“If our US members get a sense of what we’re doing, it starts immediately. If they don’t, and their cartel and your cartel continues their alliance, I’d say we’re looking at a minimum of two or three years until we make a move. If the war never starts—or doesn’t worsen,” he sad with a smile in Brick’s direction, “we’re looking at about a year. Either way, with the uncertainty on the other side of the border, we might need to do this in a different way than we had originally planned.”
“We won’t become Smiling Ghouls,” Brick said with a determination impossible to miss. “That’s not going to happen, no matter what happens in Mexico.”
“I know. And we won’t become Marauders, and that was never the plan. We want a clean break from the US with only business partners on this side.”
“Okay. Just wanted to make that clear. So how do you want to do it differently?”
“I want to leave Eagle here for a while, and possibly send Pico here, too. Not necessarily here, in Greenville, but on this side of the Atlantic, and preferably stationed in New York, but they’ll move around.”
“I’ll call Veetor, our president up there. I’m sure he can sort them out.”
“Thank you,” Dan said. “If the cartel goes to war, they’ll end up in radio silence, and I need people here who I trust—no offense.”
“None taken,” Brick said.
“Their main focus will be the weapons,” Daan continued. “I’m sure you’re aware that we’re selling weapons to the cartel, and any smart general knows that the first thing you need to do is cut off the supplies. I think we can all agree it’s in our best interest that they keep getting their weapons.”
“Definitely,” Bear muttered.
“We’re gonna move around the weapons trade slightly… To make them harder to track…” Daan looked uncomfortable.
“I don’t need details about that,” Brick said and shook his head. “It’s none of my business. How close would you say that it is?”
“Not close,” Daan answered. “This is just planning ahead. It’s brewing, but it’s not close to boiling over. At least I don’t think so, but that’s always hard to predict.”
Tommy sighed in relief. It would really fucking suck if it was close, because he could be out of commission for the next three months if he was unlucky as fuck. He still didn’t like where they were heading. A cartel war, and him with a kid and a woman in the middle of it, that was bad.
Besides keeping his club safe, his main interest was to keep Billie and Felix outside whatever was coming, and he also wondered how the fuck he warned Clyde about a cartel war. Even if Clyde’d had a hunch that the Marauders were involved in illegal activities, there was still quite a leap to being involved with a cartel.
After the meeting was over, he stayed at the bar for a couple of hours to talk to the Dutch. Felix was already in bed, and Billie was working, but he was planning to go by and see her when she came home.
oOo
IT WAS MY LAST shift at work before the surgery. Since I’d realized that Felix would need a new kidney, I had never been able to see beyond the surgery. That was how it had been until it had been clear that Tommy could donate. Since then my life had been firmly divided into ‘before’ and ‘after’ the surgery. The last week, the countdown had been things I had done for the last time before Felix had a new kidney.
So, this was my last night at work before the surgery.
Somehow, that felt like a huge thing, and the people I worked with enhanced the feeling by having bought Felix presents and me good luck flowers. I’d taken a month off from work. I’d been fully prepared to simply hand in my notice if my boss wouldn’t grant me the time off, but Helen had agreed without hesitation, and I’d told her I would try to be back sooner than four weeks. I just wanted to have the option in case anything went wrong.
“Then I expect you back in three weeks,” she’d said with a big smile. “Because nothing will go wrong.”
So on my last day, she sat down behind the reception desk with me before leaving for the day.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
“I think… I have a hard time believing it’ll be over. At least the worst parts, there’s still some issues, but generally, he’ll be like any other child.” I had a hard time finding the right words. “I’ve never had a ‘normal’ kid. I’m not sure how to do that.”
“If you can handle having a child as sick as Felix has been, I’m sure you can handle having a healthy kid. How are you getting along with his father?”
“Oh… um. Really well.” I realized I was blushing, and Helen laughed. “Yeah… Really well.”
“Penis in vagina well?”
“That would be one way of describing it,” I admitted. “He’s been great. Not just because he’s giving Felix his kidney, but he’s been really great with Felix. A great dad.”
“I would assume he’s forgiven you, then,” she said.
“Yes,” I said. “And I’ve told him the sob story.”
“Good. Not that I think it’s something a woman is obligated to do, but in this case I think it’s good. It probably helped him understand.”
“Maybe. We were on pretty friendly terms by the time I told him.”
Tommy hadn’t changed since he found out, and that was a big relief. In no way had he changed how he acted towards me, and it had most definitely not meant that he’d been more careful when we had sex. He understood that it was a big deal, but that I didn’t want him to act like it was. There was a subtle, but important difference between those two things.
“Let us know how it goes,” Helen said with a smile. “I’ll keep my fingers crossed. We all will.”
“Thank you.”
When I came home, Felix was in the kitchen, and he gave me a big smile when he saw me. He was supposed to have been in bed hours earlier, but lately Mom had really slipped on the bedtime thing. He still kept smiling, and even if he had moments when he was scared or worried, he was, more than anything, eager. He knew it would hurt, he knew almost every risk that was included with the surgery, but he was looking forward to it anyway. Maybe it was that he knew he had to do it, or maybe he was just a small kid who was looking forward to not being sick anymore. Whatever the reason, I was relieved that he had never asked me to not have to do it. I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted if he did, and I had certainly thought about it.
We kept reading The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. He didn’t want to stop, and I’d tried to point out there were other books for older kids we could try, but he didn’t want to. Sometimes we read it from beginning to end, but also just his favorite parts of it. The part currently his favorite was when Dorothy and her friends arrive at the Emerald City and had to wear glasses, because he liked the pictures of them all wearing them. I’d told him that my favorite part was The Tin Man’s story. How the woodchopper had been in love with the Munchkin girl who’d promised to marry him when he could afford to buy her a house. But the lazy old woman she lived with didn’t want to lose her serving girl, so she got help from the Wicked Witch of the East, who enchanted the woodchopper’s axe. Limb by limb on the woodchopper was cut off and replaced by tin until all of him was made out of tin. He’d lost his heart and thus his love for the beautiful Munching girl.
I’d always been a sucker for a sad story, which was why I knew Wuthering Heights almost by heart. Felix wasn’t the only one in the family who liked to reread his favorites.
We’d watched the movie, too, but Felix didn’t like it. He was disappointed it only had one good witch, that the shoes weren’t silver, and he really, really didn’t like that Dorothy wasn’t a young girl not much older than him. So we’d decided to stick to the book.
“How was your day?” I asked Felix as I leaned over to give his forehead a kiss.
“Good. Daddy was here, but he had to go.”
“And why aren’t you in bed, mister?” I asked with a glance at Mom. She just shrugged.
“I wanted to wait for you, and Grandma said
I could.”
I decided to just drop it, and not thirty minutes later, Felix was sleeping. He’d been tired as hell, but I understood why Mom didn’t force him to bed, because I kept having the same feeling. I believed—no, I knew—that he would be okay, but a nagging voice at the back of my head kept telling me to make sure to get as much time with him as possible, just in case. I hate that voice, I despised it, and I did my very best to ignore it, but sometimes I couldn’t. Sometimes I wanted to wrap Felix in my arms and never let go.
Which was why I’d spent way too many evenings in Felix’s room, just staring at him while he was sleeping, and I did it that night, too. I heard the door open behind me, but didn’t think much about it.
“Hey, babe,” Tommy whispered in my ear.
I turned around, and he gave me a big smile. I hadn’t known he was coming, and he reeked of beer, cigarette smoke, and pot, so I assumed he came directly from the clubhouse.
“Why are you here? Felix said you’d left, and why do you smell of beer?”
“I’m not an idiot,” he said and lay down on the other side of Felix. He took my hand and pressed it against his lips. “I haven’t been drinking, and I’m back because I wanted to see you. Both of you.”
I was embarrassed. I had no right to mistrust him, and the question was a low blow. He probably just had the same feeling as I did—to see Felix as much as possible.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be.” He gave my fingers another kiss. “Told you, I like you as Mama Bear. How is he doing?”
“About the same.”
“We’ll fix that soon,” he mumbled and kissed Felix’s forehead. “We’ll get him in shape soon.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I’m Scared, Too
oOo
INSTEAD OF JUST ‘THE last time’ I did something, it was the very last night before the surgery. But it was ‘the last time’ Felix went to bed with kidneys full of cysts. The thought was as mind-blowing as it was scary.
I lay down on his bed next to him, and Tommy was kneeling on the floor on the other side of the bed, resting his elbows on it. Felix had wanted him there the full night, and Tommy had been quick to agree.
“Are you scared?” Felix asked him.
We’d been talking a lot about it the last week, about being scared and fears people had—about good and bad fears, and how to deal with them. It could’ve been a bad idea, but Mom had early on managed to balance it out by talking about hope, and what we hoped would come out of the fear.
“Yeah, Champ, I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“The catheter,” Tommy answered, and I started laughing. “And that your body might not want my kidney, but you know that’s not likely to happen.”
Kidney transplants were a success in most cases. Over eighty percent were still working well three years after the surgery, and Felix knew that, too. But we still worried. I mostly worried because I knew that if you looked further, only around fifty percent were working after ten years. He would need another transplant, probably more than that. He’d be on immunosuppressive therapy for the rest of his life to ensure that his immune system didn’t reject the new kidney. It would mean a higher risk for infections and cancer.
But it also meant he had a fighting chance to live to see his teens, and even survive them. I was trying to focus those things, the benefits. It would buy us a lot of very valuable time.
“Which one are you giving me?” Felix asked.
“This one.” Tommy pointed to his left side.
“Did you get to pick which one to give?”
“No. Apparently it’s easier to take that one.”
“Are you staying until tomorrow?”
“I told you I would,” Tommy said and took Felix’s hand. “We’re going there together tomorrow.”
Felix was silent for a while, and I almost thought he’d been able to fall asleep, but then he turned towards me.
“Will we still be living here when I’m not sick anymore?”
“I don’t know,” I answered. “Where would you like to live?”
“I was thinking… that maybe I could live with Daddy, too?”
“I’d like that, Champ. I’d like that a lot,” Tommy said with a big smile. “I’ll find a house so you can have your own room.”
Felix was quiet, but I could see that he was still thinking about something, and I was trying to be relieved that it probably wasn’t about the surgery. He was looking at me.
“Do you think I should get a room there, too?” I asked.
“Yes,” he immediately answered.
“You want your mom and dad to live together,” Tommy chuckled. “Is that it?”
“I wish you were both with me, together, all the time,” Felix whispered, and he looked at me. “Are you angry?”
“No, of course not. You want what you want, that’s nothing I would be angry about. Almost all kids want their parents to live together.” I desperately tried to figure out what to say. When I looked at Tommy, he gave me a meaningful, and slightly amused, smile. “Gotta jump, huh?”
“Something like that, Munchkin,” he mumbled, and then he looked at Felix. “Your mom and I are trying to figure some things out, but I promise to buy a house she likes, and I promise that no matter what, we both love you, and we’ll both be in your life. And I love your mom, too.”
“You love her?”
“What’s not to love?” Tommy smiled. “She’s awesome, and she gave me you.”
“She’s awesome,” Felix agreed. “So, you’re not angry at her anymore?”
“No, Champ. I’m not angry at her.”
“Not even a little?”
“Not even a little,” Tommy confirmed.
Felix looked between us, and then he beckoned Tommy closer with his index finger. When he was close enough, he put his arms around Tommy’s neck and pulled him even closer to whisper something in his ear. I couldn’t hear what, but Tommy chuckled and gave Felix’s forehead a peck.
“Yup.”
Felix glanced in my direction, and then he whispered something else. Once again Tommy answered, “Yup.”
“Now?” Felix asked.
“Okay.”
Tommy leaned closer to me, and with a firm grip around my neck, he gave me a kiss. Felix giggled and hid under his cover.
“He told me to kiss you,” Tommy explained when he’d let go of me. “He said that when you love someone, you kiss them, and he asked if I wanted to kiss you.”
He pulled down the cover Felix was still holding in front of him.
“Sure about this?” I asked him, and he nodded vigorously. “If it’s only that you want your dad around, you can live with him, too, even if I’m not there.”
Felix shook his head.
“When you and I are feeling better, we’ll talk about it again,” Tommy said.
“Do you love Daddy?” he asked me.
“Yes, I do, and like he said, no matter what happens, we both love you, and I’ll always love him for letting me keep you.” I gave him a hug. “It’s not as easy for grownups to say what they want, but I promise we’ll talk about it, Daddy and I.”
Felix smiled. “Okay.”
“You need to sleep, Champ, gotta be strong tomorrow,” Tommy said. “Want us in here, or do you want to be alone?”
“I want Grandma.”
“Grandma?” I asked. “Okay.”
“So you can talk about the house.”
I laughed. At least the idea of us all living in a house together had taken his thoughts off the surgery the next day.
“I’ll get you Grandma,” Tommy said. “And we’ll talk about the house.”
When Tommy had left, I stroked Felix’s cheek to make him look at me.
“If you want me or Daddy to come back, just ask Grandma to go get us.”
He nodded. “Tomorrow, you’ll be there when they make me sleep?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
“And when I wake up?”
“Absolutely.”
When Mom came into the room, I gave Felix one more kiss before going out to find Tommy. It wasn’t very hard. He was waiting just outside the room and pulled me into his arms.
“Wanna practice making babies?”
“Making babies?”
“Yeah, well, the best donor is a sibling, so I figured we’d get four or five more kids, and then Felix has a whole line of people who can give him kidneys.”
“You want to have more kids so Felix can get kidneys?”
“No, I want to have more kids because I want to have more kids, and I’ll give them a good home so they love each other. The rest will take care of itself.”
“You think so?” I asked and gave him a kiss. “I’m not so convinced about that logic, but I’m up for some practicing.”
“If Zach had needed a kidney, how long would it have taken you to offer one of yours?”
I looked at Tommy. “About two seconds.”
“See,” he said and wiggled his eyebrows. “Perfect logic.”
“I think this is more because you know you can’t have sex for a while after the surgery.”
“Then there’s that.”
I took his hand and walked him towards my room. “So you lied to Felix,” I joked. “We’re not going to talk about the house?”
He opened the door, and once we were inside, he started kissing me as we walked towards the bed.
“Wanna move into my house?”
“You have a house?”
“Not yet, but when I get one, will you come live with me?”
“I’ll consider it.”
“There, we’ve talked about the house. Get naked.”
Getting naked sounded a lot better than discussing an imaginary house. I started pulling off my clothes and watched Tommy do the same. He was already growing hard, I could see the outline of his dick under his boxer briefs, and I stepped forward to gently circle it through the cloth.
“Babe, they’ve done every fucking test imaginable on me. I’m clean as a whistle and in perfect physical and psychological health. Any chance you’re on the pill or something?”
Resonance (Marauders #4) Page 19