by Sandy Nadeau
Closing the drawer she just emptied, her mom grabbed her cup of coffee and leaned back in the brown leather chair. “Come sit for a minute.” She pointed to the wing-backed chair in the corner.
“I just got here. We need to pack.”
“Sit.” Ah, the warning tone.
Ronnie flung herself into the chair, arms draped over each padded arm. She slouched, legs stretched straight out, feeling as if she were twelve years old. She braced for the lecture coming.
“When are you going to forgive him for what he didn’t do?”
Ronnie began picking her nails.
“Honey, the love of a good man is a gift. I’m afraid you’ve pushed away something potentially special in your life.”
“Mom, I can’t. The memory won’t leave me. Steve was right there at the scene when Dad died. Right outside.”
“You know he couldn’t have done anything to help. Your dad made the decision he made. Maybe he’s the one you should be mad at.”
“That’s not going to happen.” She stood, wanting to run. Grabbing another box, she headed to the closet against the opposite wall and flung open the worn-out, wooden bi-fold doors.
Her mom helped her bring down a heavy box off the shelf.
“You know how much I loved your dad, right?”
“Yeah, I know.” Ronnie looked into her mom’s moistening eyes.
“For quite a while after the fire, I was so mad at your father.”
“Mom…he died. How could you be mad at him? He couldn’t help it.” Pain filled Ronnie’s chest upon hearing her mom’s words.
“He knew better than to take off his mask. I couldn’t understand it. I had to think long and hard about it to reach a point of not being mad.” She leaned a shoulder into the wall and lowered her gaze. “But after twenty-eight years of marriage, deep in my heart I knew why. He was a saver. A fixer. He wouldn’t let John die on his watch. They were partners. He felt responsible.”
“But if someone had gotten to them, maybe dad would still be alive.”
“Someone…like Steve?”
Ronnie hated to admit to it out loud. It had been easier to just blame him inside herself. “Yes, like Steve. He knew something had happened in there.”
“And he did what he had been trained to do. And you know he had to follow orders.”
Ronnie plopped down, pushed into the closet, and leaned against the back wall, legs stretched out.
Her mom lowered down next to her. “Do you think I could have stopped loving him because he chose to be a fireman?”
“No.”
“You’re right. I loved the things about him that made him a firefighter. Even though I lost him way too soon, I never would have traded the life I had with him. We were blessed by a lot of happy years. Plus I got you and your brother out of the deal.” She bent her head to look in Ronnie’s eyes and smiled.
A tear ran down Ronnie’s face. She pulled her sleeves over her hands and wiped at the errant moisture. Her mother raised her arm, pulled Ronnie close, and kissed the top of her head. Mom was so strong. Ronnie admired her ability to deal with the pain and loss.
“Where are you two?” Adam’s voice boomed into the peace. “Oh sure. I’m down there working my tail off and you two are sloughing off up here.”
Ronnie and her mom looked at each other and chuckled.
“Mom, are you sure he is a blessing to you?” She took an elbow to her ribs.
“We’re on a break. Help me up.” Her mom waved her hand in the air toward Adam.
He pulled her up.
“Let’s go get a cup of coffee,” Mom said. “We have to plan Thanksgiving with this move going on.”
“Hey, Adam, take that box on your way.” Ronnie pointed to the heavy book box and grabbed her mom by the crook of the elbow.
He grunted as he hefted it up in his arms.
She laughed.
6
It would be a long day with the snow whipping in dizzying circles outside the window. Blizzard conditions had begun quite suddenly as the storm front settled into the canyon. Whenever the upslope conditions presented like this, the foothills were hammered by snow. November didn’t always see a lot, but this year was certainly the exception. Visibility had diminished to just ten feet.
The pager tone went off followed by the information of an accident.
Ronnie and her partner, Matt, headed out.
“Wow, this is getting bad. It came out of nowhere.” Nerve endings skittered beneath Ronnie’s skin.
The icy conditions could determine their own fate in the blink of an eye. The pavement was invisible as the snow blew low over the white road. It looked more like the end of the day rather than morning with the gloomy, heavy clouds. Large flakes of snow hit the windshield like small white daggers.
They neared the location and a familiar red car came into sight through the blustering snow.
Ronnie’s heart squeezed.
Debra, Steve’s mom, had bought the little sports car after her husband died. Her humorous bumper sticker was visible on the back of the vehicle, so there was no mistaking Debra’s car. The woman had been like a second mom to Ronnie when she dated Steve.
They jumped out of the emergency vehicle.
Assessing the damage, it was easy to see the car hung partway over the embankment. It seemed to be precariously ready to slip down into the creek. The wind blasted against it coating the side with snow and it rocked with each gust.
Fear wrapped itself in Ronnie’s heart. Where was the fire department?
They would need to tie off the vehicle with the winch on the big rig.
Far off sirens sounded and Ronnie breathed easier, but worry ate at her. The rig needed to hurry. The car didn’t seem to have a decent purchase on solid ground. Ronnie pulled up the collar of her coat and rushed to the car.
Mrs. McNeal, eyes wide and body seemingly frozen in the seat, stared straight ahead.
“Don’t move. Stay as still as you can. We have to get the wheels blocked.”
The woman gripped the wheel tight with her gloved hands, barely willing to turn her head. Fear lived in her expression. She clutched a cell phone in her hand. The car shifted in the wind, being high-centered over the snow bank at the edge of the road.
A squeak escaped Debra’s mouth. “Ronnie, help.”
Ronnie could barely hear it through the closed window and the wind blowing. “We will.” She managed to say through her constricted throat. “We’ll get you out of this. Are you hurt?” Ronnie deflected the blowing snow from her eyes. The biting wind found every opening of her jacket to gain access to her skin. Shivers wracked her body and not just from the cold.
Mrs. McNeal was in serious danger.
“N-no. I don’t think so. Every time I shift a little, it seems to slide more. I don’t dare move.”
“I know. Sit tight.”
Matt worked at trying to block the wheels, but they only lightly touched the ground and every gust made it rise a little more. He took hold of the bumper and pulled it down. “Call in and tell them to step on it. We need the winch now. The bank is giving way and I’m not sure we can wait much longer.”
Ronnie pulled out her radio explaining the level of urgency before signing off. “We’ve got to get her out of there.”
“We can’t risk it. If we make the move to open the door, her shifting weight will definitely send the car down to the creek.”
As if the words caused a reaction, the car slid again, resulting in a loud shriek from inside the vehicle.
The sirens were drawing closer, but after their own harrowing ride, the big rig would have difficulty maneuvering the curves in the road of the canyon.
“Hurry up you guys…” Ronnie checked out the front end.
The car hung over the creek which was about fifteen feet below. Snow covered the embankment and slope, only a few rocks protruded through the white. There were no trees to stop a decent should the car let go, only scant brush. Hardly a match against a three-thousand-p
ound car. The front end hung in the air, rocking on the piled up snow. There’d be no way to brace it from going over.
“Oh, Ronnie.” Debra began to cry.
“I know. We’re trying to figure something out. I hear the trucks. They’ll be here soon.”
Matt kept his weight on the rear bumper.
Ronnie spotted a fallen log on the other side of the road. Kicking it free of the snow, she dragged it over to the car, thinking she could shore up the front end. Before she could even get the log in position, the car shifted and began to slide down the embankment.
“No!” Ronnie ran for the door handle in a futile attempt to keep it from going over the edge.
Debra’s terror-stricken face filled the driver’s side window, and she screamed as the car teetered.
Ronnie screamed, too, desperately trying to hold on to the door handle. It ripped from her fingers as three thousand pounds of steel tilted and then sliced through the knee-deep snow. The front end slammed against a rock, and, as if in slow motion, the car’s back end flipped over on its roof, slid a few more feet, and came to a stop partly submerged in the icy creek.
Red lights bounced off the opposite hillside next to the creek.
Ronnie and Matt reached the upside down vehicle, dropped to the ground, and pulled at the piled up snow near the window. Ronnie could almost feel her heart being ripped out of her chest. Broken glass littered the ground around the car.
Firefighters swarmed down the embankment.
“Mom!” Steve yelled as he nearly rolled down the packed earth, his desperation evident as he stumbled over lumps and bumps buried under the snow.
Debra hung upside down by the seatbelt. Her arms dangled helplessly. A bit of blood ran on the side of her face into her hairline. The woman’s hair was wet, and one gloved hand lay in the icy water. Her lolling head indicated she’d lost consciousness.
Matt and Ronnie couldn’t get at her from the driver’s side since it sat in the creek. The car door and frame were severely dented where the car had hit the rock, but with the glass gone, it allowed Ronnie to squeeze into the space. She pushed aside the spent air bags.
The roar of the Jaws of Life shattered the air.
“Mrs. McNeal? We’re going to get you out of here.” No answer. No movement. Ronnie pulled off her gloves and checked the woman’s neck for a pulse. Feeling the rhythm thrust a sigh out of Ronnie’s chest.
Matt flung a neck brace in and it hit her thigh.
She frantically worked at securing it around Debra. They would have to lower her soon.
Metal ripping behind Ronnie caused her to pull her legs in further and she shielded Debra from the popping and grinding. It seemed to take forever for the door to be removed and pulled out of the way.
Steve stuck his head in. “How is she?”
“Unconscious. We need to get her down. Get in here and hold her while I cut the seat belt.”
Steve crawled in, hampered by his bulky turn-out coat. He lay on the roof, reaching for his mother’s upper body so she wouldn’t fall hard. Ronnie cut the belt, but Mrs. McNeal didn’t drop. Her leg was caught between the steering wheel and the door panel.
Another firefighter stood in the water working the Jaws on the driver’s door. As it separated, they were able to free Mrs. McNeal’s leg and lower her down. The team operated together to get the woman onto the backboard and to remove her from the car.
A groan escaped Debra as her eyes opened.
“We’ve got you, Mom. You’ll be OK.” Steve encouraged her, but the fear was still evident in his expression.
Once out of the vehicle, they strapped Mrs. McNeal down. Several of them carried her toward the gurney stationed up on the road, Steve alongside them, holding his mother’s hand. They had to trudge through the snow avoiding the hidden rocks, and passed Debra off to the next set of firefighters in more stable positions. Steve stayed by her side, blocking the blowing snow from hitting Debra’s face with his gloved hand.
Ronnie sat back on her heels next to the upside down vehicle. Her chin hit her chest as she muttered, “It’s all my fault.”
Matt knelt next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself. That car would have gone over regardless. We couldn’t have done any more. This is not your fault.”
“I caused it to go over with that stupid log. This is my fault.” She wept into her gloved hands. The screaming siren of the ambulance attested to the reality of what had happened. The beeping of the tow truck backing into position overtook the sound of the creek and her sobs.
Matt pulled her up by the arm. “Come on Ronnie. Let’s go.”
She struggled to her feet, guilt riddled her mind. Her vision blurred with the tears, making it difficult to maneuver up the rocky, snow covered slope. The rivulets seemed to freeze against her face. Snowflakes added to the moisture. She didn’t want to go to the hospital to retrieve their backboard from the ambulance team. How would she be able to face Steve after what she’d done? Maybe Matt would go in. No, she would have to sign off, too. Face the music. Ronnie almost started praying, but stopped herself. Mrs. McNeal just has to be OK.
~*~
Steve stood outside the ER waiting for the doctor. He’d called his sisters from his cell. They wanted to fly out immediately, but he convinced them to wait until he found out how bad their mom’s injuries were. Still in his turn-out gear, minus the heavy coat which over-filled one of the chairs, he paced in heavy boots, leaving small puddles on the floor. How long would he have to wait?
Mom had regained consciousness at the scene, but she hadn’t been coherent.
Steve hoped her confusion would be temporary.
A nurse came through the doors. “Mr. McNeal?”
He rushed to her. “Yeah, here.”
She held up her hand blocking him. “We’re taking her to X-ray right now. As soon as she’s back, we’ll come get you.”
“Is she OK? What did the doctor say?”
“The doctor will be out in just a minute to speak to you.” Then she turned and went back the way she came.
Steve paced some more, looking through the small windows in the doors each time he passed. His boots clomped with each step.
A few minutes later, a woman in purple scrubs came out asking for him.
“Here.” He rushed over to her.
“I’m Dr. Becky Jordan.” She reached out to shake his hand.
“How’s my mom?”
“She’s stable. We’ve sent her to X-ray. I suspect her left leg is broken. I understand she lost consciousness?”
“Yes, she must have been knocked unconscious or passed out when her car went over the edge and rolled.”
“I’ve ordered films of her head and neck as well. It’ll be a bit before they bring her back up. I’ll send someone out for you then. She is awake, but rather confused. Try to relax. We’ll take care of her.”
“Thank you, doctor.” Steve ran his hand through his hair then slumped down into the chair next to his coat. The waiting room had about a half a dozen people in it. But there was no one for him to lean on, except One. He rubbed his whisker stubble and bowed his head. “Father, please be with her. Give the doctors wisdom in treating her. I pray that she will be all right.” He choked up. The words could no longer come.
The automatic doors opened.
Matt and Ronnie came in.
He jumped out of the chair. He needed someone to hold. He reached out, but she stopped and stepped back.
~*~
“How is she?” Ronnie couldn’t look him in the eyes.
Worry lines creased his face. “They’re running X-rays on her right now. I haven’t seen her yet. The doctor said she’s pretty sure mom’s leg is broken.”
Ronnie turned away.
“Is there anything we can do?” Matt put a hand on Steve’s shoulder.
“No, thanks. Just have to wait. I want to see her for myself.”
Guilt washed over Ronnie like a waterfall. Each pang of fault dropped to a
nother level of responsibility, beating it harder into her. If only…
Steve and Matt took chairs across from her.
She barely heard Matt talking about the accident.
“The car teetered with every gust of wind. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Matt shook his head.
Ronnie closed her eyes in a vain attempt to keep the tears from escaping, fighting the urge to cover her ears. But the movie of the car going over played against her eyelids. She popped them back open.
“She shouldn’t have been out with this weather moving in. Sometimes her independence drives me crazy.” Steve pounded his hand on the chair.
“You know how these storms can move in. It iced over fast when the wind started.”
“Yeah, I know, but still. The forecast said the chances were pretty good. What was she thinking?”
“This isn’t her fault!” Ronnie’s control broke. She stood and nearly ran to the ladies room, knowing she was the one who should be blamed.
~*~
Steve looked back at Matt. “What’s wrong with Ronnie?”
“She’s feeling guilty. We were doing everything we could to keep your mom’s car from going over. The back tires weren’t even on the ground and the front end hung halfway over, so I tried to put my weight on the back bumper. Ronnie grabbed a section of a downed tree to try to block the front end, but the way it balanced at an angle on the snow bank, it would have gone over no matter what we did. I felt it slipping away from me even before she tried to use that log to block the tires. We had no time.”
“I have no doubt you guys did everything you could.”
“I know. But Ronnie feels like she’s responsible for the car pitching over. I tried to tell her it was going over anyway, but she won’t listen.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
A nurse came through the doors. “Steve McNeal?”
“Yeah, here.” Steve hurried over to her.
“She’s back from X-ray. I’ll take you to her now.”
Matt called out, “Let us know how she is.”