by Mj Fields
I looked over and she was asleep, I felt her head again, just to see if she was spiking a fever. She reached up and put her little hand over mine and she was still asleep. I could totally see myself fucking this girl more than three times, but then-- I wouldn’t be being true to myself. I had that shit tattooed as a reminder of who I was then, and who I would be always, and fuck yes I needed the reminder, I’m a guy. I get turned on by the thought of tits and pussy’s. I eat a banana for breakfast and I think about getting a blow job, I see Razzles, I swear I’m immediately reminded of nipples, hard, round, tasty--her nipples, and the way they reacted to my touch my mouth, to me. Then what do I do? I talk about sex with a girl who’s crushed, sick as hell, and who I fucked AGAIN, when I said I wouldn’t. I could do it one more time and still be true to myself.
Her head rested on her shoulder and her hand still held mine captive. Another hour and I would have her in a safe place, her place. Now I just had to figure out the rest of the shit. I needed to do it soon too, cause truth is-- I liked to fuck this girl, didn’t even have to be hard and wild. Just being inside her was enough to make me feel like I was gonna blow my shit.
She pulled her legs up on the seat and leaned over closer to me. Her face was warm again but her hands like ice. I cranked up the heat even though I was roasting, she wasn’t, Birdie was cold. We only had thirty minutes tops before getting to Carly’s place. I could keep her warm there.
Last night was a mind fuck, I find her, and the world is better. I get her settled and take a shower and she sees me. I didn’t even have to ask what she saw because it was obvious she saw me thinking about her. Some guys may be embarrassed about being caught in the act but I didn’t give a shit. After I saw her touching herself, all bets were off. I had to get her off even more than I had to get myself off. Truth is, she needed that release and the feeling of relief that follows. I could have talked her through it… damn there’s an idea, that wouldn’t be three times and that shit would be fucking hot. I almost said a prayer asking for that opportunity but that would be a wasted prayer, not one I think would be top on the big guys list of ones to answer, nor would I burden him with that.
I parked in front of Carly’s place, well Tara’s place and she opened her eyes, “Home Sweet Home.”
I saw tears form in her eyes and she shivered, “I’m cold, can’t I…will you take me back to your house? I don’t want to be alone.”
I got out and opened the door, “I’ll hang with you until you feel better, come on.” I grabbed the bags and her hand, damn her little claws were ice cold.
We walked in and I watched her look around, “I won’t be able to afford this.”
“Well first of all it was part of Carly’s employment package, so it’s already paid for. Second of all you’ll be fine. Tara if you don’t like it…”
“No it’s beautiful I just…”
“We’re gonna get you in bed. No more discussion about it till you’re all better.”
I walked her upstairs and I watched her eyes wanting to be sure she felt good here. I opened the door at the end of the hall, and turned on the light.
It was a sweet looking room, light hard wood floors and lavender walls. The bed was huge, a deep purple duvet covered it, and pillows covered half of the bed. She looked around and I knew she was overwhelmed.
“Bathroom’s in here,” I walked with her into the bathroom, “Check out the tub, Birdie.”
“It’s beautiful,” she sounded miserable.
“Alright, take a bath. Soak, relax, and I’m gonna go grab you some Motrin and see if Carly brought over clothes.”
She stopped me before I walked out, “Thank you.”
“No problem.”
~
Tara was in the bathtub when I came back in, “Towels and washcloth?” I set them by the tub trying my damndest not to look at her sweet little Razzles, but I looked and she noticed, “You’re healing good.” She looked down and shook her head yes, “Does it hurt still, Birdie?”
“No, but my whole body aches, I’m cold Cyrus.”
I grabbed a towel, “Let’s get you out, dried, and dressed. You can hang in here when you feel better.”
I wrapped up the little Birdie, and we walked out into the bedroom, “Carly got you a few things, she’s gonna stop over as soon as Little Bell is at dance.”
“Little Bell?”
I grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it over her head, “I think Carly like’s you in green,” she pulled her wet hair out of the back of the shirt. “Step in.”
She looked down at me holding her panties and her eyes widened I wasn’t sure why until I took a second glance at the lacy panties I was holding out for her. I was gonna kill Carly. She stepped into the lacey green boy shorts and I was trying my damndest not to fucking pull them off and throw Birdie’s little ass on the bed and attack what I was about to cover. I wasn’t moving too fast when I heard her take a deep breath.
Get your shit together!! I screamed at myself. I pulled them up, and she dropped the towel, she had the prettiest little flower and everything inside of me fucking burned, my fucking flower. I was face to face with those little lips and I wanted to kiss them, lick them, suck the little bare petals in front of my nose. I unknowingly took a deep breath and her little legs shook.
My throat was thick with need and so was my cock. I sat back on my heels and pulled them up quickly, “Get in bed, Birdie.”
She climbed up in bed and I took a few deep breaths and stood, trying to hide the very obvious. I handed her the Motrin and a bottle of water, “Sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry, Birdie,” I closed my eyes.
“We can do it again right-- one more time?”
I closed my eyes, “Not sure that’s a good idea.”
“But you said…”
“Birdie you’re sick, I want you to get better, okay? Until then….”
“I can dress myself?”
I laughed and so did she, “Yeah I don’t think this friend thing is gonna work if I keep seeing you naked Birdie.”
“Why?” She laid down and I covered her up.
I pulled those blankets up tight around her body all the way up to her neck hoping like hell that if I didn’t see her, I wouldn’t feel the need to fuck her. “My friends are guys Birdie, not hot little women like you. Maybe you could like, I don’t know…be ugly?”
She smirked and closed her eyes, “You think I’m pretty,” she was singing it.
“I think you’re fucking gorgeous, so I’m gonna work on not wanting to bang you, and you’re gonna work on ugly alright?”
She laughed again and then shook, “You’re funny, and I’m cold.”
“I’ll check for more blankets.”
I walked back in and she was asleep, thank God! I climbed in next to her, exhausted and fell asleep.
I woke to feeling her finger on my rib, opening my eyes I saw her looking intently at it trying to figure it all out and if anyone could she could, I was floored that she had noticed that the waves were nails.
She looked up at me sadly, “This one?”
I looked down even though I knew damn well what she was talking about, “Broken mirror.”
“Bad luck,” she whispered and her little mittens rubbed my tat.
I didn’t reply, I was just really enjoying her snuggling up tighter to me as she rubbed her now burning little hands over my side.
“You’re good luck Cyrus, not bad luck,” she yawned and her breath was even hot, “I’m tired.”
“Sleep then,” I didn’t want her to move, not one inch away from me.
“You’ll be here when I wake up?”
“Yay, Carly remember, she’s gonna stop over,” I pushed my head back into the pillow and closed my eyes.
“Little Bell?”
“My niece, Jase’s daughter,” I answered.
“And Carly?”
“Now Carly is Momma to her, yeah. Go to sleep Birdie you and Carly can chat about it soon.”
She did
as I asked, you know what was really fucked up? I liked her sleeping, and I like that it’s here right next to me…I’m sure it’s because I know she’s safe.
I woke to her exploring again, this time it was my sleeve. From my shoulder to just above my elbow was the different places I had toured while in the Navy. Four tours in four years, starting at eighteen years old.
“Will you tell me about these?”
“You feeling better?”I felt her head and she closed her eyes.
“Yes actually I am,” she sat up and pulled my arm onto her lap and traced the ink.
“You hungry?”
She shook her head no, “I count.”
“Excuse me?” We were both volleying this conversation but she just lost me.
“To calm myself, I count. What’s this?”
I see what she was doing. She would tell me something and expect I do the same, “What’s it look like?”
She looked up at me, I assume because she thought I was being an ass, “I really want to know what you think.”
“They look like coins but maybe metals? You said you were in the Navy, did you get metals?”
“You sure you’re not hungry?”
“I cried once in fifteen years,” she looked down and waited.
“I’m sorry Birdie, real sorry.”
Tears welled in her eyes and she forced a cute little laugh as she wiped the one that escaped away and then in barely a whisper, “Please tell me something, I feel like an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot, you’re beautiful. Everything is going to be alright, I promise,” without thinking I pushed a handful of that dark thick hair away from her creamy skin as I swiped a tear away.
She looked up at me and sighed, “Do people have quarter life crisis?”
I smirked and she smiled and then bit that pouty lip to stop from laughing and I wanted to do the same. I felt my smirk failing me and my face started to get warmer, and so did the rest of me. I clenched my jaw and her she closed her eyes tightly and let out the breath she was holding.
I noticed my hand still rested on her check and my thumb rubbed it, her skin was so damn soft. She opened her eyes and hypnotized me. I licked my lips quick and pulled her head towards me. She grabbed my shoulders and her breath hastened. I was trying to pull back, but I fucking couldn’t.
In Knots
I was sure he was going to kiss me again and I wanted him to so badly. His mouth landed softly on my jaw bone. Lips open, surrounding my jaw, barley touching, skimming. His breath warmed me as his lips moved slowly up and down. The low groan coming from him was warming me as well. My breasts felt weighty and my nipples rigid. My hands slowly made their way from his strong shoulders up his thick muscular neck and then against his head.
His mouth traveled down my neck and I tilted my head, giving him room to give me more, God I wanted more. I let out a severe profound sigh as he rubbed his nose up my neck, “Birdie, you-- fuck…”
I brought my head back up so I could look at him. His eyes were so full of heat and restraint, I kissed him and growled into my mouth. I turned my body towards him and took his hands and wrapped them around me. I couldn’t get enough of his touch, his kiss, or him.
Never in my life had I remembered feeling so comfortable with someone or safe. Cyrus did that to me, and I knew the rule, his rule.
He pulled back, “Birdie, I can’t… I can’t do this to you.”
I nodded my head like I was agreeing but I wasn’t sure why, “I’m sor…”
He grabbed my face, not hard but firm, “No more I’m sorry, Birdie. You and I need to be friends, friends aren’t sorry okay?. We have a lot to get through and if I keep wanting to fuck you … We just can’t, alright?”
I nodded my head again and he stood. He was hard and I wanted to lick him again, taste him, touch him.
“I’m going to make some food, you’re gonna eat and then if you’re feeling up to it we come up with a plan.”
I smiled, “Thank you.”
He left the room quickly and I fell against the bed. I could smell him on me around me. I pulled the blankets, surrounding me and hugged them tightly.
Tony…he didn’t smell like Cyrus. He didn’t look at me the same way Cyrus did. He would never. I needed a job, maybe one that helped pay for college. I had taken my SAT’s and did really well. I could live in the dorms, an all-girl dorm, preferably a private room, well a room would be nice private or not.
I wished I’d gone in that room. I’m sure it was my room. “One room, two parents, three people in my immediate family, four…” oh God I wished I had that picture! I looked around the room, “Four doors, the bedroom door, the bathroom door, two other doors probably the closet doors, five oh I hate that number! Five …pillows,” I tossed the sixth one on the floor, “Six drawers in the dresser, seven…seven,” I got up and walked into the bathroom and counted seven light bulbs above the vanity, “Seven lights on the mirror, eight damn it damn it, damn it!” I opened the bathroom closet, “Eight towels, nine oh God please…” I walked out and opened the closet door, “Nine …nine…nine hangers. Ten…”
I felt tears fall down my face I was crying—again, “Ten just ten that’s all I need.”
When I walked out of the closet he was standing there with a plate in his hand, “Sor…”
“Sit, Birdie,” I did. God he must think I’m crazy. I think I may be.
He sat next to me holding the plate, “It’s a spinach and cheese omelet.”
I nodded and wiped my eyes and watched as he cut it up.
“How many pieces, Birdie?”
I counted and closed my eyes, relieved and embarrassed, “I know this may seem crazy, sometimes I think it is, but I promise I’m not.”
“There are ten pieces okay, and you’re gonna eat them all. Then if you can’t find ten again remember there inside you. Open.” I did.
I didn’t know what to say, I was extremely uncomfortable. He held up another and I ate it.
“You were right about the metals. Sort of,” he held up the fork and I let out a breath, “You eat all ten Birdie okay? And I’ll talk.” I nodded in agreement, “Last mission overseas went bad-- seven of my team died. I didn’t, I got a stupid fucking metal,” he held up another bite and I took it, “I did make sure they all got a home, didn’t leave them behind.” He let out a sigh and held out another bite and I really didn’t want it but I wanted him to keep talking so I did, “When I got home I was pissed that I made it and they didn’t. I threw the fucking metal in the ocean and got seven tattoo’s, each represents something about each of them. Another bite Birdie.”
He must have seen me hesitate and his lip curled up, “You full?” I smiled a little, “Okay I’m gonna cut this one up real small and it will still be ten alright?”
When I finished I was full and he seemed a little more relaxed, “Thank you, Cyrus.”
“For telling you a secret?”
“Yes.”
“I trust you will keep it to yourself,” he looked up at me.
“I promise.”
We sat looking at each other saying nothing, his face was softer, gentler. His guard was down. After a full minute, he shook his head back and forth and stood up.
He reached over and felt my head, “Still warm,” he grabbed my hands, “Getting cold again. Do you know when your hands are cold you seem to heat up and act like you’re hurting? When they’re hot your head doesn’t feel as warm,” he laughed at himself, “I think I figured it out,” he reached in his pocket and pulled out a bottle of Motrin, “Take these cause I’m pretty sure you’re spiking a fever. If you’re not better tomorrow we see a doctor. Sleep it off, rest will help. Then we chat, alright?”
“Thank you,” he started walking out, “Cyrus.”
He turned, “Yeah Tara?”
“I’m glad you came home,” his head cocked a little to the side and he looked confused, “I wouldn’t feel safe right now if you didn’t. I’m very glad you came home.”
�
�Me too, Birdie.” He turned and walked out.
“Ten bites in my belly.”
~
I woke up and decided to take a bath, I was soaked which I suppose was good. I sweat it out.
I ran a bath hoping he didn’t come in until I was cleaned up. Then well I secretly hoped he did come in. Maybe dress me again, maybe touch me again. God he was amazing, and I knew I could have him one more time. I was alright with it, well… I had to be alright with it, didn’t I?
When he didn’t come in, I got out and felt so much better. I dried off and walked out into the bedroom, there were clothes laid out on the bed. Pajamas.
I dressed and went downstairs. I turned the corner and Carly was walking towards me. She hugged me so tight, and I heard her sniff. I stepped back and looked at her.
“Sorry, Tara. I was so worried about you,” Carly hugged me again.
I suppose it should have felt odd since I’d only met her once and we were both drunk but it didn’t. I liked her, she was so nice.
“I’m okay, thank you.”
“Listen I hope we can be friends, I mean I already think we are. Do you think we are? I mean if you don’t and I’m freaking you out-- by all means let me know. Come on let’s have some tea and talk about it,” she finally took a breath. “Sorry-- I ramble when I’m nervous and sometimes even when I’m not.”
I couldn’t help but giggle and she looked at me and did the same.
We sat at the table and she looked at me, “I’m sorry about Tony being an ….asshole.”
“Me too,” I took a drink, “I hope we can be friends.”
“Good. Tara do you read?”
“Well, I like to read but I guess I’m use to watching movies. I would love to start reading again. Is there a library?” I stopped because I didn’t even know what I was doing with my life, the weird thing was it had never mattered before anything I had ever planned didn’t pan out.
“Tara?” Carly interrupted my train of thought.