“Hugo, what happened to make you leave? You say your mom tossed you out and she clearly kept these cards from your brother and sister. But she also couldn’t throw them away.” She spread her hands imploringly. “Every time you tell me about your Christmas Eves, I see the perfect family. What happened?”
He took a breath. “My dad died.”
“You didn’t leave when your dad died.” That much she’d gleaned from the newspaper in his desk drawer.
“No. My dad dying changed everything. He was the engine behind our great Christmas Eves.” He ran his hands down his face. “He was the engine behind everything. When he died, our mother couldn’t cope. She was a fantastic mum, but Dad was the one with the business sense. I was too young to realize it, but she was failing. When she started dating Nick—he’d been a frequent guest at the hotel—she saw salvation. She married him and essentially let him take over.”
“That’s…” She almost said sad, but remembering her state after Josh died, how hard it was sometimes to simply put one foot in front of the other to get herself to work, she changed her mind. “Actually, Hugo, as a widow myself, it makes sense to me.”
“Well, I was a teenage boy who saw it all differently. It felt like a betrayal.”
“You gave him a hard time?”
“I tried to get along until things got bad. I started hearing innuendos in everything he said. Thinly veiled threats to kick us all out. The reminder that we’d be homeless, living on the street without him. Especially after Mum gifted the hotel to him as a Christmas present.”
Erin gasped. “She gave him the hotel?”
“Yes. It was jaw-dropping. Odd. Everyone thought it was a gift of love, but I had this horrible sense there was more to it. By then I was seventeen, and decently smart because I’d worked at Harrington Park since I was young. My dad had even begun showing me the inner workings like employee schedules and bookkeeping. So I sneaked a peek at the books and realized Nick was cooking them. Money supposedly spent on renovations for Harrington Park was actually being siphoned off and going to his other businesses…most of which were failing. He did this for so long and so consistently that he’d bled Harrington Park dry.”
“You left because he was embezzling?”
“No, like a fool, I went to him. Told him what I’d found. Gave him a chance to come clean with my mother.” He sniffed a laugh. “That’s the enthusiasm of a teenager. Or maybe the naivete. That night my mum called me into the office and confronted me with evidence that showed I was the one siphoning off the money. Nick’s money, she’d said, because he was the one who owned the hotel. She wanted to know where it was. I told her that I hadn’t taken it, Nick had. But Nick was older, smarter and probably accustomed to hiding his deeds. He bested me at every turn. Even threatened me with arrest. And the ongoing hints were also in there. Suggestions that with the hotel being his, if my mum took my side I wouldn’t just go to jail, but she and the twins would be out on the street. The silence was so thick in the room, the click of a pen would have sounded like thunder. Eventually, my mother told me to leave.”
“Oh, my God. He framed you!”
“He used me. I gave him just enough information and time to turn the tables and, in the process, turn my mother against me.”
Erin held out one of the Christmas cards. “She still loved you.”
“Right. Keeping a few Christmas cards proves she loved me? I think her not giving them to Jay and Sally proves she didn’t.” He combed his fingers through his hair. “For a while I toyed with calling the police myself. The real accounting had to be somewhere. All they had to do was find it. But I looked at Nick’s face and I knew if I didn’t leave, Nick would throw my mother and my brother and sister out into the street. That night. Christmas Eve.”
The penthouse fell silent again. Even Erin could feel the ghosts of Christmas Eves past haunting the quiet room.
She walked to Hugo, putting her hands on his forearms and sliding them up his biceps, but he shrugged her off.
“No,” he said, stepping and turning away. “Stop.”
She retreated, feeling and seeing the reserved Hugo returning. Not about to let that happen, she said, “I still say she loved you.”
He spun to face her. “Oh, really? She never once tried to contact me, and she kept my messages to my brother and sister away from them. How do you get love out of that when it’s pretty clear she didn’t want me in her life?”
“You yourself said she was under a lot of pressure—”
* * *
He remembered that. Remembered her fearful eyes. Remembered how he’d wanted to help her—
Suddenly he was seventeen again. As fearful for his mother as she was for herself. He glanced at the cards. Pictured himself at eighteen, addressing the first ones to Jay and Sally. So hopeful. He’d been that way every year. Choosing just the right cards, penning a personal message, absolutely positive that year would be the year he’d get an answering card or letter.
It was only after his cards began coming back to him marked “addressee unknown” and he knew his brother and sister no longer lived at Harrington Park that he’d stopped sending cards and begun making plans to buy the hotel. He’d known the only way to bring his family back together would be to buy Harrington Park.
And that was working…sort of. Jay was trying. Sally was cool. But she had fashioned the garden. She wanted to be part of the hotel.
She simply didn’t want any part of him. For years he hadn’t let that hurt him, but these past weeks it had. Because he’d gone soft. Wanting things he’d known all along he couldn’t have. He was the strong businessman, older brother. Not their peer. Not someone who begged them to like him.
“Let me help you through this.”
He also wasn’t a man who let himself be vulnerable. Erin was so beautiful and so loving, it had been tempting to succumb—but he suddenly saw it wasn’t right.
It was not who he was—not who he could be if he wanted to bring his family together again.
“I’m fine.”
She laughed sadly. “No. You’re not.”
Anger whipped through him. She wanted him weak? She wanted him humble?
“I’m fine.” He didn’t care that his voice was loud, his tone impatient. “In fact, I’m glad my mother didn’t show them these cards. I’m not going to show them either. I was a sad, lonely kid, trying to make amends. But Jay and Sally didn’t need a friend. They needed the strong big brother who should have protected them. That’s the family we all want back.”
“No. What you want is honesty. Honest relationships.”
“No, what you want is an honest relationship. Josh hurt you, so you think everybody in your life has to be soft and vulnerable about everything. That’s not how some of us are made. Some of us are made to be strong, made to absorb pain and solve problems—”
“Hugo! No!”
His resolve strengthened along with his disappointment in her. How could she not see? Or was being with her the problem?
“Yes. That’s who I was made to be.” He pulled in a determined breath, feeling like himself as his lungs filled with air and his muscles solidified. “Actually, I think it’s time for you to leave.”
“Okay. I do need to get home to put Noah to bed.”
He shook his head. “No. I think what I’m saying is that you and I need to back off. You’re soft and sweet and you see the world a certain way. But I can’t be that way.”
Her face twisted in confusion. “You’re breaking up with me? Over a simple argument?”
“It’s not simple for me. This is my family—my life. And if you want to split hairs, we never really were together.”
She blinked. “It felt like it to me.”
“And that’s the difference between us. Something always held me back, made me question everything about us. Now I know what it was.” He motio
ned around. “This. I don’t want to be soft.”
Saying that aloud filled him with certainty. No longer confused or angry, he turned toward the master bedroom and his jacket and phone. “I’ll see you in the morning. We have a lot to do to make sure this project is on track…the way it’s supposed to be.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SEEING HUGO WAS not only serious, he was determined, Erin punched the button for the elevator, confusion making her breath stutter. Those cards had triggered something in him she couldn’t quite put her finger on, but he’d changed right before her eyes—
And meant it.
Just as she had feared, she’d landed in the middle not merely of his personal battle, but also of his fight to fix his past and reunite his family.
She raced through the lobby with tears in her eyes, avoiding Ronnie’s gaze as he opened the limo door for her, and just barely had herself composed when she walked into her apartment.
“Hey, Erin.” Her mom rose from the sofa. “Noah’s done nothing but talk nonstop about seeing Santa on Christmas Eve. He’s so excited. He even calls Hugo, Ugo.”
Halfway through shrugging out of her coat, Erin stopped dead in her tracks. Hugo’s reaction had been unexpected. She knew he was smarting from finding that his mother had kept the cards from Sally and Jay. She’d thought she could talk him through it. But he’d turned back into businessman Hugo so fast she hadn’t been able to keep up. And though he hadn’t blamed her for what his mother had done, in the heat of the moment he had ended their relationship.
She could think that—maybe—he’d feel differently in the morning. But their romance had happened so fast, they hadn’t built any real trust, and at their first problem, he’d pulled away from her.
What he’d really done was yanked himself away—dropped her—so he could go back to being himself. The guy who didn’t need anybody. The guy who didn’t want to need anybody.
Maybe that was the thing that always bothered her about them, the thing that wouldn’t quite let either of them believe their relationship would last? He didn’t want to need anybody because the first people in his life, the people he longed to have in his life, had asked him to leave. And that hadn’t merely hurt, it had forged who he was.
He couldn’t make a commitment, fall in love, because he was always afraid it would be snatched away. So he’d always hold something back.
No matter how much she loved him, Josh had taught her the pain of living with someone who always held something back.
If he hadn’t broken it off, she should have—
They were not right for each other.
The realization that she’d really lost Hugo, permanently this time, stole her breath, filled her eyes with tears. When things between them were good, they were perfect. But life had taught her some hard lessons. Still, no matter how logical, losing him hurt. He might not have loved her, but she had loved him.
She still loved him.
She almost told her mom she was thinking about not attending the Christmas Eve celebration, but there were things she had to do at the hotel the next day.
Forcing a smile for her mom, she said, “Ugo? That’s funny.” Then she faced Noah. “Okay, little friend, let’s get you into bed.”
She slid Noah into pajamas and closed her eyes when he gave her a good-night kiss on the cheek.
He pulled back and with a happy grin said, “I love you.”
Her eyes filled with tears. Though his coloring was hers, his bone structure and facial features belonged to his father. She’d made peace with Josh, with his death, with his secrets, because Hugo had helped her to understand him.
How could it be that they weren’t right for each other—
She didn’t need to figure it out. The truth was like a neon sign. She and Hugo did not belong together.
Now she had to figure out how to get through the next few days, especially the Christmas Eve celebration. Then she could go home and try to heal.
Because this hurt. It hurt worse than losing Josh. She felt like a part of her soul was being ripped from her. But how could that be when he’d never really trusted her?
* * *
Hugo returned to the first floor to get his laptop so he could do some work in the penthouse that evening. He wasn’t going to his London flat. He had to get the celebration back on track. Get his game face on. Whip this hotel into shape so that nothing, not even the color of the smallest ribbon, was wrong.
The elevator opened on the lobby, dressed up in evergreen branches, lights, ornaments. The scent of pine mixing with the smell of fresh paint took him back decades. Every December, his dad had the hotel repainted for the big Christmas Eve celebration.
If he closed his eyes, he could picture it.
He expected a flood of joy. But for the first time, picturing those old Christmas Eve parties didn’t feel right.
He didn’t feel right.
He stopped in the center of everything. The perfect recreation of his past shimmered around him.
And he didn’t feel right?
He’d put his world back into place after seeing those cards. He’d pulled himself together, more determined than ever to fix his family—
His phone rang. Thinking it might be Erin, he slid it from his pocket to refuse the call, but the caller wasn’t Erin. It was Jay.
He clicked to take the call. “Yes?”
“Well, you’re in a chipper mood.”
Those weird feelings that something was off tumbled through Hugo again.
“No matter. What I have to tell you will cheer you right up. When Sally said she was going home, I assumed Tianlipin. Turns out she meant her flat in Kensington. She’s definitely attending the Christmas Eve celebration.”
And just like that, the weirdness disappeared. Sally and Jay would both be at the Christmas Eve party.
“That’s great.”
“Yes,” Jay happily replied. “Everything will be perfect.”
Hugo started to answer, but the odd feeling returned. He and Jay had always been eager to work things out, but how could their relationship be real if his brother and sister didn’t know a big piece of their family puzzle? That he’d sent them cards and their mum had held them back.
He took a breath and suddenly realized the oddness he’d been feeling was about those cards. He couldn’t withhold the knowledge that his mother had kept his Christmas cards from them. He and his siblings needed to talk this out. All of it.
His brother and sister had to know he hadn’t deserted them. He didn’t really want to paint his mother in a poor light, but maybe he was simply tired of being the bad guy.
* * *
He arrived at work the next morning lost in thought. Now that most of the hotel renovations were complete, his staff had gone back to New York to be with their families for Christmas. He’d offered them the chance to attend the celebration, but most had wanted to go home.
He walked through the renovated lobby, beautifully decorated, and the odd feeling he had the night before was gone. Confirming that his decision to show Jay and Sally his Christmas cards was essential to getting the three of them back together as a family.
He glanced at a red ribbon with gold trim and his heart stuttered. He remembered his mother choosing that ribbon, then realized Erin had spotted the detail and recreated it—
His heart swelled with emotion, but he took a breath. It was her job to please him. And it was his job to do this right. Not be soft. Be strong. Be the guy who could hold his family together.
He stepped into his office and stopped short when he saw Erin sitting at the small desk in the corner.
His heart tried to kick-start again, but he remembered his decision the night before. To show his siblings those cards. To set this past right. To not be soft.
To forget the happiness he’d found with her.
T
o forget the thought that he might be falling in love with her.
To get back to being himself. Hugo Harrington. Smart, savvy, successful.
The last thing he wanted was to compromise who he was.
He considered telling Erin she could go home, to end the weird parade of thoughts he had around her, but practicality wouldn’t let him. There were things to be done. Not to mention last-minute disasters. Problems she’d need to handle. Especially if his siblings’ reactions were good. Then his party could be the event he’d longed for.
The businessman in him would not let her go home.
He very casually said, “Good morning.”
Erin didn’t even look up. “Good morning.”
Her cool reply went through him like a knife. But he hadn’t changed his mind about their relationship. The next day or so would be incredibly awkward. But he deserved it. He’d known better than to start something with her. He hadn’t been able to resist temptation.
He shrugged out of his cashmere overcoat. “The lobby is gorgeous.”
Her attention focused on whatever she was reading, she said, “I got it as close to the pictures as I could.”
“Yes. You did. Thank you.”
Then he didn’t say anything else.
The room filled with silence, but there was no way around it. He loved her son, might even love her…but he couldn’t be the guy she needed. He didn’t want to be the guy she needed.
Smart, strong Hugo would reunite his family, build hotels all over the globe, rule his world.
* * *
Erin blinked back tears and rose from her seat. She reminded herself they weren’t right for each other, but it didn’t help. She kept seeing him funny and happy, and part of her knew that was the guy he was supposed to be.
The guy he didn’t want to be.
“If you need me, I’ll be in the ballroom and courtyard garden, checking on a few things.”
With that she walked out of the office she’d now be sharing with the guy who’d just shattered her heart.
Harlequin Romance December 2020 Box Set Page 14