Becca

by Krystek, Dean

  “Am I safe from bodily fluids now?”

  “I should be okay for a while. But I’ve got this nausea that’s making me sick.” She giggled. “You know what I mean. Come closer,” she said and beckoned him with her finger. He did, leaning over to her. His face inches from hers. “Take that mask off.”

  “They told me to keep it on.”

  “I’m telling you to take if off. Just for a second.”

  “I’m not supposed to breathe on you.”

  “Stop breathing, but take that damn mask off.”

  He took it off.

  She reached up with her hands, pulled his face to her, and kissed him hard and passionately. Then she released him. “Thanks,” she said.

  “I should be thanking you.”

  “I needed that,” she said.

  Bert slipped the mask back over his mouth and held her hands and they fell silent for a few minutes. He soothed her hair and kissed her forehead with the mask on.

  “It’s tomorrow, isn’t it?” Becca asked suddenly. “Oh, my God, that’s…oh, I guess I lost track of time. I thought we had more time. I knew this day was coming…I just didn’t want it to get here. I didn’t see you enough.”

  “You weren’t allowed visitors for a few days. The nurses told me on the phone. And you said not to come in—”

  “My father was here a lot and I didn’t want you two to mix it up. He did that on purpose. See, that’s another reason why I hate him.” She waved her hand at him.

  He rubbed the back of his hand across her cheek. “I can’t imagine what it’s like,” he said seriously.

  “It’s not fun, that’s for sure. I’m pissed off ‘cause I won’t be able to see you off at the airport. Well, don’t look so sad, Josh, you’ll be back before you know it. Right?”

  “Yes, before I know it.”

  “You don’t sound very sure of that. Look, this sucks. But what can we do? You’ll come back after basic training, right? Then you go to training and then—.” Becca stopped herself and covered her eyes with her hand momentarily. “I can’t think beyond that, okay? We’ll face what’s next when…when it happens. What horrible timing, huh?

  “You’re going to miss me, right?”

  Her change of subject caught him off guard, but he smiled and said, “Yes.”

  “I’m worried that you won’t think of me.”

  “I’ll always think of you.”

  “I don’t know what to do when you’re gone. Don’t report for induction.”

  “That’s not an answer.”

  “I know.” She sighed and that turned into a long yawn. She then poked his arm with her finger. “I want you to promise me that you’ll write.”

  “I will, Becca. And I’ll call you when I get a chance.”

  “And in a couple of months we’ll see each other again.”

  Bert wished he could be as positive as Becca. He wondered if this would be the last time he saw her and then dispelled that notion immediately. “That’s right,” he said.

  They spoke of other things and laughed, and held hands, losing track of time until the announcement that visiting hours were ending in five minutes.

  “Listen, I’m going ball like a baby here in a second,” Becca said, “but right now I’m going to throw up. Can you give me a minute to puke my guts out?”

  Bert helped her out of bed and to the bathroom. She seemed so frail and she shuffled with a tired gate. When she was finished in the bathroom, Becca came out and wrapped her arms around Bert, hugging him tightly.

  “I don’t want you let you go, but I don’t have the strength to hold you back,” Becca said.

  Bert kissed the top of her head. “If there was any way out of this…. Becca, I don’t…know what to say.”

  “Don’t say anything, Josh. Keep your mouth shut. Oh my God, I’m going to throw up again. Give me another minute, please.” She hurried back into the bathroom and shut the door. “We don’t have much time,” she said when she came out of the bathroom a second time. “Open the drawer there, I’ve written down my address and phone number for you.”

  Bert put the paper in his pocket.

  “I expect a lot of letters and phone calls,” Becca said, her eyes tearing.

  “You can count on it.”

  “Oh my God, Josh…I’m lost. I feel like…I don’t know…like my world’s about to stop spinning and I’m going lose my mind.”

  “Becca…” he didn’t know what to say. Words escaped him. Quietly, he cursed God and the government. Both had turned his life upside down at the time when his life was beginning to come into focus. Becca needed him at her side, yet he was abandoning her.

  The announcement ending visiting hours came.

  “This is it, Josh. Time for us to say good-bye. Let’s do it real quick or I swear I’ll wrap my arms around your legs and you’ll have to drag me along with you.” She held out her hand. “Good bye—no, I mean see you later, gater.”

  When Bert gently brushed her hand aside, Becca grabbed his shirt and with what little strength she had, pulled him to her. They embraced fiercely and kissed.

  “Oh my God,” she said, when their lips parted. “What am I going to do? Really…this is serious.”

  “Get well, Becca,” Josh said. “Get well.”

  Eight

  I

  Bert saw Carol’s smiling face when he walked into the terminal. He half expected to see Becca with her and knew that if she were able to be there she would be. She had written to him constantly, and a photograph enclosed with one of her letters showed her looking happy on the day her cast came off. Although Bert wanted to see Becca immediately, she had written him that he should spend time with his mother first before coming to see her.

  “Oh my goodness you look so wonderful,” Carol said, kissing his cheek and squeezing his hand. “I think you’ve gained weight, Bert. But, oh, they took your hair.”

  “It’ll grow back,” he said, smiling.

  “I’m glad things are going so well for you.”

  “Better than I expected.”

  She did not ask the question he knew she wanted to ask, so Bert said, “I don’t have any idea where I’m going after training.” That was not completely true. He had been selected for non-commissioned officer training, and virtually all of the graduates went to Vietnam.

  “You’re not going to be here long, honey only two weeks?”

  “If it wasn’t for Christmas, I probably wouldn’t have come home at all before my advance training started.”

  While they waited for his duffle bag in baggage claim, Bert and Carol discussed his training experience and Army life in general. His mind was on Becca, however, and before he left the airport, he called her.

  “Hey, soldier,” Becca said cheerfully.

  “Becca, you sound great.”

  “I am great. Well, not great maybe, but I feel a helluva lot better than the last time we were together. I wanna see you right away, Josh, but you need to spend time with your mom. Why don’t you call me this evening and we’ll get together and do nothing—sound like a plan? Or would you rather I wait to tomorrow.”

  “Are you kidding? See you tonight.”

  “Good. Now, soldier, I’m ordering you to spend time with your mom and don’t think about me for a while. I know that’s a lot to ask for—perhaps it’s impossible—but you need to put me in the back of your mind. Okay?

  “Roger.”

  “No, the name’s Becca. Holy cow, who’s Roger?” Becca chuckled. “Go home. Talk to you later.”

  But Becca did not wait for him to call her. Soon after Bert got home, the phone rang.

  “Hello, soldier, looking for a hot time?” Becca’s voice was one of controlled excitement.

  “Hi, Becca.”

  “That’s all you can say is hi Becca?”

  “How are you, Becca?”

  “Shut up, Josh.” Becca giggled. “Or should I say Private Martin? I don’t like the sound of that, actually.

  “Josh will do
.”

  “Change of plans, soldier. I want to see you right away.”

  “I’m taking my mom to dinner. Let’s get together right after.”

  “What time?”

  “Why don’t we say nineteen hundred?”

  “English please.”

  “Seven o’clock.”

  “Good, I’ll see you then.”

  II

  Becca arrived punctually.

  “Hi, Carol,” she said.

  “Oh, honey, how are you? Come in.”

  Becca stepped through the door and her appearance startled Bert. Though pale and gaunt, she wore her magical smile that brightened her eyes and wrinkled her nose.

  “Okay, I know, I look like hell,” she said, staring at Bert. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t give me a kiss.”

  He went to her and embraced her. She felt fragile. They kissed quickly and then Becca held him at arm’s length. “My oh my, Josh,” she said, smiling and looking at him from head to toe, “the Army agrees with you.” She rubbed her hand on his head. “Except where’s your hair?”

  “Swept into the trash long ago.”

  “I don’t know why they take your hair.”

  “Why not, they take everything else.”

  “Where’s your uniform?”

  “I’m on leave, I don’t need it.”

  “I wanted to see you in it.”

  “Some other day.”

  “Carol, I want to borrow him for a while, is that okay?”

  “Of course.”

  “I’ll bring him back.”

  Becca handed Bert the keys as they walked out to the car. She walked with a limp, holding his hand, not so much out of affection as it was to steady herself. Bert helped her into the car and started the engine. “Where’re we going?” he asked

  “Our favorite restaurant.”

  “I just ate.”

  “Smart ass. I know that. We’re having coffee.”

  Becca asked him a series of questions about his training and brought him up to date about Greg—who was leaving after the holidays to start UCLA in the spring semester.

  They managed to get the same booth they had the first time they had come here together.

  Becca told the waitress, “I’ll have coffee and the soldier—that explains the goofy hair—will have a Coke? Right, Josh?”

  “That’s it,” Bert said.

  After the waitress left, Becca said, “You still don’t drink coffee?”

  “Nope.”

  “I thought there was a law or something where soldiers had to drink coffee, smoke, swear, and screw. Isn’t that right?”

  “I don’t drink coffee, swear, or smoke.”

  “That’s really funny.”

  Bert felt a tug of pity and the bitterness of fear choked him. Becca did not look well. Even her hair, tied back in a ponytail, had lost its luster.

  “Please don’t stare at me, Josh,” Becca said. “I know I look a sight but I was in a hurry to see you.”

  He pulled his eyes from her and stared out at the parking lot. He thought about the first time they had come here. It hadn’t been that long ago, but so much had changed.

  They shared a couple of minutes of silence and when the waitress brought them their order, Becca said, “Okay…so we’re just so happy to see each other that we’ve spent like five minutes not talking. Have we lost it already, Josh” She sipped her coffee.

  “Perhaps we’re just overwhelmed.”

  Becca snickered. “Yeah, overwhelmed. So, Josh…tell me the truth…what’s happening next?”

  “I’m going to the NCO academy.”

  “Yeah, you told me, and when you graduate you’ll be a sergeant? That means you’ll be saluted and stuff like that.”

  “Sergeants don’t get saluted.”

  “No? Then what’s the big deal of being a sergeant?”

  “I’ll be a leader of men.”

  “Ah, I guess that’s cool for a guy. And where is it that you’re going to do this leading?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Liar.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I can see it on your face, Josh. You’re not telling me something.”

  “Really, I don’t have anything I’m not telling you.”

  “Why don’t I believe you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You’re going over there, aren’t you. Over to the war.”

  “It’s not a sure thing.”

  “But what do you think…no bullshit now.”

  “I…don’t know if I’m going to Vietnam.”

  “Bullshit.” She took another sip of her coffee and set the cup down hard enough to rattle the spoon.

  “Becca…” Bert took her hands in his and Becca sighed heavily.

  “I’m sorry, Josh. That was so stupid of me. I…I’m not like this…bitter…it’s just that I’m pissed off about stuff, you know what I mean?” She picked up her purse. “Let’s go.”

  Bert dropped money on the table and walked with her out into the parking lot. In the car, Becca turned on the heat full blast and shivered in her heavy coat.

  “I seem to have chill,” she said.

  “Becca, what’s wrong.”

  “Just drive, Josh.”

  With Becca’s directions, they ended up at the hatchet man.

  “It seems full tonight,” Bert said as he pulled into the parking area.

  “I don’t care. There’s a spot.”

  Three cars occupied the parking area. They appeared empty, except for the steamed windows. Bert carefully maneuvered the Mustang next to a tree, the branches of which scraped against the car’s roof. He turned off the headlights but kept the engine running.

  “We should have gotten gas,” he said. “You’ve got a quarter tank.”

  Becca opened her door. “Don’t move.”She climbed out of the car, then turned and pushed her seat forward and climbed into the back seat. “Get back here,” she said, wrapping her coat around her and shivering.

  Bert tried climbing between the seats, but that only resulted in giggles from Becca when the seat foiled his progress. He laughed then followed her example of getting out of the car and then getting back in.

  There was barely room for the two of them in the back seat. Even with the front seats pushed forward.

  Becca was leaning against the side of the car. Bert could not see her face, but he felt her eyes on him. Her perfume wafted over him. Her hand sought his. It was icy cold, soft, and he squeezed it gently.

  “So,” she said, “here we are.”

  “In the back seat of your Mustang.”

  “Yes.”

  Bert pulled her toward him. She came willingly and shivered when he put his arm around her. Her hand slipped from his and she slid it around his waist, her fingers taking baby steps against his shirt. Her frail body shook and he wanted to increase the pressure of his hold, but she seemed too fragile to stand it. Her hair tickled his chin. Her face, buried against his chest, moved and her teeth chattered.

  “I’m so cold,” she said.

  “No shit.”

  “Hey, no Army talk here, buddy. You’re with a lady.”

  “What kind of a lady would force a man to take her to a lover’s lane and then force him into the back seat of her car? Huh? You tell me what lady would do that.”

  “I guess you’re right. Swear. Say fuck…it turns me on.” She giggled and pushed herself against him.

  “Becca, what’re we doing?”

  “Well, we’re in the back seat of my car. What should we be doing?”

  “My first answer would be that we would be messing around, but there’s not enough room back here to do much of anything.”

  “There’s a lot we can do. And just so we’re perfectly clear on this, we’re taking advantage of each other okay? Do you have a problem with that soldier?”

  “No ma’am.”

  Becca’s hand took his and moved it to her breast; her hand pushed against his as if
trying to stamp the impression of her breast against his palm. She was not wearing a bra, and the soft sponginess throbbed with his touch. Bert felt her breath on his face, and then her open mouth cut off the word he was going to speak. Her hand left his and went around his neck, pulling him against her. She curled the fingers of her right hand into a fist and pushed against the small of his back, forcing him against her. He found her nipple and gave it a gentle squeeze through her blouse. She moaned, took her mouth from his, and pushed up her sweater and blouse. His hand slipped inside. The hot softness of her flesh yielded to his touch and she shivered and attacked his mouth again as his hand found the hotness of her breast and rubbed the nub of her nipple against his thumb and forefinger. Becca moaned and gyrated, and she put a hand on him and sought his hardness. She palmed it, pressing against it as if trying to keep in from moving and it was Bert’s turn to moan. His hands went from her nipples and slipped around her back, and brushed her flesh with his fingertips then moved to the waistband of her pants and found the zipper. He maneuvered it down as Becca sought his zipper. In the heat of their passion, she still shivered, almost uncontrollably, and then winced in pain.

  “What’s wrong, Becca?”

  “My leg…goddammit. It’s like an electric shock. Oh, Josh…I’m so sorry.”

  Bert adjusted his trousers.

  “You’re putting it away?” Becca asked. “Give me a minute.”

  “Becca,” Bert said, reaching for her and pulling her against him—not in passion, but protectively. “What’s wrong?”

  “You tell me first,” she said, her arms going around him again, searching for the warmth of his body. She shivered.

  “Tell you what?”

  “What you don’t want to tell me.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Tell me you aren’t going to war, Bert. Tell me you’re not going to Vietnam.”

  He paused and sighed before he answered. “I am. My whole class is going.”

  She nodded. “I knew it. God, I knew it. I prayed for you, Josh. I prayed that you wouldn’t go and now you telling me you are. Goddammit. You know? Just goddammit.” She sighed heavily. “Have you prayed for me, Josh?”