This, of course, is utterly untrue, and I told Janet to leave the room, which she did, banging the door.
Janet thought it out doubtless in the kitchen,
124 LIFE IN A COUNTS Y MANSE.
and her next idea was that I was to be called to Aberdeen. I had been in Aberdeen just be- fore the winter came on, and she decided that I was writing out my testimonials. It is not, however, Janet's way to question me boldly on any matter that she thinks I want to keep secret. If she had asked me whether I was ex- pecting to be called away I would have told her the truth, but what she did was this. She "stepped down " to the smiddy, and informed the smith's wife that I had received a call from Aberdeen. Janet thinks she has an official connection with the Free Church because she is my housekeeper, and she likes to be first in the field with church news. It is wormwood to her to discover that the elders have been told anything by me which I have not first told her, and so she is constantly forming absurd conclusions, and announcing them as facts. Of course, the smith's wife told her neighbors that I had a call to Aberdeen, and soon the glen was discussing nothing else. The session came to the manse to hear all about it, and I had to tell them that the story was only another of Janet's foolish notions. I was very angry with Janet, but she was not in the least ashamed
LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE. 12&
of herself. If I had not got a call, who was I writing these letters to? she asked herself. Her next decision was that I was to be married. This enraged her. The fact that I posted the letters myself struck her as proof positive. Of course, I only posted them because I knew that if I gave them to her she would get some one to read the address.
This time Janet kept her suspicions to herself, leading me, however, to understand that I was behaving very foolishly.
" You'll have been hearing," she would say, " that the schoolmaster and his wife are getting on very ill ? "
" On the contrary, I understand that they are very happy."
" Some folk have queer ideas of happiness, but I would not be happy if I was a school- master, and my wife flung the tongs at me."
" Tuts, tuts, Janet, that never happened at the school-house."
" Did it not ? " said Janet. " You can see the mark of the tongs on his brow."
Then Janet would look sideways at me, and say artfully :
" She's an Aberdeen woman."
126 LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE.
" So I believe."
" Ay, the Aberdeen lassies is sly."
" What makes you think that ? "
"It's well known. I've often heard them that kens say that you can just be sure of one thing about Aberdeen lassies."
" And what is that ? "
" That they're the very opposite of what they pretend to be."
With this shot Janet would retire, but soon she would return to the subject.
" I hear thae Aberdeen lassies try terrible hard to snap up the students."
Do they ? "
" They do, and they have ruined many a prom- ising man especially ministers."
" But many a minister is married without being ruined."
" Not to an Aberdeen lassie. These limmers are no' brought up to mak' housekeepers, but just to show off. They can play on the piano, and that's about all they're fit for. They would disgrace a manse, leastwise a country
manse."
" They would have had no chance with you, Janet, if you had been a man."
LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE. 127
" They wouldna ; but some folk are no' dif- ficult to get round, and ministers are easily wheedled."
" You don't think me easily wheedled, do you?"
" 'Deed there's no saying."
" But if I had been so week I would have fallen a victim to their wiles long ago."
" I dinna ken about that. It's said there's no fule like an old fule."
" Do you mean to call me old ? "
" Oh, you're no' that young now."
" What makes you talk so much about mar- riage nowadays, Janet?"
" I have een, and can use them. When I see you writing letters by the hour I ken what it means."
" But if I'm writing to a lady, why does she not write to me ? "
" That's what puzzles me, but no doubt she's sly. She kens what she's about. I daresay she has another lad she would rather have, and she's just keeping you dangling on, in case he refuses her."
" Refuses her, Janet? The woman, as you surely know, does not propose to the man."
128 LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE.
" I'm thinking she does a hantle times often- er than the men have any idea of. Ye may laugh, but I ken women especially these Aberdeen hussies."
" Why, you never were within seventy miles of Aberdeen in your life."
" Maybe no, but I ken what f ules these women mak' of ministers. Yes, and I ken how the ministers repents when it's too late. You admire these dressed-up dolls' grand clothes, but I'm thinking you sing a different tune when you have to pay for them. The piano's a pretty instrument, but you think less of it when you're hungry and the broth pot's full of soot."
" But, Janet, the Aberdeen lassie would keep a servant to look after the broth pot."
" And a pretty-like servant, I'm thinking. These limmers of stuck-up wives dinna like to have a respectable middle-aged woman in the kitchen like "
" Like yourself ? "
" Yes, like myself. Oh, no ; they bring some useless f ule of a lassie with them that they think genteel-looking. Yes, she can wear a neat cap (and set it at every single man
LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE. 129
in the kirk) ; but as for work, she kens noth- ing about it. All she's fit for is for combing her mistress's false hair and burning the potatoes."
" Hoots, Janet, you were young once your- self."
" Oh, you're an infatuated man, and will not listen to reason. But let me tell you this, that folk haver when they say a minister is better looked after when he's married. That's a story invented by young women. When you have ministers preaching here, do you think I need to speir whether they're married or single ? No, I ken from one look at them. If they're sensible single men with a decent body to look after them, their boots is in good order and their coats well brushed. But I detect the married man at once by his want of buttons and his boots worn down at the heel, and the seams of his sleeves open. Yes, and I ken him by his want of spirit. However, as I say, willful man maun have his say, and I will not argue with you."
Then one day Janet found out that my letters had been addressed to a newspaper office, and
immediately she had a new idea. I was adver-
9
130 LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE.
tising for another housekeeper. This was too terrible, and she could beat about the bush no longer. She walked into the manse parlor, and said:
" I dinna ken what I've done to make you treat me so secret-like, but I want to hear the worst."
" What are you talking about, Janet ? " I asked, innocently.
" Are you to be married ? " demanded Janet.
" Certainly not," I answered. " No one will have me."
" Then it's a new servant?"
" What is a new servant ? "
" That you're advertising for."
" Did I say I was advertising ? "
" Tell me the worst, I can hear it."
" Janet," I said, severely, " your curiosity will bring you to an early grave if you don't restrain it. It is no affair of yours what I have been writing, and therefore I shall not answer your questions. You have brought all your misery on yourself."
So Janet is still wondering what the writing is about, but I won't tell her till the paper
LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE. 181
arrives. Then I shall read this aloud to her, and add certain moral reflections which will cow her for a day or two, though they would not interest the public.
132 LIFE IN A VOUHTBY MANSE.
CHAPTER III. TEACHER M'QUEEN.
As I tried to show some time
ago, my old manse housekeeper, Janet, takes a personal in- terest in my affairs. In certain matters she has me under complete subjection ; for instance, I dare not smoke (except in company) in my black coat, and it is the worse for me if I forget to change my socks on the days which she has, as it were, set apart for that purpose. So far she has allowed me to compose my own sermons, but I have visions of a time when she will insist on telling me what to say in the pulpit, as well as how to say it. Nay, more, Teacher M' Queen declared at the smiddy the other night that "when I grew old and weak in intellect (Janet, who dislikes him, says that he said " weaker in intellect") my housekeeper would propose to me, and we would be " kirked " before I had
LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE. 133
courage to enter a protest. This prediction I openly flout, while admitting Janet's power in the manse. This chapter in our " clachan " life, indeed, is written at her instigation. At first when she discovered that I had become an author she was contemptuous, and her sneers on the subject made me uncomfortable. About a month ago, however, Janet began to look upon authorship in a new light. There are several persons in the glen whom she never passes, even on the Sabbath, without flinging her head so far back that she can see what is taking place behind her. One of these is Teacher M' Queen, and it has struck Janet that I might make the old dominie more humble if I " showed him up in the newspapers."
" Of which he has great need," Janet fre- quently reminds me.
" I can show him his errors from the pulpit," I tell her.
" You can," says Janet, " and when you're done he wakes up."
Teacher M' Qu een does not sleep in church, but Janet scorns him, and therefore insists that he does. Janet watches the congregation so sharply that she has no time to pay much atten-
134 LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE.
tion to the sermon. When this is pointed out to her she says :
" I have the minister six days a week, and so I can surely take my een off him on the Sabbath."
However, I must leave Janet (whom I seem to have on the brain) and come to Teacher M' Queen. Nevertheless, I would have it first understood that I mean to sketch the dominie as I know him, not as he is conceived by Janet.
M' Queen has never been a schoolmaster here in my time. It will be six years in June since I came to the glen, and he had retired on a pension two years before that. He was a teacher in the glen (as he tells me every time we quarrel about whitewashing the session- house) " long before I was born," and he is still so hale that he might venture to add that he will still be a resident here long after I am dead. They say that he and the inspector once nearly came to blows about a vulgar fraction, but as a rule, I fancy, he was sly rather than combative on the days of the examination, and there are queer stories (told by former pupils) of what he did behind the inspector's back. The grand ambition of the inspector was to get
LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE. 135
him to retire, which he did, after thinking the matter over for six years. His great subject of conversation at the social board had always been the glories of life in Aberdeen, for he despised what he called the " stagnation " of the glen, and would frequently say to our farmers, or to the smith :
" The like of you can have no notion of the sublime thoughts that fill the brain of an educated man. Therefore, what do you mean by presuming to argue with me ? "
Of course, when he decided to retire on a pension, the universal opinion was that he would spend his last days in his beloved Aberdeen. I believe the glen folk were grieved to think that he would be known to them no more ; for though he was and is a cantankerous man, it is impossible to live for years in intimacy with any one without discovering some good in him. The dominie had been an indefatigable teacher, and had done numerous kind-hearted things, though not, it must be admitted, in a gracious manner. A number of his old pupils rallied round him when he retired, and there was a social gathering given in his honor at the new school-house. An English village school could
13G LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE.
not, I think, make such a display, for even up in our little glen boys are ambitious of learning, and there were three ministers and an advocate (all former pupils) at the gathering. Several other pupils, who had risen to what in the glen is called fame, were unable to be present, but they sent their good wishes and a subscription to the present. The present to the dominie consisted of " a purse and sovereigns," but I never heard how many sovereigns were in the purse. Perhaps this is one of the things best kept dark.
Then when the presentation was over, and the speeches and the tea run down, nearly the whole glen shook hands with Teacher M' Queen, and wished him happy days in Aberdeen.
" Thank you kindly/' he replied a score of times, " but I may see you again before I go, as I've taken lodgings with the smith for a week. You see, I have some things to do before I can start."
So the dominie spoke ; but the week went by, and another week, and then another, and he was still at the smith's. When questioned as to when he meant to leave, he continued to say :
LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE. 137
" Oh, in a few days. You see I have some things to do before I can start."
One of the things the dominie had to do was to give up his eldership, and this took a long time. I had the story from my predecessor.
"M'Queen used to come up to the manse/' Mr. Marr told me, " and explain that as he was going to Aberdeen, he would have to give up his eldership. Then he would sigh, and say, ' You'll get the session-house whitewashed when I'm away ; ' and I would reply, ( Well, it needs to be whitewashed, and I could never under- stand why you were so much opposed to white- washing it.' ( Ah,' he would answer, ( you see James White and I never got on well, and James was for the whitewashing, and so I was bound to go against it. I'll hardly sleep at nights at Aberdeen, for I'll always be thinking James has got his way.' Then w r hen he rose to go (I always let him out myself, because Janet and he used to put up their backs at each other) I would say, ' So I am to understand that you have resigned your eldership ? ' and he would answer, f Well, it must come to that, but I think I'll put off resigning for another week, as I'm not just leaving yet,
138 LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE.
there being some things I must do before I can start.' '
At the smiddy the dominie spoke for a time of the glories of Aberdeen. He had been born there, and educated at the University, and there was a gleam in his eye when he talked of the old college, and of the smell of the sea. But when he was asked whether he had many friends in Aberdeen now, he became silent, and went out alone. His feet took him in the direction of his old school, a miserable little building that was falling to pieces even before the new school was built. Even to this day it is toward the old school that Teacher M' Queen wanders, and I have heard it said that sometimes as he strides along the path, he forgets that the school is no longer in use, and that his own working days are done. He has been seen stopping short at the doorway of the old school (the door is gone), and looking around him as if for his ragged scholars, or listening for the sound of them at play. Then he looks straight before him for a time, and speaks to himself, after which he returns to the smith's and says that he has decided to set off for Aberdeen on Saturday. But Saturday passes, and still there is some-
LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE. 139
thing to be done before Teacher M' Queen can start.
I think the dominie had been fully six months in his quarters with the smith before he ceased to talk of going to Aberdeen next week. Then he admitted that the winter was too far advanced.
" The east winds are trying in Aberdeen," he allowed, " and it would scarcely be safe to make the change from here to there in midwinter. But I'll go in spring."
Spring came, and the dominie was still in no hurry to go.
"I'll wait till summer, when the days are long," he said.
Then winter came again.
I suppose he did mean to go to Aberdeen at some time. There is something rather pathetic in this. Ah 1 his li
fe he had looked forward to returning to Aberdeen, and passing his last years in it. When he was a youth he had no thought, we may be sure, of being a dominie in an insignificant glen during all the working years of his life. He came to the glen strong in the belief that very soon he would get a better place, perhaps in the famous grammar school of Aberdeen itself. Everything he saw
140 LIFE IN A COUNTRY MANSE.
here he compared scornfully to what he had seen in Aberdeen. He would not allow that the sun shone here as it did there ; and the Aberdeen people excelled all others. His rela- tives lived in Aberdeen, but they died before the dominie had a chance of returning perma- nently to it. He had a love-story, too, as I sup- pose all men have, and the scene of it was Aber- deen. I don't know why it came to nothing, for on that subject the dominie, even in his loquacious hours, shuts his mouth.
He discovered, but tried to put the discovery from him as something distasteful, that Aber- deen no longer contained a friend of his. He might have left the glen for it, but though many persons in the gien would have seen him on the coach, there was no one to meet him at Aberdeen station. All his life he had thought of Aberdeen as his real home, yet during this time he was making a new home in the glen. It would have been death for him to leave us. In the glen he is somebody, but Aberdeen buried him decades ago.
So the dominie remains with us, and here he will end his days. In the glen he is still Teacher M' Queen, while the present schoolmaster is only
Barrie, J M - Tillyloss Scandal Page 8