“You’d rather have Kira and Derrick there than me? I have no say? After all I’ve done for you?”
Krissy went rigid. “After all you’ve done for me?”
“Taking you to Lamaze class.”
“You mean forcing me to go to Lamaze class.”
He ignored that comment. They both knew she had to go. “Being with you in the delivery room, buying you things.” He ticked the items off on his fingers, one by one. “Bringing you dinner, helping you with J.J., spending all of my free time with you, changing my whole life for you.” The moment the last word left his mouth, Spencer knew he’d gone too far.
“Well. Tell me how you really feel,” Krissy said calmly, way too calmly. He would have preferred it if she’d blown up at him.
“Right or wrong, that is how I feel,” Spencer said. “We’re close enough and I do enough for you that I feel I deserve a say in you bringing J.J. into an unsafe situation. And if I want to be there, I believe I have earned the right to be there.”
“You believe you have earned the right?” Krissy glared at him. “Let’s get something straight,” she said her stance rigid and ready for battle. “J.J. is my son. Mine, not yours. If I want to take him to meet my mother, I will take him to meet my mother. While I appreciate everything you have done for me, I didn’t realize you were under the mistaken impression your actions entitled you to certain rights where my son is concerned.” She shoved J.J.’s rattle, a burping cloth, and a stuffy into the diaper bag.
“Out of respect and appreciation,” she snapped, in a tone that didn’t sound respectful or appreciative, “I will explain that since my mother’s attack she has developed a severe fear of men. All men. Age, hair color, ethnicity, none of it matters. If a male comes near her she reacts. If she feels threatened, she flies into a rage and goes on the attack. Other times, like if she hears a male voice, it could even be on the television if she’s not right in front of the screen, she’ll bang her head on the closest hard surface until it bleeds. Or she’ll stab herself with a sharp object, over and over until we can get it away from her. It’s not something I talk about. Now you know. The reason you can’t come with me to visit my mother, is because you’re a man. It’s not safe for you and it’s not safe for her.”
“So why does Derrick get to go?” Jeez. Even to his own ears he sounded like a spoiled child.
“Because he dresses like a woman, that’s why.”
“He dresses like a woman? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”
Krissy glared at him, again. “Yes. He dresses like a woman, so he can spend time with Kira while she’s taking care of my mom, so he can help her and provide medical evaluation and treatment when Mom needs it.” She pointed her finger in his direction. “If you tell anyone or tease him or say one unkind word to him about it, I will never forgive you. He’s a great guy.” Apparently talking about Derrick calmed her down. “He loves Kira, would do anything for her. She is blessed to have a man like him in her life.” She hefted the diaper bag and slung the strap over her shoulder.
“Don’t go,” he tried.
“I don’t want to intrude on your free time,” Krissy said. “Your dinner is in the oven. Timer is set.”
“Krissy...”
She reached for her pocketbook which hung on the back of a kitchen chair. The heavy diaper bag slid down her arm, throwing her off balance.
“Let me help you.” Spencer reached for the diaper bag.
“Don’t.” She twisted out of reach. “Now that I know your help comes with expectations, I won’t be so willing to accept it in the future.” She turned to walk toward the door. “I knew you were like Kira, I just didn’t recognize how much until today.”
She said it like it was a bad thing. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you do things for me, things I don’t ask for, then, when you get mad at me, you throw them back in my face. If you didn’t want to spend so much time with me, you shouldn’t have. If you didn’t want to buy things for me and J.J., you shouldn’t have. If you didn’t want to attend J.J.’s birth or drive us to Patti and Bart’s, you shouldn’t have.” She opened the door then turned to look at him. “And for the record, no one asked you to change your life for me.”
In the heat of the moment, “That’s not exactly true,” shot out of his mouth.
Krissy turned, slowly. “What did you say?”
Spencer regretted his words instantly and did not want to repeat them.
Krissy stood there, staring laser beams of rage in his direction.
Everything inside of him screamed now was not the time to tell her, that he should wait to explain after they’d both had a chance to calm down.
“Tell me,” Krissy demanded. “You’ve got something to say, say it. Let’s get everything out in the open, right here, right now.”
At this point he’d do anything to be done with this fight, so they could talk it out and move on. So he told her the truth. “In his letter,” Spencer explained. “Jarrod asked me to help you with J.J. To help you raise J.J.”
Her eyes met his. “Jarrod didn’t trust me to do it on my own?” Anger turned to hurt. She curled a protective arm around J.J. “He didn’t think I’d be a good mother? That’s the only reason you...” Anger flared back to life. “That’s the only reason you’ve been so nice to me? To worm your way into my life, so you can help raise J.J., because Jarrod asked you to?”
“No—”
“How could I have been so stupid to think you actually cared about me?”
“Krissy—”
“Well at least you got some great sex out of it, right? If you have to change your life for a woman you hate, and pretend to like her and care for her baby, because your dead friend asked you to, at the very least you deserve lots of great sex...as payment for all you’ve sacrificed.”
“I didn’t—”
“Don’t you dare say you didn’t enjoy it,” she yelled. “I am one hundred percent certain you were at least happy to have me in your bed, and that you enjoyed yourself as much and as often as I did.” Her eyes met his, full of challenge. “If you say otherwise you’re a liar.”
Spencer’s nosy neighbor across the hall opened her door and stuck her head out.
“Come back inside,” Spencer said calmly as he walked toward Krissy. “Let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain. Jarrod trusted me to give birth to his baby but not to raise it. So he sicced you on me, and you took full advantage of that.” J.J. started to cry. Krissy bounced him in her arms as she fired off her parting shots. “As of today I am officially done with you. Stay away from me. Don’t try to talk to me. Don’t look in my direction. Don’t even think about me. As of this very second, you are as dead to me as Jarrod is.”
With that she turned and stormed away.
Spencer let her go. He had no choice. She was so upset, there was no way they could have a rational conversation. With a nod to his neighbor he closed his door. He’d give Krissy a few hours to calm down. Then he’d go to her apartment to apologize...and tell her the whole truth.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
KRISSY FLED SPENCER’S APARTMENT, his building, and his life. Then she loaded J.J. into his car seat in her car and drove. “How could I have been so stupid? To actually believe he cared about me?” Needing to hit something she pounded on the steering wheel at each slow moving vehicle in her way, each red traffic light that delayed her escape. She needed speed, needed to get away.
Of course she’d known their relationship would end at some point, but tonight’s revelations had come out of nowhere, everything had been going so well. Or so she’d thought.
Jarrod didn’t trust you, after all.
Spencer didn’t trust you, either.
Krissy sucked in a breath. What about Patti and Ba
rt? What had Jarrod written in his letter to them? Is that why they were moving to White Plains? To be closer to Krissy so they could check up on her, too? Because they didn’t trust her with J.J. either?
Krissy’s chest burned with hurt.
As if he could tell something was very wrong, J.J. started to cry. “It’s okay, baby.” But it wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay.
And yet, as angry and hurt as she was, she slowed the car, knew she shouldn’t be driving reckless. She was a mother now, a good, responsible mother, no matter what anyone else thought. Rather than flying into a rage or running away, she needed to find a way to make things okay, for herself and her son, starting with getting out of the car so she could dry his tears and hug him close and reassure him that he was safe and loved.
“A few more minutes, honey. Just give me a few more minutes.”
Not wanting to return to her apartment ever again, and having no place else to go, she drove to Kira’s.
Later that night, laying on a new twin bed in the extra room at Kira’s house, alone in the dark, Krissy listened and watched the light on the baby monitor for any movement. Only in her second trimester of pregnancy, ever efficient, ever prepared Kira already had her nursery partially set up. So it made sense to put J.J. to sleep there, at least to Kira. But Krissy missed having him close, no longer liked being alone.
When she heard the front door to Kira’s house open, she forced herself to sit up and wipe her annoyingly weepy eyes, then she forced herself to stand and walk and act like her world hadn’t fallen apart this evening. “Hey,” she said to Kira who was walking up the stairs, carrying bags of stuff she’d gone to get from Krissy’s apartment, even though Krissy had insisted it could wait until tomorrow. “Need help?” Without waiting for an answer, she met Kira halfway and took the bags from her right hand.
“Feeling better?” Kira asked.
“Yes,” she lied. “Thank you so much for letting J.J. and me stay here for a little while and for getting my stuff. I won’t stay long, I promise.” Just long enough to figure out her next move.
“Stay as long as you want,” Kira said, planting a kiss on Krissy’s cheek as she walked past. “I need to use the bathroom.”
From behind Kira, on the stairs, carrying the baby bath, the bouncy chair J.J. loved, and more bags of stuff from her apartment, Derrick said, “Don’t think you have to leave because of me. Kira’s family is my family.” Kira had hit the future husband jackpot with that man, a keeper for sure.
“Thank you.” When Derrick put down his bundles, Krissy went over to give him a hug. “At least I know J.J. will always have you to look up to and learn from.” She hugged him tighter.
Derrick hugged her back. “I am going to be the best uncle in the history of uncles.”
See, she didn’t need Spencer. J.J. was going to grow up just fine. Krissy was going to be just fine too...as soon as the ache in her heart went away.
“I’m making tea,” Kira said, joining them in the foyer. “Anyone else want?”
Derrick walked over to Kira and put his arm around her shoulders, but he spoke to Krissy. “She drinks tea before bed then complains when she has to get up in the middle of the night to pee.”
Kira smiled up at him. “Sometimes you like it when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee.”
Derrick gave her a very sexy smile back. “Sometimes I do.” He kissed her.
There was so much love between the two of them. Despite her heartache, Krissy couldn’t help feeling happy for her sister. No one deserved the love of a good man more than Kira.
“I’ve got an early day tomorrow,” Derrick said. “I’m going to bed.”
After another loving kiss for his fiancée, he headed down the hall.
“Come sit with me,” Kira said, walking back into the kitchen. “Since you’ve been seeing Spencer, we haven’t had much sister time.”
Sister time sounded perfect, so Krissy pulled out a chair and took a seat at the counter. “As long as you know I’m still not ready to talk about what happened tonight.” Aside from the humiliation of learning Jarrod hadn’t trusted her to raise his son on her own and Spencer’s actions had been motivated by an obligation to his friend and lust, rather than any real care for her, this was Krissy’s problem, Krissy’s life. And she’d deal with it on her own.
“That’s fine,” Kira said, carrying her mug of tea to the counter and sitting next to Krissy.
“What?” Krissy eyed her sister. “That’s fine?” She hit the side of her head trying to clear a fake blockage from her ear canals. “Did you say that’s fine?” She studied Kira’s face, staring into her eyes, looking... “You must be an alien imposter,” Krissy said. “Because my real sister would be questioning me and analyzing the information provided and telling me what I should do.”
Kira smiled. “Derrick lectured me all the way home from your apartment.” She dropped her voice to mimic him. “She has to fix this on her own, Kira. You can’t solve all of her problems, Kira. She’s a grown woman, Kira.”
Yes, she was. “Have I mentioned how much I love my soon-to-be brother-in-law?”
“You and everyone else,” Kira said. “While he’s not always right, I think in this instance he is.” She reached out and squeezed Krissy’s hand. “Just know I’m here for you. I’m here to listen when you’re ready to talk, to be a sounding board, if you want one, to give my opinion if, and only if you ask for it. I’ll babysit. I’ll pack up your apartment and move all of your things wherever you tell me to move them. I’ll act as intermediary between you and Spencer so he can play a role in J.J.’s life, if that’s what he wants, without you ever having to speak to him again, not that I think that’s the best course of action, but it doesn’t matter what I think. The decision of what path your life will take from here is all yours and yours alone.”
With Kira’s words fresh in her mind, the first major decision Krissy made was to cancel on Sunday dinner at Patti and Bart’s. She felt awful about that, especially since she’d been the one to suggest starting them up again. But she wasn’t ready to see any of them.
The following week, Patti called to say Spencer wouldn’t be joining them for Sunday dinner and offer Bart’s services to drive her and J.J. into and home from the city. Wanting to talk to them alone, Krissy agreed to dinner, but declined the offer of transportation. She was fully capable of driving herself into the city. And on Sunday, she made the trip without any problems. J.J. slept, traffic moved, she found a great parking spot close by, and actually wound up arriving twenty minutes early. Bart met her down in the main floor entryway so she didn’t have to carry J.J. and the diaper bag up the stairs.
“Look at that big boy,” Bart said as he hurried down the stairs. “He looks like he’s doubled in size since I last saw him.”
It’d only been two weeks, and they’d Skyped twice since then. “Thanks for coming down to get him.” Krissy lifted J.J. out of the carrier she wore draped across her front and handed him to Bart. “Go to Grandpa.”
Recognizing his grandpa, J.J.’s legs started to pump with glee.
“He’s smiling.” Which made Bart smile too.
“He’s been doing that a lot lately.” So had Krissy, she was moving on with her life and things were going well.
Up in the apartment, Patti greeted her as warmly as ever. “I’m so happy you came.” She gave Krissy a tight hug. “How was your trip?”
“Not bad at all.” Krissy set her bags on the floor then maneuvered out of the baby carrier. “But the downside of me coming by myself, is I didn’t have enough hands to bring dessert.”
“I know you like fruit salad,” Spencer said from the doorway into the kitchen. “So I brought some. No bananas or strawberries.”
Spencer.
He looked so good in his dark blue jeans and blue and white striped polo shirt. But Krissy f
orced her eyes away, turning to Patti who now held J.J. “You told me Spencer wasn’t coming.”
Spencer answered. “If you knew I’d be here, you wouldn’t have come.”
True.
“We need to talk,” Spencer said.
Krissy looked from Spencer to Patti to Bart, who had conveniently positioned himself between her and door. “So you’re all in on this.” They were ganging up on her, and Patti and Bart had taken Spencer’s side, which made it clear, whatever concerns Jarrod had shared with Spencer, he’d also shared with his parents.
“We’re not taking sides,” Patti said. “We’re simply watching J.J. so the two of you can talk out your problems uninterrupted.”
Spencer walked toward her, looking so serious, so weary. “Give me fifteen minutes. If you want me to go after that, I’ll leave.”
Figuring the sooner he said what he’d come here to say, the sooner he’d leave, Krissy agreed. “Okay.”
Looking relieved, Patti, who was still holding J.J., turned to follow Bart, who carried the diaper bag, down the hall to their bedroom. The door clicked closed behind her.
Spencer took a seat at the kitchen table.
Krissy grabbed a glass and filled it with water then she sat too.
“I’ve given this a lot of thought.” Spencer held out an envelope labeled with his name in Jarrod’s handwriting. “I want you to read the letter Jarrod left for me.”
Krissy reached for it.
Spencer held it tight. “First, you have to promise to read it through from start to finish without getting angry or upset or asking questions. Second, after you’re done reading, you have to agree to keep quiet and give me a full ten minutes to explain.”
His expression dire, Krissy wasn’t sure she wanted to read it. But curiosity got the better of her, and she nodded. “I promise and I agree.”
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