by Jordan Marie
“Men aren’t supposed to look beautiful, Care Bear. They’re supposed to be masculine, rugged even.”
“Well you’re ruggedly beautiful then, Jacob Blake,” I compliment him, taking the two steps it takes to get next to him. I put my hands on his chest, my eyes still glued on his face.
“You’re a nut, Carolina Blake.”
“I’m not a Blake yet.”
“You will be very soon,” he says, his hands wrapping around me, and pulling me even closer to him.
“I love you, Jacob. I can’t wait to be your wife,” I tell him, wishing he would open his eyes for me.
“I love you, Carrie. Thank you for being my wife,” he says, resting his forehead against me.
“Silly man,” I tell him, my heart full. I reach up to put my lips on his. I run my tongue along his, before pushing into his mouth. Each kiss with Jacob it feels like I haven’t kissed him in years, and I’m finally coming home. His tongue wraps around mine, conquering it, and I give him control, because that’s how we both like it. Soon the kiss changes to one of hunger, our bodies pushing against each other, his fingers biting into my ass and mine clawing into his back. His leg slides between mine, pushing up against my center, putting friction against my clit and reminding me all I have on is my robe.
“Jesus Christ, Carrie. What are you wearing?”
“If you would open your eyes you’d see,” I grumble.
“Quit tempting me, Care Bear.”
“I don’t suppose I could convince you that it’s a formal custom for the bride to have sex before the actual wedding ceremony?”
“I don’t think I’ve heard of that one,” he says laughing.
“It’s a family custom.”
“Nice try woman. Get out of here, before I’m tempted to actually see what you’re wearing.”
“I was trying to tempt you into something else.”
“Believe me, Care Bear, I’m tempted.”
“Apparently, not enough,” I sigh. “What’s in the box?” I ask him, looking at the big box at his feet.
“Something you can’t open until you get back in your room and close the door. Because I need to go get a few things ready.”
“Okay, but only because I’m dying to know what’s in the box.”
“See you soon Care Bear,” Jacob says, as I take the box and go back into my room.
“You can bet on it,” I tell him, wishing I could see him now. I stand there on the other side of the door until I hear him walk away. Then I slowly walk to my bed and sit down with the giant, but thankfully light box. When I open it, at first it doesn’t hit me. Then slowly it clicks into place. I stand up and pull the dress inside of the box to my body. I drape it over me and look in the mirror.
It’s an antique white dress, with hand sewn pearls and small crystal like grommets everywhere. It’s layers of silk, lace, and intricately hand sewn beads on a train that will follow me for yards and yards. It’s sleeveless, showing cleavage and little peek-a-boo sections along my stomach. That part is new. The stomach has been taken in and changed to a more modern feel, but there’s enough that I recognize this dress. It’s my mother’s wedding dress. Jacob had my mother’s wedding dress altered for today. Altered for me to wear.
Heat and warmth fills me. He truly is giving me my dream wedding. My dream wedding where I’m surrounded by everyone I love, even those who can’t be here with me in this life anymore. Tears hit my eyes again. It’s a good thing I haven’t done my make-up yet. With the way Jacob keeps surprising me, it might be better if I don’t wear any.
I look up at the clock. I don’t know if I’ll survive till the wedding. I want to marry Jacob…now.
16
Jacob
“You’re looking nervous, old man,” Dragon says, coming up behind me. “I’d offer you a drink…but…” I hold up my hand to stop his words. I don’t drink other than a beer here and there. I never had a problem with alcohol, but I used it as a crutch to stop the memories. When I finally got my head out of my ass and did everything I could to keep Carrie, I swore off that crap. I never looked back. I got into therapy with the help of my brothers, and I haven’t stopped, even if I don’t go as often. I thought once I ended the men behind the attack, I’d be finished with all of this. I’d be whole again. I’m starting to wonder if that’s the case.
“Just don’t want shit fucking this up,” I tell him truthfully, without adding I’m afraid I’ll mess shit up. Except for Carrie and Jazz, I haven’t had a lot of good in my life that I haven’t managed to mess up.
“You have thirty minutes before your woman gets down that aisle. Shit, you even put on a monkey suit for her. You got it made man. Relax.”
“I notice you and the boys aren’t wearing them.”
“I tried that once. Not happening again. Damn man, sit down. You’re making me nervous.”
I sit down on the old garden bench beside Dragon and he’s right. I’m letting my nerves get to me. Shit. I’m even wringing my hands like a pussy. I look out over Mom’s garden. It’s been set up for the perfect wedding. There are chairs covered in white material tied with pink bows. The silk runner is running through the aisle created by the chairs. There’s an arch that’s covered in Carrie’s favorite daisies. The wedding band has set up behind the crowd and are testing the microphones and speakers. My other brothers are standing around laughing, and Mary is in her element, making sure the reception, which is located on the far end of the yard, is perfect. There’s a giant event tent covering the tables, and even from here, I can see the wedding cake that has been delivered and set up. It’s beautiful. Everything Carrie could want, right down to a dance floor surrounded in soft lighting, for later, and streamers. I thought of everything—or at least I think I did. I just wish it was all done and Carrie was in my arms.
“I just want it done. This shit makes me nervous. You remember what happened when Freak and Nikki got married? And let’s not even talk about the mess that happened with you and Nicole.”
“Freak and Nikki still got married. Hell, he’d be here if Nikki hadn’t gone into labor.”
“I know, but—”
“But nothing. It was a snow storm and they still got married.”
“It was a snow storm in April.”
“Whatever. It didn’t stop the wedding. That’s my point. And Nic and I had a fucking amazing wedding. The other one was fucked up from the beginning and us keeping shit from each other was the reason for that whole thing.”
“Well, that and Dani’s fucked-up past,” I agree, with a sigh.
“Even that wouldn’t have mattered if Nic and I had talked. You don’t have shit to worry about man. You and Carrie don’t have secrets.”
“Except the whole damn wedding I hid from her,” I mutter, rubbing my hand against my jawline. I thought about shaving, but Carrie seems to like my beard, and today, I want to make sure she gets everything she wants.
“Yeah, except that. Jesus, relax asshole. She knows about the wedding now, and she hasn’t called it off.”
“Yeah. You’re right. I just need her here.”
“Christ, tell me you’re going to grow your balls back after this shit.”
“Fuck you,” I grumble, but can’t stop from laughing because he’s not wrong. I’m tying myself up in knots here. I look at my watch. Twenty minutes. “We could go stand with the brothers. It’s almost time.”
“Let’s go, before you piss yourself,” Dragon says, putting his drink down.
“Kiss my ass,” I mutter, standing up.
“Looks too much like your face,” he jokes, flipping me off, and as weird as it sounds, he’s somehow help set my nerves at ease. Damn bastard.
17
Carrie
“Are you ready?”
Am I? I look at Nicole through the mirror like she’s crazy. I’ve been ready since I woke up and read Jacob’s note. I can’t wait to marry him. Being separated from him is killing me.
“She looks ready to me, but Zander sai
d to make sure Carrie got this before the wedding,” Dani announces, coming into the room holding Jazz’s hand.
“Mommy you’re beautiful!” Jazz grins, running to me.
I bend down to catch her, thinking the same thing. Jazz’s dress matches mine for the most part and her beautiful red hair has been French-braided with small white daisies placed through it.
“So do you munchkin. I love your hair.”
“Mamaw Mary did it.”
“It’s perfect, just like you,” I tell her, bending in and rubbing her nose—which makes her giggle. That’s our thing. We always rub noses like es-kee-moses. That’s at least how Jazz says it. It never fails to make me smile. Of course, I do that every time I hear my daughter laugh.
“Here carrot-top,” Dani says, pushing a small box my way. I go to the bed, pulling Jazz up beside me, and carefully open the box.
Inside, there’s white tissue paper that I fold back. There’s a blue garter that has little tiny pearls over it. A small handwritten note that says, “Something Blue.” It makes me smile, and thankfully not cry and mess up my makeup.
“Who would have thought my son could be so romantic?” Mary asks from the door. I grin at her. We both know Jacob’s heart. He’d move Heaven and Earth for the women he loves. “They’re wanting everyone outside. It’s time to get this show on the road.”
“Even me?”
“Especially you my Jazzy,” Mary laughs. Everyone files out all talking and laughing. I’m standing, but my legs feel shaky. I’m going to marry Jacob…finally. Mary comes over and adjusts my veil.
“It looks gorgeous on you.”
“I like that I have mom’s dress and your veil. The two people who are so important to me. I love you, Mary.”
“It’s going to be a great day, and I’ll have to thank my son for finally making you my real daughter,” she says, squeezing my hand.
“I like that,” I tell her, feeling like my heart is overfull.
“Then we better get you outside. That fancy band my son hired is already playing music.”
“Lead the way,” I tell her, securing the band that holds my train up around my wrist.
It’s finally time.
18
Dancer
“How are you going to like being a married man?” Mom asks, as I escort her down the aisle. I still didn’t get a glimpse of Carrie, but she did call out she loved me and that’s helped. I just need to survive a little longer and I’ll finally have everything I want.
“I’ve been married to Carrie for years, Mom, at least in every way that counted,” I tell her, as we make it to her seat.
“It’s good you’re making it official. I love you, Son.”
“Love you too,” I tell her, leaning down to kiss her temple. The word love is still hard for me, though it does get easier with Carrie and Jazz, since I tell them over and over every day. It feels good letting Mary know however. She deserves that and more.
I walk to my position beside the preacher and wait. The music slightly changes and here comes Skye dressed in a pale pink dress that leaves her shoulders bare and ends just below her knees. Bull is holding her close. My brothers may have refused to wear suits, but seeing Bull in jeans and his Savage cut, I like it. My family. I wish I had worn mine, but Carrie deserves her prince. I’ll never be that. Hell, I’ll probably always be a troll like in that silly fairytale I made up. Yet, for Carrie, I’m trying. Bull escorts Skye to her spot and kisses her before coming to me, grabbing my hand in his. The fucker squeezes a bit too hard, but I understand. He’s happy for me. For all the shit he likes to give me, I love the motherfucker.
Next, Crusher and Dani walk down the aisle. If any of the women have made major changes these last few years, it’s been Dani. She looks so relaxed and happy now. Moving to Tennessee has been good for her and my brother. Dani is special to me. She helped me more times than I can count when I was working my head around shit and trying to come out of the darkness for Carrie. Maybe because she’s been there, she knows the demons I deal with. Whatever the reason, I probably talk to her more than I do Crusher. Since they’ve moved Dani and I touch base at least once a week, before I hand Carrie the phone. She went through a small rough patch when they thought they weren’t going to get to adopt Dakota, but she’s taken to being a mother like she was made for it. Crusher says they’re going to adopt a little girl soon. Dani deserves that. She deserves all the happiness she can find in this world, and I love my brother more for hanging in there and making sure she gets it.
The music shifts again, and I look up as Dragon and Nicole walk…no…strut down the aisle. Dragon never just walks, anywhere, I think with a smile. Nicole’s dress is a shade darker than the others, her long blonde hair spilling over her shoulders. She keeps looking up at Dragon and smiling. From the first moment I watched these two together, I knew what they had was special. I resented it at first—because I’m an asshole. Then, I was jealous of it. After I finally stopped pushing Carrie away, I realized that I always had that kind of relationship in my reach. I’m fucking glad Carrie never gave up on me.
When Dragon finally takes his spot beside me, clapping me hard on the shoulder, those fucking nerves I’ve been fighting with return with a vengeance. The music changes again, to the opening chords of the wedding march. My stomach tightens as Jazz comes into view. She’s wearing a beautiful white dress that Mary helped me get made. It looks just like the one Carrie will be wearing. Jazz is a miniature Carrie and that’s just how it should be. I love that she’s growing up to be as beautiful and giving as her mother. Of course, when she gets older I’m going to fucking kill any of the boys who try to touch her. It’s my job as her father.
Jazz gets about half way down the aisle. She’s throwing little pink petals out and staring intently at the basket. Then she looks up—and it’s over.
“Daddy!” she yells and takes off running to me. I barely have time to bend down and grab her in my arms before she makes contact. Everyone is laughing, but me. This moment changes things for me. The nerves disappear. The worries disintegrate. I inhale the scent of my daughter. Sweet, gentle, Jazz mixed in with the baby lotion Carrie has always put on her. There’s nothing for me to worry about. My girls are just that. Mine. Everything is good. It’s better than good. I hold Jazz to me.
“Daddy loves you, Princess,” I whisper to her, feeling that all the way to my toes.
“Come to Uncle Dragon, so Daddy can pay attention to the preacher man,” Dragon says from behind me, and with one last squeeze I hand her over and turn, waiting for Carrie to walk to me.
I must have been holding my breath, because the minute I see her standing there, taking that first step I exhale so hard it hurts my lungs.
“You’re a lucky bastard,” Dragon says from behind me. I can’t tear my eyes away from Carrie to even yell at him for cursing in front of Jazz. I don’t want to miss a minute of her walking to me. She walks slowly, in time with the music. There’s the veil covering her face and as much as I wanted her to wear it—I now hate it. Carrie said it was a tradition that was slowly fading and she wanted to wear one. She liked the idea of her husband lifting it away. I understand that, but right now I want to see her eyes. The minute she gets to me I fix it so the veil is pulled up out of the way.
Her beautiful green eyes are shining at me. There’s tears rolling down her face, but those beautiful lips of hers carries the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.
“You’re not supposed to cry, Care Bear,” I tell her, my thumb trying to catch the next tear as it falls.
“I can’t help it. I’m marrying my, Prince,” she whispers. “I love you, Jacob.”
“I love you too,” I tell her, leaning down and taking her lips with mine. The taste is slightly salty from her tears, cherry from her lip gloss, and all Carrie. I drink from them, sucking them into my mouth, wondering how a woman you have been with for years now still manages to taste brand new with each kiss. Wondering how she can still feel innocent and like light itself
to me, but she does, and I know she always will.
“Son, we’re not at that part yet,” the preacher whispers, while the others laugh. Carrie hands Nicole her bouquet of daisies I had made, and turns back to me, holding my hands.
“Maybe we should hurry this along then Pastor Jones?” she says, her eyes not leaving mine. That makes everyone laugh, including me.
My woman is as ready for this as I am.
19
Carrie
I didn’t think it was possible to love him more than I already do, but seeing the way he’s looking at me, and witnessing how much time and effort he put into our wedding, I know it is. If that wasn’t enough, watching our daughter run to her father and the way he held her? I don’t have words for what that feels like.
The preacher begins the ceremony, and I do my best to listen, but I can’t seem to concentrate on anything but the look on Jacob’s face. Then I hear words that shocks me more than anything else has today.
“Mr. Blake has prepared his own vows,” he says, and my heart stops before turning over.
“Jacob?” I ask, not knowing what I’m asking for, partially in shock. He clears his throat, avoiding my eyes, and definitely looking uncomfortable. I’m just about to rescue him somehow, tell him he doesn’t have to…something. I feel like he’s put himself on the line all to give me a perfect wedding. It has been—absolutely. A woman couldn’t ask for anything more than what he’s given me. But, I don’t want too much pressure on himself. It’s not needed. I know he lo—
“Everything,” he says his voice gruff, as he looks at me, and my protests die on my slightly parted lips.
“That’s the one word I keep coming back to, Carrie. All week long I’ve tried to write vows to tell you how special you are and how much you mean to me. I wanted to give you your dream wedding. The one finally wedding a prince and not a troll, but Care Bear, I couldn’t manage to write the words,” he says, his hand going back to rub the back of his neck. His deep brown eyes are staring straight at me, his brow creased. I reach out, on reflex, and let my fingers lightly brush the side of his face with my fingers. His beard tickles against the pads of my fingers, but I’m too engrossed in Jacob to give into the smile that touching him always brings me.