Full Tilt Duet Box Set

by Emma Scott

  I nodded, my body screaming for his, while the realization of what just happened was seeping into the cracks of my broken heart, and I didn’t know if it was harming or healing them.

  Outside, the air was cooler, a bracing slug to my slushy mind. I sensed Theo coming down off the high, too. The lust waning, thinking twice and starting to ask questions. The cab ride was too long. I kept my gaze locked on my window, where I could just make out Theo’s reflection beside me, his features sharpened into hard angles of frustration.

  When the cab finally pulled up in front of my house, Theo tossed some money into the front seat and we climbed out. My hands were shaking as I fumbled the key in the lock, and once in my living room, I froze.

  I wanted him to leave. I wanted him to stay.

  I wanted to curl up alone on my bed and cry. I wanted to drag him into my bedroom, have him tear my clothes off, take me hard and deep until we both found relief.

  I wanted to cry for betraying what I’d had with Jonah. I wanted to cry because kissing Theo felt like nothing I’d known since.

  Happiness burned within the fire, a glowing treasure I couldn’t reach without getting burned.

  My eyes filled with the deluge of swirling emotions. I couldn’t hold them back. My shoulders hunched and I hugged myself.

  “Oh, God, Kacey,” Theo said, moving around to face me. He cupped my cheeks in his hands. “Don’t cry, baby. Please…”

  I shook my head, fighting for control. “No, it’s okay,” I heard myself say, trying to explain the unexplainable. “It’s just… It’s the first kiss since…”

  Theo took a step back, his hands falling to his sides. “Fuck. Kace, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t… I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Or what I feel. It’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s not your fault.”

  “It’s not yours either,” he said. “We just…got caught up in the moment.”

  I looked sharply up at him. “Did we?”

  Theo stared at me a moment, his whiskey-colored eyes soft and warm. “Yeah,” he said, carving his fingers through his hair. “We got caught up in the moment. The place, the song, the mood. It was like a drug.”

  I felt a tug in my chest, then a sharp pain. Straight through my heart. “Yeah, I guess so,” I said.

  “I’m going back to Vegas,” Theo said. “Tonight. I think it’s best.”

  No, I thought, even as I nodded my head. “Okay. I think, maybe…you should. I need to think. God, I don’t know what I need.” I looked at him, so stoic and kind, willing to do anything for me, to do the right thing. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” he said, moving to hold me, pressing me to his broad chest. “Do not ever be sorry. Not with me.”

  As suddenly as his arms closed around me, they then released. He tossed his things in his bag, and in minutes, he was at the door, leaving.

  “I’ll call you when I land.”

  “Okay.” I said. “Teddy?”

  He stopped at the door. “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  A ghost of a smile touched his mouth. Then he was gone.

  Kacey

  I threw open the kitchen window.

  “Yvonne.”

  From inside her house came a muffled reply. “It’s late, baby.”

  “I kissed Teddy.”

  “I’ll be right over.”

  Five minutes later, Yvonne busted in the front door, a half-liter of seltzer water tucked under one arm, a bottle of cranberry juice under the other.

  “This occasion calls for wine, but seeing as you’re on the wagon, this is the best I can do, short notice.”

  I sank onto my couch, my fingers trailing over my lips, as Yvonne busied herself in my kitchen, scooping ice and pouring drinks. She came back and pressed a cranberry and seltzer into my hand. She dropped into the easy chair, facing me. “Tell me everything.”

  “Teddy kissed me and I kissed him back. A lot. And it was…magnificent.”

  “Magnificent? Honey, that’s a good thing.”

  “So good I started crying. So of course he thought he did something wrong and backed off. I couldn’t tell him the truth. That I cried because it felt so good. It felt right. But then ten seconds later I’m wracked with guilt. I always felt like I had my first kiss with Jonah. Now I’m kissing Teddy and it’s the first… The first after the first.”

  Yvonne let me have a moment before asking, “What did he say about it?”

  I took a sip of my drink without tasting it. “That we were caught up in the moment. But I think he was giving me an out. I’m sure I looked stricken with guilt.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “Flying back to Vegas.” I read the disapproving downturn of her lips. “No, it’s good. He’s such a good man, Yvonne. He knew it was too much. If he stayed, we would’ve slept together, and I am not of sound mind. He knew it, so he left. And as if my feelings aren’t fucked up enough, now I wish he hadn’t.” I looked up at her tearfully. “He’s my best friend. I can’t lose him.”

  “You don’t have to lose him, honey,” Yvonne said. “Maybe what you two have is changing into something else.”

  “Oh, God, I don’t know what I’m doing.” I leaned over my knees and held my head in my hands. “Tell me what to do, Yvonne. I’m begging you.”

  “Sleep on it, baby,” Yvonne said. “That’s all I got. Sleep, and see how it all looks in the morning. And Kacey?”

  I looked up through my hair. “Yeah?”

  “The feeling you have in that moment right as you wake up, before your brain mucks it all up with thoughts and words? That very first feeling is where the truth lives.”

  I sat for a long time after she left, mustering the courage to go to my bedroom. The universe orb on my dresser glowed in the yellow lamplight. I didn’t touch it. It didn’t feel right to touch it with Theo all over me. I rested my chin on the dresser, and watched the light play over the stars, shine across the red and green surface of the planet.

  “I danced with Teddy,” I said, my voice shaking. “No, that’s not right. We danced like we were fucking and then we kissed. I kissed him and it was…” I swallowed hard. “It was good. It felt so good. But even before that…we went out. We had a good time together. We ate good food and laughed and talked…We lived.”

  Tears blurred the orb into a dark ball, the stars inside glowing but silent.

  “This isn’t supposed to happen, is it?” I whispered. “Teddy and me? The idea of being with anyone but you is awful to me, and yet with him… It feels good. It feels…real.”

  I wanted Theo with me. I hadn’t realized until he kissed me how much I missed intimate contact. The nearness of a man, his breath warm on my skin, the presence of him in my space, touching me. I wanted it right now. Wanted him holding me, kissing me again. Kissing me all night. Loving me hard. Heated and sweaty and rough and raw.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I muttered, turning to my bed. I buried my face in the pillow, willing my body to cool down. After being so cold for so long—a bone-chilling loneliness, drowning in icy tears, numb to anyone’s touch… Now I couldn’t take the heat of a man who wasn’t Jonah.

  I tossed and turned for hours. Rationalizing. Justifying. I tried to write off the whole incident to plain old-fashioned lust. I got caught up in the moment, just like Theo said. And who wouldn’t? Theo was gorgeous. Packed in muscle, tattooed, and sexy as hell. If he moved in bed like he did on the dance floor…

  Oh, God, stop.

  When I finally started to slip under, it wasn’t to feelings of pure lust, or the feel of Theo’s body against mine, or even the delicious heat of his kiss. It was his smile. I don’t think I’d ever seen Theo smile’s so broad and unguarded. Dancing with me, he’d shed the burden of grief and responsibilities. For a few short hours, I’d made him happy.

  And when I woke up the next morning, the first feeling in my heart was the desire to make him happy again.

  Theo

  Sunday dinne
r with my parents was the last fucking thing I wanted to do, but I couldn’t say no. We sat on the patio, and Mom tried to keep up the chatter over plates of roasted chicken and asparagus. Dad shoveled his food in with hardly a word. I kept sneaking glances at my phone and the one text from Kacey: Wanted to make sure you got in okay.

  I’d replied, I did, thanks. But nothing after.

  I fucked it all up, I thought for the millionth time.

  I was drunk last night. Drunk on the food, the beer and the jazz. Drunk on New Orleans and drunk on Kacey. I’d lost control. The drunk asshole hitting on her awoke something in me: a desire to fight for her, kill anything that threatened her. Followed by the more potent urge to have her afterward. To mark her as mine with my mouth and hands. Strip her bare and fuck her hard until the only thought in her head was me. The only name screaming in her mouth was mine.

  She looked at me like I was already naked, her eyes raking me up and down, her lips parted and her tongue running along their seam. This is it, I’d thought. The end of my long and agonizing wait.

  But no. She wasn’t ready. She might never be ready. Worse, we couldn’t rewind and put everything back the way it was before. Kissing changed everything.

  “So,” Mom said, breaking me out my thoughts, “What's the good news this week?” She reached over and patted my hand. “Other than graduation.”

  I glanced at my dad who kept his head down, intent on his food.

  “I do have news, actually. I started a new tattoo series called Unfinished Ink.”

  “Is that so?” My mom smiled and spooned herself more mashed potatoes.

  “My co-worker showed the series to Inked magazine and they're going to do a feature on me.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful.” Mom leaned toward Dad. “Isn’t that wonderful, Henry?”

  My dad sipped his cocktail and raised his chin, as if pondering this, lips pursed, inhaling deeply through his nose.

  “It could be really good,” I said, hating how fucking pathetic this whole scene was, to beg like a dog for a scrap. And yet I couldn’t stop myself. “The publicity would give me a boost when I get my own place.”

  My father's lips drew down farther, which meant he was formulating his thoughts. I hated those few seconds, as my stupid heart always swelled with hope in anticipation that this time he would say, “Well done, son. I'm proud of you.”

  It wasn’t this time.

  “The market in Vegas is terrible for new business,” he said. “For any business. Nick Sullivan over at the commercial real estate office says growth has been slowing. Not to mention Las Vegas already has about a hundred tattoo shops.”

  “Bit of an exaggeration, don't you think, dear?” Mom asked, her eyes darting between us.

  “I can't drive ten feet without passing one,” Dad said. “They're as common as the nudie joints.”

  I bounced my fork onto the table. “I get it. It’s a shitty market. You’ve been saying it for a year—”

  “Because it’s true. If you’ve learned anything in your courses, it must be how small businesses fail eighty percent of the time. Never mind those trying to crowd into an already saturated market.”

  My mother's hand rested on mine. “Henry, I’m sure Theo is aware of the risks. But this is his dream.”

  “You have a business degree now,” Dad said. “It’s a wonderful achievement. I’d just like to see you put it toward something worthwhile.” He dabbed his mouth with his napkin.

  “I intend to,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m going to buy my own place. Goddammit, Dad, it’s worthwhile to me. Why the fuck don’t you get it’s what I want to do?”

  “Language, please,” Dad said with a sigh, as if he'd heard this a thousand times a day.

  Mom’s fingers squeezed my wrist. “Theo, dear, calm down.”

  “Yeah, I get the market’s crowded,” I said. “But Vegas isn’t the only city in the country. Maybe I’ll buy a place somewhere else.”

  My mom gasped. “You’re going to leave Las Vegas?

  “No. I don’t know. It’s just an idea.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “Mom, wait.”

  But she was already pushing her chair back. “Excuse me.” She hurried into the house, her hand over her mouth.

  My father tossed his napkin down with disgust. “See? Now you've upset your mother.”

  He got up from the table too, but instead of going after Mom to comfort her, I heard the door to his study slam shut.

  “Fuck me,” I said to the sky. My eyes found Jonah's glass lights, glowing above the now-empty patio with a table full of half-eaten dinner. The scene of a hasty getaway.

  I stared at the lights until they blurred into fuzzy white orbs.

  “Now what the fuck do I do, Jonah? She’s there. I’m here…”

  Of course, I knew what he’d answer.

  Love her.

  I closed my aching eyes, and rubbed my aching chest.

  “I do, Jonah,” I whispered, my words swallowed by the night. “I already do.”

  Kacey

  “Are you sitting down?” Grant said, his voice on the speakerphone breathy and high-pitched.

  Phoebe shouted from the background, “Sit the hell down. Or you’ll fall down, break your throat, and then Sony motherfucking Music won’t want to sign you!”

  “That’s how you tell her?” Grant said. “Seriously, Phoebe?”

  I sank onto my couch. “I’m sitting,” I said. I swallowed over my heart pounding in my throat. “Are you for real? Sony Music?”

  “Their office just called,” Grant said. “They want a meeting. It’s the video, Kacey—closing in on one million views. And sales are still going strong. We’ve been fielding calls from mid-line labels all week, including the one who has Rapid Confession. But I held out. I knew it was only a matter of time until we reeled in a big one.”

  “The biggest fucker in the sea,” Phoebe yelled. “The Moby Goddamn Dick of labels.”

  “Oh my god,” I said, blowing air out my cheeks. “And they want a meeting? When? Where?”

  “A week from Monday. Here. Downtown. Dude, they’re sending people to us. I already said yes. If you have plans, break them.”

  I laughed, overwhelmed. “No plans next Monday.”

  “Good,” Grant said. “Now get dressed.”

  “It’s six o’clock at night,” Phoebe said. “You think she’s walking around naked?”

  “I meant, get dressed up to go out, stupid,” Grant retorted. “To celebrate.”

  “I can’t go out tonight,” I said.

  “Why?”

  I have to call Teddy. News this big wouldn’t feel real until I told him.

  “You guys go out and celebrate for me, okay? And hey, listen?”

  “Yes, my queen?”

  “None of this would be happening if it weren’t for you. I’m not going to forget it.”

  “Thanks, Kacey,” Grant said. “This is so—”

  “Do you know what this means?” Phoebe shrieked. “Oh my God, we are going to be fucking rich.”

  “You did not just say that. We are about making art, not money.”

  “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life…”

  I busted out laughing and hung up on them, then laughed again as I wondered how long it would take them to notice.

  On Wednesdays, Theo had class until ten o’clock his time, midnight mine. Six flipping hours to kill. I could call the Olsens back and go out anyway. No, I’d be too distracted. I’d been distracted for three days, turning over and over again what happened with Theo. Our dance. Our kiss. Three days of radio silence, no calls, no texts, and my feelings were nowhere near sorted out.

  Except I miss him. And I want to make him laugh again. And make him happy.

  I heated up some leftover ravioli Yvonne made for me, and ate it on the couch while watching Dirty Dancing. Which was an idiotic choice. Just watching the dancers grind together in the opening montage brought Theo’s and my dance roaring back. />
  At midnight, I turned off all the lights, climbed into bed, and called him.

  “Hey, Kacey,” he said.

  I leaned back against the pillows with a sigh. I loved his deep voice, and how it settled into my head, sank down to my chest, made me feel warm all over.

  “Hi. I wanted to talk about your graduation on Saturday.”

  A pause. “Are you still coming?”

  “Of course I am. But I can only stay until Sunday. Because…”

  “Because?”

  “Take a guess.”

  “Tell me or I’ll kill you.”

  “I have meeting with the execs from Sony Music on Monday.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “They want to sign me. Can you believe that?”

  “Hell yeah,” he said, his voice growing louder. “Damn, Kace, this is incredible.”

  “Turns out Grant was right. The video was kind of big.”

  “Kind of? Last I checked, it kind of had close to a million views.”

  “You’ve been checking?”

  “Well.” A beat of silence. “About a hundred of those views might be mine.”

  My skin flushed pink as I envisioned him watching the video over and over.

  I think you’re so fucking beautiful…

  “Teddy, after the graduation ceremony…I think we should talk.”

  “Okay,” he said slowly.

  “I’ve wanted to these last couple of days,” I said. “Almost started to, but I know you had a lot of work to finish up. And I think it’s better if we talk in person.”

  “Whatever you want, Kace.”

  “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

  “No. I want to kiss you again.”

  A current of heat swept through me and I curled up in my pillows like a burnt leaf. “Teddy.”

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say that. But I already fucked up our friendship, so I might as well put it out there.”

  “You didn’t fuck anything up, stop. I don’t know what’s happening, either. One minute I’m torn apart by guilt. Next minute I’m angry about being guilty. And in between all that, I want you to kiss me again too.”