by Osborn, K E
I take a deep breath not knowing what to say. “You’ll see. C’mon, let’s go.” I step out of the car and Willow jumps out with Petunia following closely behind, her little trotters clicking on the pavers alongside us.
Strolling along the pathway that leads to Mum’s home a sense of family springs to mind. I’ve missed her. Sure I’ve had Dad beside me, but even though she left us, I’ve still missed having her around. Stepping up to the door, I take a deep breath and Willow grabs my hand.
“Are you okay? You seem… tense?”
I smile and nod just as the door creaks open and a rifle slides through the small gap pointed right at me. The clicking of metal against metal as it’s being loaded echoes through the quiet neighbourhood as Willow tenses next to me and gasps.
“Who the fuck are you? What the fuck do you want? And what are you doing here so late at night?” Mum’s gravelly voice rasps out through the night air and I grin knowing she hasn’t changed at all.
Chuckling, I push the barrel of the gun out the way. “It’s me, Mum,” I announce. Two visible gasps sound around me, one from next to me and one from behind the door. I glance at Willow and she’s glaring at me as I take in her dishevelled appearance. We haven’t had a shower in a while, and her hair is a mess from the fucking I gave her in the car behind the servo. I probably should have made sure she looked a little more presentable before Mum opened the door. Which is now swinging wide open as the gun falls down to her side.
Her blonde hair sits exactly how I remember it, in a short bob situated just above her shoulders. Her eyes have more wrinkles around them now as they squint looking right at me, glistening with unshed tears. For a woman of forty-six she still looks good to me.
“Dylan?” she asks her voice breaking like she’s unsure of the sight before her eyes.
“Yeah Mum, it’s me.”
She sniffs as a tear rolls down her cheek. Quickly wiping it away, she brings her arms up and clenches her hands in and out gesturing for me to go to her. So I do, letting go of Willow’s hand and moving straight into my mother’s arms. She embraces me tightly as her head comes into my chest. She’s shorter than me now, and I rest my head on top of hers as the warmth and love oozing from me right now is palpable. Being in my mother’s arms again, well I never could have imagined would feel so… damn right!
“Squuueee,” Petunia rushes past me and up to Mum’s leg rubbing and cuddling into her.
She pulls back jumping and gasping as she looks down at the pig. Pulling up her rifle she points it at Petunia and cocks the gun. Willow screams as I grab the gun and pull it away from her.
“What the fuck is that thing? It’s the biggest fucking rat I’ve ever seen. Get it the fuck away from me, Dylan,” Mum screams jumping up and down on the spot making me laugh out loud. Willow moves in and picks Petunia up cradling her to her chest and stroking her like she’s glad she’s still alive.
“Mum, calm the fuck down. It’s a teacup pig, not a rat. Don’t worry, I thought the same thing… tried to stab her with Wesley when I first met her.”
Mum looks at me finally standing still and raising an eyebrow. “Wow, you did? And so it is. It’s actually quite cute now that I look at it. Wait? Why do you have a pig, Dylan?” Mum asks and I chuckle.
“Her name’s Petunia. She’s our pet. Well… Willow’s really, but I’ve kind of adopted her since…” I pause and look down on the ground as my chest starts to hurt. Willow rests her hand on my shoulder for comfort.
“Since what darling?” Mum asks.
“Cassius. Mum… he died.”
She winces letting out a sigh. “Well, he would’ve been, what… ten now? He lived a good life. A long life.”
I nod and look at Willow then back to Mum who’s also looking at Willow and then it clicks.
Shit!
“Fuck! Sorry Mum. This is Willow… Willow this is Mum—”
“Call me Amelia, honey,” Mum cuts in glancing at Willow and smirking. “So… um, no offence, but you don’t look like a club girl?” She stands back to one side and gestures for us to come inside.
I walk through to the lounge room and Willow follows. “No offence taken. I’m not one of those cockmunchers.”
I turn looking at Willow, grinning widely as my mouth falls open. I haven’t heard her talk like that without being coerced into it. My cock twitches while Mum snickers.
“Hmm, I like you. I like her, Dylan. Where did you find her son?” Mum asks shutting the door and placing her rifle on the buffet as she walks past the light and switches it on then sits down. The room brightens with light as the walls shine with photos of me as a kid—not just me, my brothers too. Swallowing hard, I take a deep breath trying to remember them. It’s hard, I was so young when they died.
“Earth to Dylan?”
I look up to Mum and shake my head. “What?”
“Where did you find Willow?” she re-asks her question as I take a seat on the lounge next to Willow, who’s still holding Petunia rather tightly.
“Actually, she was workin’ at a child care centre and I helped her rescue a stray child. The rest is history.”
Willow smiles at me and I smile back at the memory of when we first met.
“That’s cute. So Willow, will the pig shit in my house?”
I chuckle as Willow pulls back a little shocked by my mother’s forwardness. “Umm, she shouldn’t. She is house trained.”
“You’re shitting me?” Mum says and I chuckle again. We’re so alike.
Willow giggles and glances at me. “I shit you not.”
Mum shrugs. “Well, okay then, you can put her down. Let her run around. I’m not sure why you guys are here, but I know it can’t be just for a shits and giggles visit. That doesn’t happen after eight years of not seeing each other. Am I right?”
I exhale running my hand through my hair as Willow places Petunia down to the floor and she wonders off sniffing everything.
“Some shit went down at the club. Willow saw some stuff in the Chop Shop with Chops… shit she shouldn’t have seen.”
Mum nods and clicks her tongue to the roof of her mouth. “Chops is out for blood. He always was a fucking bastard.” Willow lets out an amused huff and I raise my eyebrows in agreement. “How long you been on the run for?”
“Just under two weeks.”
She shakes her head. “You been living out of that tiny car?”
I nod. She purses her lips and crosses her arms over her chest. “And it took you this long to come to me, Dylan. What the fuck?” Her rise in tone and the way she’s leaning forward ensures me that she’s angry.
Huffing, I shake my head. “I don’t know what I’m doin’,” I admit and Willow looks at me her eyebrows raising up together as she swallows hard. That’s the first time she’s heard me admit it.
“Okay, let me help you for now. Willow, please go and have a shower. Sort out your hair and let me feed you both. Stay here a couple of days… a week if you need to. I’ll make some calls, try and sort something out.”
I shrug. “But how can you help us, Mum?”
She rolls her eyes and tuts. “Dylan, I might not be a part of the club anymore, but one never truly leaves a club do they? I have connections, and I have friends. I’m still a McNamara. My name hasn’t changed. I’m still Mad Dog’s Old Lady for all intents and purposes. We never divorced, remember? I just left. There’s a difference.”
“We’ll accept any help we can get, right Dylan?” Willow asks looking at me furrowing her brows and glaring.
“Listen to your Old Lady, Dylan.”
Taking a deep breath, I shrug. “Fine! Just don’t go gettin’ yourself into any trouble. Okay?”
“Me? Never.” She smiles and stands up. “Right Willow, come with me. I’ll show you the bathroom. Dylan, get your bags out the car and I’ll make up your room. Then get you something to eat.”
Willow stands up as my mother grabs her arm and they walk off toward the other room while I head outside to get our stuf
f.
“It’s right through here, honey,” Amelia says walking with me toward the bathroom. She leads me inside and then steps out to the cupboard just outside the door.
“Thanks so much for letting me use your bathroom, I can’t remember the last time I smelt human.” I honestly can’t. We had enough money on us for a hotel room on the second night and I had a shower then, but I haven’t had one since. We couldn’t touch our bank accounts for fear of there being any issues with tracing where we were. It’s the first time in a long time that I actually felt like there was no hope. Both Dylan and I are reasonably well off, but without being able to walk into a bank or use our cards, we may as well be paupers.
She walks back in with two towels for me and places them on the bench by the wall. “Well honey, I’m happy to help. It’s been so long since I’ve seen my boy, and to see him with a woman such as you is truly making my day.” Pulling the hair tie out of my hair, I let my hair fall down naturally around my shoulders cascading in waves either side of my face. Amelia immediately brings her hand up and runs her fingers through my hair. I tense my shoulders not knowing what to do.
“Willow, being an outsider and coming into the club is hard… as you now know,” she says and I huff.
“Tell me about it.”
She moves her hands to my shoulders and caresses them tenderly in a mothering way. It soothes me slightly, reminding me of my parents. Making me think back to the time when I had to call my mother and let her know what was happening. Yeah, that didn’t go down well at all. I wish my mother was half as nurturing as Amelia seems to be. Then the thought of the children from the child care centre comes to mind, and the call I had to make to inform Tina that I was giving notice. Remembering those calls only reminds me what I’m giving up and hot salty water stings my tired eyes.
Looking up at her reflection in her mirror, her kind grey eyes smile back at me and she tilts her head. “I guess I’m just saying it’s a hard life. It changes you. You might be sweet and innocent now, but if you stay with Dylan and blend into club life like I know he’ll want you to, everything you know, everything you believe in will shift. Are you prepared for that?”
The harsh stare in her eyes has my stomach twisting on itself. The colour drains from my face and I swallow hard looking back at her reflection in the mirror. “Was it too much for you? That’s why you left?” My voice shocks me as it comes out as barely in a whisper.
She nods. “I was like you… sweet, innocent. But look at me now. I live with a rifle by my side and I swear like a trooper. Mad Dog made me… no shaped me like that. He was… is, the love of my life. He gave me three beautiful boys and showed me a life I never knew I could even have. It was thrilling, exciting, scary, dangerous, but I never felt more alive… until the day I died inside.”
My heart starts to race and I feel a little nauseous. “The day Dylan’s brothers died?”
She nods and looks down to the ground. Her hands fall to her sides and she shakes her head as I turn to face her.
“Willow, I just want you to be happy. You’re beautiful, stunning, smart, and love Dylan fiercely. I want Dylan to be happy, too. But I don’t want him to sacrifice his life for the club, and I don’t want you to sacrifice your life for him.”
A shudder runs across my skin pricking it with goosebumps as a chill sweeps over my entire body sending a deep-seated coldness right through to my very soul. I have no idea what to say to that, so I simply nod. The tense muscles in my neck ache from the small movement.
“Flame, I have your stuff right here,” Steel announces breaking the tension. He’s walking with his head down right through the doorway then he stops still when he looks at my pale face. “Shit! Flame, are you okay?”
“She’s fine, darling. Just let her shower then I can get some food into her… she’s hungry. C’mon, let me feed you while Willow cleans up,” Amelia says grabbing Steel’s arm and begins to yank him out of the room. He looks at me furrowing his eyebrows and quickly hands me the toiletries bag before he’s completely dragged away.
Taking a deep breath, I close the bathroom door and turn placing my hands on the basin and just breathe. Amelia’s words ring through my mind.
‘I don’t want you to sacrifice your life for him.’
I don’t want to die, and I’ve already come close to it with Chops. But if I left Steel, would I be in even more danger without him and his protection? I feel like either way now I’m doomed. I need to make a choice to either stick this out with Steel or leave him and trust that I’ll be safe on my own.
Shaking my head my heart leaps into my chest. The thought of leaving him has me all choked up. Yes, since I’ve met him I’ve been abused, attacked, made to leave my home, my job, my parents, and been on the run for two weeks with no shower, hardly any decent food and sleeping in a car. But I’ve done it all with Steel by my side, and even though it’s been tough—I love him. I was coasting before I met Steel, just living life the way my parents thought I should. It was boring, mundane, it was one continuous blah. And thinking to what Amelia said about living with Mad Dog rings true to me—Steel makes me feel alive! There’s a buzz in the air, an electrical pulse when he’s near. It’s crazy, it’s dangerous, it’s scary and it will probably end up with me dead, but sometimes you have to take a chance, and to me, Steel is worth fighting for.
I slap my hands back down on the sink and nod my head making my final decision.
“I’m his, no matter what,” I say to my reflection in the mirror and smile at my dishevelled reflection as the bright yellow of the walls only builds the happiness of my mood. If anything, all Amelia’s talk has done is ignite the flame in my heart for Steel even more than before.
I am his.
He is mine.
I’m in this…
Completely!
While Willow is busy ridding herself of the last two weeks of road trip from her skin. I’m in the kitchen sitting at the dining table while Mum demands she cooks us dinner, even though it’s just gone eleven fifteen at night. After arguing with her that it was too late to cook for the last ten minutes, my stomach growling made Mum’s mind up and now she’s busy at the stove cooking us a steak, fries, and eggs. The dinner of champions. Protein, fat, and iron, everything this aching body needs right now. Shaking my head as Petunia circles my legs, the aroma of sizzling beef wafts through my senses as I glance over to Mum, who’s happily working away over the stove.
“It really is late to be cookin’ such a big me—”
“Fuck off and let me spoil you.” She doesn’t even turn around to tell me off, just keeps cooking the ridiculously great smelling food.
Petunia snorts and pushes into my leg letting me know she wants me to pick her up, so I lean down and pull her into my arms hugging her against my chest holding her like you would a cat or small dog. Running my fingers through the short hair on her head, she snorts almost like a purr as she nuzzles into me. She really is too fucking cute. Mum scoffs and I glance up to see her smirking at me and shaking her head.
“What?”
She chuckles. “You’re being a pussy.”
I smile and curl up my lip. “Nah, she’s just as cute as fuck. The little bitch grows on you.”
Mum laughs and turns back around continuing to cook. Looking at her, she hasn’t changed much, aged some, but she pretty much looks the same bar some more wrinkles.
“I’ve missed you, Mum.”
She exhales and turns to look at me with her soft eyes. She tilts her body to the side and nods. “I’ve missed you, too.”
“Dad misses you, you know?”
Her lips tighten into thin lines and her body stiffens as she stands taller taking in a deep breath. “Let’s not talk about him.”
I purse my lips. “Do you miss him, too?”
“Dylan!” she huffs slouching her posture. She swallows hard and her eyes glaze over. “Always.”
Furrowing my eyebrows, I chew on the inside of my cheek. “Why did you leave then?”
She huffs and shifts her weight on her hips to the other side and looks up to the ceiling. “You wouldn’t understand, Dylan. Just drop—”
“Try me,” I interrupt really wanting to understand why.
She exhales slumping her stature and looks right at me. Her eyes glassy and filling with unshed tears. “I couldn’t watch another son die. When you joined the club at sixteen and knowing you’d be heading into danger at every turn, I couldn’t watch you die too Dylan. I love you, I love your father, but if either of you were killed like your brothers, I couldn’t take it. I was a mess when they were taken from us. I’d rather live not knowing what’s happening with you than live my life knowing you were dead. If I don’t know, then in my eyes you’d still be alive. But I know one day one of you will die at the hands of that fucking club, you or Mad Dog. And I… I just don’t want to be around to watch it.”
Swallowing hard, I simply nod. I’m not really sure what to say to that because she’s right, that will probably be the case. Either Dad or I, or both of us, will die at the club. So I figure instead of continuing with this conversation, I’ll change the subject.
“What do you think of Willow?”
Her lips turn up into a bright smile, so much so that the wrinkles around her eyes become more prominent. It, in turn, makes me smile.
“She’s beautiful, darling. But not who I pictured you ending up with at all… she’s much better.” She smirks and winks at me.
Smiling, I pull Petunia into me further. “I don’t know how I got so lucky with her Mum.”
Her smile falls slightly and she stands taller. “Do you love her?”
My chest starts to ache and my stomach twists on itself, but in a good way. I nod my head. “Yeah, it happened quickly, but I know it’s real.”
She smiles and nods. “Real love comes swiftly and never leaves. It’s with you forever, no matter the distance between you.”
My chest constricts at Mum’s words while I think back to a time when she and Dad were happy. “If you love Dad so much, you should go back to him.”
She shakes her head taking in a deep breath. “No, that ship has well and truly sailed. He wouldn’t have me back. Plus, I couldn’t go back to living the club life. And I can’t stand Chops, so that would make it harder, him being your dad’s best friend and all.”