by Jordan Marie
“This is a fucked up mess, Mama.”
“Yeah.”
“You should have come to me. You should have trusted me with this, so I could protect you and Dani.”
His words hurt, I knew, of course, how he’d feel, but hearing him say it out loud and in his voice, a voice I love, wounds me. I shift to my side and prop my head on my arm. I would have liked to roll over on top of him, but our child prevents me. Instead, I take my free hand and exert enough pressure on the side of his face that he turns and looks at me. My thumb grazes over his strong chin. I try to will everything I feel for this man into my eyes. I want him to see how much I truly love him. I know I’ve done damage by keeping Dani’s secrets, but it’s important he sees it has hurt me too.
“Dragon, I love Dani. Until you and your club, she was the only family I’ve ever had. I kept her secrets out of loyalty, because she asked me.”
“Nicole…”
“But, even after I agreed to keep them Dragon, I was still planning on telling you. I just couldn’t right away. Dani has had so much betrayal. If I had betrayed her, I don’t think she would have survived.”
“Damn it. Mama, I can’t keep you safe if you don’t tell me. I can’t keep her safe! Nicole, she’s out there alone with no protection. That is not alright. You needed to let me in and trust that I can handle this shit.”
“I do! It’s not about if I trusted you. It never was! Dani didn’t want you involved. She didn’t want the club involved. You keep preaching, club business is club business. How you need to keep me safe. You should understand more than anyone that Dani felt this was her business, and she wanted to try and keep us all safe.”
“Running away won’t do it though. This psycho won’t stop until he has Dani, and now that he knows she’s been alive all this time and living off his money? He’ll want revenge, and he’ll want it ugly.”
My stomach clenches and this sick feeling explodes inside of me. Realistically, he’s only telling me the truth, but I was trying to pretend differently.
“Maybe Dani’s right and now that she’s left, he’ll give up. Maybe he’ll grow tired when he can’t find her.”
“No, he’ll find her and he’ll use any means to achieve that.”
“What do we do?” I whisper, because I know I was stupidly convincing myself that Dani was right. Hearing Dragon and the certainty in his voice, I’m terrified.
“Call your girl and get her to come home.”
“I can’t.”
“Why can’t you…”
“She said it was safer if I didn’t know anything. She’s going to contact me once she gets settled, through a prepaid phone she purchased when we were in town for the fitting. There’s nothing I can do until then.”
Dragon sighs, turning his head away from me, and stares back at the ceiling.
“Then we wait, Mama. It’s all we can do.” The words echo into the heavy silence that has filled the room. They do nothing to lessen the fear that has taken root inside of me, and the dark truth that echoes in my mind. By trying to protect my relationship and loyalty to Dani, I may have only succeeded in hurting her, or worse, getting her killed….
“Dragon,” I break off in a cry of anguish as the tears over this whole thing finally break to the surface.
Sobs rack my body as Dragon pulls himself up into a sitting a position. He props himself up against the headboard for support, then drags me over into his lap, and holds me close, petting my back, while adjusting the covers over our bodies. He soothes me, but the tears keep coming. Dragon kisses the top of my head and lets me cry.
“We’ll find her Mama, we’ll find her and figure all this out. I promise.”
I try to hold onto those words, through my tears.
I really try.
11
Dragon
I hold Nicole until she cries it out. Eventually, exhaustion takes her over and she sleeps. I will not be sleeping. Fuck, after my woman talking like she was leaving me, I may never sleep again. At thirty-six years old, I don’t think anything or anyone has ever gutted me like hearing Nicole tell me she needed time away from me.
I get her settled, and she snuggles up against the pillow. I get dressed because I need a drink. Fuck, I need a drink. First, I have business. I called the church meeting, I have to talk to the men. I’m running late, but what-the-fuck-ever at this point. Today has been one shit-storm after another.
“Does your woman know where Dani is?”
I barely make it out the door when Crusher comes at me. I reach out my hand and push his shoulder back. What the fuck?
“Nicole is sleeping fucker, step back into the main room and we’ll talk.”
“Fuck, that. I need to find Dani. Does your woman fucking know where she is or not?”
Crush’s face is red, his hair is rumpled, and the brother looks torn up. How did Dani get her hooks in him that deep, before I realized it?
“You need to step the fuck back, man. I told you Nicole is sleeping. She cried herself to sleep, and by God she’s going to rest. You feel me?”
Crush rakes his hands through his hair.
“You don’t understand Drag, this bastard will hurt her.”
Somehow, I just know the her he’s talking about, is not Nicole. Probably, because I’m not stupid.
“You knew about this shit?” I growl, walking through the hallway towards my office where we’re meeting.
“I knew she was running. Didn’t know what from, not until all this shit went down. She left me a damn note, a fucking note!”
“Something you want to tell me, brother?” I ask, as we close the door to the office. The others are already here.
“She’s mine, Dragon. I’ve got to find her, and you can either help me, or get the fuck out of my way,” Crush says, and the room goes deathly quiet.
“You need to calm your ass, and sit the fuck down,” I say quietly. It’s taking all I have right now not to lay my brother out.
“Bullshit! If Nicole were involved, you’d be tearing the place apart trying to find this motherfucker!” Crush argues.
I grab him by his cut and slam him back against the wall. His hands come up, but he doesn’t fight me. Still, I can see the need to do so in his eyes.
“Nicole is involved, motherfucker. Now, you need to listen to me. Step. The. Fuck. Down. Do not cause me more shit, because all that will do is slow us down.”
He stares at me; his body is rigid.
“I will find her, Dragon.”
“No, Crush, we’ll find her. Last thing you need to do is go off half-cocked and take on this dude. He’s a bad motherfucker, and he has the money to back that shit up. We’ll handle this my way. You feel me?”
He shrugs away from my hold, I let him. I’d like to acquaint his teeth with my fist for mouthing off to me, but I’ve got bigger fish to fry.
“Freak, you got my info?” I growl, turning back to the table where the rest of the men are sitting. For now, I’m letting Crusher slide. One thing is clear though, his head is not in the game. I’m going to have to be careful how I deal with him. Part of me understands it, hell, I’ve been there with Nicole. Still, you got to keep your head at all times. If you don’t, your woman ends up dead and maybe a lot more along with her.
“Yeah, man,” he replies, sliding over a manila folder towards me. I pick it up off the table and look through the information he’s gathered on Michael Kavanagh. I thumb through the papers while sitting down.
“Where’s our guest?”
“Frog’s sitting on him at the shed,” Hawk speaks up.
I look up at all my brothers. None are smiling, which is good because we’re in the middle of a crap-fest. That said, Bull’s look is different. Fuck, I can’t deal with more than one fucking mess at a time.
“Call Frog, tell him to let the son of a bitch go.”
“The fuck you will, that might be the only lead we have back to Dani!” Crusher yells.
“Crush, man, I’m not telling your ass agai
n. Rein your shit in. Nicole said Dani left on her own. She promised to check in soon with Nicole. We’ll have to wait to handle that shit then. For now, listen up, because I’m not going to fucking explain myself to you again. We’re letting the weasel go and we’re following him back to his man. Got it?”
“We need to work him over and find out exactly what they know about Dani. We can get this Michael’s whereabouts from him that way. None of this cat and mouse shit,” Crusher argues yet-a-fuck-again.
If I were still standing up, I’d kick his ass. I’m too fucking tired and worn out to fool with it right now.
“Get the fuck out!” I order instead. The room goes silent.
“Damn it, Drag! We have to…”
“You’re not hearing me motherfucker, I said get the fuck out. I can’t deal with your shit right now. You are out of this, until you manage to get your head out of your ass, untie the knot in your balls, and listen to sense.”
“Drag!”
“Get out, motherfucker! Now.”
Crusher’s face is frozen, and he’s pissed. I can see it big time, I also know I’m doing this now, so there’s not a bigger problem later.
He stomps out the door without another word.
I sigh heavily. Fuck.
“Now, let’s talk over this shit and then you call Frog and tell him to let the son of a bitch free.”
12
Crusher
I stomp out of the meeting without another fucking word. Son of a bitch wouldn’t listen anyways. He’d be singing a different tune if it was Nicole out there missing. I’ve been messing around with Dani for a month now. I thought it was just sex. Hell, that’s all I’ve ever wanted from a woman. I don’t think I’m built for more—or at least I wasn’t.
Then the damn woman turned shit on me. She got jealous of a fucking night I had before her, and I even hooked up. Freak’s woman Nikki had never had a threesome and wanted to. Brother trusted me to show his woman a good time—and it fucking was a good time. Still, it wasn’t something I was looking to repeat. Dani flipped her fucking lid. Sure, she thought it was something more recent, but still. If I live to be a hundred, I don’t think I will ever figure that damned woman out.
Maybe that’s what keeps me interested. I don’t know. All I know, is that she is different from any woman I’ve been with. Dani has so many layers, I’m not sure I’ll ever reach the center. The only thing I am certain of is, that trying will be a hell of a ride.
The last few days have been special. Something happened when she thought I had screwed another woman while visiting her bed. I don’t know what exactly, I just know it caused her to reveal a little more of herself to me, and in doing that I saw this vulnerable side I never knew existed with Dani. She let me in…not a lot, but enough that she spoke vaguely of her past and her fears.
I need to keep her safe. She might not have told me the story, but I saw the desperation in her eyes when she thought of it. I heard the fear in her voice and the hopelessness that was inside of her. I’m not in love; I don’t do that shit. I will never be the type to be owned by a woman like Dragon, or Dance for that matter. But, I wasn’t lying when I told Dragon she’s mine. I’ve claimed her, and I will protect her.
So even though it’s against Dragon’s orders, and everything I should do as a member of the club, I’m getting the ATV out of the shelter, and driving up to the cabin. I’m going to interrogate the bastard, and I will find out where the fuck this Michael is before he can hurt Dani.
“Hey Crush, Drag and the boys didn’t say anyone was coming back tonight,” Frog says as he unlocks the shed door, after I knock.
“Drag’s stressed man, he probably forgot. He tell you about plans for the piss-ant we’re holding?”
“Yeah dude, I was just about to go in there and let him go.”
“I’ll do it, I’m supposed to relieve you anyways. I got to play shadow and see where the fuck the dude heads out to.”
“Sounds like a fun job—not.”
“Pretty much, but one of the sorry-ass perks of being the club VP.”
“I hear ya. I guess I’m out of here then. Call me when you need relief.”
“Will do,” I say and barely keep from screaming get the fuck out. Frog pisses in the wind for another ten minutes or so and finally leaves.
I lock the door and go into the back area where the dipshit is chained up. There’s no coming back from what I’m about to do. I know it, but I’m still going to do it. Am I doing it for Dani? Yeah, she’s a big reason but not all of it. Dani screams of fear, she screams of being trapped. She screams with the same scent and brokenness as another woman in my life. A woman I lost long ago. A woman I wasn’t able to help, and that won’t be the case this time.
He looks up at me when I walk in. You can tell Dragon has worked him over pretty good; he’s stripped naked and chained from the ceiling, hanging like a slab of meat. Still, the fucker is barely bleeding. That’s not good enough. It also proves to me that Dragon didn’t try hard enough to find out the needed information. If Nicole was the one in danger the bastard would be missing body parts, or at the very least he wouldn’t be able to look at me from two good eyes. To me that is just further proof I have to do this. Dragon is blinded by his need to keep things calm because of Nicole being pregnant.
“Alright fucker, time for round two.”
“I told your buddies the last time, I don’t know anything.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t believe you.”
“Man, you can knock me around for another day, but it’s the truth. I don’t have anything else to tell you.”
“We’ll see, there is one thing that you don’t understand.”
“What’s that?”
“The last time, I wasn’t the one asking the questions.”
“What difference does that make?”
“I’m not going to be as nice.”
“Man, you don’t have to do this! I’m telling you…”
“Yeah, you aren’t telling me nothing yet fucker, but you will. You will.”
I drag a chair over in front of him. I straddle it and lean over the back.
“Looks like my brother worked you over pretty good, too bad you didn’t give him the right answers.”
“Man, I don’t know anything, I’m telling you! I told your friend that!”
“My friend?” For some reason that strikes me funny as hell. This guy really is not made for this line of work.
“Please man, you got to listen to me.”
“I don’t, actually,” I say, reaching in my vest pocket for cigarettes. I slowly take one out of the pack putting the others on a small table. I’ll need them eventually. “I don’t have to listen to a fucking thing you have to say,” I add, lighting my cigarette. I inhale the nicotine, watching the asshole in front of me. “I only have to listen if you say something I want to hear. The only thing in question is if you’re going to tell me what I want to hear.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Did you know I don’t smoke? Nasty habit really. Hate the damn things,” I say exhaling the smoke, while watching the orange glow flicker.
“Man, I don’t think…”
“Only reason I pack smokes around is sometimes they come in handy. Do you know what they are handy for?”
“Man…”
“They make good lie detectors,” I say, reaching the cigarette over and touching the burning ash on his stomach. To his credit, he doesn’t cry out. We’ll see how quiet he is when I move the burns down to his shriveled up dick.
“Damn it…”
“We’re going to play a game.”
“A game?”
“You tell me what I want to hear and you won’t have to see what it feels like to have cigarette burns on your balls.”
“Fuck, man…”
“I really hope you tell me what I want to know. I don’t want to touch your nasty ass junk.”
“God, please listen to me…”
I put the cigarette back in
my mouth and slide the knife out that I keep in my pocket. He watches as I pull out the blade. It’s just a small pocketknife, but then that’s all it needs to be. I put the cigarette in the ashtray on the table across from me, getting ready.
“Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to be impressed with the size of my blade.”
Asshole looks at me like I’m insane. Hell, he should. He has no idea how close I am to the edge.
“You’re not from Kentucky, so maybe you don’t know about them. Have you ever had Rocky Mountain Oysters?”
Again, that stupid look. Fucker.
“Never tasted them myself, but it’s basically deep fried balls.”
“Oh shit, man, seriously…”
“Doesn’t matter what really, pig, sheep, goats, even sniveling ass-wipe balls probably work. I don’t want to touch your shit, so I figure my knife can fix it so they don’t move around while I fry them. Sounds like a good plan to me. What do you think?”
“Man, I’m telling you, I don’t know anything!”
“Well, I mean, if you don’t want to do it that way I can just cut the fuckers off, it’s not like you’re going to need them.”
I take another hit off the cigarette, let the nicotine calm me, and take a deep breath. Time to get the party started. I’m giving up everything, might as well make it worth it.
13
Nicole
Two days. I’m supposed to be married in two days. I want that more than anything, but I want it with Dani here. I want it without this feeling of impending doom. I stare at the engagement ring on my finger; it seems to mock me. Dragon doesn’t seem to be upset with me for keeping secrets. There’s that at least.
Today was supposed to be the day that Dani was to meet with Michael. I keep looking over my shoulder. What will Michael do when he finds out Dani isn’t showing? Does he already know she’s not here? I should have told Dragon about the meeting. I don’t even know why I didn’t.