She chewed her lip, but she still wasn’t saying anything. I was freaking her out, no doubt about that. “I, uh…can I think about this?”
Disappointment weighed heavy on me. I don’t know what I was expecting, but thinking shit over was most definitely not the answer I thought I would get. I had just laid myself out for her, and she gave me the ‘I need to think about it’ line. I stood and nodded slightly, just wanting to get the fuck away from her. It was fucking painful to have someone basically tell you they didn’t feel the same way.
“I’ll put Evie down for her nap.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Brooke
I went to my room and closed the door. I honestly would have loved to hang out with Rocco, but after the bomb he just dropped on me, I needed my space. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with him, it was that everything he just said was everything I wanted to hear. And that was fucking fantastic, but there was a kid to think about. I needed to be sure that I was ready for what would happen if I told Rocco how I really felt, even though those feelings were quite new to me.
I’d never felt about anyone the way I felt about Rocco. All that stuff he said about our connection and knowing that I was the one, I felt it too. Maybe it wasn’t as instantaneous as it was for him, but I still felt it, and I wanted to act on it more than anything. The truth was, I was scared. Rocco was a ready-made package. I couldn’t just tell him I loved and go on as if nothing would change. Everything would change. Telling him I loved him was taking a step in the direction of a committed relationship, and that meant bringing Evie one hundred percent into my life. That wasn’t something to be taken lightly. What if things didn’t work out between us? Could I be in her life for the next year, but then just walk away if things didn’t go as planned? And what about expectations for future kids? I mean, he had one already and he loved her more than anything. I could see that loud and clear. But would he expect me to expand that family?
There was actually nothing that I could decide until I talked to Rocco. And maybe now that Evie was taking a nap, I could talk to him without her intimidating looks. She might only be a baby, but she was the key to Rocco’s happiness, and that was a lot to live up to.
I walked into the hallway and peeked into Evie’s room. Rocco was rocking her, but she was fast asleep on his shoulder. As if he sensed me, he turned and watched me for a moment.
“Can I talk to you?”
He nodded and stood, slowly lowering Evie down into her crib. It seemed to me that she was big enough that he didn’t need to rock her to sleep anymore, but maybe it was something he did for himself. He was constantly going out on jobs, so his time with her was precious. He walked out of her room and shut the door behind him, motioning for me to head down the hall. When we got to the living room, I sat down on the couch and waited for him.
“I’ve thought about what you said, and I think we need to discuss a few things.”
“Such as?”
“Evie.” His eyes darkened, so I rushed on. “I know that she means everything to you, and I don’t want to cause any problems for you, but I also want to be sure that you’ve really thought about this.”
“Of course I thought about it,” he said defensively.
“Hey, you had your turn, now it’s mine.” He nodded. “I know you see the potential of our relationship, but what about if it doesn’t work out between us? Evie’s young and I don’t want to step into her life, only to walk away if it doesn’t work out. I know what that’s like. My parents were always in and out of my life. I mean, they were there, but they weren’t really. They went through spurts of wanting to be there for me. And I survived. It’s not like I’m damaged because of it. Kids are resilient, but I don’t want Evie to have to be resilient because of me.”
“And you think that if we’re not in a relationship that she won’t notice you’re around? What do you think is going to happen after a year?”
“Well, I can make myself scarce. I can give you time with her in the morning and at night.”
He laughed slightly. “Yeah, she’d just never notice that you’re around.”
“Look, I’m not saying it’s perfect, but I also don’t want to lead her on-”
“Why are you so hellbent on removing yourself from my life when we’re just getting started?”
I pulled back in shock. “I’m not trying to remove myself from your life. I’m trying to figure out where this leaves us. Don’t tell me that just because I told you that I like Evie that all the sudden you think I’ve changed my mind about kids. It doesn’t work that way, and you’d be naive to think that now everything’s great between us.”
“So, you don’t want kids. Is that what you’re trying to tell me? That no matter how much you grow to like Evie, you’ll never want to be more to her?”
“What I’m trying to do is get you to remember that it was only a few weeks ago that I told you that kids disgust me. Evie has worked her way inside me, but that doesn’t mean that I would turn out to be someone you’d want raising her. You can’t just have me spend a bunch of time with her and cure me.”
He leaned back in his chair, something close to defeat in his shoulder. “I’m not trying to cure you of your hatred for kids. But doesn’t all this seem wrong to you? Don’t tell me that you don’t feel what’s happening between us.”
I looked into his eyes, and no matter my reservations, I just couldn’t lie to him about that. The thought of him doubting himself was something I never wanted him to feel.
“I do feel it. I know that what we have is…it’s something I never thought I would get. I look at Reese and Craig, and I see these people that are crazy about each other. I wanted that too, but I just didn’t think it would happen. I’m actually surprised that I haven’t pushed you away yet. I mean, believe me, I have my reasons.”
He tilted his head in confusion. “You have reasons to push me away?”
“I have reasons that I could use to push you away. I had them with all the guys I dated.”
“So, what are the reasons you would use with me?”
“Well, for starters, your hair is too short.” He just stared at me. “Hey, I’m not saying it’s logical, but it’s too short and I can’t run my fingers through it. I want it longer so that I can pull on it.”
“That’s easy enough to fix.”
“And you have really smelly feet. Like, when you take off your socks, I feel like the smell lingers until the socks are washed.”
“So, I’ll throw my fucking socks in the wash as soon as I get home,” he growled.
“And what about your name?”
“What about my name?”
“Is Rocco really your name?”
“Yes,” he bit out.
I sighed.
“What the fuck is wrong with my name?”
“Nothing really. I just have a tendency to find reasons that someone isn’t worth dating. Those were my reasons for you.”
He stood and walked over to me, shoving himself between my legs. “So, are you finished finding the fucking excuses?” He bent over, bracing his arms on either side of my head on the back of the couch. “Because I’m really fucking tired of holding back with you. I want to fuck you without feeling like it’s all gonna disappear. I want to fucking cuddle you in bed without thinking about when the last time I’ll get to do it will be. And I want you to pile all your shit around the house and make this place feel like a fucking home.”
“But what about-”
“What about Evie? What about future kids?” I nodded. “Look, I don’t want to put Evie through anything unnecessary, but at the same time, I have this chance to be with you, and it’s something I’ve been waiting for my whole life. Call me crazy, but I have this feeling that all the other shit will work itself out. I’m not saying that you have to suddenly love Evie or be around her all the time, but can we just give it a fucking chance before we walk away?”
With no other reasons to hold back, I nodded just before his lips c
rashed down on mine. He pulled me into him, ripping at my clothes until I was down to my bra and panties. I grabbed for his cock, a deep hunger gnawing at me to have him inside me.
“That was fucking beautiful.”
I tore my lips from Rocco’s mouth and shot him a questioning look.
“I know, man. Brought me to tears.”
“Who the fuck is that?” I shouted, scrambling to grab my clothes. I got on all fours on the couch, snatching my pants off the floor, my ass in the air.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the voice said. “Yeah, that actually showed me more of you than I wanted to see.”
“Rocco!” I shouted, but he was looking around, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.
“Yeah, I’d probably change the privacy settings if I were you.”
Rocco stopped and stared off around room. “Derek?”
“Yep,” Derek said happily. “I gotta say, when Hunter told me that we had to watch the show, I never imagined it would be quite so good. I mean, I would have gotten popcorn if I had known what we were in for. Then again, if I had known I was gonna catch a porno at the end, I would have made sure I was alone with Claire, not Hunter.”
“What the fuck?” Rocco shouted.
The TV flicked on and Hunter and Derek’s faces filled the screen. Hunter smiled and waved at us.
“This is payback for cock-blocking my day with Lucy.”
“You already got payback,” Rocco growled.
“Yeah, but then Knight happened to mention this little feature that he installed at your house for ‘testing’,” Hunter said, using quotes and everything. “I gotta say, now that I know what you can do with this shit, it’s most definitely not going in my house.”
“Mine either,” Derek agreed.
“No one would want to see what you and Claire do anyway,” Hunter argued.
“Would you please shut the fuck up!” Rocco shouted. “Get out of the system before I kick your ass!”
“Ooh, them’s fightin’ words,” Derek laughed. “I sure am scared of you.”
“Yeah,” Hunter laughed. “Quaking in my boots.”
“You will be when I get my hands on you,” Rocco growled.
“Ooh,” Derek and Hunter both said, pretending to be scared.
“And when I call your wives!” I shouted.
Dead silence filled the air and Derek and Hunter both looked like someone had shot their last magazine of bullets. Hunter pointed a finger at me. “Not cool, lady.”
The screen flicked off and then there was silence. I looked to Rocco for guidance. “Do you think we’re alone?”
He shook his head. “Only one way to find out.” He pulled out his phone and dialed a number, putting it on speakerphone. “Hey, Claire. Did Derek ever tell you what happened on this last job?”
“Um…hold on. He’s actually trying to do a three way call right now.”
Derek’s voice came over the line. “We’re off the line, fucker.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Rocco
I felt the burning in my wrist and quickly looked at the code of the day. Flopping my head back on the pillow and snuggling closer into Brooke, I wished for just once that I didn’t have a killer robot in my house, or electrical shocks in the floor. It would be nice if Evie could just wake up like a normal toddler and come wake me up. That was why she was still in the crib. I couldn’t risk her running around the house with all the shit Knight put in to protect her. But that was going to have to change soon, because Evie was trying to crawl out of her crib more and more every day.
She knew the risks. Even for a kid that was only two, I could see how she watched everything going on around her. It was like she was always doing risk assessment in her head. She watched every morning as I moved around the room, and how I avoided the lasers. A few times, when I almost walked into one, she pointed it out just in time. The kid was smart. But when you grew up in an environment like we had, she learned very fast how to avoid the dangers in her own home.
“You’re getting Evie today,” Brooke mumbled into my chest.
I laughed a little. “Not in the mood for tear gas today?”
She shook her head. “As interesting as that was, shockingly, I’m not in the mood for it today.”
“Shockingly? Was that a pun?”
She lifted one shoulder. “I can still feel the tingles in my feet.”
“Yeah, I need to talk to Knight about that.”
“You think?”
“Evie’s gonna start crawling out of her crib. It’s not safe for her.”
“You know he’s just going to come up with some other way to ‘protect’ her.”
I sighed heavily, pulling her closer against me. It amazed me how much she understood Knight, and gladly went along with anything he did once she understood his reasoning.
“What would you suggest I do?”
“Well, for one, tell him that I need to know what he’s installing before I almost kill myself.”
“That would be helpful, huh?”
“Just a little,” she mumbled.
I laid with her a few more minutes, but when I heard Evie talking in the other room, I knew I had to get up. Brooke rolled over and pulled the covers further up her body, leaving me with nothing to look at as I pulled on my sweats. Heading across the hall, I unlocked the door and went through the laser dodge to grab my little girl. After killing the lasers, I walked back into the living room snuggled with my little girl on the couch.
It had snowed quite a bit since yesterday, and since I had just gotten off a job, I didn’t need to be anywhere for a few days. I had my girls all to myself today. Hopefully, today would go better than yesterday.
“Morning, Evie,” Brooke said, rubbing her eyes as she walked in the room. She bent over and kissed me, then ruffled Evie’s hair. “How do pancakes sound for breakfast?”
“You know that pancakes are gonna be messy, right? All that syrup and everything.”
Brooke shot me a questioning look. “Why does that matter?”
“Well, I just mean with the mess, and the…your hatred of dirty kids….”
She rolled her eyes at me. “I told you I would try, Rocco. Besides, it’s only when snot is involved that it really grosses me out.”
“Okay, so we won’t come near you when she has a cold.”
“I would prefer that,” she said with a grin. “I don’t do snotty noses.”
“Noted.”
I smiled as I watched her move around the kitchen. It all seemed so domestic. Maybe Knight was right. Maybe I had domesticated her. But for how long? She seemed fine with what we were doing now, despite her minor freakout yesterday, but would that last? I mean, right now, this was her life for the next year, but what happened when she was no longer under house arrest? What would she do then?
“So, have you thought about what you’re going to do when your house arrest is over?”
She shrugged as she poured the ingredients for pancakes. “Well, I have to find another job.”
My brows furrowed as I realized that I didn’t actually know what she did before any of this. “Did you go to college?”
“Nope.”
“So, what did you do for work?”
“I tended bar.”
I stared at her for a moment, not sure where to go with that. It wasn’t like tending bar was a bad thing, but was that really what she wanted to continue doing? And besides, if we stayed together, that wouldn’t really work for having kids if she was working nights.
“Is that something you still want to do?”
She shrugged again. “I hadn’t really thought about it.” She was so flip about it that I couldn’t get a good read on what she was thinking.
“So, why do you tend bar? Is that something you really like to do?”
She moved around the kitchen, putting stuff away and pulling out the pan for the pancakes. “It’s okay.”
I huffed in irritation. “You know, I’m trying to get t
o know you better, but you’re basically ignoring me.”
“I’m not ignoring, I just don’t have a whole lot to say about it.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” she asked in confusion.
“Isn’t this something that you would have thought about over the years? You know, what you want to do when you grow up?”
“I’m already grown up, and what’s wrong with what I do?”
“Nothing, but that’s not really conducive for having a family.”
She stopped what she was doing and looked up at me. “So, you think I need a better job to have a family,” she said slowly.
“Not a better job. Just something more…”
“Appropriate?”
God, she was making me sound like a dick.
“Look, if you don’t want me to tend bar, I won’t do it.”
“Just like that,” I said suspiciously.
Again, she shrugged. “What’s the big deal? It’s just a job.”
“But if you like it-”
“It has nothing to do with liking it. It’s just a job.”
“But I want you to do something you’re passionate about.”
She set down the spatula and walked over to me, sitting right in my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck. “Is this really that important to you?”
“It’s not that…I just want to understand…I don’t get why you would want to work a shitty job when you could be doing something better.”
“And you think tending bar is shitty because it’s a working class job.”
“No, because…what does it do for you?”
“Well,” she said nonchalantly. “I make pretty good money. I have pretty set hours. I get to work at night, and I’m already a night owl. Well, I was until I was put on house arrest. I meet all kinds of people, and they’re usually pretty fun.”
“But is that enough for you?”
She shrugged and stood up, going back to the pancakes. “Look, everyone looks at their job like it defines them. To me, it’s just money. It’s a way to make a living. I like to tend bar. So what? When I was younger, I never had any idea what I wanted to do when I grew up, as you put it. I took some college courses, but I sucked at it because I didn’t want to be there. So, I dropped out and just started working. When I was old enough, I started training as a bartender, and I liked it. I never saw any reason to try something different when I was happy where I was.”
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