by Emma Scott
“God, Kacey,” he said. “What is happening?”
“It’s commiseration, right? No one gets it but us. No one understands what we went through. We’re drawn to each other for comfort. Right?”
“I guess so,” he said.
“Well, isn’t it? Because you and me…together… is crazy.” I exhaled. “Right?”
“Is it?”
I swallowed, a heavy swamp of emotion welling in my chest at those words; a deep warmth that spread out from my heart and a million times more potent than any lust I felt for him. My heart began to pound, for fear or anticipation or…
“We need to talk then,” I said, firming my voice. “In person. At your graduation. And no kissing.”
“My parents are giving a dinner at their house after the ceremony. We can talk afterward.”
“Okay, I’ll see you Saturday morning.”
“See you then. ‘Night, Kace.”
“Goodnight, Teddy.”
I ended the call, and lay flat on my back, a sigh gusting out of me. My eyes found the universe orb again. It absorbed the wan light of my bedside lamp, turned the yellow to brilliant blue-white. Stars winking like diamonds in the depths of space. Or dark eyes lit with a smile.
Theo
Graduation morning was bleak, the sky stretching flat and grey over Vegas. No storms were predicted, but the air felt tight and tense, full of lightning about to strike. My stomach, on the other hand, was a tornado warning. The day stretched out like an ordeal. First the ceremony to get through. Then dinner and small talk at my parents’ place. And then…
I scowled at the mirror, tying my tie for the third time. It was amber-colored, to go with my dark gray suit with a vest. I fucking hated suits. What the hell was the point wearing one today, when I’d have the cap and gown over it anyway?
The coil of nerves in my stomach ratcheted up to a full-blown roll when I heard a knock at the front door.
“Don’t look beautiful,” I mumbled. “Don’t look beautiful, don’t look…”
I opened the door.
Beautiful.
She wore a silky maroon dress. High neck, puffy sleeves, draping over her lithe body and stopping mid-thigh to reveal the bottom of the sugar skull tattoo. Black platform sandals with high heels and a t-strap made her legs go up to forever. Her lips were painted red, her hair piled on her head. The black silk flower from Dena’s wedding tucked behind her ear.
Jesus Christ, I’m a dead man.
“Hi to you too,” she said, her eyes sweeping over me. “Wow, Teddy…You look…stunning.”
Fine. Wearing a suit once in a while wasn’t too bad.
She cocked her head. “Can I come in?”
I stepped aside and the sweet scent of her perfume filled my nose, making my eyes fall shut.
“Are you nervous?” she asked, setting her bag against the kitchen counter.
“Not especially,” I said, battling with my tie again. I wasn’t nervous at all about being handed a piece of paper by the Dean of the business school. Having Kacey in my presence in front of my parents all day was another story.
“You sure about that?” She laughed.
“Positive.”
“Don’t fuss with the knot. You’re making it crooked.”
She turned me toward her and gave my tie a little jerk left, then right. “Perfect.” Her hand brushed down my lapel, then rested on my chest for half a heartbeat. I looked down at her. Her eyes widened. She ran the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip, then bit it. I could taste our kiss. It roared into my mouth, the memory of soft lips, a sweet taste and how she moaned softly into my throat…
All I had to do was bend my head a little and we’d kiss again.
She swallowed and quickly moved away. “I got you something. A graduation present.”
She rummaged in her a bag and pulled out a small box wrapped in red paper and tied with a purple bow.
“You didn’t have to,” I said.
“I wanted to. Open it.”
I tore off the giftwrap and opened the box. A silver watch gleamed against its gray velvet holder. Clear crystal covered a large face with Roman numerals circling the perimeter. A smaller face was almost camouflaged amid gold and steel gears. It was solid and handsome. Obviously hand-crafted. And expensive.
I stared at it for a moment, touched the thick leather band, then shook my head. “I can’t. It’s too much.”
“Too much what?” she said, smiling as she took it out of the box. “It’s a manly watch to fit your manly muscles.” She laid it over my left wrist and buckled it, her fingers brushing the inside of my wrist like feathers. “Do you see how it has two faces?”
“Yeah,” I said, looking down at her head that was bent over my wrist.
“I had the small face set to New Orleans time.” She touched her chin to her shoulder and smiled, not quite looking at me. “It’s only a two-hour difference. But you’ll always know what time it is where I am.”
She looked up at me, and I saw my reflection in the strange blue of her eyes: a dumbstruck idiot wanting to kiss her again. Fuck the consequences.
“Do you like it?” she asked, almost a whisper.
“I love it.”
“I’m glad.”
Her chin tilted up higher, her lips parting for me. “Teddy…”
“My parents will be here any minute,” I said, my head sinking toward hers.
“And we haven’t talked yet.” Her eyes were on my mouth. “We’re talking, not kissing. Remember?”
I moved in. “Fuck talking.”
She gasped a little as my lips brushed hers. I pressed in, hard and demanding, groaning at the sweet taste of her on my tongue. She let loose a little cry into my mouth, and fell back against the front door, her hands carving through my hair. I kissed her deep, the fire between us flaring up fast. I whispered her name as my hands slid down her back, over the silky material of her dress, down to the hem. One hand pinning her to the door, the other gliding up her thigh until my fingers brushed the lacy edge of her panties. She tilted her hips toward me, like an offering, her hands clutching my ass, keeping me tight to her.
The doorbell rang.
“Knock, knock,” my mother called from outside. “Theo, dear? We’ll be late.”
Kacey jerked away from me, cheeks flushed and eyes bright as she smoothed her dress back into place. Murmuring, “Shit, shit, shit,” and re-pinned the flower that was hanging by her chin.
My erection had fled at the sound of my mother’s voice. I tugged trousers and jacket and put my hair back where it belonged.
“Your lipstick is smeared,” I said.
She swiped the back of her hand beneath her lower lip. “Gone?”
“Gone.”
“You have some too.”
I brushed the back of my head over my mouth as my mother knocked. “Theo? Are you there?”
“Let me get it,” Kacey said, smoothing her skirt down and taking a deep breath. She squared her shoulders and opened the front door. “Beverly. Hi.”
“Kacey, dear.” My mom’s smile was tilted with surprise and confusion. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
Kacey gave her a big hug. “I just arrived. Literally five minutes ago. I thought I could catch a ride with you guys, if that’s okay.”
“Of course it’s okay,” Dad said, stepping inside. He bent to give Kacey a hug. “Good to see you, sweetheart. How are things in the Big Easy?”
Kacey chatted with Dad while my mom came over to kiss my cheek.
“Wonderful she’s here, isn’t it?” she said, her expression still dazed. “She’s part of the family, after all.”
“She is,” I muttered.
“Masters in Business.” My mom sighed, shaking her head. “I’m so proud of you.” She patted my cheek. “And I know Jonah would be too.”
I coughed to loosen the sudden tightness in my chest. “Thanks, Ma.”
Mom’s brows came together. “You have a little something…” She reac
hed toward my chin. I reared back, swiping thumb and index finger down the corners of my mouth, then jamming that hand in my pocket.
“We should get going.”
My mother’s eyes widened, flicked to Kacey’s painted mouth, then back to me. “Yes,” she said, smiling brightly and looking around as if she’d lost her purse, which was on her shoulder. “Yes, let’s go before the parking gets too bad.”
My phone chimed a text and I grabbed it from my pocket. “It’s Oscar,” I said too loudly. “He and Dena will meet us at the T & M.”
“Wonderful.” My mother tucked her arm in Kacey’s. “Shall we?”
She kept Kacey close as we walked down to the parking lot. “Let’s all drive together,” she said. “Men up front, girls in the back. I haven’t seen Kacey in so long.”
Kacey’s eyes met mine as she slid into the back seat of Dad’s Chrysler sedan. The electric blue of her eyes when I kissed her was gone, replaced by a wide-eyed panic. A ‘what are we doing?’ kind of look that echoed my feelings exactly.
Fuck. What are we doing? What am I doing? Tearing apart my mother’s memories so I can have what I want?
The UNLV Thomas & Mack Center was a small, enclosed stadium that looked better suited to hosting rowdy basketball games than sedate ceremonies. The parking lot was little less than halfway full. My mother kept her arm locked with Kacey’s the entire time.
I got the subtext: Kacey had been Jonah’s, and now she was hers. Not mine. Her daughter-in-law, even if there was never going to be a wedding.
Pain compressed my chest as I walked ahead of the three of them, not in line with them. It was all well and good to steal a kiss in New Orleans or behind closed doors, but the reality of what it would mean for Kacey and I—if there was such a thing—crashed in hard. My mother would probably never accept it and how could I blame her? Who the hell was I to think it would be okay to go after my dead brother’s girlfriend? The love of his life. Never mind that he fucking told me to.
Jonah hadn’t seen how impossible it was on every angle. No matter how I looked at it, from anyone’s perspective, it was selfish and wrong.
Isn’t it?
I looked back over at Kacey, looking stunning and vibrant, wedged between my parents, and a pathetic fantasy tried to take root in my mind. She was their daughter-in-law. Because of me. And when I bent to kiss my wife, my mother wiped the smudge of Kacey’s lipstick off for me, her eyes filled with teasing affection, not tears.
Kacey
The ceremony was a snore, the only highlight was watching Theo walk across the stage to take his diploma and shake the Dean’s hand. Oscar put two fingers in his mouth and whistled, while I hollered as loud as I dared for a singer two days away from a meeting with Sony Music.
After, I watched Theo talk with Oscar, Dena, and some friends of his from UNLV. His cap was gone: after the toss, he’d made no effort to retrieve it. He tore the gown off too, and left it crumpled on his auditorium seat. Underneath he wore a vest instead of a jacket, with his sleeves rolled up. The contrast between his tattoos and the sleek cut of his dress shirt made my heart flutter.
That gorgeous man kissed me.
Twice.
Beverly’s grip on my arm tightened as she followed my eyes to Theo.
“He was never one for ceremony,” she said, smiling a little. “Jonah would’ve neatly folded it and tucked it under his arm. Funny how different my sons are.”
“Mm.”
“You and Theo have grown quite close, haven’t you?” Beverly said, and continued before I could answer. “I believe it’s natural to bond when tragedy strikes. We lift each other up, don’t we? Theo’s lifted me up this last year. I don’t know what I would do without him.”
I nodded and forced a smile. I heard nothing harsh or rebuking in Beverly’s tone, but in her eyes I saw the fear. A pleading look, echoing, Don’t take him away from me.
Theo finished up his conversations and joined us. “Ready to head out?”
Our group moved toward the door, and Theo fell in step beside me. While on my other side, Beverly clutched my arm, linking me firmly to her and to the past.
At the Fletchers’, we had a dinner of lasagna, warm bread, and salad. Beverly and Henry sat at the heads of the table. Oscar and Dena on one side, Theo and I on the other. Under the glow of Jonah's lights, we ate and talked, celebrating another major milestone he wasn't here for.
The mood started to stagger under the old weight of grief, and stumble over a current of nervous energy. Beverly was unsettled and the normally jovial Oscar seemed subdued, his lips pursing as his dark eyes volleyed between Theo and me.
Dena lifted her glass. “Shall we have a toast?”
“A toast, or an excuse to recite more Rumi?” Oscar said affectionately.
“The best poet’s words suit every occasion.” Dena raised her wine glass higher, as if insisting the mood do the same. “Rumi said, Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart. This is never more evident than in Theo, who’s been rendering life through his incredible drawing for years. Much success to you, my friend, in this next chapter of your life.”
The table murmured assents, and then the table fell silent. Beverly shot her husband a pointed look from her end.
“Yes, yes,” Henry said, proposing a toast from his chair. “To Theo, for taking initiative and seeing this venture through. Well done.”
Another round of murmurs, these deflated and limp. Theo nodded thanks to Henry, but I knew the little compliment was like a tiny bite of food to starving man. It was the shittiest toast in the history of shitty toasts. I stood up, Diet Coke glass raised.
“I’ll propose a toast,” I said loudly. “To Theodore Fletcher, an extraordinary artist who now holds a Master’s Degree in business administration. I’ve never seen anyone devote so much time and energy to their craft as you have. And with that kind of dedication and responsibility, your own business can’t help but be a huge success. Cheers.”
That’s better.
I sat back down, satisfied with the louder assents and clink of glasses. Theo leaned in and murmured, “Thank you.”
I smiled back, my head inclining toward his. “No thanks allowed, remember?”
It was a moment between us, small and private, until Oscar’s hard stare wormed its way in, and we both sat up straight again.
“Theo, have you been scouting for a location for your new business?” Dena asked.
“He’s looking for something close to the Strip,” Beverly said.
“I’m not looking at all actually,” Theo said. His glance slid to Henry. “Market’s not great right now.”
“Indeed,” Henry said.
“It’ll turn around,” Beverly said brightly. “They always do, back and forth. Wait a month or two and you’ll see.”
An itchy silence fell. Dena turned to me. She reminded me of one of those plate spinners at a carnival, trying to keep the momentum going but seeing plates wobble at every turn. “Speaking of exciting purchases, Kacey, Theo tells us you bought your New Orleans house.”
Beverly swung her head around. “Did you?”
“I did,” I said. “It’s a little shotgun I renovated.”
“Now that,” Henry said, gesturing at me with his fork, “is a smart investment. I’ll bet you've already accrued equity.”
“I guess so.”
Beverly brightened at this and I heard her release a little sigh. It sounded like relief. She laid her hand on my arm and said, “I guess that settles it as to whether or not you were moving back here. I’m a touch disappointed, but your visits will give me something to look forward to.” She patted my hand and turned back to her food with a smile.
“Sure, I can visit,” I said, not looking at Theo. “New Orleans isn’t very far away.”
“Yeah, it's only a four-hour plane ride,” Oscar said. “Right, Theo?”
Beverly looked up from her food, her smile vanished.
“I mean, we don’t see Theo too much these days,” Oscar said, leaning back in his chair. “Since he’s going back and forth to New Orleans so often.”
I felt cold all over while Theo returned Oscar’s gaze with a hard look.
“Is that so?” Beverly asked, touching her fingers to her throat. “Do you visit often?”
“Not that often,” I said.
“Not that often?” Oscar replied, his laugh sounding a tad sour. He cocked his head at Theo. “I'll bet you've got some serious frequent flyer miles racked up.”
“Maybe I do,” Theo said, as he and Oscar stared each other down.
“Kacey had a performance for the release of her new album,” Dena said into the silence, in a low, calming voice. “We had to miss it, unfortunately, but Theo was able to attend and lend support.”
“Oh,” Beverly said. “How wonderful.”
“It is,” Theo said. “Kacey’s becoming a huge success.”
I waved my hands. “Hardly.”
Theo glanced at me. “Sony Records wants to sign her.”
Dena gasped. “Really? Oh my God, Kacey, that’s huge.”
“That is quite something,” Henry said.
“They just want a meeting on Monday,” I said. “Nothing is finalized.”
“This Monday?” Beverly asked. “Oh, you’ll have to leave so soon then. But it’s wonderful.”
I felt a split in my heart—sadness at Beverly’s obvious relief and anger at Oscar’s catty remarks. Clearly neither of them had any confusion about what I was supposed to be to Theo.
Nothing.
Theo
Over the course of the dinner, I watched the light dim in Kacey’s eyes under the shadow of my mother and Oscar’s comments. My mother had her reasons for being protective about Kacey and Jonah—I wasn’t about to call her out on them. But Oscar was being a dick and I had no clue why, except that it hurt Kacey.
Just Kacey?
I shrugged that off.
After dessert, Oscar didn’t wait around, but muttered something about waiting outside for Dena. Kacey was saying goodbye to my parents, so I followed him to the street.