by Betty Neels
‘Yes, I’m sure I must seem so to you, and I do sympathise, but I want to help you to get quite well, you know, and once you’ve done this, you’ll find it will get easier and easier. Sit on the stairs a minute and get your second wind.’
Thus cheerfully admonished, Miss Jason allowed herself to be gently lowered on to the staircase and Julia sat down beside her, ‘For,’ she said in her friendly voice, ‘we might as well be comfortable.’
‘Comfortable?’ echoed Marcia bitterly. ‘I shall never…’ She broke off as Jorina and her father came out of the sitting room to gaze up at them from the hall.
‘I knew you could do it if you tried, Marcia,’ said the doctor. ‘I can see you’ll soon be getting around like the rest of us.’
Marcia allowed her long face to break into a wistful smile.
‘You have no idea of the struggle I’ve had, Doctor van den Werff, but I will not give in—I should have been in my room by now if Nurse hadn’t commanded me to take a rest—though I own I’m quite exhausted.’
Julia saw the faint frown on the doctor’s face. ‘You must not do too much,’ he began. ‘Nurse, perhaps we had better carry Miss Jason to her room.’
Julia presented him with an untroubled face, although her thoughts were the reverse. She was as certain as she could be that Marcia was far stronger in the legs than she would have them believe. But she had, after all, only just arrived and the fact that she disliked her patient could be influencing her judgement, though she felt that unlikely; she was too well trained for that. She said now, ‘If Ivo isn’t going to be too long, shall we stay here? Then he can see for himself how well she has managed and carry her the rest of the way.’
The doctor was about to debate this when the front door opened and Ivo joined them. He began. ‘Hello, Vader, a false alarm—the baby…’ and then he stopped and stared up the staircase to where Marcia and Julia, looking a very ill-assorted pair, were sitting.
‘What on earth are you doing?’ he demanded. ‘Marcia, don’t tell me you got there on your own legs?’
Julia had known that Marcia would take full advantage of the situation, and she proceeded to do so now. ‘Are you surprised, Ivo? Nurse insisted that I walked upstairs to my room, and I’ve been absolutely terrified, but I’ve managed to get as far as this, and now you’re back and I’ll go on again so that you can see for yourself, though I confess I’m ready to drop.’ She gave a trill of laughter, a combination of courage and weariness and gentle resignation to the great bully of a nurse beside her. ‘Isn’t it lucky that Nurse is such a strong girl? If I’m to be forced to walk everywhere, she will need to pick me up a dozen times a day.’
He was halfway up the stairs. ‘What a wonderful surprise for my first day home,’ he said lightly, and bent and lifted her and carried her into her room, put her gently on the bed, said goodnight equally gently and went away, standing aside for Julia as she followed them, without looking at her. Only as he turned to go did he catch her eye and she knew that he was holding his anger in check. Later on, she judged, she would be told off.
But first there was Miss Jason to get to bed—a slow business because she had known that Julia had been shown in a bad light and she wanted to extract as much pleasure from the fact as possible by making sly references to the episode whenever she could turn the conversation to her liking. But Julia parried her oblique remarks easily enough, talking about anything which came into her head and refusing to rise to any of her patient’s barbed remarks. At length she said goodnight and went downstairs again; if there was going to be a row, she might just as well get it over.
Apparently Ivo felt the same way, for he opened his study door as she reached the foot of the stairs and requested her in a quiet voice to join him. He bade her sit down, still very quiet, and asked in a beautifully controlled rage, ‘And what in the name of thunder have you been doing?’
Julia, during the slow half hour of putting Marcia to bed, had had time to think. She said reasonably, ‘It seemed to be a good idea to start Miss Jason off in the way she must go. She has to make the effort, you know—what better moment to start, with the incentive of your delighted surprise when you returned?’
He said, in low-voiced fury, ‘I can conceive of nothing less likely to give me delight—Marcia is a very delicate woman.’
‘Fiddlesticks,’ said Julia, who hadn’t meant to say that at all but hadn’t been able to restrain herself. ‘Miss Jason has been very ill; she’s better, admit it. If you were checking a patient in hospital in as good a physical condition as hers, wouldn’t you prescribe as much exercise as she could manage within reason? She should have been doing far more than she is.’
He came and stood over her. ‘Aren’t you presuming a little too much, nurse?’ His voice was dangerous. ‘And how could you know what I would prescribe for my patients?’
‘Oh, I don’t,’ said Julia, ‘I only guessed,’ and he made an exasperated sound which she ignored. ‘I’m trying to help you and Miss Jason—I said I would, if you remember.’ She went on in a reasonable voice, ‘But if you want her to stay bedbound, please tell me and I’ll nurse her exactly as you wish—blanket baths, meals in bed, pressure points—the lot.’
She drew breath after this outrageous speech and looked at him to see what he would say. He looked so forbidding that she let it out very slowly so that he shouldn’t see that she was just a little frightened of him. He said through clenched teeth, ‘You take too much upon yourself, Miss Pennyfeather. I should very much like to…’ He closed his lips and to her regret, didn’t finish the sentence.
She said, her dark eyes very bright, ‘I seem to remember you saying not a couple of hours since that you didn’t wish me to go. And,’ she added for good measure, ‘do you have to be quite so bad-tempered?’
He was suddenly bland, his fine rage nicely under control. ‘Don’t tell me, my dear girl, that anything I should say or do could affect your actions in any way. It is unfortunate that you move me to anger rather more than most people.’
‘You’re quite right,’ said Julia disconcertingly. ‘You were angry with me the first time we met because I opened that door.’ She added indignantly, ‘And if I hadn’t you’d still be standing there, frozen to death!’
To her surprise he gave a shout of laughter. ‘Julia, you’re impossible! I began by being furious with you and now…’ He caught her round the waist and when she looked up at him, kissed her quite roughly on the mouth. Julia made no attempt to free herself from his arms, but stood stiffly within them, her eyes on his shirt front. She said quietly while her heart rocked under her neat uniform,
‘I quite understand that you’re happy to be home again doctor, but wouldn’t it be better if you kissed the right girl?’
He showed no sign of penitence and made no effort to loosen his hold, but said idly, ‘What a little waist you have. And who is the right girl?’
She gave him an open-mouthed look. ‘Why, Miss Jason, of course. She was telling me about—about you this afternoon.’ She took a deep breath and went on, ‘I’m sorry that I annoy you so much—I’ll keep out of your way as much as I can.’
He ignored this. ‘What did Marcia have to say?’ he asked in a mild voice which lulled her into answering, ‘That you were a brilliantly clever man with a great future and that you needed a—a helpmate with a similar brain and that she was glad to have at last found a man who disliked levity unless it was relevant to the occasion and…’
He asked with interest, ‘Are you making all this up?’
‘No—I wouldn’t know how to. But it must be nice for you, and for her, of course.’ She gently disengaged his arms from about her person and he dropped them to his side and took a step or so away from her.
When he spoke his voice was quiet. ‘There’s no need to keep out of my way. Even when you annoy me I enjoy your company.’ His eyes searched her face. ‘I must explain if I can—at Drumlochie it was as if we lived in another world—it seemed more real than this one. I forgot for the
time the obligations which I had. They didn’t seem to matter—when you opened the door, you opened it on to make believe, although I’m not sure now if it wasn’t real.’ He stopped. ‘I’m not explaining very well.’
‘No,’ agreed Julia in a wooden voice, ‘you’re not, but I understand very well what you mean. You forgot all about Miss Jason waiting for you. It’s a pity you didn’t remember—you might not have asked me to come back with you.’
It surprised her when he smiled. ‘No, I think it will turn out to be a very good thing that you came. You’ll get Marcia fit.’
Julia walked over to the stove and held out her hands to its warmth.
‘Will you marry her when she’s well?’ she asked coolly.
Her voice had been cool, his was suddenly icy. ‘That, Miss Pennyfeather, is entirely my own business.’
There was a little devil inside Julia, egging her on. She walked to the door. ‘Well, of course it is, but I like to know how much time I have—can you wait until she’s absolutely fit or are you so eager to marry her that you’ll be content with a semi-invalid?’
He covered the room in a couple of strides and took her by the shoulders, shook her until the teeth rattled in her head and then let her go and stood staring at her with a set face. She stared back, appalled at what she had said. At length she spoke from a throat gone dry. ‘That was dreadful of me—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean a word of it. I don’t know why…please forgive me.’
She left him abruptly and went up to her room, to sit on her bed going over and over the scene in his study and wondering what had possessed her to behave so badly. Presently she undressed, had a bath and then, ready for bed, went along to see if there was anything more she could do for Miss Jason.
‘Nothing, thank you,’ stated Miss Jason firmly. ‘I’m relaxed both in mind and body, despite your rough treatment of the latter, Nurse,’ this with a little laugh to indicate that she was joking. ‘I shan’t need you until the morning. Good-night.’
Julia, still meek, went back to her own room and got into bed, where she lay warm and comfortable, reading the same page of a book she had picked up from the table, and wishing with all her heart that she was back at Drumlochie House, huddled in bed in her ice-cold bedroom, knowing that just down the corridor Ivo was stretched out on his fourposter ready to come at once if she should want him—not the Ivo she had been talking to an hour ago, but the Ivo she had first met in that other, happier world.
She saw only Jorina and Bep when she went downstairs in the morning. Marcia was still asleep; it seemed a good idea to have breakfast before she wakened. Jorina greeted her warmly, inquired as to whether she had slept well and been warm enough and went on:
‘Father and I thought you would be down again later in the evening, but Ivo said he had had a talk with you and you had gone to bed. I expect you were tired.’ She gave Julia a smiling glance. ‘Or was Ivo cross about something? I thought I heard his voice…something’s worrying, though I don’t know what, he’d only been in the house for ten minutes for me to see that. Have some more coffee? I hope you don’t find our breakfasts too strange after your eggs and bacon.’ She handed Julia her cup and passed her a dish of cheese. ‘Try some of this on your bread, it tastes good. Are you going to get Marcia down today?’
Julia was soothed by Jorina’s pleasant acceptance of her company. She said readily, ‘Yes, going down will be much easier. Is—will Ivo be in to lunch? If not, I’ll wait until the afternoon and Miss Jason can be down waiting for him and he can help her in the evening—that should encourage her.’
‘I’m sure it will.’ Jorina’s voice was dry. ‘He won’t be back until about five—he’s in Tilburg today, but he’ll be helping with the surgery this evening. If you bring her down about three o’clock we could have a cup of tea together. When are you to be free?’
Julia gave her a grateful look. No one had mentioned off duty and she had forgotten to ask about it; anyway, the opportunity hadn’t presented itself. ‘I don’t know. Ivo said something about one or two half days each week and a day off when it could be arranged. He didn’t say anything definite about off duty.’
‘Well, how about this afternoon? If you bring Marcia downstairs about three and go off until six?’ She slipped an arm into Julia’s. ‘I hope you will be happy with us—it will be nice to have someone to talk to. There’s Marcia, of course,’ she added hastily, ‘but I’m not clever, you see, and I bore her.’
It was an hour later, while Julia was supervising Marcia’s exercises, that a visitor was announced to see that young lady.
‘Mijnheer August de Winter,’ said Bep stolidly from the door, and Julia was surprised to see the delight in Marcia’s long face—much more delight than she had shown towards Ivo, for all her gentle speeches to him. Julia, on her way to the door with a murmured, ‘I’ll leave you,’ was stopped long enough to be introduced as ‘my nurse Ivo brought back with him in the hope of getting me strong again,’ and then Marcia turned her pale eyes on her and explained, ‘This is Mijnheer de Winter, a schoolmaster in Tilburg, who has been good enough to keep me company whenever he has had the time to spare.’
Julia watched her patient simper—really, the woman was fifty years behind the times! She belonged in a Victorian novel. She didn’t think much of Mijnheer de Winter either; his face was even longer than Marcia’s and his eyes pale. He had mousy hair, brushed neatly across the baldness on top of his head, and a mean little mouth. Julia went out of the room, closing the door softly behind her, thinking that the pair of them were exactly right for each other. Hard on that thought came another. Did Ivo know about her patient’s visitor?
She went along to her room and wrote a letter, and when she went back after a little while with her patient’s lunch tray, it was to find her alone once more.
Marcia held up a massive tome for her to see and cried in her wispy voice, ‘You see, nurse, how kind Mijnheer de Winter is. He came especially to bring me this volume of Virgil—I happened to mention that I should like to read it once more.’ She smiled and said almost playfully, ‘Don’t mention his visit to Doctor van den Werff—I mean Ivo, of course, I don’t want to make him jealous and I’ve not had the time to tell him about August’s visits yet.’
Julia lifted the lid off the omelette she had borne upstairs. ‘I don’t tell tales,’ she remarked briefly. ‘I hope you enjoy your lunch.’
She didn’t enjoy her own, although she pretended to for Jorina’s sake. The more she saw of her patient the less she liked her. She was reasonably sure that Marcia had the full use of her arms and legs and for some reason didn’t want anyone to know, not for the moment—and now she was sly as well. And there was really nothing that Julia could do about it.
After several false starts and a great deal of shillyshallying on the stairs, Marcia got down them rather well, probably, thought Julia nastily, because there was no one to see except herself. It was already past three o’clock, for her patient, although she knew that Julia was to be free at that hour, had contrived a number of last-minute hindrances, Julia drank a hasty cup of tea and went to change out of her uniform. A quarter of an hour later she was walking down the road, thinking to herself that if she disliked her patient, the feeling was reciprocated, although she doubted if either of them would admit it. It was already dusk, for it had been a dull cold day, with grey cloud overhead and a blustery wind—it would be dark by the time she had walked the mile or so into Oisterwijk, but it was a main road and she couldn’t very well miss her way back.
By the time she had looked round the little town it was five o’clock and almost dark, so she headed for home again. She had walked for ten minutes or more when she discovered that she was on the wrong road. She retraced her steps, found the right way, and started off once more.
A car raced past her towards the town, its lights blazing so that when it had gone by the dark seemed even darker; she heard its brakes squeal as it stopped and turned and came back towards her, its powerful headlamps pinpointing her
in the night. She didn’t change her pace, nor did she look round. Even when the car dropped to a crawl beside her she looked steadily ahead. It went past her and drew up and Ivo’s voice, very quiet, said, ‘Get in, Julia.’
She did as she was told, not in the least deceived by his tone. As she slid into the seat beside him, she could almost feel his anger. But she wasn’t going to allow herself to be intimidated. ‘How nice,’ she said chattily as he leaned over her to shut the door. ‘Are you on your way home?’
‘I’ve been home.’ He started the car, driving slowly, and her heart began to hammer because she was so very conscious of him close beside her. She edged away carefully to stop rigid as he said, still quiet,
‘You don’t need to do that. I’m not going to hit you, tough heaven knows—what possessed you to go out in the dark?’
She could hear by his voice that he was still holding back rage and made haste to say in mollifying tones, ‘Well, there wasn’t time during the day and I wanted to go for a walk and I thought it would be nice to see Oisterwijk. It’s pretty, isn’t it? and the shops are nice, only I couldn’t buy anything.’
He made a sound which might have been a laugh. ‘Why not? Don’t tell me you allowed the language to stand in your way.’
‘No, I don’t think I would have done, but I had no money— Dutch money.’
He turned the car into the short lane leading to the house and stopped and turned to peer at her through the dark. He said evenly,
‘You shall have money tomorrow. I’m sorry about that, I should have thought of it.’
Julia stirred, a little uneasy; he was being so very calm. She was mistaken, for when next he spoke his voice was very nearly a snarl.
‘Don’t dare to do this again, Julia. What a little fool you are—good God, anything might have happened to you! Supposing you had been given a lift…!’
She interrupted him a little indignantly, ‘Two cars stopped, but I didn’t go with them because I wasn’t quite sure where the house was in the dark and it might have been difficult to make the driver understand.’