by Jordan Marie
Nicole
It’s that moment when you think life has reached rock bottom. That very second you feel part of you shrivel in despair. I’ve hit the bottom. There’s no way I can feel worse.
I am wrong.
I leave Dragon behind. It hurts to look at him. I told him all along, but I can’t let him shoulder the blame. I went through with it, knowing that Michael would retaliate if I went against him. I just didn’t want to hurt Dragon. I wanted to be his wife. I was selfish. Is Dani still alive? Did the bastard kill her? I’m so engrossed in my thoughts that I’m not noticing anything around me. Which is a shame. I’m sure a bride with a stomach that looks like she swallowed three watermelons whole, hoofing it down the sidewalk of downtown London just as it starts to rain (which by the fucking way is just a cherry on top of a sundae) is a sight to see.
I scream when I feel a hand clamp around my shoulder. I expect to see Dragon. Part of me is disappointed when I don’t. Which is crazy, since I walked away from him. Instead, there is Bull looking down at me.
“Need to get you back.”
“I’m not getting married today, Bull,” I argue, my voice is almost as hoarse as Bull’s.
“I know. We still need to get you back to the compound where it’s safe.”
“I told Dragon we shouldn’t have done this,” I whisper, looking down at the ground.
“A man can’t bow down to others in this world, Nicole. You do, and you’re weak, and you lose it all.”
“So, you do things that hurt people in your lives and say the hell with it because of pride?” The thought of Dragon being that way pains me.
Bull puts his hand under my chin, pulling my face back towards his.
“If men like Dragon don’t stand strong, more than just Dani would suffer, Nicole. Drag carries a heavy load.”
“She could be dead, Bull.”
“Nothing Dragon could have done, would change that, Nicole. You two needed to come to him sooner. A man can only work with the hand he’s dealt.”
I look at him, and I know what he is saying, but I don’t have to like it. Still, I know he’s saying the straight up truth. If I could go back, I would talk to Dragon the minute we first got Michael’s note.
“Let’s get in the truck. It might not be safe here.”
I nod, following him like a lost lamb. Once we get settled, he starts the truck and turns on some music. We drive down the road in silence. Bull doesn’t talk much, and I can’t function enough to talk. If I close my eyes…I can still see Dani’s finger. The bastard took the time to clean the finger and wipe any blood around it. He placed her pinky finger into the box, like a fucking trophy. Was she alert when he did it? Did she know? God, is she breathing?
A fire truck passes us with its sirens on and pulls me from my morbid thoughts.
A few minutes after that an ambulance and a rescue squad truck go by.
“Wonder what happened?” I question aloud.
Bull remains silent. When we pass two more emergency vehicles, I notice he is watching them in his side mirror. He still doesn’t say anything. So, I shrug it off. Maybe I’ll hear what happened on the news tonight. If I even stick around. I figure Michael will contact me. Do I go to him? If I don’t will he kill Dani? Has he already? If I do, he’ll kill both of us. Unless…I manage to kill him first…
Bull’s cell phone rings and distracts me before I can continue planning. I need a plan…
“Yeah?”
“Fuck! Who’s hurt?”
“We’ll be right there!” Bull yells into his phone and immediately starts cutting into the opposite lane to make a U-turn. He swerves yet again before our turn is complete. This time he cuts back in our original direction and lets out a stream of cuss words that would make a sailor blush. “Fuck! I need to be there! Yeah, okay but you better tell me the minute you know something you son of a bitch.”
He growls, tossing his phone onto the empty part of the seat between us.
“Bull, what’s wrong?”
“There was an explosion at the church…”
“Oh no! Bull, we have to go back!”
“I can’t, the cops aren’t letting anyone in, and I’m supposed to take you home and keep you safe until…”
“Screw that! You can turn around, or I can jump out and walk back!” I argue.
Bull seems to have a war with himself, but in the end, decides to turn around. He flies, heading for the church. I know we’re breaking new speed records getting there, but it seems like we’re crawling. As we approach the church, I can see smoke and police cars blocking the road. Blue and red sirens are going crazy and there are uniformed cops standing in front of squad cars, blocking the main entrance. It’s far enough away that I can’t get a good look. I take off running, my arms cradling my stomach. These damn heels keep me from being able to get any speed, so I kick them off. I reach the cops, and they try to hold me back, but by this time I can see Dragon’s Tahoe, and the one beside it—or what is left of them. They are charred and smoking and one of them is still burning. The flames are engulfing the seats on the inside. You can make out nothing, but the heat, even at this distance, is stifling. I scream trying to get through. I need to find Dragon… I need, oh God, I need to find Dragon.
I feel a new hand on my shoulder, and the ones around my chest lose some of their rigidness. I could get away now, go to the cars. I could, but Bull’s voice and the pain in it stops me.
“Nic girl,” he says, and his words are quiet, but they reach the haze I’m in, and I am in a haze. I don’t even know half of what I’m feeling, I have no idea of anything around me. I am in shock. I look up at him, and the pain in his eyes pierce my heart. Standing beside him is Dancer, his face black, cuts scattered across his face. There are bandages seeped with blood on his hands, but it’s his eyes that pull me in. Dancer has these brown eyes that have always caught my attention, but now there is something else in them. Something I don’t want to see. So, I turn from them. Looking at Bull, praying for something different from him. I shake my head back and forth in denial of words not spoken aloud, but that are heavy in the smoke filled air.
“Nic, girl…,” he repeats again. With just those two words, Bull pulls me in. His gruff, quiet voice sinks deep into my heart, and the dam breaks. The tears that were streaming down my face are nothing compared to the sobs that rock through me as I collapse against him.
“No!” I scream out in anguish. “No,” I moan against his chest. The single word extending out as if it was the longest word in the English language. Bull tightens his hold and keeps me from falling to my knees. “Dragon…,” I cry out again.
“I’m sorry, Nic. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I don’t know who said that. I don’t even care. I’m too lost in misery.
I’m too…lost.
20
Crusher
Hours before the explosion
There is a limit to what the human spirit and body can bear. I watched it accumulate for years with my mom. She was broken. She was dead inside way before her old man dealt the final death blow. So, seeing Dani now, curled in a corner, her face unrecognizable. Her body so beaten, so bruised and bloody that she looks as if she has been hit by a semi-truck—my heart stops.
I wasn’t honest with Dragon. Maybe, I should have been. If I had told him how far I went to get the smallest glimmer of information from the rat he was planning on letting loose, what would he have done?
Would he have congratulated me, patted me on the back? Would he have told me I did a good job? Somehow, I highly doubted it. So? I kept shit to myself, buried the body out in the forest away from hiking trails and set about finding Dani.
This Kavanagh’s patsy we captured, did indeed know next to nothing. He let something slip though, as I was branding off anything that might be used for identification purposes. Whoever hired him, it wasn’t Kavanagh himself. It was someone different, and in one of their conversations the man had mentioned an old Tobacco Barn on Route 11. That sm
all morsel of information allowed me to finally give him what he had been begging me for. Death. I thought about waiting to see if it panned out, but truly he didn’t know anything else, and I was running out of things to torture him with.
Part of my stomach twisted at the shit I did to him. Then I would shrug it off and picture Dani, and what I knew was happening to her. I don’t know how I knew she hadn’t got away, I just did. Sometimes her face in my thoughts would be overshadowed by that of another—a woman from my past I couldn’t help. So, I know I’m not acting rationally. I can’t stop it, and most of me just doesn’t give a fuck by this point.
I did take the time to bury the body, even though a huge part of me didn’t want to. Then I hightailed it out to the old barn to see if there were any signs of life. Now, I’m standing outside of the barn peeking through a large crack. Dani, and to be honest I can only tell it is Dani by the mass of thick brunette hair, is curled in a half ball. She is so beaten, swollen, and bruised…it doesn’t even look like it could be her. Her thick half-curly, brunette hair says it is though, even if it’s caked in dirt and blood. Off from her are three men in suits standing and talking back and forth like they don’t have a care in the world. I start to go in immediately and take them all out at once. It doesn’t matter that there are three of them and only one of me. I have surprise on my side. I even start to do it, when I hear one of the men talking…
“I planted the bomb in Dragon’s vehicle. It’ll go off when he takes it out of park.”
One man hits the guy who just spoke up on the back of the head.
“It didn’t go off earlier today.”
“Ow,” he says grabbing his head. “It wasn’t supposed to. I set the system up, it’ll go off now, when the gearshift is moved from park. You said you wanted them both to pay, Boss.”
Fuck. I need to get a call out to Dragon and warn him. I can’t take the time to do it now though. Doing so, would risk being found and not being able to help Dani. I pray I get through before it’s too late. It twists in my gut that I’m choosing Dani over my brothers, but it doesn’t stop me.
“It better go off. You fuck this up and it will be the last thing you do. I’m leaving you here to watch over our prisoner, while Donald and I go see if we can catch the aftermath of it all. There better be aftermath, too.”
“There will be, boss.”
I push up against the barn as they go out the front entrance. I peek around the corner to see them get in a sleek black car that screams money. When they drive off, I take a breath of relief. While I’m waiting for them to be gone long enough so I know they won’t try and circle back and catch me, I try and call Dragon.
It rings twice.
“Yeah motherfucker, want to tell me where you’ve been?”
“Drag, listen quick man.” I say, knowing I don’t have much time and honestly, I don’t want to hear it. He and I are going to have it out soon.
“Where in fuck are you? Do you know what went down today?”
Dragon’s voice comes over my phone, but it’s faint at best. The line is full of distortion and noise, and I have to strain to hear it.
“Do not use the cages today…”
“What are you saying asshole, I can barely hear you?”
“Man, listen the cars are rigged to blow. I got Dani now, but you really…”
“You got Dani? Fuck, man your signal sucks. Where’d you find her? We’ll…”
“Listen, Dragon! I can’t talk. You got to hear me. The cars? Especially yours! Do not use it today. Don’t use any of them, get Freak to…”
The call drops.
Fuck! If it wasn’t for fear of discovery, I’d have thrown the damn thing across the field. I try to call Dragon back and it won’t connect. I try again and get the fake busy signal and look at the screen of my phone to see, ‘Call failed.’
That’s it I guess. I hope he got enough of the conversation. I can’t think about it right now. I have to get Dani safe. It’s been long enough now that if the other two were coming back they would have, right? Shit. I don’t even know how long it’s been. Fuck it.
I quietly make my way to the front entrance, draw my gun and take a breath. Then I kick the door open, shooting in the area I last saw the fucker. As my eyes light on him, my gun trains on him and only him. I shoot him three times, which is all I have left before the hammer clicks and nothing happens. Doesn’t take long to empty the chamber. I should have brought a machine gun; those fuckers are more fun. It doesn’t matter though, because the bastard is dead. I watch as his body falls to the ground. I feel nothing but the wish that I could have gotten the other two.
I’m not completely over the fucking edge just yet. I take the time to reload my gun. Now is not the time to get caught with my pants down.
That done, I walk over to Dani. I get down on my knees and try to check her out. The sight of her hurts. It was bad from a distance, but it’s even more monstrous up close. She has to be dead. No one could survive this kind of beating, especially a woman as small as Dani. I should have gotten here sooner. My hand trembles as I move it to her neck which is colored with…rope burns? Did they strangle her? I try to move her hair, but it’s so caked with mud and… shit, it’s soaked in her blood. I slide my fingers to her throat trying to find a pulse.
I find nothing.
“Oh fuck, Hell Cat, don’t do this to me. You’ve got to survive, to punish this S.O.B.”
I go down flat on my ass, feeling the hurt and pain seep into my system. I let another woman down; I was too late yet again. I reach out for her hand, needing to hold it… To take just a minute to tell her how sorry I am for letting her down. I pull her hand to me and yell out in denial as I see her fingers. Her beautiful hand, that I’ve felt slide over my body countless times in the last little bit, is now almost as unrecognizable as her face. Her fingers have been broken and they’re swollen and distorted, bending in ways I’m not sure can ever be straightened. Then I notice she has no small finger. It has been cut right at the base of the hand. The wound is open, angry, and so infected that if she were still breathing… Motherfucker.
I scream out in denial, as I pull her broken body over to my lap, and I hold her hand in mine. She feels warm—not overly warm, but still she is not cold like death. I know because I have held death. I have seen death. I use my free hand to brush her face gently, because she’s endured so much abuse you can barely make out the distinction of her features.
“I’ll get him Hell Cat. I’ll get him and make him pay, darlin’.”
I kiss her forehead in goodbye and slide her off my lap when I hear it… It’s faint, very faint, but I latch onto it immediately.
“Zander,” her voice whispers, it is disjointed and full of pain.
“Oh fuck darlin’, you are hanging on. That’s my Hell Cat. I knew you had balls of steel. Let’s get you home.”
It takes me awhile, and I’m worried every fucking minute that we’re about to be discovered. But, I manage to get her loaded into my truck. Every movement causes her pain. I find myself wishing she’ll let herself sink back down into unconsciousness.
“Hang on a little longer, Hell Cat. Just a little longer, and I’ll have you at the hospital.”
“No.”
It was one syllable but the terror in her hoarse whispered voice spoke volumes.
“Hell Cat.”
“Married. He’ll…please, Zander.”
Dani had never asked for anything. I should concentrate on that, but I find I can’t. Instead, I focus on the word that I do not like. The one word that makes me embrace anger. Married. My Hell Cat doesn’t know it, but she’s going to be a widow pretty fucking soon.
I call Doc and arrange to have him meet us at the club. Then I try constantly to call Dragon. Each time the call goes unanswered, and I’m asked to leave a message, my gut clenches. Fuck. I hope I wasn’t too late.
My foot pressers harder on the accelerator, but inside I feel like time has run out.
21
> Nicole
Is it possible to function and be dead on the inside? I never really thought about it. Right now, I am thinking about it every minute. I’m forcing myself to go through the motions, but I just want to disappear.
It has been four days. Four long days since I’ve lost Dragon. I can’t sleep, I don’t eat and most days getting dressed is just too big of a chore. I haven’t heard from Michael. I thought I would, especially after Crusher brought Dani home. Yet, there’s not been a word.
Bull has locked the club down. No one is allowed out and very few get through the gates. The families of the men have all piled in and it should be my job to make sure everyone has a bed and the kids are entertained, but I haven’t bothered. Hell, I guess technically it wouldn’t be my job now. It would be whoever Bull designates. Crusher was the VP, but apparently, he is not real high with the men of the club right now. He’s also spending every waking minute with Dani.
Dani. Shit. She’s in bad shape. I want to help her, but I can’t even help myself. Carrie and the others have been working with her. They’ll take care of her. I can’t look at Dani. Part of it is guilt, because I should have called off the wedding. A bigger part of it is anger because she brought Michael into my life and it cost me Dragon. I feel ashamed every time I think that, I know I cost Dragon his life. I should have told him from day one about Michael. I should have told him about Dani from the moment we started a relationship, but I didn’t. I didn’t call off the wedding, I didn’t warn Dragon. I didn’t do anything, and I am the one who killed Dragon—even if I didn’t plant the bomb.
Will Michael leave us alone now that he’s had a small part of his revenge? I’d like to think so, but I don’t. I know he is just sitting back, biding his time until he strikes again. I should be preparing for that. I’m not.
A light knock on my door brings me out of my thoughts. I don’t make a move to respond or answer. Again, it’s just too much damn effort.