Until My Heart Stops Beating

by Tonya M Barber

  “Girl, I made us some hot chocolate.”

  Finally, Rasheeda made it outside. She felt relieved thinking that she’ll be able to keep her engaged in conversation so that she wouldn’t think of Declan. “Good,” she replied never turning around.

  “I figured the wind would make it a lot chillier out here.”

  Makeba never looked up to acknowledge Rasheeda. If she did, her cover would be blown. She would know that her friend had been crying again. Her efforts were null and void. Rasheeda knew her friend. She could tell before she even got close up on her that she had been crying. The shaking of her body and the rocking back and forth she saw when she descended the steps of the beach house told it all.

  After laying the serving tray on the sand, Rasheeda pulled her chaise closer to her friend. “It’s ok to cry Keba. You love this man. After getting to know him the way that I do now I can understand why. Don’t give up hope honey. You’re in the eye of a storm and it’s raining quite heavy mama but it can’t rain all the time. The love I’ve witnessed between the both you is like nothing I have ever seen before. Keep the faith. Love will prevail.”

  She bent down and picked up a cup of hot chocolate handing it to Makeba.

  “Thank you.” She accepted the mug.

  “No problem,” Rasheeda replied taking a sip from her cup. She stared at Makeba curiously as she removed the mug from her lips lowering it away from her face. “Talk to me Keba. Tell me what you’re feeling. You need to get it out. Keeping all that stuff bottled up inside couldn’t possibly be good for them babies.”

  “Babies. Babies.” Makeba stared at Rasheeda as tears ran down her cheeks. “I can’t stop loving him. How do I move on when my heart is so deeply attached to his? I feel…I feel…I feel like I’m suffocating,” she sobbed losing her grip on the mug.

  Rasheeda rushed to her side taking the cup from her hand placing it on the tray. Her heart ached for her friend. If there was a way she could take the pain away she would in a heartbeat but she couldn’t. This was Makeba’s journey, her life’s experience and she had to go through it. The only thing she could do was be there for her as long as she needed her to.

  “He’s the air that I breathe. How do I learn to breathe without him when he’s my air supply?” she asked looking at her friend as if she had the answers she was looking for.

  Rasheeda shook her head as she began to shed tears of her own. She wrapped her arms around Makeba and cradled her in his arms. She hated seeing her like this, so hurt, so broken and distraught. Rasheeda was going through the motions as well. Her friend was going through it and it wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it but lend her a listening ear or a strong shoulder to cry on, somehow that seemed so little right now.

  “Listen honey,” she said looking at Makeba, “you need to eat something. Why don’t I go back inside and fix us something good to munch on.” She pulled back, wiping the tears from Makeba’s eyes.

  “Thanks but I’m not hungry.”

  “Too bad. You are not going to starve my godbabies missy.”

  “I don’t think I could eat anything.”

  “Try.”

  Makeba relented. “Ok, I‘ll try.”

  “Good girl.”

  Rasheeda bent down to pick up the tray so she could take it inside and wash the soiled dishes. As she stood she thought she saw a figure walking towards them. It was quite a distance away but she was certain she saw someone familiar. If the wind would stop blowing just a little she could get a better view. It was as if God had his ear to her mouth because the wind slowed down just enough for her to get a clearer visual. She couldn’t believe it. Too excited, she couldn’t find her voice so she tapped Makeba vigorously on the shoulder.

  Holding on to her straw hat, Makeba looked up at her then returned to her original position.

  Rasheeda saw the silhouette of a male figure again. This time she whispered, “Makeba,” while tapping her again.

  Makeba glanced up at her like she had lost her mind hitting her like that. “What?” she asked annoyed.

  Rasheeda didn’t say a word. She just stood there immobile like she was stuck in quicksand instead of standing on top of dry sand staring down the beach at the person walking towards them.

  Makeba glanced in the direction Rasheeda was looking. It was difficult to see. The wind had increased making it almost impossible to get a visual of the person approaching them. She stood up to get a better look while holding her hat in place. She didn’t want it to blow away. She turned her head to the side in an effort to avoid direct contact from the sand hitting her face. The winds calmed a little. She couldn’t believe it. Was her eyes playing tricks on her? Perhaps it was her mind giving her an image that wasn’t actually there. Maybe it was wishful thinking.

  She took a few steps forward squinting her eyes. The person wearing olive green cargo shorts, a white short sleeve shirt buttoned halfway and a white tank top underneath. The closer he came the weaker she got in the knees, her heart raced, her hands began to perspire, and nervousness stirred in the pit of her stomach.

  Rasheeda took a few steps bringing her closer to Makeba. She stood still looking on in wonderment. If she had ever had any questions concerning their relationship, the scene that was playing out before her was sure making them dissipate. She was not only happy for her friend but relieved as well. In her heart she knew Declan had come to stake his claim. Love does conquer all after all, she thought, as tears stung her eyes.

  “Go to him,” she whispered, gently pushing Makeba in the direction of the love of her life.

  Makeba made a swift turn and kissed Rasheeda on the cheek then turned on her heels wobbling toward Declan. The wind had started to blow again but she refused to turn away. She didn’t want to lose sight of the prize. She waited so long for this that she didn’t want to miss a moment, even though the blowing sand felt abrasive against her skin. Walking was taking too long. She began to run as fast as the sand and her weight would allow as she held onto the sides of her stomach, losing her straw hat in the process. She didn’t care one bit about that silly hat. Running to her husband was the only thing on her mind.

  Time stood still as they stood face to face in silence. Neither of them knew what to do next. He wasn’t sure how he would be received and she wasn’t sure of his reasons for being there. Had she given up on him? Had he come to ask for the dissolution of their marriage? No words were exchanged for the longest time. They ogled one another in a way that spoke volumes. Passion, lust, burning desire and undying love was all present as they stared deep through the windows of their souls answering questions that had been thought of but not verbalized.

  Declan’s eyes traveled to her midsection. He wrapped his hands around her waist and kneeled down on his knees pressing his head against her protruding belly, the belly that provided residence for his babies. Overwhelmed with emotions he squeezed her tighter. His eyes filled with tears. No longer able to control his emotions teardrops fell from his eyes staining her dress. He moved his face to the other side of her abdomen and bawled gripping a fistful of the material. Emotions were high, beyond any of their control. She ran her finger through his hair as she cried. Bending down, she kissed him on top of the head as she silently thanked God for being an on time God. Right when she thought of giving up, moving on, letting go, her prayers were finally answered.

  Rasheeda continued to look on from afar. She was envious of Makeba. She had found true love, a love so deep, so rare and truly divine. She secretly prayed that she would get to experience a love so great herself one day. She cupped her hands over her mouth watching the broken pieces of her friend’s life mend back together. She was confident that this was the beginning of a new and deeper love for Makeba and Declan.

  Declan rose to his feet while holding on to his wife’s hand. Together they walked up to the house that would surely be a home now that they had found their way back to one another. They entered the bedroom closing the door behind them. He escorted her over to the bed. Thei
r eyes said everything to each other their lips could not say. He unbuttoned her dress letting it drop to the floor at her feet as he kissed her shoulders and gingerly pushed the straps of her bra off her shoulders with his fingertips. Slowly he glided his hands down her sides and around her back unsnapping the bra allowing it to fall to the floor as well. He gently cradled her face in his hands as he covered her mouth with his, parting her lips with his tongue, and exploring every inch of her mouth as he touched her in places she hadn’t been touched in a long time. Slowly, he grabbed the tips of her panties pushing them to her knees, holding them until she stepped out of them and threw them on the pile with every other stitch of clothing he removed. He picked her up, gradually lowering her down on the bed. She laid still. Closing his eyes, he traced the roundness of her abdomen with his fingertips eventually adding soft sensual kisses. For so long she had waited to feel the touch of his hands against her flesh, his pillow soft kisses against her skin, to feel the heat of his breath brush against her flesh like a feather. She often wondered if she’d ever have him this way again. She had received her answer.

  There was no longer the feeling of blocked air. Any feelings of exasperation she had was now nonexistent. Her whole world had been turned from upside down to right side up in a matter of minutes. The feel of him all over her sent tingling sensations through her body. She released a deep sigh as Declan’s hands touched her in ways she had forgotten about. He planted trails of kisses from her midsection down her legs then up her body stopping at her lips. He looked deep into her eyes then kissed her ardently and aggressively. The more he explored her mouth with his tongue the hungrier for more he became. He let out a loud groan as a slew of emotions began to overtake him. Fighting like hell he managed to keep them under control.

  “It’s been so long,” he managed to whisper between kisses.

  “Yes,” she replied through labored breaths.

  He lowered his mouth onto hers again reclaiming his territory. He was like an addict consistently trying to achieve the feeling of that initial high but falling short every time. His flesh was burning with desire. He couldn’t prolong it anymore. He had to get inside of her, have her walls clamp onto his manhood like crab claws, accepting him like the missing piece to a puzzle.

  He spread her legs apart. His attempt to enter her love tunnel was met with a little resistance. It had been a long time but he didn’t care. He exercised patience, slowly gyrating his hips as her body allowed him to enter a little deeper with each thrust. He remembered how good she felt, how wet she’d get, and how his hunger for more would intensify in the midst of being buried deep inside her. Her walls finally gave way, accepting all of him, fitting perfectly.

  He captured her dark erect nipple in his mouth sucking it as if a stream of sweet blackberry juice was flowing from it. He increased his speed as the feeling of euphoria overtook him. Whatever ride he was on he was sure to take her with him. Together they exploded causing them to hold on extra tight to one another as their bodies trembled uncontrollably like a 4.5 earthquake.

  “I love you,” he whispered hovering above her looking into her eyes.

  He kissed her gingerly on the lips then fell back on the bed totally spent from their recent encounter. He pulled her into his chest, securing her in a warm loving embrace.

  “I love you more,” she replied nestling her face in his chest.

  “That’s impossible.”

  Being in the comfort of his arms never felt so good. Emotions began to well up in her. They were so strong she couldn’t control them even if she wanted to. She needed a release. It was too much to hang on to all of what was taking place deep inside. Tears flowed from her eyes dripping on his bare chest. The feeling of warm liquid dripping onto his skin then rolling off his body allowed him to know that she was crying. He moved back just enough to bring her face into view. He kissed her tears away.

  “I’ve missed you so much Declan. I was so afraid you’d never remember me.”

  “I can’t imagine how stressful this has been on you. I’m so sorry it took me so long to get back to you.”

  “I would have waited forever.”

  “And I would have fought to get back to you for just as long.”

  “I-“

  “Shhh! We’ll talk about everything later. Right now I just want to lie here and hold you in my arms.”

  “I’d like that.”

  He pulled her into him once more, holding her tight as she lied upon his chest and closed her eyes, drifting off into a peaceful sleep, something she hadn’t had in months.

  BREATHE AGAIN

  Declan woke up almost two hours later. He lay on his side raising himself up on his right elbow as he watched the love of his life sleep. He remembered how he used to do it all the time. She always appeared as if she had an angelic glow when she slept. Sometimes he would lightly place his ear to her chest and listen to the rhythmic beat of her heart. Every beat he presumed was for him and him only as his did for her. He would study the rise and fall of her chest and silently thank God for creating such a beautiful creature and allowing him the honor of being her husband.

  A while later he got up and walked over to the sliding doors staring out over the horizon. His mind drifted off to not long ago when he had no clue of who she was that day she came into his hospital room. All he could think about was how beautiful she was. He could feel the love emanating from her for him but for the life of him he couldn’t remember loving her. He noticed how much it pained her that he didn’t. He tried like hell to put the pieces together but he couldn’t. While in her presence he could feel a connection to her but he couldn’t put his finger on it. When he looked at his mom for answers, she offered none. Because she was so torn, he ordered the doctors to restrict her visits. He gave them a list of people that were allowed to visit and her name was not on it. The thought of that crushed him. He lowered his head in shame. He leaned his hand on the frame of the door while gripping his chest with the other. His heart hurt for all that she had to endure during that time.

  He smiled as he recalled the letters from her that Granny Whitaker, Sam and eventually Shyanne would read to him. At first, he grew angry because instead of memories in those letters they were like made up fairytales to him. It was difficult for him to grasp all the things she spoke of and yet, he could not recall an incident, a date, or a time they were together. As time went on, little fragments of his life with her would appear either through daydreaming or dreams while he slept. As a result, he requested the letters and began reading them himself. According to the words written on those papers, they had a love that only came around once in a lifetime. They read like chapters taken from a New York Times number one bestselling romance novel. Through her letters he felt the depth of love she had for him. That made him want to remember every detail of the life they shared. He was grateful that she hadn’t given up, that she loved him enough to wait as long as it took, even though he kept her at a distance. It was confirmation of how much she truly loved him. He considered himself a rich man, rich in all the things money couldn’t buy; love, happiness and joy. He could have remained in that state of forgetfulness forever but God saw fit to give him his memory back. He had a second chance and he vowed to never take it for granted.

  ~*~

  Makeba woke up to find Declan standing at the glass doors staring out the window. She got up, retrieved his shorts from the floor and stepped into then. Quietly, she eased up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist while resting her head on his back. He smiled as he reached behind him, grabbed her arm and pulled her to the front of him. He cradled her in his arms as they both looked through the glass admiring the beauty of nature. He nibbled on her earlobes causing a tingling sensation to shoot from her legs up her spine. He rocked her back and forth as he held both sides of her stomach.

  “I’ve missed you so much. I didn’t want to come to you until I was sure my memory had been fully restored. I wanted to remember everything about you. The more I could recal
l, the more I was missing you, needing you and wanting you. I could barely breathe without you.”

  She turned to face him. “I couldn’t breathe. The more the days went by the more I found it a struggle to inhale and exhale. I literally felt like something was cutting off my air supply. I thought I had lost you forever. I felt like I wanted to just lie down and die. If you ever leave I-“

  “We’re one Makeba. There will never be a me without you.”

  Rising up on her toes, she kissed him softly on the lips as the babies began kicking and kicking hard. Grabbing his hands, she placed them on her stomach in the very spot where all the commotion was going on.

  “Oh wow,” he chuckled excitedly, “does it hurt?”

  She guffawed at his reaction. “No, not at all.”

  “So how much longer before I meet him or her?”

  She smirked. “Or them?”

  His raised his eyebrows. “Them?”

  “Yes.”

  He glanced at her inquisitively.

  “We’re having twins.”

  Declan laughed so hard his adam's apple quickly moved up and down. He hugged her tight and began kissing her all over her face in pure elation.

  “So how much longer do we have to wait?”

  “A little over a month daddy.”

  “Daddy, what a wonderful sound. I can’t wait. I hope they look just like you.”

  “Well, I was kind of hoping they’ll look like their handsome father.”

  “Whoever they favor, I’ll be happy nonetheless,” he said smiling as he kissed her once again.

  They both turned toward the door when they heard a knock.

  “I’ll get it,” said Makeba as she trotted across the room to open the door.