by M. N. Forgy
“Hey, how much do you tip the DJ?” I ask.
Her lips twist to the side and she looks up to the ceiling in thought, her hand reaching around and adjusting her cotton tail on her ass.
“Um, on a good night at least seventy-five. It’s important for him to build you up, ya know. Why? Have you not been tipping him or something?” She looks at me with a worried expression.
I sigh feeling so stupid for not asking another dancer what I should be doing.
Taking my sigh as an answer, her eyes widen. “Girl, tip everyone! And don’t leave your money in your locker, bitches be stealing it. Trust me.” She nods assuringly, pointing at me.
“Okay,” I mutter, trying to store all this information. “Wait, do I tip North too?”
A sly smirk spreads across her face. “He won’t take it. North watches over all of us without pay, we’re his girls, and he takes care of us. But you get on his bad side, he will make you want to quit. He can be an ass.” Slamming her locker, she slaps my ass before walking into the vanity room.
I can definitely see what she means about North. He has this prick vibe about him, a charm I can’t defy. Only when push came to shove, I screamed for North like my life depended on it when that groom climbed on stage, even after North had just made me feel more like a whore than anyone has since I started working here. I remanence to when North strutted up to the stage as if he not only owned the place, but also me. My plan was to treat him like any other gentleman down on the floor, but he threw down the perfect amount of cash to where I had to take my top off… just for him. It was as if he wanted me to know… I was his girl, in his club. That he was special and I will see it that way. I wanted to shove that fifty in his arrogant mouth.
Heading into the vanity room, I sit down feeling defeated and Persia sits down beside me, along with another dancer named Starletta.
“Girl, you have got to toughen up, or these men are going to eat you alive!” Star schools me with her big boobs bouncing as she points at me with a sturdy finger. They call her Star because the girl bedazzles everything, including her balloon tits.
“Yeah, I know,” I mutter, pulling my sash tighter around my waist, as if the tightness will eat away the embarrassment. There’s a voice inside me that wants to roar and scream how unfair life is, I want to be the bitch that fate has been to me but for some reason, I just swallow the fight and keep taking it.
My parents were old school Christians. Always praying for those who found themselves down the path of sin, but always forgave no matter what.
I guess that’s why I find it hard to be bolder and outgoing like some of the other women around here. Just getting this job made me feel guilty enough, but it was literally the only place in Georgia that Kace couldn’t touch.
Taking the job won’t impress the judge, but it might with family services, because at the end of the day it’s a job. That’s all they said I needed to keep my parental rights. A job.
My parents disowned me after becoming a stripper, and for the very first time in my entire life, I’m completely on my own with nobody giving me direction of where to go.
Except North.
My eyes pop to the mirror in front of me. My heart beating a little harder at the thought of a criminal biker taking my hand and showing me the life on the side I’ve been sheltered from.
I’m curious of the woman he’s going to bring out of me.
End of the night comes and North is standing at the door. He’s leaning against the wall with his legs crossed in front of him, his hands in his jean pockets. Those glacier blue eyes stare me down as he tosses a toothpick around in his mouth, his split lip making him look even more attractive.
He shoves the door open with one hand, letting me walk past, and I clutch my purse closer to my chest. Halle skipping right behind me.
“Are you going to walk me to my car every night?” I ask, watching Halle dance and be silly all the way to the car.
“Until you join me in the back seat; yes.” My head snaps in his direction and a smirk pulls at his gorgeous features.
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” I scoff, finally reaching my car. Halle busies herself on the passenger side just as North suddenly presses me up against my car, both of his hands on each side of my shoulders as he leans in.
There’s a hitch in my breathing as I stare at him, my toes curling in my shoes as the smell of leather and smoke dance around me making my body feel alive for the first time in a long time.
“North,” I whisper, the desperation in my voice telling him I’m not strong enough to handle this kind of temptation, making him lean in closer. His lips brushing my ear.
“Have a good night, Aspen.”
Using his hands, he pushes himself off my car and out of my space, walking away as if he didn’t just eye fuck me.
“Mom, unlock the car already!” Halle whines from the other side, but I can’t move. As if I’m in a trance, I watch North walk back to the building.
There’s something about that man that has me wanting to ignore the seven sins and live a night of wrong with him.
But if a stupid man like Kace can wreck my life, what could a man like North do to me?
Four
Aspen
Sitting on the park bench, I try to look the part of a mother in every way. A flowery dress, with white flats. My hair down, and no makeup. I guess being a stripper makes me feel less of a mother figure. I should be baking cookies and carpooling, but instead, I’m grinding poles and trying to dodge my ex-husband. So, when I’m out I wear the dress and the mom hairdo because I don’t want other moms to think the same way I do about myself. Being a mother is hard enough these days without having others stick their nose up at you and cast judgment. They don’t know me but it doesn’t matter because they’ll take one look at me and decide they don’t like me if I stand out. Halle plays on the swings not far from where I sit as I wait for her dad to come and pick her up. The trees are blowing, making a slight rustling sound, the smell of some kind of flower faintly wafting by. I close my eyes and listen to the kids squeal with delight and the squeak of the swing. Aside from the beautiful view of this park, I hate days like these, drop off days. I just want to take Halle back home and keep her away from Kace. He’s not a good man, he drinks, steals, and is abusive. Opening my eyes, I sigh, remembering the days when Kace used to be a gentleman. I used to think how lucky I was to have him love me. But when he became a police officer things changed, he became an entirely different person. Weak men can’t handle power, and Kace is an example of that.
“Mom, wanna see me jump?” Halle asks, swinging as high into the air as she can.
“Let me see, baby!” I encourage her, and just as the swing peaks at the very top she comes flying down. No fear in her eyes, her face full of courage, and smile on her lips as her two feet plant in the sand firmly.
I laugh, proud of her for not being scared of the fall. Looking down at the stupid dress, I smooth it out, suddenly wishing I had just a pinch of that boldness my daughter possesses.
Looking up, I watch the other parents with their children. Some mom’s talk amongst themselves, others wiping their kid’s faces with wet wipes, and some taking pictures with their phones. Looking down at my flower dress, I straighten the material trying to distract my jealousy. I can’t help but wonder if the couples are happily married, and the kids here with just their mom, where’s their dad? Either way, it doesn’t seem to matter to the kids, they’re laughing and chasing each other as if whatever is going on at home doesn’t matter.
Looking to Halle, I wonder if mine and Kace’s divorce affects her any. Does she go home sad, or get made fun of at school because her parents aren’t together.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Miss Centerfold?” The spine-chilling crass tone of my ex-husband has me tense.
He slides onto the bench next to me, reeking of beer and body odor. His dirty blond hair curls around his ears and looks unwashed, much like his shirt and grass-stained je
ans. Jesus Christ, he’s a mess.
“Some of the guys said they saw you dancing at Centerfolds,” he states rather than asks, taking a sip of his beer. He knew I got a job somewhere, just not where. I knew it was just a matter of time before one of his buddies from the station noticed me at Centerfolds.
Ignoring him, I look out at the playground. Do not engage, I remind myself. There is no talking with Kace. Only the way he keeps looking at me as if I’m beneath him presses my buttons to make me want to react.
“I’m sure the judge will love your new place of employment,” he mocks, his voice echoing into the can of beer he takes a sip of. My head snaps in his direction.
“What did you expect, Kace? You made it impossible for me to get a job anywhere else.” My tone bitter and laced with hatred. When he’s near me it’s as if something dark and sad claws at the inside of my chest, demanding to be let out.
“Well, it ain’t baking cookies is all I’m saying.” He belches, tossing the can over his head. His head wobbles when he looks at me and he raises an eyebrow as if he’s father of the year.
“Right, my dancing overcomes your thieving drinking ass, is that what you’re telling me?” Sass sits on the edge of my tongue, ready to have it out with him. “You were let go from the police department for being dirty, remember?” I remind him, and he shakes his head, looking away.
“Now that matter is still being investigated! I might still be on at the department.” He stretches out his legs, and I scoff at him.
“Oh, is that right?” My voice is sarcastic. When he was a cop, there was an incident where he was told to wait for backup, but when his backup arrived, a man was dead. Kace said he had no choice but to shoot him. I don’t know, the thing was sketchy and it’s all being looked at from what Kace says.
“That’s right!” His voice is cheerful. “Doesn’t matter what you do, Aspen. You ain’t getting Halle. I will take that kid to the end of the world just to make sure you don’t have her.” He clicks his tongue, stretching his arm out behind me on the metal bench.
His words hit me hard because they’re true. He’d do anything to see me hurt. My eyes begin to fill with tears and I have to hold my breath to keep in a sob. How can a man call himself a father and be willing to put his child through anything just to stick it to me?
“Why?” My voice cracks. My eyes narrow in on him, my teeth near cracking. I never turned him when he hit me, I always had dinner made for him after work, and I always went to his stupid work functions. We made a child together, and at one time we loved one another, so how can he be so cruel to want to hurt me like this. To take the one thing I did right in my life out of my world, leaving me in isolation.
He looks at me, his gray bloodshot eyes enjoying every minute of this.
“Because I can, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” His lazy grin makes me look away from him in a hurry. He doesn’t get to see me vulnerable. He doesn’t get to have the power anymore. I won’t be broken, I can’t be broken because I have to be strong to fight for Halle.
“I told you if you left me, I’d make you regret it.” He sits up, resting his hands on his knees. Now in my face, I have no choice but to look him right in the eye. “Regret it yet?” The confidence he carries disgusts me.
“Daddy!” Halle comes running, and he stands just before she can hug him. “Get your shit, let’s go. I got things to do.” The way he speaks to her kills me inside with every sentence. The excitement from my precious little girl is not reciprocated by her father. Doesn’t he see how much she loves him? Why can’t he find kindness not for me, but for her?
Halle looks to me, her eyes suddenly not as brave as she was minutes ago. This is the stuff that kills me. Do whatever to me, but don’t break my little girl’s heart.
Pulling her close, I hold her head with my hand, never wanting to let go.
“I’m not going to stop until the day you live with Mommy, Halle. I promise,” I whisper the words more to myself but also to my sweet girl. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I am.
Pulling back, she looks at me, something silent and unreadable in her eyes.
“I said let’s go!” Kace barks and Halle startles at his tone before walking toward him. He misses a step, nearly falling on his face and it’s apparent he’s had one too many. Standing, I hold my hand out in front of Halle, stopping her from following Kace. He’s not had a drink or two to keep him ‘functional’ as he says because he’s addicted to the alcohol, he’s clearly wasted.
“You’re drunk, Kace,” I point out the obvious. He waves me off, tripping over his own two feet. “I’m not letting you take her anywhere like this, you can forget it!” I protest. If he can’t walk straight, he can’t drive. Halle is not safe with him like this.
“Daddy, just let Mommy drive me to your house,” Halle suggests with a sweet shrug. I begin to nod, thinking that’s a good idea but Kace abruptly turns around and tries snatching at Halle out of anger.
“Shut up, this is grown-up talk!” he snaps and I gasp. I shove her behind me, rage I’ve never felt in my entire life burning my chest like an inferno. Taking a step back, I shake my head.
“Oh no, you are not taking her, not like this.”
He tilts his head to the side with warning, his brows raising at my defiance.
“Well, someone found their backbone. Did your little stripper friends teach you that?” he insults. Using one hand, he grabs on to the bench to steady himself, taking a step toward us.
“Because I don’t remember you being that mouthy back when we were together.”
“Stop,” I warn him, because I know he’s about to dig up memories I don’t want Halle to hear but my tone just makes him smile wider.
“Nah see, you’d be eating my knuckles for disrespecting me like the little whore that you are. You think because you’re a stripper you can just talk like trash to anyone now?” he continues.
Halle grabs my waist, looking around to see her dad. “North isn’t a stripper!” Halle informs.
This grabs Kace’s attention, his face falling of expression.
“North? Who the fuck is North?” Jealousy laces his tone, and inside my chest, I know things just got a whole lot worse.
“Nobody.”
Rubbing his chin, I can tell he’s thinking. “Look, you either give me my kid or I can call one of my cop buddies, Aspen. You decide.” Slowly his eyes trickle up my body and onto my face. He’s pulling the cop card. He has a buddy named Pepper that would do anything for him all because Kace took a bullet for him once. It doesn’t even count, Kace was wearing a fucking bulletproof vest! If he calls Pepper, who knows what he’ll try to pin against me. He’ll tell me Kace is fine, and to walk away. He’ll make a report saying I was causing a scene and the judge that like both Kace and Pepper would just love that.
Closing my eyes, I inhale a breath, the sound of the kids laughing drowning out my own heartbeat, my lungs inhale the crisp air but I can’t breathe. Slowly opening my eyes, I lower my head and watch Kace mouth off how stupid I am. He’s right, I have been stupid. I’ve been naive and letting Kace walk over me for far too long and if he wants Halle, he’ll have to take her over my dead body.
Letting out the small breath I managed to suck in, I kick one shoe off and then another very slowly. My heart beating faster than the red flags going off in my head. I know what I’m about to do is bad. Very bad. But I’ve been good my whole life and it’s done nothing for me. My parents are gone, I’m divorced, broke, about to lose my Halle in a custody battle, and If I let him take her in this state, I might lose her forever.
“What are you doing?” Kace slurs, looking at my bare feet. “Look, why don’t you just stop resisting, and come back home?”
Before I can rethink what I’m doing. I grab Halle and run. I sprint to my car and toss her in the passenger side.
“Hurry, put your seatbelt on!” My voice shakes from the adrenaline spiking through my system. Kace runs down the hill, tripping and falling
from being intoxicated, but still coming at us nonetheless. Quickly, I start the car with a trembling hand as he flings his fist through the rolled-down window, catching my bottom lip.
“Damn it, Aspen, she’s my kid!” he howls, spit dripping from his mouth as he tries to tug my driver door open.
“Daddy, stop!” Halle cries. “Daddy, you’re scaring me. I want to be with Mommy tonight,” she cries from the floorboard of the car. All the parents and kids in the park are now staring at us, and the sound of Halle crying in fear is tearing me in half.
I begin to back out of the space, my foot unsteady on the throttle, I go too fast and I have to hit the brakes to keep from hitting a car parked behind us.
“You’re gonna pay for this, bitch!” he hollers, just as my tires squeal against the asphalt and zoom out of the parking lot.
Silence blankets the air that was once hostile seconds ago, and I look over to Halle who is climbing into her seat. Her face is stained with tears, and I feel like the worst mother in the world not being able to protect her from Kace. She puts her seatbelt on and rests her head on her arms, looking out the window with a sad expression on her face.
Taking her hand, I give it a squeeze trying to reassure her.
“You okay?” I ask.
Looking up at me with familiar green eyes, she nods. A sting annoys my bottom lip and I bite at it with my teeth, tasting blood. Shit.
I pull down the visor and notice my lip is puffy, purple and cut. He must have hit me harder than I thought.
“Why is Daddy always so mad? Why is he…” She begins to trail off and cry again. Looking to the road, one hand on the wheel, I wish I could explain to her what happened to her daddy. He used to be a clean-cut guy, one that took protecting Uprising, Georgia seriously and loved his girls more than the world itself.