by Peter Styles
“Nancy gets shot in the head in Weeds!”
“What?!”
My laughter was almost uncontrollable at that point. “How did you not know this?” I choked out.
He gave me a sheepish smile. “Well, uh, I only watched the first seasons of both of them.” When I howled even harder, he added, “In my defense, I didn’t really like them very much. I had no idea they got so… dark.”
“Jesus Christ, Nicky.” I wiped tears of mirth from my eyes and thought back. “Hold on, is that what you were talking about before the power went out? Your big idea to make us money?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “And that’s what all those boxes I was getting delivered were. I sold all my music stuff and put the money towards meth stuff. It wasn’t as expensive as I’d thought. I actually had a lot of money left over.”
“Where was it?”
“In a separate account,” he explained. “I wanted to actually make something before I told you. I knew you weren’t going to like the idea of me selling hard drugs—”
“You were right on that,” I muttered.
“—but I thought that maybe once I started making a lot, I’d be able to justify it a lot easier.” He shrugged, his face falling a little. “I was going to tell you when the power went out, but then… you know.”
“Yeah.” My smile died as well. “I do know. And I’m sorry, you know. For everything I said that morning.”
“You don’t have to be,” he said quickly, but I shook my head.
“No. I do. I went too far.”
“But it was fair for you to be upset,” he argued. He took a sip of his coffee, set it down, and added another creamer. At this point, it was barely even beige. “You were stressed. You were dealing with a lot of stuff, and you were the one making almost all the money. I could have done more to help.”
“And I could have been more understanding of all the stuff you have to deal with every day,” I said softly. I put my hand over his, and he turned it, palm up, lacing his fingers together with mine and gripping me tightly. “I know stuff isn’t easy for you. I’m sorry I blamed you for it.”
“And I’m sorry I didn’t at least try to do more.” He gave me a small smile. “And I’m even more sorry about the house. I was starting the process and had gone outside to get something when the power came back on. Apparently, there was a spark or something that ignited the fumes. The explosion threw me across the street.”
“Jesus.” My grip tightened. “I can’t believe you made it out.”
“I can’t either,” he admitted. “And at that point I just… panicked. And I left.”
“But why?” I asked. “Why leave when we could work through it together?”
“Well, first of all, I’m pretty sure I’d just committed a felony,” he pointed out.
“You’re in good company,” I said, thinking about how many years in prison my stunt with the truck could have gotten me.
“Plus,” he added, looking down at his coffee and stirring it, avoiding my eyes, “I was ashamed. I had screwed up so badly, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with that. I felt like all I would ever be to you was trouble. So I left.” He shrugged. “I decided I’d come back when I was better. When I deserved you.” He gave me a sad smile. “Not that I think that day will ever come.”
My heart skipped a beat and sank. “You’re not thinking about leaving again, are you?” I asked.
He blinked a few times. I could tell he was fighting tears. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’m still a long way from deserving somebody like you. You’re this smart, kind, gentle, amazing man, and I’m… me. I’m this broken, talentless thing that you have to take care of. And I don’t want to do that to you.”
“You’re not broken or talentless,” I reminded him quietly. “The problem is that you’re so convinced that you’re worthless that you let it overwhelm you.” I paused and admitted, “And my problem is that I wasn’t able to understand that. But I’m starting to. And I’d rather spend the rest of my life learning to understand and help you than have you leave thinking you’re not good enough.”
He drew in a shaky breath, but he smiled. Even though his eyes were glassy, no tears fell. “Thank you, baby,” he whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I told him. I paused for a second. “But I do have one question.”
“What?”
“Where are we going to live?”
He grinned proudly. “I have a place,” he told me. “It’s small, but I’m sure we can find somewhere else.”
“Wait, you have an apartment? How?”
“Bartending.” He shrugged, and when I looked stunned, he added, “I decided to start looking around for real jobs that might have me. I ended up finding a bar that needed a bartender, and I picked up on it pretty easily. It’s really just drug dealing still, only it’s a different kind of drug and it’s legal. And the people like me there. My boss said people think I’m fun.”
“Wow.” I grinned. “Seriously, wow. I’m so proud of you.”
He shrugged modestly, but I could tell he was proud, too. “It’s fun. And I play there sometimes, when I can borrow someone’s guitar. I’ve still got some money left over from selling all my equipment, and I’ve been saving up. The tips are good. I can actually support us now. You can go to school.”
I grinned. “I appreciate the thought. I’m not sure I’m ready for that quite yet, though. Over the past couple months, I’ve started thinking about what I really want.”
“And what is that?”
“That’s just it. I don’t know. The only thing I’ve really wanted is you.”
He scoffed a little, but he smiled. “You’re such a sap. But I love that about you. And you can take the time you need. I’ve got us covered.”
We sat there in silence. His thumb rubbed gently over mine and I breathed a deep sigh of contentment. “So,” I said softly, looking at him, “are you saying we’re going to be okay?”
And just like that, the trademark, sunny grin I knew so well was back in my life. I could already feel the icy sadness melting off of me. “Yeah,” he agreed. “We’re going to
be just fine.
Turn the page to get your preview of Fear of Getting Burned! It is the first book the Eternal Flame Series!
Preview (Eternal Flame Book 1): Fear of Getting Burned
He's one hot firefighter who's afraid to get burned.
When Kyle saves a sexy Jewish man from a fire, things start to really heat up. Growing up with a mother he couldn't count on, Kyle fears getting too close to someone. But as Kyle and Rick grow closer and their relationship blossoms into something more, Kyle falls for the man who tears down the walls around his heart.
But when they both discover that the innocent fire that engulfed Rick was more deadly than they ever realized, Kyle struggles with the truth. Someone doesn't condone Rick's heritage or lifestyle and will stop at nothing until the gay Jewish man is dead.
Now, Kyle is about to get a lesson of his own. With Rick's bravery and strength guiding him, Kyle learns that true love starts with trust. But can this firefighter fight the fear that's held him back his entire life?
In this 25,000 word gay romance novel, two men fight the hatred in society that plagues all oppressed groups. But with their own courage and strength, they find a way to battle the fear that stifles them. With steamy scenes and strong sexual content, both men will learn the most important lesson of all: love always wins.
Click Here to check out Fear of Getting Burned!
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Fear of Getting Burned
Peter Styles
© 2017
Disclaimer
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic o
r mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and events are all fictitious for the reader’s pleasure. Any similarities to real people, places, events, living or dead are all coincidental.
This book contains sexually explicit content that is intended for ADULTS ONLY (+18).