by Jordan Marie
I freeze right before I tell him to shut up. “I… uh what did you say?”
“I said you make me whole, Hellcat. When I’m with you, I feel at ease, relaxed, and peaceful, even when you make me want to scream. I’ve never had that in my fucking life, but most of all Hellcat, you make me feel… alive. I need you, Hellcat. I need you more than any man has never needed a woman in his life. You aren’t a substitute for anyone, sweetheart. You are my fucking world.”
“Zander…”
“My fucking world, Dani…,” he whispers, leaning so close, his face comes to mine and holds me prisoner in his gaze. “I love you.”
“Zander…”
“I love you,” he says again, and his lips are so close, I can feel his breath on my skin. I can almost taste him on my lips.
“Zander…”
“I love you,” he says again, his fingers lightly brush against the side of my neck as he holds my face in place.
“Will you let me finish now?”
“Not if you’re going to say more fucked-up crazy shit,” he answers.
“I love you,” I tell him, and I know my eyes are wet with tears.
“I give you permission to say that every fucking day for the rest of our lives, Hellcat.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” I tell him, and he places a small kiss against my lips.
42
Crusher
I’ve got my woman back at the club. She’s slowly healing, but doesn’t really venture out of our room. People make her nervous, especially if there is more than one or two. It’s been a few days since her release, and she’s still a mess. To me, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. I can’t believe the courage this woman possesses. I wasn’t lying to her that day in the hospital, others would have caved long ago. Hell, I’m not even sure I have what it takes to fight for as long as she has.
Nicole finally came by and visited Dani yesterday, but it didn’t go well. I understand that she is mourning the loss of Dragon, but she tore into my woman and made yet another fucking hole in her heart. I wish I could magically make it all better…for Dani, for Nicole, for all of us…this place is so fucking depressing since Dragon died, it seems unreal.
Today is Dragon’s funeral. Freak has been doing some digging and put a few feelers out. The club is preparing for Michael to attack. I haven’t told Dani. It would just make her feel worse. She’s in no shape to venture out anyways. I’m going to make sure she’s never alone. Freak wouldn’t tell me how he knew that fucker was planning an attack, but he said it was reliable. So fuck, I know it’s coming today. Another thing pissing me the fuck off, is that Skull is hanging around and staying close to Nicole. He’s like a dog in heat. Dancer seems to be allowing that shit too. I know as club VP, I should probably step in and get him the fuck off the grounds, but I got my hands full. I don’t see why Bull and Dancer can’t step up. Still, I’ve decided after the attack today, that fucker and his whole crew need to be scarce on Savage land.
Fucking hell, I guess if you get down to it, I’m probably the club President now. We haven’t had a formal meeting though, and honestly, I can’t assume leadership. I betrayed my brother. Maybe if I had handled things differently, Dragon would still be breathing. That’s a fucking hard truth to face. So, Drag’s death is on my shoulders—no one else’s.
A brother I served with, Diesel, is in for Dragon’s funeral. He keeps hitting me up to help him with his crew. He just lost an old lady. I’ve told him how fucked up I’ve been doing things concerning Dani and for some reason he respects it. Says he wished he had done more to save his woman, Sheila. It’s fucked up, but I’m considering it. Dani and I need a change.
I have checked in with Freak and the others. There’s firepower lined up at all the entrances and hidden throughout the parking area. Bull has fixed it so the gates will remain open, while the riders go out, and then he’ll circle back. It’ll appear we’ve been lax and that will set it up for Michael to make his move. Then the men from Diesel’s crew, a few from Skull’s, and Bull, Nailer, and Six will attack back. I’ll be coming out at the end, to finish off Michael. I get that. That is mine. I’m going to drain the life out of that sorry motherfucker with my bare hands. The other brothers didn’t argue. It wouldn’t have mattered if they had. Dancer is in charge of protecting the women outside, and I’m putting Hawk in charge of keeping Dani safe.
It’s the perfect plan, but with each minute that passes I feel as if I’m crawling out of my skin.
“Zander, you’re killing me. Go to the funeral, Dragon would want you there,” Dani says, interrupting my thoughts.
“Nah, sweetheart, I’m good,” I answer, brushing hair out of her face. She’s lying in bed, and looking at the new e-reader I got her. I was a stupid-fuck, because she can’t hold it and turn the pages right now, but she just looks at it, telling me no one had ever given her anything before, except Nicole and Ray for Christmas. Birthdays, they usually just took her out and that’s wrong. I’m going to give her the world if I can manage it.
“You’re making me nervous, Zander, and since I’m going stir crazy in this bed, that’s saying something.”
“I’m sorry Hellcat, just a little out of sorts today that’s all.”
“Out of sorts? Sometimes you are so weird,” she grumbles, laying back on the bed with a huff.
“Good thing you like weird,” I smirk.
“Ehh…I’m just with you because of Junior.”
“And Junior, thanks God for that, every damn day.”
Dani rolls her eyes, and I wink at her. When we’re like this, just the two of us, everything seems fine—at least on the surface. She has new demons now, and they circle around her at night. She’s not sleeping, and she seems untouchable at times. Still, I know she’s trying, and there’s not much more I can do. I’ve talked to her about therapy. Dancer is attending weekly meetings with some shrink, and he says Dani needs to see her. Dani won’t talk about it right now, and I don’t want to push her, but after Michael is gone…if things don’t get better, I’m going to have to do more than push.
“You look tired Zander, you should rest.”
I take her hand, holding it in the palm of mine, and kiss the back of her knuckles. She tries to pull her hand away, because it’s the one with the missing finger, I don’t let her. I kiss it and hold it against my face, letting her know I see nothing different, she’s still beautiful.
“Look who’s talking.”
“A fine pair we are…”
She stops and we look out the window, when we hear the gunfire outside. It looks like we’ve reached show time. I stand up quickly and kiss her forehead.
“Stay put, Hellcat, I’m about to go make you a widow, and I need you to stay here and be safe.”
“What? Zander, you can’t…”
“Don’t argue with me, Hellcat. I got shit to handle, and I don’t want to be distracted worrying if you’re doing what I told you to do, or not.”
“What I’m told? Zander! I don’t have to…”
“Shut it, sweetheart. We’ll talk when I get this shit done.”
I close the door, giving Hawk the okay. I draw my gun and head out to make my woman a widow.
I make it outside and slowly move from the door. Gunfire has slowed, and I mostly get to see the aftermath. It pisses me off, for this one I wanted to be in the thick of it. Taking care of Dani, was more important though. As I round the corner, I see him, Michael. He’s been shot in the legs. That’s the orders I gave. I want this fucker alive. I’m going to make him eat his own goddamn dick before I end his sorry fucking miserable life. In fact, I’m so engrossed in planning my revenge that I completely miss the fact that somehow my woman got away from Hawk and is standing at my side.
“Hello, Michael,” she says. Her voice is surprisingly strong, but motherfucker, I’m going to beat her ass.
43
Dani
“Hellcat, I thought I told you to keep your ass in bed, and stay safe,�
�� Zander growls while kicking the gun that Michael had dropped farther away.
“You did, I ignored you.”
I think if it was possible steam would be coming out of his ears. It’s cute, but I can’t think about Zander right now. I know he’s upset, but I needed to be the one to do this. I owe Hawk, for stepping back when I told him I needed to be the one to send Michael to hell…not to mention he gave me his pistol to do it with, and helped me outside, since walking is still a major fucking undertaking. I wanted a larger gun, I don’t know much about them really, but bigger is always better I’d imagine, but he said I couldn’t withstand the kick of bigger. He’s probably right, but it still makes me sad.
“Damn it, Hellcat, you’re not in any shape to be out here…”
“This fucker is mine,” Dragon says. I look up to see him standing in front of me. Michael is the only thing between us. My heart fills with warmth to see him there, even if I don’t understand it. Still, Michael didn’t beat him and sure as hell didn’t rape him, so I ignore him. Zander however, doesn’t.
“Dragon? What the fuck…How the hell are you standing here?” he asks, his voice full of shock.
I tune them out, I have other things on my mind. I stumble, walking closer to Michael, and Zander is right there holding my arm. I hate that I need help, but I’d rather lean on Zander than fall on my ass. Still, for this next part, I pull away.
“Do you know what I hated most about being married to you, Michael?” I’m being so calm… it feels wrong. I should be cussing or screaming, or beating the shit out of him. Maybe the beating has done something to me after all? I feel…so calm and fuck, maybe even happy. When he doesn’t answer, I shoot his dick. Unfortunately, I miss and it goes wide and to the right catching his thigh. Still, at the sight of the blood, that funny feeling increases. Definitely happiness.
“You stupid cunt! You don’t have the brains enough to finish me off. You were always weak! You should count yourself lucky that I…,” he ends in a scream, and I look over to see Zander has shot the fist that Michael had been shaking at me. I notice he used a smaller gun too, and the wound he made is bad and bloody, but not so bad he’ll die right away. So, I guess small guns have their place. Still…
“Zander, this is my job,” I grumble, not really upset, but still I wanted to do this on my own.
“He was pissing me off. It was either stop him or kill him completely, I should be rewarded, Hellcat.”
I shake my head, but I smile. Yeah…happiness… it’s a great fucking feeling.
“Oh, will you quit whining?” I growl at Michael when he keeps holding his hand and shit…is he crying? I didn’t do that shit when I was being beat.
“Melinda, we should talk about things. I can,” Michael starts, and I have to stop him. His voice annoys the fuck out of me.
I shoot him again, this time I wanted to shoot him in the head. I really hate the name Melinda, but it goes wide with the kick of the pistol. I thought I only hit the cement he’s lying on because there’s dust, but when it clears he’s bleeding from his ear. Good enough, I suppose.
“I hated your smell,” I say, when it becomes apparent that he’s not going to respond. I would smell you everywhere around the house. I’d bleach the place down, and still, your smell would be there. I can’t even describe it. You were like something I couldn’t get rid of, that was slowly rotting away…”
“The clap?” Zander asks.
“And I…” I stop to look at Zander… “What?” Seriously, the man is nuts.
“The clap? Ole’ Michael here reminds me of something like that. Rot your dick off and impossible to get rid of.”
“They make medicine for the clap, Zander.”
“Yeah, they do for Michael too,” he says, shooting him in the dick, and sadly, his shot doesn’t go wide. Michael screams and cries like a little baby.
I hold my head down. “I wanted to do that,” I pout.
“You were taking too long, now I didn’t kill him, but if you don’t do it soon, I’m going to.”
“Zander!”
He shoots him in the other hand.
“Fine! Jesus you’re impossible,” I growl, upset that he’s making this go way too fast.
“We own the police here Hellcat, but there will still be too much to contain. Not to mention, you’re taking too fucking long and about to fall over,” he explains, and then he makes it all better… “Plus this whining piece of shit is taking up too much of our air. He doesn’t deserve to get anything from you sweetheart, except a load of lead.”
I look up at him and smile. Well as much as I can, because it fucking hurts.
“Michael?”
He doesn’t answer, and Zander’s heavy sigh is almost comical.
“Michael,” I begin again. “Consider this payback for the gardener who was a nice guy, who had family and loved ones.” I shoot him in the stomach. Michael is starting to look blue and his voice is getting weaker. I probably should hurry this along. “This is for Ms. Martens,” I tell him, shooting him in the stomach again.
“Hellcat…,” Zander warns.
“This is for all the other people you hurt.” I shoot again, at the opposite leg and hit somewhere along the thigh. Zander of course sighs again.
“This is for raping me,” I whisper, and I hate that some tears escape with that confession. I shoot him in the area of his dick again. Michael isn’t doing anything by this time. I don’t know if he’s alive or dead, but I can’t stop. “This is for letting Donald rape me,” I say again, crying harder now, and that just pisses me off. “This is for making me hate myself,” I shoot him in the head. I don’t stop, until the hammer of the gun clicks and bullets won’t come. “Let me have your gun!” I growl at Zander, dropping the gun I had to the ground.
“Hellcat, honey…”
“Give me your damn gun!”
“Hellcat,” he starts again.
“Zander!”
“Jesus, I am going to tan your ass when you get better woman,” he grumbles, handing me the pistol he’s been using.
“This is for making me hurt…for making me run…for causing me to get my friends mixed up in any of this…for hurting Nicole and Dragon…for killing Frog…,” I add all I can think of, until Zander’s pistol is out of bullets. I would have demanded another gun and kept going, but Zander picks me up and takes me to Hawk.
“Take her back to her room, and this time do what I fucking tell you and keep her there,” he growls. He’s mad, but even so, he kisses my face gently and whispers into my ear, “I’m so fucking proud of you, Hellcat.”
Then I’m in Hawk’s arms and going back inside. I can hear Zander growl at Dragon, but I let it go. He can handle his own shit. I’m suddenly very tired.
44
Crusher
My woman has motherfucking balls of steel. Jesus. She fucking amazes me. Even with all the shit going on, I couldn’t be more proud of her. I knew she was special from the first moment I saw her, but fuck, I had no idea.
I’m on lock down, per Dragon’s orders. I haven’t told Dani. I don’t want her worrying. With Michael gone, she’s going through some shit. She’s not really talking to me about it, and that shit needs to stop. I’m fully expecting to have my patch taken and voted out of the club. The branding of the tat is going to hurt like a motherfucker, I’m okay with it. If I had to go back, I’d do it all again.
Besides, the fact that Dragon felt it was okay to fake his own fucking death and tell the President of other clubs and not let his VP, or his Enforcer know speaks volume about the shape of this fucking club. It’s not completely Dragon’s fault, Bull and I are responsible too, but I’m still fucked up about it. The more I talk to Diesel, the more I am sure that a change of setting would be good for Dani and me. Diesel and I were just as tight back in the day as I was with Dragon. I respect him, and I’m pretty sure it’d be a good move.
“What are you thinking so hard about, Cowboy?” Dani asks.
“I’m thinking how mo
therfucking lucky I am to have you,” I tell her, and it’s the truth.
“Yeah, I’m a real catch,” she sighs holding her hand up, the one with the missing finger, to look at it.
“You are, Hellcat. You’re everything and more than I could have imagined.”
She shakes her head no, but squeezes my hand.
“Have you talked with Dragon? Is Nicole okay?”
Nicole went into early labor the day of the funeral. She was too early in the pregnancy, and the baby had some major problems, but the little guy is a fighter and gets to come home soon. Nicole has led my brother on a major fucking twisted trip. It’s been so bad between her and Dragon that even my woman took Dragon aside and gave him advice. I never thought, I’d see that. Still after a couple of weeks, it looks like they’ve found their way back together.
“Yeah baby, the doctors even think Dom can come home soon,” I tell her.
She smiles. “That’s good.”
“What do you think about going on a trip with me when you’re able?” I ask her, because before I make a final decision I need to know. I’m not doing anything without my woman from here on out.
“A trip?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. I’m thinking a change of scenery would do you good. Diesel asked me to come help him out at his club, and I’m thinking about it. I think Tennessee would be good for the both of us.”
“Tennessee?”
“Yeah baby, we could rent a house on the water, I think you’d like it.” I watch her face closely. I don’t want to do anything she’s not a hundred percent on board with.
“Zander, I’m pretty messed up. I don’t think…I’m not sure I’m ready for…I mean, I love you, I do. But, there’s just…”
I put my fingers on her lips. I know where she’s going, and I just can’t let her go there. She will heal. I will get her there. It’s just going to take time.