of a planet, you’d already decided to end it in the big way. You’d watched the Jado ship blow up; you knew Reever and Marel were dead. You didn’t give a damn about the promises you made to me. No, Joey, it was all over long before your pals the skela showed up to skin you.”
I wondered why I didn’t feel any lingering emotion for her. On Terra she had been my best friend, the one person who had kept me from becoming a miniature of my creator. But the cutting tone of her voice, the silly, provocative way she dressed, and the stink of her illegal tobacco had become as tiresome as her demands. Whatever good she had done for me in the past, she’d also done a great deal of harm. I didn’t owe her anything.
“Reever and Marel weren’t dead, and I didn’t die, and here we are.” I folded my arms. “What do you want, Maggie? An apology? Sorry I haven’t been around. Alien-possessed body and all that. Kiss kiss, bye-bye.” I shut my eyes and concentrated on regaining consciousness.
“I’ve not really missed that mouth of yours,” Maggie said as she circled around me. “But apology, such as it is, accepted. Now, we have some black crystal to talk about.”
I opened my eyes. “I’m on my way to investigate a ship full of infant crystal. You’ll have to get in line with your doomsday mineral and wait.”
“Baby, I’d like nothing better, but you
r stupid little war with the Hsktskt accelerated the things,” she snapped. “What we assumed wouldn’t be happening for quite some time is now coming at us like a runaway glidetrain. It’s time to do the job you were created for, Cherijo. Time to pay for all the gifts you were given.”
“I never asked for any of this,” I reminded her.
She made a contemptuous sound. “But you never gave it back, either.”
“Why don’t you spare us both the usual song and dance,” I suggested, “and just tell me whatever it is that you want me to do.”
Her snide smirk disappeared. “Don’t go anywhere near that ship or that rift. Turn the Sunlace around, go back to Joren, and get your family. We’re moving you to a safer neighborhood.”
“So now I’m in danger?” I laughed. “If that’s the best you can come up with, Maggie, I think you’re out of luck this time.”
“Mistakes have been made. Timelines miscalculated.” She spread her hands. “We can correct the problems, but we need to get you out of here, and for that, you need Reever and the kid.”
There was only one reasonable response to Maggie’s demands. “Go to hell.”
“Honey, that’s right where you’re headed.” She patted my cheek so hard it was more like three slaps. “I haven’t endured all this grief to let you blow it now. So be a good kid and do what I say, or I’m going to have to get nasty.”
“Why would that be any different?” I countered. “Come on, Maggie. I’m not going to turn the ship around, I’m not going to get my family, and I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“You spent the last five years drifting mindlessly through my backyard.” She caught my chin and looked into my eyes. “And you don’t remember. Shit. I keep forgetting how primitive your brain is.”
“Let go of me,” I said nicely.
“You ascended, Cherijo, but you couldn’t assimilate. We were kind of shocked, actually, but without corporeal existence, you were your basic mindless bowl of vegetable soup.” She released my chin. “I’m sorry, kiddo, but after we tried nudging you a few times, we had no choice. We had to send you back.”
“So you killed Jarn, and shoved me back into my body?” I grabbed the front panels of her suit. “Is that what you’re saying?”
“No. We can’t do anything like that.” She pushed me away with a flick of her fingers. “Jarn understood that a sacrifice had to be made. How she knew, I can’t tell you, but she vacated the premises voluntarily. As much as you hate her, she’s the one who brought you back. She traded her life for yours so that you could save Reever and the kid.”
“I don’t believe you.”
She shrugged. “Free will, Joey. It’s the bitch that keeps on wrecking.”
Something welled up inside me, and a lower, harsher voice came out of my mouth. “No being undergoing a dimensional transformation preserves its sense of spatial relation.”
“Jarn?” All the color drained out of Maggie’s face as she stared at me. “You can’t be—not after—”
I backhanded her, taking vicious pleasure in it, and knocked her to the deck. Then I stepped over her, straddling her as I bent down and grabbed her by the throat.
“I think you miscalculated more than the timeline, Jxin.” I could have snapped her neck in that instant, but I knew it wouldn’t kill her. Nothing would. She was as invulnerable as the black crystal. I released her, and stepped away as she coughed and gasped in air. “Now release me from this dream, or I will show you what more I can do.”
Maggie staggered to her feet. “Fine. Be it on your head. If you board that ship, your timeline will end in a matter of weeks.”
I didn’t look at her. “Now, Maggie.”
The deck around me began shrinking, and I floated up and back until I hovered horizontally above it. A berth appeared under me, and monitors sprang up all around me. Then Shon was there, scanning my head and baring his teeth in a grim snarl.
“Are you going to assess me,” I said weakly, “or bite me?”
“Cherijo.” He fumbled with the scanner, almost dropping it before he tossed it aside. “You’ve had hardly any brain activity at all. We were about to move you into intensive care.”
That sounded ominous. “How long was I out?”
“Three days.”
“I need to find another way to travel.” I sat up, groaning as my stiff muscles protested. “Are we there yet?”
“We will arrive at the rendezvous point in a few hours.” He helped me out of the berth. “I should run some tests.”
“It’s always like this,” I assured him. “Just point me toward a cleansing unit, and let everyone know I’m back. Again.”
He saw how wobbly I was, and put an arm around my waist. “Where did you go?”
I thought of Maggie, and how frightened she had looked. For the first time since she had begun hijacking my mind, I didn’t feel afraid of her. “No place important.”
I didn’t dwell on the nasty end of my mental visit with my surrogate mother; everything that happened in those dreams usually defied explanation anyway. Instead, I took a long, hot cleansing, had a quick meal at the nurses’ station, and began organizing what we’d need to examine the crew of the rift ship.
Shon didn’t hover exactly, but he kept a close eye on me until the Sunlace reached the rendezvous point.
ChoVa was less diplomatic and insisted on scanning me herself before letting me out of the bay.
“You were unconscious for seventy-one hours,” she said when I tried to complain. “You would not permit a patient that had been in such a state out of their berth.”
“I’m a doctor, not a patient.”
“Neither are mutually exclusive states, as you certainly know. Open your jaw.” When I did, she used a penlight to inspect the interior of my mouth. “The monitors occasionally displayed some fluctuation in your brain activity during the three days you were unconscious.”
“They were probably echoes from me shifting in and out of REM sleep.” I endured another light-response check of my pupils. “Shon should have mentioned that when he told you about them.”
“I observed the fluctuations personally.” She seemed satisfied that my optic nerves were still functioning, and straightened. “I relieved Healer Valtas each night so he could rest, and remained at your side to observe.”
“I know you’re not entirely nocturnal, and one of the nurses could have monitored me just as well,” I pointed out.
“I was concerned that you were experiencing another identity crisis.” She sniffed as I laughed. “What else would you call it?”
“Nothing, that’s perfect.” With an effort I controlled my mirth and sighed. “I’m glad you came along on this jaunt. You’re a good friend, ChoVa.”
That seemed to mollify her. “The Hanar would not be pleased if we were to lose you again.”
“I don’t know about that.” I plucked at the hem of my tunic. “Jarn cured your plague, not me.”
“She was an excellent physician, and fortunate in her discoveries.” The Hsktskt checked her scanner and made a notation. “But she did not understand the patterns of your hide. She was not born to it. She wore it because she had no choice.”
“We call that being uncomfortable in your skin.” And why hadn’t Jarn liked mine? “You liked her, though, didn’t you?”
“Well enough for a warm-blood.” Briskly she completed the exam, and issued a stern warning for me to report to her the moment I felt any weaknesses or disorientation.
It was a little annoying, having the baby I’d once delivered treat me like a child, but since it was done mostly out of affection, I let it go.
Shon and I decided it was best to minimize the risk of exposure by limiting the size of the first response team. ChoVa stayed behind in Medical while he and I went with a senior engineer and two security guards to the shuttle bay.
Xonea stood waiting by the launch that had been prepped to transport us over to the rift ship. “Cherijo,” he greeted me with a smile and a wa
rm gesture.
“Captain.” I nodded and kept going.
“I neglected to mention something,” Shon said in a low voice as we carried our cases into the launch.
I stowed my case under a passenger seat. “What?”
“I didn’t inform the captain of your reaction to transition.” He hefted one of the packs onto an upper rack. “When he signaled for you, I told him that you were working on extraction simulations for the ambassador, or preparing reports for the council. And once I said you were cleansing. When he asked why you would not return his signals, I indicated that your memory impairment had made you somewhat absentminded.”
“For an oKiaf, you’re a pretty decent liar.” I glanced at him. “Why go to all that trouble to keep Xonea away from me? I was unconscious.”
“ClanLeader Torin signaled me before we left the planet. He felt it prudent to keep you and the captain separated as much as possible.”
So now the Torin had Shon running interference. “Thanks, but I can handle Xonea on my own.”
That’s exactly what I did, too, when the captain indicated that he intended to accompany us to the rift ship.
“I appreciate the offer, ClanBrother, but we don’t know what we’re dealing with yet, and the risk of infection is too high. Besides, I have plenty of protection.” I nodded to one of the security guards boarding the launch. “I’ll signal and let you know what we find.”
He glowered at me. “You will maintain an open channel at all times, or I will come and retrieve you myself.”
I made my smile insultingly sweet. “I know Duncan would appreciate your concern for my safety and well-being.”
Once our launch had left the Sunlace, I briefed the engineer and the guards and discussed how best to access the crew compartment.
“We don’t know if the protocrystal is completely contained,” I warned them, “so until we do, we stay in envirosuits and proceed with extreme caution. Alert me or Healer Valtas if you see anything that doesn’t look right.”
The engineer peered out through one of the viewports. “There is the rift.”
I turned to have a look at the anomaly, which appeared much larger than it had in the drone feed Teulon had transmitted. About half the size of the Sunlace, it stretched out in an elongated oval, narrow at each end but very wide in the center, almost diamond-shaped. There were no discernible edges or perimeters I could see, only clusters of tiny, twinkling lights that became denser in the center of the rift. They didn’t emit light the way stars did, however; they were more compact and seemed to have an even number of discernible axis points. They also flickered in and out of view at random intervals and speeds.