by Jordan Marie
“That’s so not true!”
“You think I’m fucked up enough that I would try and make you a replacement for another woman!”
“Well…”
“And before that, you thought I was using you as a reason to stay sober.”
“Bull…”
And before that, I was just looking to get my dick wet, right?”
“You’re twisting things…”
“That’s easy to do when you tell a woman you love her, and she has trouble meeting your eyes.”
“Bull…”
“If you weren’t ever going to forgive me for how we met, Skye. You should have just told me.”
“I…Bull, that’s not it! I do forgive you! I just…”
“You just don’t trust me. Hell, maybe you never will,” I tell her walking out.
“Where are you going?”
“To the club. I need a drink.”
“Are you coming back home?”
I don’t answer. I just slam the door behind me. Let her worry.
39
Bull
“I’ll have one of whatever he’s having.”
I look up from my drink to see Dragon sit down beside me. He picks up my Tom Collins and swirls it around in the glass.
“Fucking hell, has that doctor turned you into a pansy ass? Cancel that, Six. Get me a Jack on the rocks.”
“Kiss my ass,” I grumble, taking another drink.
“Looks too much like your face,” he comes back. I flip him off. “What’s up with you anyways?”
“Woman troubles.”
“Amen,” Dragon says, and takes a drink, before slamming it back on the table.
“Trouble in paradise?” I ask him, because fuck he has it made with Nic. We all know it.
“Fucking women man. Life is so much simpler without them.”
“Truth,” I tell him taking a drink.
“Nowhere near as fucking good though,” Dragon says, staring off into space.
I grunt, it’s all I have in me.
“She wants another baby. She wants another fucking baby.”
“So, give her one.”
“Fuck man, I almost lost her and Dom the last time. I don’t think the universe wants me to have kids,” Dragon grumbles, finishing his drink. He signals Six to bring him another one.
“Quit bitching. Your woman accepts you like you are, and still fucking wants you. Give her a baby.”
“The Doc, giving you problems?”
“She doesn’t trust me. She questions everything I tell her. Hell, I don’t know if she will ever believe me. It wouldn’t surprise me if she thought me being a club member is just a way to relive my childhood.”
“Fuck.”
“That’s about the size of it, Drag.”
“Remember when the biggest problem we had was how to shut a motherfucker up?”
“Gun, bomb, or good old fashioned torture,” I tell him, leaning back in my chair.
“Those were the fucking days,” Dragon says.
“You going to knock your old lady up?”
“Well I sure ain’t going without sex, so probably,” he growls, finishing his drink. “You going to show the Doc what being a member of the crew is all about?”
“Fuck, I don’t know man.”
“I take it telling her about Dancer’s Christmas present would probably freak her the fuck out.”
“Tell her we got four men chained up in the shed waiting for Dancer to blow their fucking heads off or whatever else he wants to do to them? Yeah, I’m thinking that’d send her running.”
“So, treat Skye, like Dance does Red,” he says, spinning his glass around.
“How’s that?”
“Tell her nothing specific, but let her know you handle your shit.”
“Hell man, I thought that’s what I was doing. This woman has me all upside down. I feel like I’m spending every fucking day walking on eggshells.”
“Why?” he asks, and it’s a damn good question.
“Fuck man, from the moment we met, I’ve been a screw up. She knows I had the clap man. I feel like a fucking…”
“Stop talking about your feelings motherfucker. Do you make sure she can’t walk after you give her dick?”
I laugh at his question, which comes out more like a snort. “Or talk,” I tell him.
“Then she’s got shit to complain about. I’d say your problem is, you’re trying too damn hard.”
“That’s rich coming from the asshole who doesn’t let his woman walk.”
“Hell, that’s not for her, I just like the way it feels to have her ass in my hands. Makes my dick hard,” he says, before getting up, and slapping me on the back. “Go back to your woman. Leave no doubt in her mind that you’re a fucking man, and not one she could replace. And instead of fixing her breakfast, eat her for breakfast. Treat her like you would a Twinkie.”
“Skye’s not a Twinkie, Drag man, she’s special,” I growl, because she is. “She’s classy, smart, funny, and she doesn’t need any fucker…”
“She’s a woman. You can treat her special. But there ain’t a woman around who doesn’t want it hard and dirty. They appreciate a man who gives them that.”
“But I do…”
“Even outside of bed. Fuck! Why in the hell do you think I spend so much time fucking my woman in the back room?”
“So, the brothers can hear her scream?”
“Hell no. Though I got to admit, I enjoy the fuck out of that shit. I’d much rather be in a damn bed with her though. I do it because it makes her hotter than hell. She likes it dirty, and I like being the motherfucker lucky enough to give that to her.”
“So, you think sex can cure anything?”
“No, but it can damn sure make the rest easier to swallow,” he says walking off.
“Where the fuck you going?” I ask him.
“Off to find Nicole,” he calls back.
“And knock her up?”
“Probably, but she’s going to fucking swallow a few times to earn that shit.”
AW
I watch as he leaves—mad and angry. Joy spreads through me. I’ve been forced into watching Skye from a distance. Having him leave like this, gives me hope. I look through my binoculars and see her standing at the door crying. Crying over someone so far beneath her.
My joy is replaced by anger.
It’s time I stop stalling.
It’s time she learned.
I will teach her. I will train her. She will learn…in time…or else…
She wasn’t truly the one.
40
Bull
Addiction is a funny thing. Even when you don’t want the shit, there’s a part deep inside of you that craves it. I’m lying on the bed in my room at the Savage compound. After Dragon left, I didn’t know what to do with my sorry ass. So, I came back here thinking I would sleep. That hasn’t worked. All I keep thinking about is, Skye. Outside in the main room there’s a party is in full swing. I didn’t want to be there, but I shouldn’t be here either.
I look at the bottle of pills I’m holding in my hand, staring at them, and even now, thinking how it’d be easier to live with them. My hand tightens on them, and the urge to down them is there. It’s screaming at me.
Instead, I throw them across the room. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that’d be a decision I couldn’t rebound from. That’d be something that would forever put Skye out of my reach. The bottle crashes against the wall hard enough that the lid pops off, and pills scatter on the concrete floor.
I’m pissed and the kicker is that it’s not even at Skye. I’m a fucking idiot. I’ve been trying to be perfect for her, instead of just being myself. No wonder she doesn’t trust me. I haven’t even tried showing her all of me. She probably does think I’m part of some kind of useless club. She hasn’t even seen that side of me.
Hell, I should have just walked away from Skye, and never tried to reach for her. I knew she was out of my league. I rub t
he top of my head, I haven’t taken a thing, I’ve not even had a drink, but my brain feels cloudy as hell. Is this what loving a woman does to your ass? No wonder my brothers always acted like fools. I sure as hell won’t be giving Dragon flack now.
Even now, I have the urge to run back to Skye with my tail between my legs, but I don’t. I just can’t get past the fact…fuck, I don’t know what I can’t get over—but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that Skye won’t let her defenses down around me.
I leave the room feeling not one fucking bit better about shit. I just know I need to get out of there before the walls close in on me. I decide to get on my bike and ride, that always clears my head and maybe then I can go back to Skye and try and work this out.
“Hey man, where ya going?” I look over at Six, and he’s sitting at the bar alone. He’s all fucked up since he and Lips broke up. Lips went back home to Chicago, and Six didn’t want to move with her. He’s turned into a sorry sack of shit since she left. Hell, if he was going to grieve himself to death over her, he should have just followed her. Would I leave the state to follow Skye? I’m pretty fucking sure the answer would have been yes. That is, if she would just give herself to me completely. Fuck, if I’d kept her as long as Six had Lips? And Skye loved me the way Lips obviously did Six? There wouldn’t be a fucking question.
“I’m going to go ride my bike for a bit man, clear my head,” I tell him, going over and slapping him on his shoulder.
“Bullshit man. Come have a drink with me,” he says, and his words are starting slur, so I can tell he’s been at it awhile.
I sit down reluctantly, I know what it means to lose a woman you care about. I might not have been in love with Carrie, but it still hurt.
“Beer,” I tell one of the new prospects. I haven’t even learned the kid’s name. I heard Freak and Dragon call him numb nuts—I hope for his sake he doesn’t end up with that road name.
I take a drink, before turning to face Six. “Dude why don’t you just give this shit up and go get your woman?”
“She left man. I ain’t begging no pussy,” he huffs.
“Lips is a good woman, Six. They ain’t easily found,” I tell him, but I can tell there’s no talking sense into his ass.
“The fuck you say! There’s good pussy everywhere!” he slurs back, and spins his barstool around to watch the girls dancing. “There’s some good pussy right there. Come over here girls and give me and my brother some loving.”
I hold my head down. When he yells over at the Twins. That’s their names, they probably have individual ones, but I haven’t taken the time to know them. They’re good women, I’m not saying that. In fact, of all the women I’ve been with here in the club, I probably respect them the most. I worried that I might have passed some shit on to them after Skye gave me my diagnosis, but Melissa was the only one that had sucked my cock, and I meant what I had told Skye, I keep my shit wrapped up when I’m fucking. I don’t usually go from pussy to pussy either. I tend to find one and settle in until I get bored. I may have not wanted Melissa’s pussy since the first time, but I wanted the pills she could give my sorry ass. Then, once I got the pills, I didn’t give a fuck where I got off, or with whom. I just wanted to quit thinking. Goddamn! I’m a twisted fucker. Skye would be better off without me.
I’m starting to feel the walls closing in on me. Now is usually the time I would reach for pills, but I’m not going down that road again. Time for me to go hop on my bike. Before I can make my move, one of the Twins glides into my lap, wraps her arm around the back of my neck, and pulls my face into her boobs. Before Skye, I would have definitely dived into them. Before Skye I would have done a lot more. Now that I’ve had Doc, I have no interest.
“Listen Six, buddy I’m going to head out. I got some shit to do,” I tell him, pulling my head away.
“Aw, c’mon man. The Twins are in the mood to party.”
“Sure are,” the girls say, almost together.
The one in my lap starts sucking on the side of my neck. Jesus, how can something that feels so good, make my damn cock stand up and take notice, and yet, make my skin crawl?
I’m busy trying to pull away from her, to get the hell out of here, so I ignore the door when it opens. Oh, but I hear her voice….
“I’m looking for Bull? I’m his…”
“Skye?” I interrupt her, before I can stop my big mouth. The smart thing would be to fucking hide—or dump the girl on the floor. Shit any of those! No, I just sit there like an idiot with a semi-hard-on, staring at my woman in disbelief. I think my day just went from bad to fucking shit.
41
Skye
Insane. That’s what I am. I don’t know what I’m doing. After Bull left, I just kept getting more upset. I couldn’t contain it. He’s not completely right. I do think he’s a man. He’s an amazing man, and I love him. I have been keeping him at a distance, however. I’m terrified to drop my final defenses, and let him in. I may have told him I loved him, but I did it when I thought I was dying, and besides, he never heard me. Knowing all of that, I haven’t tried to tell him since.
I don’t want to lose him because I’m afraid. It’s time I move, and jump in with both feet, because I haven’t. I can do this. I hold life in my hands at work every day! Surely, I can handle a relationship with a biker who scares the hell out of me.
My bravado stays in place all the way there, until I get out of my car. There’s definitely a party going on, I understand why Nicole warned me. Now, I’m almost ready to run back home. There’s people out in the parking lot around a big bonfire. It’s dark, but there’s a street lamp, and I can see some man getting a blow job, there’s women dancing naked…
Nicole warned me the parties here can get pretty wild. What will I see if I go inside? Do I really want to? I click the door locks on my keychain, the sound of my car’s horn makes me jump. I give myself a pep talk all the way to the door. I stand there, unsure what to do. My courage has taken a nosedive. I jump when the door opens and a man comes out in a vest like the one Bull wears all the time. It says Freak on it. I’ve heard Bull talking to him on the phone, but he’s definitely one of the members I haven’t met.
I’ve gotten used to calling Bull by his nickname. I’m not sure I could ever call a man I care about Freak. Though when I look at him, I can’t say the name doesn’t fit. He has these piercings and ink, and when I say ink, I don’t mean just some. No, Freak is covered in ink. I don’t think there’s one part about him not inked up. Even his face has ink on it. It disappears under his collar but right before it does there’s this…bullet hole, and it looks so real…it looks as if there is blood dripping from it. I jump back, quickly, barely resisting the urge to touch the tattoo. It has to be a tattoo, because if it was a real wound he wouldn’t be standing here.
“Whoa, there sweet thing. You’re looking a little lost,” he says, putting his hands on my shoulders to steady me.
“I uh…I’m looking for Bull?”
He looks me over, before asking, “You Bull’s doctor?”
“Yeah,” I answer, wondering if I still am.
“Gotcha. Well, I’m late to pick up my women, so I’ll see you later. Be careful in there. It’s party night. Anyone comes near you, just tell them you’re Bull’s property.”
I nod, unsure of what to say. Besides, I’m kind of speechless. Whether it’s because he’s late to pick up his women instead of one woman, or that he told me to tell people I was Bull’s property, I couldn’t say. Maybe it is a mixture of both. He holds the door open for me, and I don’t have a choice but to go on in.
When I’m inside, I really want to take off running back to my car. I get mad at myself. I’m not a woman without a backbone, and I’m not about to start now. I love Bull, and I’m not a pushover. I can do this, and if Bull’s not man enough to accept my apology, then I’m going to go back and enjoy a two-hour bubble bath, a good book, a bottle of wine, and I’ll forget all about Dorian Kane! Even as I think it, I know I�
�m lying. I don’t want to forget Bull. I don’t think I can.
Just inside of the door, there’s a man sitting with a similar jacket but instead of a name patch like Bull’s—it says nothing. Maybe he doesn’t have a name?
“You been approved by the brother’s? You look different than the normal chicks, and you’ve got way too many fucking clothes on to keep a man’s interest.”
I look down at my jeans, long-sleeved shirt, and then back to the man.
“I’m looking for Bull? I’m his…,”
Crap! What do I say? Girlfriend? Doctor? Property?
“Skye?”
I turn when I hear Bull’s voice, and what I see causes physical pain. He’s got a half-dressed, gorgeous woman, on his lap. Her hair is midnight black and so long it caresses her ass. I’d like to hack it off, and let it cover her body, after I beat the hell out of her. She’s beautiful. I hate her, but I hate him more. Bastard!
“Well, I guess I’m not anything to you. Here I thought you were upset. Guess I needn’t have worried. It looks like you wasted no time finding someone to take my place. Gee! Maybe that is how you operate!” I tell him. I wish I had a something to throw at him.
He just sits there with a stupid look on his face. I’d have to get closer to him to slap him, so instead, I just turn and walk out. Asshole.
42
Bull
It’s like watching a natural disaster. It happens in front of your eyes, and you just sit there watching, unable to tear your eyes away. I’m just sitting here like an idiot, when the woman I care most about in the world turns and walks away. When the door slams, I’m finally jarred out of my stupor, stand up, and then catch one of the Twins, before she falls. Of course, I literally shove her out of the way to get to the door.