“Hey, Emma,” he said when he noticed me. He set the clipboard down beside him. “How are things inside?” Tubbs didn’t spend a lot of time in the clubhouse. He preferred the garage and I couldn’t blame him. If it wasn’t for my relationship with Cash, I’d probably fraternize with others as little as possible. There was something desperately sad about that. Here I was, thousands of miles away from where I grew up, and it was only this one relationship that was holding me in the town in a lot of ways. Without Cash, this job was just a job. Without the Dead Men, San Viero was just another town. Was I really ready to allow one person to be such an important part of my life? Was I ready to devote myself to a town based on the motorcycle club that happened to make its home there? These were questions that I hadn’t spent nearly enough time thinking about. I’d been caught in the whirlwind romance I shared with Cash and had let basic questions about whether I was happy slide.
“It’s fine,” I told him, “Cash is talking with that Donnovan guy, the young one.”
“He seem alright?”
“He’s alright,” I said honestly, “He doesn’t seem quite ready to get to work and I can tell its driving Cash up the wall. You know him – small talk isn’t exactly his specialty.”
Tubbs nodded and I nearly laughed. I had forgotten who I was talking to here. Small talk might not have been Cash’s specialty, but it was practically anathema to Tubbs. Even if he and I spent hours working on an engine together, there were usually less than fifty words exchanged between us. That’s great when you’re working together because it means you don’t have to worry about miscommunication. On the other hand, it doesn’t give you the best sounding board when you want to talk about your boyfriend. Tubbs might be a good friend, but he wasn’t exactly a font of useful advice.
I sat down next to my bike, which was parked inside the garage. I was as close to being a member of the Dead Men as you could be without patching in, but I still felt strange about parking it in the row next to their bikes. I was a mechanic and my bike belonged in the garage. I ran my hand across the fender and thought about what had brought me to this point. I’d sold my Charger – the car that had brought me through high school and halfway across the country – to buy this bike. Had that all been a mistake? The excitement of the moment had grabbed me and I took a chance. Now I had a motorcycle that I could call my own, but was it worth it?
I was just getting around to connecting my feelings about the bike to my feelings about the club as a whole when I heard the door to the clubhouse open. Cash and Alexander stepped through. I stood up and walked over to where they were.
“That was fast,” I said. It had only been a few minutes since I left them sitting at the bar together.
“Well,” Cash said, “There’s work to be done.” I was glad that he’d finally gotten through to Alexander on that point, but his behavior from earlier still kept me cool on him at that moment. I didn’t need his rescuing from a few harmless flirtations and I needed him to know that I’d been fine on my own. I always was before.
“Me and a few of the guys are going to go out,” Cash explained, “Taylor’s got a worksite over north of the city and we’re going to have a little fun.”
I nodded along, knowing full well what “a little fun” meant. The job with Donnovan was far from legal. I don’t think it was remotely close to being ethical, either. It was one rich man working against another rich man with the muscle of a motorcycle gang to back him up. Cash was alright with being that muscle, mostly because he didn’t care which of the two rich men had the political power in San Viero, and he was glad to just get a piece of the pie. I could respect that. If two people were going to throw money around deciding which of them was in charge, it made sense to get a bit of the money in the process. “A little fun” was just the kind of business the Dead Men were in, after all.
“Alexander’s going to stay here,” Cash told me, and I could hear the grudge in his voice. He wasn’t happy to leave the man here with me, but there was no way he was bringing him on the job, either. Not only did he want the freedom to do his job the way he liked it done, but Alexander was about as far from a biker as you could get.
“Okay,” I told him, “I’ll make sure he stays out of trouble.” I wasn’t sure what I meant by it. Half of me wanted to reassure Cash that I’d keep an eye on Alexander. The other half of me wanted to torment him with thoughts of the two of us spending time together. The over protectiveness he’d shown in the clubhouse was the kind of thing I needed to head off quickly. If I let him walk over me like that all the time, I’d never get a moment alone with a stranger, innocent or not.
“Tubbs,” Cash called out to the quiet mechanic on the other side of the garage, “Get your shit, you’re riding with us.” I was a little surprised at that. Tubbs was a member, of course, but everyone knew he spent most of his time working on bikes rather than riding. I guess Cash just wanted to make sure he wasn’t going soft. Tubbs seemed like such a sweet guy most of the time. It was easy to forget that he was one of the Dead Men. He had committed acts of violence along with the rest of them. When the call went out, he answered it, no matter the job.
I stepped towards Cash and put my arms around him, leaning in for a real kiss. He kissed me back but I could feel the tension in his arms. I wanted to stick it to him a little, but I still cared for him more than anything. Acting on a piece of advice Karen had given me, I never let him ride off without a kiss. “You have to remind him what he’s coming home to,” she had told me. She was right, of course. I could be angry with him, but I wanted him coming home to me. He kissed me back and I felt a little of the tension slide away from his body – though not all of it.
“Good luck,” I told him as he turned to walk out of the garage with Tubbs.
That left me standing near my bike with Alexander. He was craning his neck, exploring the vast garage with his eyes. I could spot someone who hadn’t spent much time in a garage a mile away and Alexander was definitely one of those. Knowing who his father was, I had to assume that he’d had someone working on his cars for him his whole life. If he’d ever bothered to pick up a wrench, I’d be surprised.
“This is a hell of a place,” he said. It was just the kind of vague and agreeable commentary on the size and complexity of the garage that I was used to hearing from people who didn’t quite know what they were looking at.
“Yeah, we’ve got six bays open and more space outside. We’re the only garage in town, so we’ve got to be ready for anything.”
“You sound like you’re an old hand at this,” he said. “Have you always been a mechanic?”
“All my life, yeah,” I explained, “I grew up helping my dad in his garage back home in Minnesota.”
“That’s so cool,” he told me. “I always wished I could work on cars like this, but never found the time to learn how.”
I couldn’t tell if he was asking for a lesson or flaunting the fact that he had more important things to do than get his hands dirty. Either way, I wasn’t interested. “Well there’s not much going on right now,” I told him. “Let’s go back inside. Maybe we could play a game of darts or something.”
Half an hour and one sound thrashing at darts later, and I felt like I had Alexander in his place. I’d felt the need to prove I could take care of myself all evening, and I was finally getting it now, even if Cash wasn’t around to see it. Karen sat at the bar with Kurt. All the other Dead Men had gone out on the job, but Kurt had sprained his wrist when his bike rolled a few days earlier and Cash had given him a pass on the job. I could tell the two of them were holding back their laughter. They’d wanted to see Alexander getting schooled badly.
To be honest, his charms were warming on me. I’d thought he was just another rich kid who couldn’t do anything of value, but it seemed more and more like the empty wishes he had – like learning to work in a garage – were more than just what they seemed. He had a real desire to get his hands dirty, but he felt like his father would never let him. In that, at
least, I thought I’d found a kindred spirit. My dad had set me to work in the garage at home, but he never let me ride. Even now I was suffering under the protective aegis that Cash wanted to hold over me. I didn’t know what it was like to be the scion of a wealthy family, but I knew what it was to be sheltered from the experiences you wanted. How could I not feel something for Alexander considering our similarities?
Those charms were lost on Karen and Kurt, however. They only saw the rich kid who had come into their clubhouse to tell their friends what to do. That was pretty much the worst thing that you could imagine as a biker, and I saw it written all over Kurt’s face. He had been vocal about his resistance to the Donnovan deal. He had no allegiance to the mayor, but that didn’t mean he wanted things to change. Kurt had grown up in San Viero, and people from small towns are about as resistant to change as you can imagine.
“Well done, Emma,” Kurt said as I plucked the darts from the board after the final game. I smiled at him, glad to know that I had taken his encouragement to heart. I wasn’t as sour on Alexander as he was, but I wanted him to know I was still one of the crew.
I sat down on one of the couches and Alexander followed me over, sitting beside me. I could feel Karen’s watchful eyes on me with every moment. Alexander might have been Donnovan’s spy on the activities of the club, I knew that Karen was going to report anything he did back to Cash during his absence. I had to feel a little slighted at that. It was just another example of the ways in which Cash didn’t trust me to watch out for myself.
“You’re amazing,” Alexander said to me, drawing me out of my thoughts. It was always nice to hear an open-ended compliment like that.
“Thanks. You’re not bad yourself.”
“I went to college at Cambridge,” he told me, “It would have been hard to get through school without learning to win a few rounds of darts here and there.”
I smiled at him, genuinely impressed by the way he name dropped his alma matter. I hadn’t gone to college, and neither had anyone else even remotely connected to the Dead Men. That didn’t mean I couldn’t respect the pursuit though. I already had my career mapped out, but I could imagine that if I’d had the opportunity to go halfway around the world for an expensive education, I might have found something else. I’d never had an overabundance of opportunities when it came to my prospective career. It seemed like Alexander had nothing but. I was a mechanic and I wore that profession proudly. I guess Alexander was just rich. When you’re rich, you’re that first and whatever else you are second.
“Have you spent a lot of time in Europe?” I asked him. If there was one thing I wanted more information about, it was the rest of the world. I’d spent my whole life in Minnesota until I came to California. It seemed like a world away, but I had to remind myself that I wasn’t even leaving the country. Alexander had travelled the world. He’d seen things I’d never even imagined to exist.
As we sat, enjoying another drink together, he told me stories about college life in England, his wild years after school, cruising the airways of Europe, and hinted at clandestine trips to Asia as well. It all seemed so exciting. My grand trip out west was nothing compared to even some of his lesser travels. What was a life-changing event for me was the journey of a weekend for him. I had to remind myself that as similar as the restrictions that had been placed upon us might be, we had grown up in very different worlds. At the end of the day, he had the world at his fingertips and I was stuck in a garage fixing the cars of people who looked down upon me.
“Well,” I heard Kurt announce from behind me, “I’ve got to get some sleep. When the boys get back tell them I’ll be around tomorrow.” Karen nodded to him at that. To tell the truth, I’d half forgotten that they were even back there. When Kurt walked out front, I could tell that Karen was feeling torn. Clearly she wanted to stay here to keep an eye on me, but she didn’t want to be obvious about it either. In the end, her trust in me was more powerful than her obedience to Cash’s wishes.
“I guess I’ll be headed home, too,” she said, “I’m sure Cash and the guys will be back soon. See you tomorrow, Emma. Nice meeting you, Alexander.”
She spared a look over her shoulder before stepping out the door. I was glad to have them both gone. I’d hardly had a moment to myself since I started at Peasant Motors. Time with a stranger was completely unheard of.
“They seem like nice people,” Alexander said when the door closed behind Karen.
“Oh, they are,” I told him. “They’re a bit rough around the edges, but you get used to it.”
“I’m sure. It must have taken you a while. You don’t seem very rough at all.”
I could feel myself blushing but tried to hide it. I was used to guys seeing me as exactly that – rough. In high school, I was considered weird for spending all my time in the auto shop when other girls were going to dances and getting their hair done. Alexander might be the first guy I’d ever met to claim he saw a softer side to me first. I wasn’t sure if he was being honest or merely flirtatious, but he definitely got my attention.
We sat there making small talk about the various people he’d met. We joked about Karen’s volume – she seemed to get louder and louder the closer she got to the end of any statement. We joked about Hep’s ineptitude when it came to his kids – though of course I made sure to mention how much he loved them. It was so refreshing to let all of these opinions out. It was harmless gossip, but I’d had to hold it in for so long. At three months, I was still the newest member of the little family I’d developed here in San Viero. Strangers came and went, but Alexander seemed like the first one who might have cause to stay a while.
I couldn’t help but become more acquainted with his features as we spoke. It wasn’t just the well-manicured appearance that got to me, either. It was the smell of him. Cash smelled like grease and sweat most of the time. That was intoxicating in its own way, I suppose. I always told myself that he smelled like a real man should smell. Alexander smelled the way women want their real men to smell, though. It wasn’t like we was wearing perfume, either. It was just a collection of scents that hinted at the care he’d given to his own appearance. His hair was fragrant. His skin was smooth. His lips weren’t cracked and dry. I’d half forgotten that men could look as healthy as he did.
More and more I felt myself being drawn in by Alexander's charms. He was everything that I hadn't seen in months - or years. He was worldly and handsome and I've never felt more safe with a man. Cash was my strong protector, but he was dangerous. He had a temper and although I'd never suspected he'd allow it to get the better of him when we were together, there was always a chance. Right now he was out in the city somewhere, destroying something. When push comes to shove, could I guarantee that his destructive impulses would never be brought to bear on our relationship - or on me?
My head swam with thoughts of the life I could have with Alexander. I wouldn't have to work in a garage anymore, that much is certain. At the same time, he thought my talent was impressive and so I knew he'd never stop me from pursuing it as a hobby even if we didn't need the money. I thought about all the days I could spend lounging on the beach with him, enjoying the world in ways I thought I never would. As we spoke, he looked at me and his eyes made the offer that his voice wouldn't. I knew that if I gave in, I could have all my heart desires. All it would take is betraying the man who had rescued me and protected me - the man I loved.
There was another side the question as well - what would happen to the Dead Men if I made that choice? If I ran away with Alexander, then Cash would end the deal with Donnovan. I had no doubt that he'd do so loudly and angrily as well. Donnovan would never give up his interest in the town though, and it could lead to a war between the Dead Men and one of the richest men in Southern California. That's not a fight they could ever hope to win, but Cash had his pride and he'd never back down either. In the end, the choice that laid before me was one that could destroy the Dead Men Motorcycle Club, along with all of the friends I'd made. W
as a lifetime of luxury with Alexander worth all that? I couldn't answer that question no matter how hard I tried. Temptation is like that. You can never see the true cost of your actions until it's too late.
I took a look at my surroundings and realized that things had already gone further with Alexander than I'd ever intended. We were sitting alone in the clubhouse, next to one another on the couch. He had his arm across the back of the couch. He was close enough that I could feel the warmth of his body and smell the sweet fragrances that drifted off of him. What if Cash walked in right then? He'd be furious. He might be a biker, be he was no dummy. He'd been jealous and angry before he left - what would he do now? Just as my panic was reaching a crescendo, I heard the roar of motorcycles in the distance and growing closer.
I interrupted whatever Alexander was saying and bolted across the room. He looked stunned, but I have to hope he understood my haste. I ran behind the bar and grabbed a glass, which I started filling from some bottle I hadn't even looked at. The glass was less than half full when Cash stepped through the door to the lot. Alexander was still sitting on the couch looking confused and the bottle was shaking in my hand. I tried to look as innocent as I could. I was just back here pouring myself a drink of... peach schnapps? Gross. Why do they even have this stuff? I screwed the top back onto the bottle and casually dumped the contents of the glass down the drain.
Cash strolled up to the bar with Kurt, Vickers and Tubbs behind him. They each took a seat and Cash glanced over to where Alexander was sitting. He stood up from the couch and came over to the bar as well to discuss the events of the evening.
"Well?" he asked, "What happened?"
Cash turned silently and for a second I thought he was going to be furious. Then his demeanor changed and I thought maybe he was just trying to sort through some things internally.
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