‘What The Hell Was I Thinking?!!’ - Confessions of the World’s Most Controversial Sex Symbol

by Jake Brown

  I arrived in London on the 23rd of October, which is my birthday, and celebrated at my aunt’s house with a lot of my European family. The next day, I flew from Heathrow into Dublin and was greeted like royalty by the people from the Wrestling Channel, which felt really cool. I was interviewed at a T.V. studio with an audience full of fans, and then they threw a big party for me after the show. I had a wonderful time, and as weary as I’d grown toward some of the grind of running 3PW back home, it was nice to see how much my — and our — hard work had paid off over in the U.K. It really made me feel like I’d accomplished everything I’d set out to in wrestling, and while I wasn’t anywhere near ready to walk away, I felt clear-headed about putting more of a focus on metal once I returned to the States. To put a fine point on that, the day I arrived back in L.A. I drove straight from the airport to San Diego to see a death metal band called 3 Inches of Blood that I was a huge fan of. They were playing with Metal Church in this DIVE bar called Brick by Brick. I was without a doubt the band’s biggest supporter at that show, and we all went out to eat at Denny’s afterward, and it was clear to me I was most at home hanging out with these metal bands. I could relate to them as a fan, but also a friend, and it just made me feel that much more excited about the Metal’s Dark Side DVD series I was starting production on in principle that November.

  I spent Halloween at the Key Club rocking out to W.A.S.P., who I’d been a fan of since childhood, and started November interviewing George ‘Corpsegrinder’ Fisher, lead singer from Cannibal Corpse, as my first official interview for the ‘Metal’s Dark Side’ DVD series. I’d been a fan of CC since childhood, and I was SO nervous because he was an idol to me. We were both big fans of the horror filmmaker Daria Argento, and we really hit it off on a personal level, which helped because I was shaking in my boots throughout the entire interview, but he was really cool with me, and we’ve stayed friends since.

  George ‘Corpsegrinder’ Fisher: I met Jasmin in Philadelphia in 2003. We were playing at TROCADERO, and the day before we’d played in Pittsburg, and I didn’t play the show because I had come down with a viral lung infection, so it feels like every time you take a breath, someone’s putting a chokehold on your throat. It was the most painful thing to try to breathe, and went to the hospital, and I stayed in a good mood throughout because I knew the next day I was supposed to be interviewed by Jasmin. I was like ‘Wow, this is awesome’, and I couldn’t believe it, ‘Jasmin St. Claire!’

  I remember when I was doing the interview, I was telling her ‘Yeah, I might not be able to play tonight,’ and my folks and brother were even at the show. I remember telling her all I could really handle was 3 songs, and she was like ‘Awe man,’ all bummed out I was singing more songs. And I was just shocked, and thought it was crazy she was a fan, and a real metal head, because you don’t think any star is going to listen to this kind of music. No offense to our fans, because they’re the best in the world, but I have a certain idea of metal heads, and just wouldn’t ordinarily think that anybody that’s had any kind of success in life is going to listen to this kind of crazy music. So I never knew before that interview that she was into metal, and was surprised she was a metal head — all the metal she was into, I was like ‘Wow, get the fuck out of here!’ She was a real metal chick, and I would never have assumed she listened to this kind of music.

  At the time, I felt like, ‘Wow, I’m just some schlep in a death metal band.’ We have this magazine down here called Rivot Rag, and she did an interview for them but I was shocked beyond belief when they asked her who some of her favorite people to interview for Metal’s Dark Side were, and she said she was nervous when she interviewed me! I was like, ‘What? I was nervous when she was interviewing me.’ And I didn’t think she was nervous at all, and thought — even starting out — she was just as professional as anyone we’d ever done interviews with.

  To me, she’s not just a pretty face they hired to do interviews, which unfortunately seems like all they ever do, like when MTV had Headbanger’s Ball, they had hosts who weren’t really into metal, and SHE IS, and she was before she started doing this. She’s into the scene, and she knows what she’s talking about, she knows what’s going on, and knows as much as I do about metal.

  Jasmin: Later that month, we held the last 3PW show of the year on the 20th, the weekend before Thanksgiving, and titled it ‘For the Gold’ because of the multiple title matches at stake. Highlights from that show included Low Ki defeated Slyk Wagner Brown w/April Hunter; CJ O’Doyle defeating Rob Eckos; a Tag-team title match between Pitbulls 2004 (Mike Kruel & Gary Wolf ) vs. Double Trouble (Monsta Mack & Damian Adams). As well as other title matches between Chris Sabin defeating Joey Matthews; Road Kill & Blue Meanie vs. Rockin’ Rebel & Jack Victory; April Hunter vs. Don E. Allen; Simon Diamond vs. Matt Striker; and finally Christopher Daniels defeating AJ Styles during the Championship Belt title match. We also named Bill Apter, a big Wrestling journalist, the new Commissioner of 3PW during that match, which went over really well with the packed house of fans!

  28 0 what the hell was i thinking?!! As successfully as that show had come off, I had reached a breaking point with everyone’s greed and bad fucking attitudes. At that point, was seriously considering my accountant, Richard McDonald’s offer to come in and take over the financing of the company, and having Brian take over as general manager. I was sick of everyone’s mountain of bullshit, and was really starting to hate what I’d once loved so dearly, and had worked tirelessly to build. I can’t give something 100% if my heart isn’t in it, and at that point, my love for metal had overtaken any other professional ambitions I had driving me.

  As November came to a close, I interviewed Damage Plan and Shadow’s Fall, Bleeding Through, and Himsa for Metal’s Dark Side, which marked the first time I met my future husband Matt ‘The Mooch’ Wicklund, who at the time was playing lead guitar for Himsa. I’ll never forget, at the outset of my interview with his band, our eyes locked out of nowhere and I felt like I’d been hit by a thunderbolt. It was my first and only case of love at first sight, and I believe was the same for him. Even within our first conversation during the band’s interview, I felt he was sexy, well spoken, and we had this chemistry that would NOT quit. The only damper on the moment came when he went to get us drinks and didn’t have enough money to pay for them, so naturally I covered the tab — which should have been the first fucking sign.

  We hung out all that night during an Arch Enemy concert, and even after I had to leave to drive home, I was getting text messages from him at 3 and 4 in the morning, telling me he didn’t want our conversation to end. I have to admit, I didn’t either. He invited me the very next night to come see his band play in Anaheim, and getting to see him play on stage added a whole other level of attraction to our mix. He had energy and talent, and I instantly believed and bought into the idea that he was on his way to somewhere big. His band still had a very long way to go at that point, but I felt sure they would get there, a fact that, when I shared it with him, brought us even closer together. We were both very ambitious and driven at that time, and though I was a lot more established than he was in the business, he didn’t initially seem to care how I’d gotten to where I had, which was also a very big deal to me. I would be lying if I didn’t say I started falling for him almost immediately, and the feeling was clearly mutual by his almost constant text-messaging in the first few days after we’d met while his band was on the road. He would tell me how much he missed me and how I made him melt, and as with any long-distance romance, our time apart just fueled the passion that was building up in his absence. He called me every day from his band’s Canadian tour leg, and it felt right to feel what we were for one another — no matter how quickly it was happening.

  Himsa’s tour ended on December 19th in New York. I flew out to meet him, which also marked the first time all the passion we’d been banking over the past few weeks unleashed itself physically, so needless to say we didn’t leave the hotel for the first couple days
of our visit. When we were outside walking around the city together, it felt just like one of those romantic Woody Allen movies shot on location in New York, because we would just talk for hours and hours. While we were in New York, we attended the Roadrunner Records Holiday Party together, and the next day, were still so lovely dovey that neither one of us wanted the trip to end. I wound up inviting him to fly back to L.A. to me to see a Killswitch/ Slayer show at the Universal Amphitheatre I had tickets and backstage passes to, and by this point, we decided mutually we were a couple. I was crazy about him, and even though I didn’t know where it was going, I couldn’t have cared less because I was so happy. We were going to concerts together left and right, from Marilyn Manson to Strapping Young Lad at the Century Media Christmas party, and on the way home from that show, Matt told me he was in love with me. I told him the same, because it felt true, even though my head and heart were lost in a whirlwind as fast as everything had happened between us. He flew home briefly to Seattle for Christmas while I went home to New York to be with my Mom, but we quickly rendezvoused back to L.A. to head into the New Year together.

  toP: Jasmin and Judas Priest. bottom: Jasmin signing at Tower.

  toP: Jasmin with Lemmy and Metal TV Show Co-Host Ron Estrada. left: Jasmin poses for the cameras the Expo Music Convention, 2008. right: Metals Dark Side DVD

  advertisement.

  toP: Jasmin & Stay Heavy TV show co-host Vinicius, Brazil.

  bottom: Jasmin interviewing Yngwie Malmsteen for Metals Dark Side DVD Series.

  toP: Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister & Jasmin.

  bottom: Jasmin and Chuck Billy (Testament).

  toP: Jasmin and Hank Shermann, Mercyful Fate guitarist.

  bottom: Jasmin and Johan Hegg (Amon Amarth).

  Hard Rocker Magazine Cover Shoot.

  toP: Jasmin with Kiss’s Bruce Kulick.

  bottom: Jasmin signing autographs at the Rock Brigade Magazine booth, Expo Music 2008.

  toP: Jasmin and Willie Adler (Lamb of God). bottom: Jasmin at NAAM 2007.

  toP: Jasmin interviewing Ratt guitarist Warren DiMartini for Metals Dark Side DVD series.

  bottom: Jasmin & Frank (Suffocation vocalist).

  toP: Jasmin & Fred (Dragonforce) at Namm Convention.

  bottom: Jasmin with Almah.

  toP: Jasmin with Bill Hudson of Circle to Circle.

  bottom: Jasmin with the Metal Mayor of Kvarna, Bulgaria.

  Jasmin with Paulo Xisto (SEPULTURA).

  Part XV iiii

  Booty Call Gone Wrong…

  I started out 2005 in LOVE — with my new boyfriend Matt, with the metal scene I was becoming more and more professionally immersed in, and have to say that the New Year began, everything was going extremely well. Matt came with me to the NAAM convention in Anaheim, CA where I was signing at the B.C. Rich and Coffin Guitar Case booths, which marked my debut within that industry crowd because I’d been off wrestling for the past few years and off their radar. I guess metal heads are bigger fans of porn than of wrestling. Either way, it was an event, and I was thrilled by the response I got in the form of two of the longest booth signing lines of the entire convention. Everyone kept telling me how great I looked, and I could tell some of the other Coffin Case girls didn’t like the attention I was getting very much, which I was used to.

  I could tell the attention I was getting at NAMM bothered Matt on some level, which took me a little aback, but I was so in love at the time I couldn’t have cared less. I thought the constant attention he was giving me was sweet, not able yet to see past my blinders to the fact that it should have been an early warning sign unhealthy possessiveness he was filled with. My past had never come up in our relationship to that point, other than he knew I had been an adult film star. I guess I can see in hindsight how it might have shocked him a little when so many of my fans came crawling out of the woodwork at the convention. My crowd ranged from suits to long-haired guitar techs, and even rock and metal star players, which I think really bothered him because he kept drinking more as the day went on.

  It didn’t really matter to me at the time because I was so happy we were together. He stayed in L.A. with me for a few more days before returning to Seattle to work on writing the new Himsa album, while I stayed back in L.A. continuing to shoot more interviews for the Metal’s Dark Side DVD. We also decided to put our first 3PW show of the New Year off until later February, because of it being the dead of winter and traditionally a harder time to draw in fans, but also personally for me because I was fast losing interest in the company. We’d decided to bring in some outside investors who were going to be a little more involved in the day-to-day running of the company, and I wasn’t happy with some of the direction they wanted to head in, so that gave me further incentive to stay away. I think my waning interest in wrestling had most to do with the stress of running a league, rather than out of some lost love for the sport itself — which is something I want to make clear for 3PW fans.

  I wasn’t seeking to step out of 3PW completely, just step back, and perhaps recoup some of my considerable personal investment in the company I’d bankrolled and built from scratch. More than anything, I was just SICK and TIRED of dealing with wrestlers bitching about their airline tickets, I was truly over it, and it just wasn’t fun anymore. Besides, I just knew I was onto something new and wonderful with my Metal hosting and modeling gigs, and it’s where my heart was — when it wasn’t preoccupied with Matt that is. We talked and texted for hours every day until he came back to L.A. at the end of January to visit me again. I couldn’t have been happier with life in general, at that point. I’d gotten a cover with Femme Fatales Magazine, and my publicist had gotten me hooked up with a part for the new National Lampoon movie: Dorm Daze II, which was awesome on top of everything else.

  In February, I flew up to Seattle to visit Matt for his birthday. We stayed at the W Hotel, and had a wonderful time on my dime, but I noticed something while I was up there that should have been a warning sign to me of things to come. Basically he wasn’t living anywhere steady — he was sleeping on the floor of his band’s rehearsal studio or crashing on couches, which is common enough I suppose for musicians. But a trend had quietly developed where I was paying for EVERYTHING, from the hotel to drinks to meals, I was just too much in love at the time to care — about that or even 3PW.The latter came to a head on February 19th when the February 3PW show and Matt’s birthday coincidentally happened to fall on the same day. I was so fed up with my role in 3PW at that point that I chose to blow off the show and spend the day with Matt in Seattle instead — which I know sounds bad. It felt right at the time to me, and I can tell you right now I had a MUCH more enjoyable time in Seattle with my boyfriend than I would have in Philadelphia dealing with prima donna wrestlers.

  We spent the night at a Himsa concert he had to play and it was a very romantic day all in all, and I had no regrets about blowing off the 3PW show. Of course, the company felt differently, and the shit started to hit the fan in early March when the Blue Meanie went behind my back and signed away the rights to 3PW, which wasn’t within his authority to do. I had a contract stating that I was to be repaid ALL the monies I’d invested in 3PW before any sale could go through, and the fact that he sneaked behind my back and trademarked 3PW in his own name was unethical and illegal. It wasn’t his company to sell, and so I had no other choice than to begin litigation against 3PW that same month.

  As the spring rolled on, Matt and I got into a routine where we’d travel back and forth to either Seattle or L.A. — depending on his Himsa and my Metal’s Dark Side commitments — to visit each other. Of course all of it was on my dime, but again I didn’t care because I had plenty coming in from my merchandise sales, signings and was expecting a big settlement at some point in the near future from my 3PW lawsuit. In the meantime, their show attendance numbers had started to drop WAY off once word got out that I was no longer involved with the league. That made me feel good to know I had some loyalty among the fans, but I wa
s sad in another way that I was walking away from a movement I’d built from nothing. It was a mountain I was very proud to have climbed, but at this point, felt like I needed a new challenge in my life. Between juggling a longdistance relationship with Matt and my fledgling Metal hosting career in California, I didn’t have time to keep up with all of 3PW’s drama. I have never been about drama — unless it’s centered around me of course, ;-) and I just felt my life was healthier without the negativity 3PW had come to represent at that point. Looking back on it now, it’s a decision I still have no regrets over.

  As well as the spring was going, when Matt came down to visit me in L.A. over Easter weekend, it marked the beginning of an ugly pattern that emerged thereafter of his starting to ask me more and more questions about my past. Since he’d visited me throughout the spring in L.A. and stayed at my apartment enough to see my merchandise (DVDs, signed posters, etc) which paid for ALL our bills, he’d begun to develop a complex about it. This ran entirely contrary to his claims from the beginning of our relationship that he didn’t care about my past, and certainly he was biting the hand that fed and flew him from Seattle to L.A. and back on a regular basis, but it seemed like he couldn’t help himself. He had developed this possessive, creepy, judgmental side to his personality very quickly in the course of that visit, and I didn’t like or appreciate it one bit.