by Anna Premoli
Seung Hee stares at me with an expression of genuine unhappiness. And I am the reason why she’s unhappy. To be honest, I did try as hard as I could not to get roped into participating in this suicide mission, but Mark threatened me. I am not joking, he actually literally threatened me if I decided not to go. Apparently, here in Korea anything related to your company is compulsory. It’s some sort of footnote in your employment contract: you don’t have to sign it, but you do have to respect it, because over here the company comes before anything else. Before your private life, before your right to rest and sleep, before your right to not being interested in killing yourself on some bloody stupid raft. I was an idiot to think the only people willing to die for the cause were the Japanese; they’re amateurs compared to the Koreans.
I shouldn’t have ignored all those tables showing how the Koreans were the nation who work the highest average number of hours per day. Jane sent me one a few days ago, though I am still not sure what she was hoping to achieve by doing it. Did she want to encourage me to work even harder? She can’t really have thought it would be that easy…
So, yes, these company outings are compulsory – you have to go at all costs, and you also have to wear a smile on your face at all times.
What has probably annoyed me most about this situation is that, after forcing me to participate, Mark found a way to get out of it. Officially he’s on a business trip, but I don’t think that’s a valid excuse. The important thing is that today the bastard won’t be here… even though it’s Saturday. Since when do people go on business trips at the weekend? I should be happy, and I am, because at least nobody will be constantly scolding me as though I was a baby, but on the other hand, there’s something making me feel dissatisfied. And that annoys me even more.
“Are you disappointed because Mark won’t be here?” the sweet girl asks. She’s naïve, but not completely stupid, apparently.
I look at her in astonishment and shake my head with conviction.
“Are you out of your mind? It’s bliss he’s not here…” I mumble.
When did I become so transparent that even someone like Seung Hee, who is not really that perceptive, can notice such unpleasant truths about me?
She stares at me for a moment, but in the end decides to not pursue the topic any further. Very wise choice, good girl.
After a never ending journey, the vile bus finally stops and opens its doors.
“Welcome to hell,” I tell myself in a low voice. Seung Hee pretends not to have heard me.
So here we are. I take a quick look at the surroundings: in front of us there are green fields, a little wood that looks like something that’s materialized from out of a fairy tale, and an annoying roaring sound. What is that noise? Oh, my God, it’s the sound of a river… We can’t see it yet, but we can certainly hear it!
I don’t have time to get myself together, however, because we get divided up into teams. A dozen people for each rubber dinghy. A dozen??? They have us put on a ridiculous neoprene wet suit and a lined jacket and then give us a little helmet and a life vest. Slimy Andrew immediately attaches himself to me as soon as he sees me in my wet suit. I hope he’s not planning to try and fondle me on the boat. What an absurd idea! I guess the mountain air is not good for my brain. Anyway, with all this rubber he’d never get anywhere near me. Someone explains to us how to put the life vests on, in Korean, of course. Panic. I try to tell myself I don’t really need to understand the explanation, after all it’s only a damn life vest, the instructions must be the same as those I hear every time I fly. It’s just a formality.
Why did I have to think of the word ‘take-off’? Now I can’t help seeing images of me flying out of the rubber dinghy and landing on a rock. I shake my head in an attempt to get rid of that awful thought. We’re in Korea, everything is super safe here, so even rafting will be! I’m so lost in my hysteria, though, that I don’t realize all of the bank’s employees are jumping into the river one by one. Someone pushes me and in I go too… I fly through the air and almost have heart failure when I make contact with the freezing water. I’m so shocked that I can’t even cry out.
Seung Hee appears again by my side – she must have realized the discomfort I was in.
“Is everything ok, Maddison?” she asks, thoughtfully. She doesn’t seem to have any problem with the temperature. She’s completely soaked through, just like me, but she looks almost happy about being so refreshed, which is grotesque, considering that the temperature outside is more or less fifteen degrees. And I was fine until I was chucked into this frozen bath. I just nod, because I still can’t speak.
“Well, yes, it is a little chilly…” she says to comfort me.
Chilly? Where the hell does she come from? Directly from the North Pole? I force myself to smile. Damn you, Mark Kim, I swear that when I catch you the first thing I’m going to do is kill you. How can he have condemned me to such an experience and then vanish? If he really cared about it, he should have been here giving a good example and freezing to death with the rest of us!
“They made us jump into the water so we could get acclimatized – this way, if someone should fall off the rubber boat the temperature won’t seem so shocking,” she explains.
Right… So if I don’t die from fear I will be taken out by pneumonia. I’m not sure which to choose…
“Believe me, I usually prefer to do other things on Saturday mornings, I don’t care much for acclimatizing myself…”
I’m scared, and I’m really hungry and I don’t know how to hide it any more.
Andrew must have smelled danger, because he’s nowhere to be found, while Seung Hee’s eyes open wide at the sour tone of my voice. Not so much for what I said, but for the way I said it. I’m acting like Cinderella’s wicked stepsister. Mark, if I catch you…
I’m still dreaming of all the tortures I would like to submit him to, when Mr I-know-everything suddenly pops up out of the clearing, smiling and wearing casual clothes. Why the hell is he smiling? Then he looks at me, at my absurd wet suit and at my glare of absolute hatred, and if possible he smiles even more. During our day as tourists we somehow almost found a way to get along, but this trick of his changes everything. I’m the type of person who bears a grudge.
“Mark, I’m really glad you managed to make it!” exclaims Andrew. He goes over to him and pats him on the shoulder.
“Well, yes, I would have been sorry to miss the company outing. I landed this morning and drove straight up here,” he explains.
For a moment I’m almost impressed: he could have pretended he couldn’t make it and stayed at home, but here he is. I suppress my joy.
But then he smiles and I understand. He’s here because he doesn’t want to miss the show – because he’s sure I will do something utterly stupid… What a bastard! He reaches the river bank while I’m still immersed in the water up to my waist and probably blue in the face by now, and stretches out his hand to help me. Does he really think he’s going to get away with it so easily?
I pretend not to have seen him and, surprising myself, manage to jump out of the water. Seung Hee, on the contrary, accepts Mark’s help. While I’m getting back on my feet, I find my eyes meeting my boss’s gaze. I have no intention of looking away first, I really want to win this challenge.
“Are you always in a bad mood on Saturday mornings, Maddison?” he teases me.
“Are you always unpleasant, just like on every other day, Mark?” I reply in a low voice. This thing is between the two of us anyway, there’s no need for everybody else to know that we’re arguing on this trip.
“I really didn’t want to disappoint you on this,” he answers cheerfully, as though he’s talking about the weather forecast. I reply by glaring at him in an anything but cheerful way.
“Aren’t you getting changed?” I ask angrily, trying to change the subject. I notice he’s still wearing jeans and a pullover.
“Oh, I’m not taking part,” he has the bare-faced cheek to answer, as though it
were the most natural thing in the world.
Whaaat??? Did he just say he’s not taking part? I’m outraged. So the coward won’t be diving into this bloody ice water? “And how is it that your grace won’t be joining us?” I ask in a very civil way, surprising even myself.
“Since I didn’t think I could make it, I didn’t sign up.”
Does he think I believe that? This way he doesn’t have to participate and he gets to enjoy the show. Before I can think of an answer that makes sense, I feel Seung Hee grabbing my arm. “Come, Maddison, they’re calling us.” And she quickly drags me back to the river bank. Before turning for the last time I notice Mark’s mouth, which is about to crack a smile. He can laugh all he wants, but he’s going to pay for this.
I’m inside the rubber dinghy, wearing my helmet and holding an oar. Someone is talking in Korean again.
“Do you want me to translate what he’s saying?” Seung Hee asks me.
“Never mind, I don’t think it can be that hard to use a stupid oar,” I answer.
“Are you sure? Don’t you even want to know the basics?” she insists.
Oh, come on! It’s just an oar! I sigh patiently as though I am dealing with a baby. “Don’t worry, I know how to row.” Daddy taught me how when we went to Aunt Mildred’s. In a small and completely still lake, while this river looks as though it’s heading for a waterfall the size of Niagara, but the basic technique must be the same, right? Before I can finish convincing myself, some of the crew loosen the ropes. Oh, my God, we’re moving.
The rubber dinghy starts moving, slowly at first but then accelerating and starting to rock. While everyone else rows vigorously, I can only observe them impotently.
We get thrown back and forth in the river with increasing violence, and there is more and more spray in my face, until it floods the rubber dinghy. Is this damn tub going to sink? Come on, Maddison, you’re not on the Titanic, I repeat to myself in an attempt to calm down. No, I’m not, but the water is so cold that I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw an iceberg appear on the horizon. And what if something hit us? My mind is so busy with rescue plans that I don’t realize we’re about to hit a rapid. In my defence, I can only say the man shouted something in Korean, so when we take off I’m not actually prepared. Quite the contrary, I’m not expecting anything like it at all, which means that I jump even more than the others and actually fly off. Literally. In an instant I am thrown off the boat and land rather inelegantly in the icy water I was thrown into not that long ago. The only difference is that now the water feels even colder. The reason for this is that now I’m completely immersed in it.
The current starts dragging me violently downstream. I hear people shouting everywhere, but the noise of the water is so loud that I can’t understand any of what they’re saying. And anyway I’m sure they’re shouting in Korean. What I feel is not really panic – I’m too cold to be scared, I can’t think of anything. Suddenly I hear one voice shouting much louder than the others. I lift my eyes for a moment and see Mark’s face on the other side of the bank.
“Maddison, hold on to it!” he shouts. Easy for you to say… I had already thought of that, but what am I supposed to hold onto?
“Damn it, you stupid woman! Hold on to the rock!” I’m so angry at his last insult that I immediately grab the nearest rock without even trying very hard. I’m so blinded with hatred for him that I found it easy.
“Now stay where you are!” Mark shouts again. As if I could go anywhere… After a moment I see him jump into the river and, making his way between the rocks, come towards me. “Now listen to me carefully: when I count to three, you let the rock go and grab my hand. Got it?” he shouts at me. He always sounds so bloody angry, why can’t he try and speak a bit more pleasantly? I wish I could say something appropriate for the occasion, but I can’t think of anything, so I simply nod. The rock I’m holding is getting very slippery anyway, so we’d better not waste time.
“One… two… THREE!”
When I hear him say ‘three’ I lurch with all the strength I have towards Mark, who just manages to catch my arm.
I sigh in relief and realize I’m trembling, both from the cold and from fear.
“It’s ok,” he says. “I’ll get you out of here right away.”
From the bank, Dong Woo and Chul Ju, who are patiently waiting to set off in their own rubber dinghy, throw a rope to us. Mark promptly grabs it and, holding it firmly, pulls us slowly towards the bank. Chul Ju stretches out his hand, lifting me out of the icy water. I collapse, having lost all my strength. The sky is very blue and clear, without even a cloud, and I can hear Mark breathing beside me. I turn towards him and meet his eyes, and he looks exhausted and angry. I know what I have to say, but it’s very hard for me, because part of me knows that it’s his fault I am here now, in this state.
“Thanks, Mark,” I say at last.
He looks at me, and for a moment he doesn’t seem to have anything to add. But then he changes his mind.
“Next time I swear I’ll let you smash into the rocks,” he says threateningly, while trying to stand up. I realize now that he’s soaking wet and freezing since, unlike me, when he went in he wasn’t wearing a wet suit, just a pair of jeans and a pullover.
He can’t really believe he’s going to get away with it like this, acting like he’s in the right, can he?
“Hey, wait a minute,” I say, sitting up. “None of this would have happened if you hadn’t forced me to participate in this bloody stupid trip!”
Mark stops, turns towards me and, brushing aside a lock of hair from his forehead, stares at me with an odd expression.
“Are you joking?” he asks quietly.
“Not at all,” I answer with conviction. For a couple of terrible moments we remain silent. I can see Chul Ju and Dong Woo are pretending not to hear us. A very wise move.
“I didn’t want to sign up for this, or freeze half to death, or get hurt. And you knew that, damn it!”
Another smirk of derision appears on his lovely lips.
“How very mature of you, Maddison. Please, carry on blaming other people for all your failures and mistakes.”
And having said that, he turns and stalks away.
*
I’m finally home. This catastrophic day is about to end! God, it was horrible – for the whole day I felt like the loser you invite to your wedding, the one that no other guest wants to sit next to. Only Seung Hee showed me some compassion.
I mean, what the hell? Is it my fault I fell in the river?
I’ve just had a wonderful hot shower and put on my warm baggy pyjamas, and, as if that wasn’t enough, I’m even wearing my red woollen dressing gown. I only stopped shivering from the cold a few minutes ago.
But even though I have managed to regain an acceptable body temperature, I haven’t managed to calm down. I’m still very angry. I’m upset, agitated and I can’t wait to finish the argument I was having with Mark in the morning. That idiot came back to Seoul in the afternoon, while I had to wait until evening for the coach to bring us home. And then I had to take the metro to get to my apartment, even though a normal person would have taken a taxi…
I know I’m about to do something stupid, but I can’t help it, I am bursting for a fight.
Before I can stop to think twice I race out of my hall and rush into the lobby. Come on, you coward, ring his bell. I count to three and then press the doorbell assertively. I wait and wait, but nobody comes to open the door.
Has he gone out? It is Saturday night, after all – he might have had a date. I sigh in relief: confronting him in this state was actually a pretty awful idea. Heavens above, I’m wearing my oversize pyjamas, what was I thinking?
I guess I wasn’t thinking at all – I was too blinded by rage.
I’m still thinking of how I’m dressed when the door suddenly opens, making me jump. It’s like Ali Baba’s cave, or something. Did I unwittingly pronounce the magic word?
In front of me I see Mark looking
unusually pale… I’d say he’s sick. But he can’t be, people like him never get sick. The first thing I notice is the surprise in his dull eyes. Is it because of the weird way I’m dressed?
“Is there a fancy dress party somewhere?” he asks quietly.
Laugh at me all you want.
“What’s the matter with you?” I ask abruptly, ignoring his provocation.
“I’ve got a temperature,” he admits grumpily. “If you go swimming in icy water without wearing a wet suit and you already have a cold, you can get sick. And that was the reason why I decided not to participate, for your information.”
I mustn’t start feeling guilty, I mustn’t start feeling guilty, I mustn’t… Oh, blast it! I feel totally guilty.
“Have you had anything to eat?” I ask him.
“No.”
It sounds as though he doesn’t want to add anything else, and he is about to close the door, when I block it with a foot.
“You should eat something. I can prepare some food for you.” God knows how I came up with that idea. “I promise I won’t feed you poison.”
He hesitates. He’s doubtful. Then he surrenders. I know I’ve won. He moves back, allowing me to enter. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and some simple black shorts, like a tracksuit. And he’s barefoot again.
“If you have a temperature, the first thing you should do is keep yourself warm. Put on some socks.”
“Are you trying to make me feel worse?” he asks, putting on a pullover.
“To be honest, I came here to argue with you, but since you’re sick, we’ll do it another time. I can’t enjoy a victory if I know that my opponent’s not in good shape.”
Mark lies down on the sofa and closes his eyes.
“Do you mind if I don’t answer you? I’m really feeling too awful to argue with you just now.”
It must be true, then! I shrug as if to say “whatever you like.”