by Bella Emy
“Decision?” Crap. What decision? I really hope he didn’t decide to quit his job. I mean, I know I’ve been pushing him to cook since I know it’s where his heart lies, but I know he’s not ready to dive in yet. He says he loves writing for the newspaper. He’s doing so well, and he’s been so happy. We both have been. It’s been working great for both of us. Well, at least I thought it was working out great for him too, but maybe I’m wrong.
He takes a deep breath. He looks at the ground and speaks more to himself than me. “Okay, here goes nothing.” Finally looking back into my eyes, he begins. “Harleigh, you’ve been such a wonderful girlfriend. You’re supportive, and loving, and everything I’ve been searching for my whole life.”
Oh my crap. Is he proposing to me? My heartbeat speeds up. I seriously can’t take this. If he’s going to drop down onto one knee and pop the question, I’m going to pretend to faint because getting married is not what I’m looking to do right now. Fuck, how did I miss the signs? Sure, we say I love you here and there, and of course I love him, I guess, but marriage? I’m not ready to marry him.
I feel like I’m going to hurl everything he cooked me for dinner. Thankfully, he realizes I’m starting to feel sick and places a hand on my forehead.
“Hey, sweetheart, are you feeling okay? I haven’t even gotten to the good part yet.” He chuckles.
I nod fiercely. “Y-yes. Yes, I’m fine. I think I’m just getting some… heat flashes… the wine. Please, continue.” Get this over with now so I can pretend I’m sick.
He chuckles again. “Okay. Here it comes… Harleigh?”
I swallow the large lump that has formed in my throat. The taste of bile slowly rises. “Yes?”
“Would you move with me to Devinsville?”
I stare blankly at him before the words register in my mind. “Move with you? To Devinsville? But that’s like a six-hour flight from here. Why?”
He gasps through a laugh. “Why? Well because I’m going to be moving there. I took your advice after all this time and took an opportunity to make my dreams come true. I’m going to open up my own restaurant. I did my years at culinary school back in the day, and now I want to make that dream a reality. There’s this gorgeous restaurant in Devinsville I put a down payment on, and it’s mine. And I want you to come with me. I want you with me, baby.”
“Holy shit.”
He laughs. “Holy shit… that’s all you have to say?”
I try to gather myself before blurting anything further. “Holy shit because you are finally taking the next step and following your dreams. I’m proud of you, Dixon. So very proud.”
He furrows his brows. “Thanks, I think… but what about the rest of it?”
“The rest of it?” I’m playing dumb. I know what he wants to know, but I can’t go there. I can’t talk about it right now because I know he’s not going to get the answer he wants to hear.
“About moving with me. I don’t want to lose you. I want you with me while I take this step. I want you with me every step of the way. It’s because of you I’m doing this. Because of you, Harleigh. Everything is because of you. I love you.”
Somehow, this “I love you” sounds different than his other “I love yous.” I don’t know how, but it does, and it scares me.
“I know, but… I’m sorry. I can’t.”
I wait and notice the sad expression on his face. That, I was expecting. What I wasn’t expecting is what he’s doing now. What the fuck is happening?
“Dixon?”
He is standing on his feet, rubbing his hands together as if to get the chill out, but it’s not cold in here. We have the heat on, the fireplace going… it’s toasty. There isn’t a chill anywhere in this house. I’m actually rather hot, now that I think about it. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s my nerves, terrified of what he wants to know now.
I already gave him my answer. I gave him my answer and fucked up things between us, but I couldn’t say yes to him. I couldn’t say yes and leave my life behind to start over with him in some place I’ve never even been before.
“Yeah, you’re right. I know you can’t. Of course you can’t. How can I ask something like that of you? How can I ask you to change your whole life for me without knowing what the future may bring? I don’t blame you, sweetheart. I actually expected you to tell me no.”
Now I’m the one furrowing my brows. “You did?”
He nods. “Of course I did. Which is why I thought all this through, and I’m ready now.”
“Ready? Ready for what?” Talk about confusing. This man has me all kinds of confused.
And then, Dixon does the one thing I was fearing most of all. He smiles and reaches into his back pocket.
Oh, holy fuck.
He pulls out a small rectangular velvety box and kneels in front of me. When he opens it, the largest engagement ring I’ve ever seen stares me dead in the face. If I thought I was sick before, I’m dying now.
With his free hand, he grabs my left hand and looks deep into my eyes. “Harleigh?”
I blink three times. I can’t believe what is going down. First he asks me to move in with him across the fucking country and then he pulls out a damn engagement ring? How the hell am I supposed to respond? What the hell does he want me to say?
“Sweetheart?”
Snapping out of my thoughts, I say the only thing I can think of. “Huh?”
He chuckles. Thankfully, he’s amused at my shock and not pissed as hell. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. I can imagine this is a bit of a surprise.”
He can say that again. Surprise? This is a freaking heart attack.
“But you had to know this was coming…”
Excuse me, um, what? Had to know? No way. Things were good the way they were going. Why the hell did he have to mess everything up and throw a ring into the mix?
“How?”
Okay, now he looks a little upset. Fuck. “Because it’s been almost two years, Harleigh.”
No, it’s been a year and a half… maybe a year and eight months? I don’t know. I lost count, and I’m too stupefied to really think about it any further. “Not quite…”
“Harleigh, it’ll be two years in two weeks…”
My eyebrows hit my hairline. “What?”
“Never mind that. It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is how I feel about you. Had it been two days, it wouldn’t matter to me, Harleigh. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“But what we have now is so good.” I’m trying to persuade him, but I know he’s got his mind made up, and it’s not going to get me anywhere.
“But it could be better, and I don’t want to lose you. I want you with me when I open the restaurant. I want you to be there with me like you’ve been with me every day now. I knew asking you to move with me so far without any type of real commitment was too much to ask for, which is why I’m proposing to you now.” He pulls the ring from the box and places it just past the beginning of my fingernail. “I love you and want you to come with me. What do you say? Will you marry me and make me the happiest man in the world, Harleigh?”
I don’t say a word for a good thirty seconds. Dixon, with hope filling his eyes, stares into mine. He’s waiting to hear that three letter word that I just can’t give him right now. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to give it to him. Sure, what we have is good and helped me get through the pain I was suffering from, but I don’t think it’s enough to give him what he wants.
Smiling sadly at him, I pull my hand away and rise to my feet. The ring falls to the ground, and both of us stare at one another for a minute. He stands too, but I don’t stop. I keep moving… toward his door.
“Sweetheart?”
I turn in time to see him on the verge of tears, but I can’t do it. I can’t stay here and give him the answer he wants. I need to go and end things before—
Before what? It’s obvious I’ve already made a mess and broken his heart. I’m breaking his heart becaus
e what I thought was going so well obviously wasn’t. He wants more, and I can’t give it to him.
Grabbing my keys and work bag, I shake my head. “I’m so sorry, Dixon. I know this is not what you want or what you were expecting, but I can’t say yes. I can’t go with you to Devinsville, and I certainly can’t marry you.”
“But, Harleigh, sweetheart… don’t you love me?”
I hate myself for what I’m about to say. It’s cruel and unfair to Dixon—Dixon, who’s been so good to me. Dixon, who’s been there for me, helping me overcome my own broken heart.
“Sometimes, love isn’t enough. Good-bye, Dixon.” And with those last words, I grab my coat and walk out his door.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Harleigh
“Wait a minute. Wait a minute! You’re telling me Dixon, sweet, sexy, loving Dixon, proposed to you, and you declined?! Harleigh, are you fucking drunk, woman?”
I roll my eyes and wipe the tears from the corners of my eyes. I’m currently sitting in my car, still parked in Dixon’s parking lot to his apartment building. I haven’t had the chance to drive off. My eyes have been wet, and it’s been hard to see clearly. I didn’t think I would be the one to cry. “Aub, it wasn’t easy. I do love him, but—”
“Are you sure you love him?”
“Hey! That’s not—”
“No, Harleigh, you’re taking it all wrong. I don’t mean it in a bad way. I’m saying… maybe your heart wouldn’t let you say yes because you do care about him, but it’s not love.”
I think for a few minutes about what she said. Do I love Dixon? Did I ever? Maybe I was simply infatuated with him and the wonderful way he’s treated me since the very beginning. I don’t know.
I let out a deep sigh. “I don’t know.”
“Hey, don’t be upset about not knowing. It’s easy to be confused, especially with everything he threw at you. Although, it would have been nice if you would have moved to Devinsville… we’d have been a bit closer with me living halfway across the country now.” Aubrey lets out a soft chuckle.
“I know. I just ca—”
“Girl, please. I know. Do me a favor. Go home and rest for the remainder of the night. I saw the news. You guys got snow.”
I grimace. “We did, but it’s not much. It’s just enough to make a damn mess. But yeah, I’m going home. I need sleep.”
“Who knows you best?” She chuckles, but she’s right. She knows me pretty damn well.
Once we say good-bye, I look up at Dixon’s apartment building once more before pulling out of the parking lot and driving home.
Ten minutes later, I’m stopped at a red light about two blocks from my house. I look to the right, and I see him.
Preston, in the shop, with what appears to be papers in his hands.
And there goes my heart.
It’s been years since we’ve spoken. The last time, I remember a vague vision of him caressing my hair in my home, but that’s about it. It makes me sad when I think about how close we used to be, but now we don’t even talk anymore.
The honking horns of cars makes me jump, and I realize the light changed to green.
I step on the gas and drive away. I’m going back home to be alone for the rest of the night. Alone, probably for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Preston
I flip the “Closed” sign on the glass door and walk to the back. I pull out two bottles of beer from the refrigerator and walk back to the front of the shop, making my way toward Joshua. He brought in a car for me to look at. It’s a used one he bought off Craigslist, a shiny, gunmetal-silver, 1967 Ford Mustang Shelby GT500, an Eleanor clone. Talk about sweet ride. My brother has a thing for vintage cars lately. It’s not like he doesn’t have the money. He’s doing quite well for himself.
I reach the couch and hand Josh a bottle. “Here you go, man.”
“Oh, thanks.” Josh grabs it from my grip and takes a chug.
I sit on the opposite end and let the cold liquid soothe the back of my throat.
I’m exhausted from my everyday routine. Well, I can’t really complain… business has been flourishing. I make enough money here that I could shut down and take a year-long vacation without worrying about money. But where would I go? What would I do? I’m alone, which is partially my fault for being a damn moron.
“So, how’s things? Business good? Still talking to that girl Vanessa?”
I shake the thoughts out of my head and face my brother. “Huh? Oh, business is good, yeah, yeah.”
He looks at me like he’s waiting to hear me finish my sentence. I look back at him like I have nothing more to add.
“And Vanessa?” he asks again.
“Vanessa?”
“Yeah, the girl you met at the bar two weeks ago when we went out after work. Are you still talking to her?”
I think back to that night we’d gone out for a drink. Josh had been with me and Rich. But Vanessa? I don’t remember anyone by that name. “I don’t—”
His eyes widen as he swallows a swig of beer, draining the remnants. Then he places his bottle onto the floor beside him. “You, you never called her, did you?”
I shrug. “Dude, if I’m being honest, I don’t even remember meeting a chick named Vanessa that night.”
He chuckles, shaking his head back and forth. “Vanessa… she was the blonde with the cute smile. She told us she was a school teacher and also works part time on weekends at her parents’ floral shop. She was a nice girl.”
Teacher… flower shop… now it rings a bell. “Oh, yeah. I remember her now.”
He nods. “You never called her, did you?”
“Nah, man. I don’t even know if I still have her number. You want another beer?”
Josh shakes his head. “Pres, are you trying to end up alone?”
I furrow my brows, giving him a questioning look. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“There was a perfectly good girl who was genuinely interested in you. I thought you’d call her, maybe take her out. But you totally forgot about her? What the hell is going on with you?”
He’s infuriating. Just because he has his life figured out now with the love of his life doesn’t mean he gets to judge me and mine. “Nothing.” I wish he’d just go home.
He smirks. “Nothing? Yeah, right. You’ve been a miserable fuck for the past six years… I thought you’d at least try to move on, but all you do is mope around this shop, wasting your life away.”
“Get out, Josh.” I’m seeing red, and I want him to leave before I end up doing something we’ll both regret.
Joshua stands and marches to where I’m sitting. “No! No, I will not get out. You’re my brother, and I’m worried about you. When the hell are you going to fess up and admit you’re in love with Harleigh Davis?!”
That does it. His words are driving me over the edge. I rise to stand nose-to-nose with him. I huff and puff, breathing in and out heavily, ready to punch his lights out.
“Aww, what, li’l bro? You gonna hit me? The big, dumb jock’s gonna hit me because he can’t handle the truth?”
“Shut the fuck up, Joshua!” If he keeps talking and pushing my buttons, I’m going to swing. And I don’t miss. Ever.
“No! No, I will not shut the fuck up! Admit it! Admit the truth! You’ve been in love with Harleigh ever since you laid eyes on her, and it’s gotten worse over the years. You used to always talk about my feelings for Courtney and to finally admit it, but it’s time for you to finally admit your feelings for Harleigh. I’ve known it all along. I’ve known it for so many years now… probably since the Silent Ambiance concert. You’re mad because you think you can’t have her for whatever dumb fucking reason. Because she’s your deceased best friend’s sister? Who cares! If he’s your real best friend, he would want you to be the one to take care of her, even more so now that he’s gone.”
His words smack me in the face like a ton of bricks, but he’s right. He’s fucking right.
This asshole just told me what I’ve been feeling this whole time. I’ve been too stupid to realize it on my own.
But it doesn’t matter now. Even if I were to go to Harleigh now and tell her I love her, it wouldn’t matter because she’s with someone else. Word travels fast around these parts of town.
“Preston,” Josh says. “You’ve got to man up and tell the girl how you feel.”
“It doesn’t matter how I feel!” I roar, still angry. I’m even angrier now, realizing the truth.
“Why not?”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter because… she’s in love with someone else.”
He steps back slightly. “What?”
I take a deep breath and plop back into my seat. “She’s been dating this guy named Dixon Dallas for a while now… They’re happy. I lost my chance with her a long time ago.”
“No,” he simply states.
I nod, looking at the ground in front of me. “Yeah…” I take another sip of my beer, finishing it, and place it down.
“No,” he repeats, and before I know it, his hand reaches down and grabs me by the shirt.
“What the fuck are you doing, bro?”
He pulls me, and I have no choice to get up and follow him. He leads me to stand in front of the pictures hanging on the wall behind the counter.
“Look,” he says.
I follow his finger to the photo he’s pointing at, the one right in the middle of the wall, from Cory’s birthday. He was probably about twelve or thirteen. And to Cory’s right, Harleigh is sitting on the bench right beside us.
“There, you see that, Pres? She’s always been in your corner.”
I shrug. “So what? That was a long ass time ago.”
Josh pulls me harder. “So what? So what? Dude, the girl has always been right there waiting for you since day one. You can’t believe it’s over. You can’t believe your chance with her is done.”
“I already told you, dude. She’s moved on. She’s happy. End of story.”
Finally letting me go, he shakes his head. “It’s not the end of your story. Trust me. I know.” Josh walks over to grab his coat and walks to the door. Right after he opens it, he turns to face me. “If I had given up the day Courtney married Donovan, I never would have had the love of my life right now. Even when I married Carla, Courtney and I remained friends, and look at how things turned out. Carla ended up cheating on me… Donovan cheated on Courtney, leaving her alone… When certain things are just meant to be, there’s no stopping them. And, Preston?”