by Hart, Alana
“I… uh… was headed to my car, and just took a tumble.” I looked away, avoiding eye contact with Desmond, praying he wouldn’t expose the truth: That I had made a complete ass of myself at dinner on our first date. That my acting like a crazy woman on this first date resulted in me busting my buns running to the car. And that he ended up being my knight in shining armor when I couldn’t get up.
Natalie examined it gingerly. Desmond stood close by, looking over her shoulder as she worked. I did my best to observe the two of them without seeming obvious. I was looking for signs of interest between them, because it just wouldn’t make sense for two gorgeous people to not be lovers.
“Well, the good news is it’s not broken.” Natalie said. “But you do have a nasty sprain.” She went to her apartment, came back with an ace bandage and other supplies and wrapped my ankle up. “You should be fine in a couple of days. Until then, do your best to stay off your feet and keep your ankle iced and elevated as much as possible.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Staying in bed for a couple of days beat wearing crutches or setting broken bones. “Thank you, Dr. Natalie.”
“Not a problem.” She smiled at Desmond and I. “I’ll let you guys get back to your evening. I’m sorry your date was ruined by such a fall, but it might be good luck.”
“Tuh!” I said. The irony. “I fall all the time. Nothing lucky here.”
“You never know.” She stepped outside and Desmond went with her. I looked at my ankle, which was wrapped, yet still throbbing and wondered about my dumb luck. Texting Rose, I sent her a picture of my foot, informing her it was just a nasty sprain and that I’d be home soon.
Good. I have to talk to you! She replied. She inserted one of those extremely happy-faced emoji’s. I sent her a few silly ones in return.
Desmond re-entered, closed the door, and locked it behind him. Walking over to the couch, he sat down next to me, patted me on the leg and asked, “How are you feeling?”
“I’m much better now,” I affirmed. I took a deep breath, and exhaled. “Thank you. Just send me the bill when she invoices you. I’ll take care of it.”
“You’re welcome, and she’s not going to invoice me.” He stretched his back reflexively against the couch. “Her husband and I are frat brothers.”
I prayed he didn’t notice the sigh of relief on my face. No wonder she was so comfortable.
“May I ask you a question?” He looked at me. “What happened at the restaurant? Why did you leave like that?”
I swallowed. How could I answer that? Fiddling with my fingers, I tried to come up with a suitable answer, but failed to speak. Instead of being moved, Desmond looked at me, patiently searching me for a response.
“It’d be a long story,” I admitted.
“We’re here. I’m here. I don’t mind listening.” He wrapped an arm around me, leaning in close. “Besides, I think you owe me after this eventful evening.”
I took a deep breath. “You have anything to drink?”
***
I filled Desmond completely in on my situation. I let him know about Hollis, our longstanding love affair that started when we were teenagers, and how I thought we’d be together forever. I told him about the way my parents had abandoned me, and my mother’s death.
I spared no detail telling him about my desire to expand our family, and the little girl I’d always wanted. I spoke of the emotional callousness that occurred in my relationship, and finding out that my husband, indeed, was having an affair.
“They knew specific details about his privates, and his habits, that they couldn’t have known without having been with him.”
“How did he find time to cheat with her? And why would he want to? You’re beautiful.” Desmond clearly looked confused by Hollis’s behavior.
My bottom lip trembled. “It… wasn’t a she that he was cheating with. His mistress… is a man.”
Time seemed to freeze between us as I revealed that. A million thoughts swarmed in my head. Was I giving away too much information? Or was I letting loose what he needed to know? Did he deserve to know? Was it too early to share this?
“Wow…” he said, finally responding. “And that’s who your son – Jordan? – was talking about when he said your ex-husband had company in your home already?”
I nodded weakly. I took a sip of the watered down soda that was almost gone from my glass. “I don’t understand where this side of him came from.”
“You never knew he was gay?”
“No. He never told me about any attraction to other men. And he still won’t. If I called him right now, he wouldn’t admit to this. He has our son thinking they’re just friends – so he’s hiding it in plain sight.”
Pulling closer to me, Desmond wrapped both arms around me. “Poor love. That’s a lot to handle.” He kissed me on the cheek. “You’ve been through a lot.”
“That’s why I said I’m damaged,” I said. “You see this amazing woman, and I see a disaster.”
“You’re far from a disaster,” he said. “But let’s say you were. If so, you’d be a beautiful disaster.”
“Are you seriously still charming me right now?” I said. “I just got out of a twenty year relationship. I’m trying to keep my heart open to something new, but it feels like… maybe I just suck at relationships. I’m thirty four, I’m unemployed, I’m starting over, and I’m an emotional mess.
“Even now,” I continued, “I’m in your big, strong arms, gushing to myself about how you look like Adam Levine, yet still wishing my husband wanted to touch me and call me amazing and refer to me as ‘love’ the way you are.”
He kissed my cheek again. “I love your candor, Nat. It’s heartbreaking to experience your life crumble. I know, because the same thing happened to me.”
“Your wife ran away with a gay lover?”
“No… not quite. But I was in love. I was devoted. I wanted to marry her.” He paused, reflectively. “We set a date, picked a venue, everything. And she decided, after six years together, that she wasn’t interested anymore. She didn’t talk to me. She didn’t confront me. She got cold feet on our wedding day. Never showed up. I came home that day to a note on the door and the key on the counter. She took every trace of her with her – including pictures of us.”
I gasped. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’m not,” he replied. “I don’t know where she is, but she’s not welcome in my mind or space anymore. I’ve moved on. I’m ready for something real and lasting.”
“I thought I had real and lasting… I guess I was wrong.”
“It’s never too late,” he whispered. He tilted my chin toward him and leaned in. Sweet heat blazed a trail across my lips as he pressed his against mine. I felt myself pulled into his embrace, and that moan escaped; the same moan that brought itself forth any time he touched me in a manner my body craved but had not been given over the past few months trying to work things out in my failed marriage.
But I snapped to my senses pushed him back gently.
“Des…” I shook my head. “I… I can’t.”
“Too soon?”
I nodded. “My divorce was still pending. Even if my ex-husband’s moved on, I can’t allow myself to do anything until I know the divorce is final.”
I knew my honesty killed the mood. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “No, you’re fine. I understand completely.” He lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it and sending that moan through my lips again.
“I love when you make that noise for me,” he murmured. “If I’m lucky, one day you’ll make that noise for me on a regular basis.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes, Natalia. Really. Right now, you’re dealing with a crazy situation. You have a lot on your plate. You’re rebuilding from scratch. But I’m not planning on going anywhere. I want to stand by your side, and support you in any way I can, even if it means long, soul-revealing chats like this every night for the next ten years. You deserve to be lov
ed, honored, held, and made to feel beautiful, even when things aren’t perfect. I want to be the one to give that to you from now on.”
Hugging me tightly, he whispered. “One day, you’ll heal. One day, you’ll be ready to love again. And darling, I’m going to be there when that happens, because one day, you’ll be mine.”
Chapter 26: Rose
I blinked. What? No.
That had to be a lie.
“Give me another one!” I shouted.
“No!” Natalia yelled. “Accept your fate and admit I was right!”
“No! That’s impossible!”
I was sitting in my bathroom with a gallon of water on a Saturday afternoon. For the past week I’d been feeling super sleepy. I thought my period was coming, because it was due and my boobs were sore. But I couldn’t keep anything down, and I hated the smell of onions. After fighting with me about my period not being here, Natalia threw an old pregnancy test she found in the closet at me and demanded I take it.
I’d just spoken to Ellis this morning, and told him I was late. We both thought nothing of it. But Natalia eyed me and told me to check it out. It turns out she was right: I actually was pregnant. I thought nothing of the light period I’d had, or the sickness following our lunch at Knife. But as the days passed, I counted down to my next period. And it never came.
I took the test to shut her up. When I saw the positive result, I blamed the plus sign on the test being old. It had been in my apartment for a year. Pregnancy tests expired, didn’t they?
Refusing to take it for a fluke, Natalia dragged me to the store. I took the generic, and blamed the generic’s cheap brand for inaccurate results. Dragging me back to the store, we purchased one of every brand we could find on the shelf. And they all gave the same results.
Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant, and fuck yeah, you’re pregnant.
I peed on the last pregnancy test in the house. Pregnant.
“I’m pregnant!” I screamed. “How did I get pregnant from pre-cum?”
Natalia swung the door open and looked at me. “You really want to have this conversation?”
“He pulled out!” I said.
My sister-in-law cocked a slightly unkempt eyebrow at me. She repeated herself. “Do you really want to have this conversation with me?”
I sighed. “Who gets pregnant from the pullout method?”
“Everybody. Now pull up your pants and clean up all these tests. We have to get you some prenatal and start looking for baby things.” She came back to add, “We’re going to have to alter your bridal gown also – unless you don’t mind waiting until after the baby to throw your wedding?”
“Oh no! I completely forgot about that!” By my calculations, I was almost a full three months pregnant. That’s at least how long it’d been since Ellis left. “I’m going to be as big as a house when he comes back!”
I panicked. Looking at the pile of sticks with those tell-tale plus signs, I didn’t know how to feel. I was a pure mixture of emotions. I was excited, because I really wanted Ellis’s baby, and was ready to start our family. On the other hand, I was sad because he wasn’t going to be here to share in the magic of the experience.
“Should I call him?” I asked, tossing the pile of sticks in a bag. “Should I save these and mail them to him? How do I tell him?!”
“Is he on Skype right now?”
“No, he’s probably asleep. He told me he was headed to bed when I spoke to him.”
“Well you can just wait to let him know the next time you speak to him.”
“But I don’t want to!” I whined. “I don’t want anyone else to know until I tell him first!”
“You don’t want anyone else to know until you tell him first, and until after the first trimester. That’s the riskiest time for a pregnancy.”
“I think I’m three months,” I patted my tummy. “Why aren’t I showing yet?”
“No idea lady,” Natalia replied. “But all this wine in the fridge is off limits from now on.”
I groaned. We’d purchased several bottles of wine for a pizza, wine, and Netflix marathon during this stormy afternoon. But, with a baby on the way, that wine would have to be substituted for sparkling grape juice.
At the store, I brought the prenatal and grabbed all the baby magazines from the shelf. Call me eager, but I had been waiting for the moment to read all the baby stuff, and now was the perfect time. Natalia rolled her eyes, reminding me that the magazines didn’t know everything, but I shooed her, insisting that I needed to have them to be prepared.
“You can never be fully prepared for a baby,” she said. “You just have to be ready to be a mother.”
I looked in her eyes and replied. “There’s no time like the present.”
***
I’ll never forget the look on Ellis’s face when I surprised him. When he logged on to Skype, I’m sure he expected a regular chat, followed by a Skype sex session. Instead, I greeted him with a close up of the pregnancy tests.
“Baby… we’re having a baby!” My squeals were met with shock. His expression was priceless as he processed the news.
“But I pulled out…”
“Yes, well, that’s exactly what your brother said when Natalia got pregnant with Jordan,” I replied. Natalia poked her head in the doorway and yelled, “Congratulations, Ellis!”
“Are you okay?” Ellis’s expression was still frozen in amazement.
“Yes, baby. I’m fine. I just… wow.” He tried to turn his face away from the camera to hide the tear that rolled down his cheek. “It’s time. I have so much to look forward too. I can’t wait to come home.”
He calculated the due date. “If you’re three months… that means he’s going to be born in May – like me!”
“I love you baby.” I said, blowing a kiss at the screen while rubbing my tummy. “We can’t wait for you to come home.”
“I love you more, babe,” he said. “And our little one that’s going to be here before we know it.”
Chapter 27: Natalia
Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went so quickly, as did the New Year. Despite getting acclimated to my new life in Dallas, I missed my son, and Kelli. I spent the holidays in Twenty-nine Palms, with my son and Hollis, who was able to extend a cordial hand in my direction when we spoke about my visiting.
Jordan had grown so much over the past few months. He was at least two inches taller. “Mom, I get to play basketball with the fourth graders!” he proudly proclaimed, beaming with pride.
“That’s awesome honey,” I replied. “My little man is growing up and getting all A’s! I’m so proud of you. You know that right?”
“Uh huh,” he said, wrapping his arms around me.
***
Jordan and Hollis went to Kristophe’s while Kelli and I lounged in the house. I took in the changes that took place in the house while I was gone. The house was decorated in more green and gray tones. It was interesting, because Hollis and Jordan loved the color blue.
“He’s really making himself at home in here, huh?” I said of Presley, gesturing to the new color scheme. “Hollis would have never let me put this much green in the house.”
Kelli shrugged. “You know what they say…”
“No. What do they say?” I sat up, genuinely curious.
She laughed. “Woman, I don’t know. It just sounded like the thing to say.”
Rolling my eyes, she continued to rib me. “You’re so green sometimes Natalia.”
I shot her a glare. She couldn’t help but to cackle harder. “Forgive me. I couldn’t resist.” She cleared her giggles, and got serious for a moment. “I’m glad you’re here though. I’ve really missed you.”
“I missed you also,” I said. “But I’m finally starting to catch my stride in Dallas.”
I filled her in on the good news: I found a new job at the local library, and I started taking cooking classes in the evenings. Thanks to Rose’s job as a beauty editor, I had access to beauty goodies and cosmetics
without destroying my budget.
“And thanks to my personal trainer, I’m actually tightening up all those loose rolls I’ve been trying to get rid of,” I added.
Kelli was hip to my expression. “Who’s this personal trainer of yours, and why are you smirking like this?”
I blushed. “You remember that guy I twisted my ankle with?”
“Tuh! How could I forget!?” She said. “You’re the only woman I know who could injure herself on a first date.” We laughed at my comical misfortune. It was true; we didn’t know anyone who could be as clumsy as I was.
“Well… Desmond was a blessing in disguise. He’s been there for me every day since that night. He’s never let me down, and he’s completely comfortable allowing me to take my time with our relationship. And yes, we go jogging twice a week. It’s helping me blow off steam.”
“I can’t believe you have a new flame this perfect and you’re not sleeping with him,” Kelli snickered. “Don’t make Adam Levine’s little brother wait too long. A man that fine is tearing someone else up.” She started singing the chorus of Maroon 5’s “Makes Me Wonder.”
I laughed and rolled my eyes at my best friend’s off-key theatrics. I even joined in, lightheartedly, because for once in a long time, I was really that happy. Dealing with the sudden declaration of divorce was painful, especially when I love my marriage so much, but over time, I’d begun to look at things differently.
Desmond’s presence was the very reason for my new outlook. I feared the worst when I met him. I was scared that he was a player or a ladies’ man looking for his next flavor of the month. I was also scared that he wasn’t serious about being there for me when I needed him, and only said those sweet words to me the night I sprained my ankle to be nice. I figured he’d never contact me again after that incident.
But he proved me wrong – and I was so glad he did.
“He’s amazing,” I gushed. “Simply amazing.”
Whenever I had sleepless nights where I stared at the ceiling, scared and worried about the future, I could call on him. Whenever I realized even though I could never repair what I lost in Hollis, I wasn’t meant to be alone – and I could call on Desmond.