I blinked. After being straightforward about everything else, she was choosing to be cryptic now?
“I don’t understand,” I said. “If you have all of this power, and you can help me...why won’t you?”
“I might be interested in your life, Cassie,” the Oracle said, “but that doesn’t mean I'm jonesing to step into your teenage drama on a whim so I can fix everything. I'm not your fairy godmother. I'm the Oracle. I know things. And I drink. Mostly Mountain Dew, unlike Tyrion Lannister. Pretty crucial difference, but still—I don't fix.”
“Is this some kind of game to you?” I asked, the awe and fear of her dissolving as my anger took hold.
“Duh,” the Oracle said, rolling her eyes. “Yes. But it’s more than that. Because this really is something that only you can do.”
“By subjecting myself to my greatest fear?” I asked, glowering at her.
“So basically she has to go into Starbucks and unironically order a double shot sugar free chai latte with coconut milk?” Xandra asked.
“Those are delicious,” Laura said.
“Go live in a yurt, already, you trendy, pineapple-pizza eating freak,” Xandra said. “Your judgment is incredibly suspect.”
“Whatever, Maroon 5. Why don't you go listen to 'Sugar' on repeat until you lose your mind? Oops, too late,” Laura said.
The Oracle held up her hands for silence. Xandra and Laura stopped, and I wasn’t convinced that she hadn’t used magic to do it.
“This is all on you, Cassie. I’m not the bad guy,” the Oracle said. “I didn't get you into this mess, and I can't get you out of it.”
I glared at her.
“Don’t you get it? All your choices have led to this,” she said. “Every lie you ever told...has brought you here.”
There was no denying that. It was all of my choices.
Not Lockwood’s. Not Iona’s. Not my friends.
We had come to this scary, dangerous place to meet with this Oracle because of me, and my boyfriend, because my enemy, who I made all by myself had ordered a hunt for me and did whatever he could to hurt me in the process.
“I can see the wheels turning,” the Oracle said, eyes flashing. “You get it. It’s all on you.”
I frowned. She didn’t have to make it any harder than it already was.
“Don’t get angry with me,” she said, brow contracting. “You need to face this. Own it. It’s the only way you're going to win. You are the only one who can get yourself out of this mess.”
“How?” I asked. “I don’t understand.”
“All of your lies brought this before you. All of your choices brought you to the end.”
She was still speaking cryptically.
“You will try everything, hope for everything, wish for something to come in and spare you your consequences. But that's not how this works, this funny life thing you people are going through.” She winked at me. “I know it sounds stupid, but—responsibility. It's more than just an adult buzzword they sling out when they punish you. Own this. It's yours. Your failure. Your choices. And you...will have to surrender yourself to your greatest fear…and only then will you get what you want.”
She gave me a sympathetic sort of tilt of her head. There was pity in her pale lilac eyes, and she sighed, shaking her head.
“I know. I lost you at 'responsibility'. It's a parent-lecture-mental-turn-off word. But you’ll figure it out,” she said. “I’ve seen you overcome the impossible. Don’t disappoint me.” And then she reached out, touched me on the forehead, and then zap.
We were standing in the little pantry in Ikea.
I blinked a few times, my eyes adjusting to the dim light. I looked around, saw the others doing the same, safely returned from our shared vision.
Nobody said anything.
I don’t think anyone had any words left after all that.
Chapter 27
I pondered the words that the Oracle had left me with in silence as we left Ikea, no one daring to speak until we were several miles down the road, the VW rattling in time with my own thoughts. It had a been a bumpy road I'd been on lately, and I couldn't shake the feeling that the Oracle had nailed it, holding my failures up for all to see, driving home points of guilt I'd been chewing on for months.
“Of all of the vile, preposterous, disturbing ideas that you have ever had, Iona, this one might top them all,” Lockwood exploded, rather suddenly, and drawing every eye in the car as he lit off. “If I had any idea what you were thinking, I would have put a stop to it immediately.”
“How?” Iona asked. “Jinxed my car? Put up a forcefield around Ikea? Because, really, that would just be hateful, separating people from their Swedish furniture options and forcing them to go to those rip-off high-end stores.”
“All this, and what did it come to, hmm?” Lockwood asked. “We still have no answers.”
“I thought she was cool,” Xandra said, shrugging, her face bathed in shadow and light like a strobe at a rave as we drove beneath the streetlights.
“You wouldn’t think that she was so 'cool' if she was eating your heart right out of your chest,” Lockwood said, turning around to peer at her between the headrest and the window. It wasn’t like him to get so worked up.
“She probably would think that was cool,” Laura said. “This is a Maroon 5 fan we're talking about here.”
“Listen, Cheerleader, just because we don’t all dress in trendy Ugg boots or contour our makeup—”
“Now see here, Iona,” Lockwood said, speaking over the two of them, “I understand that you want to help Cassandra. But the Oracle is a soul-skinning, power hungry, blood sucking—”
“Shut up unless you have a better idea,” Iona said. “Because I don’t see you firing off any great ideas, Mr. Wings.”
Lockwood fell silent, staring at the side of Iona’s face with a dark look that I had only recently seen him give the man who had betrayed us in Faerie: Roseus.
The car rattled on, the engine humming as it decelerated to turn off the highway and onto the roads that would take us back to Xandra’s house.
“I—” Lockwood said. The tightness in his eyes told me that he really didn’t want to say what he was about to say. But he couldn’t lie, either. “I suppose…”
“Put up or shut up,” Iona said.
“I...” Lockwood licked his lips. “I suppose I might...'know someone', as you are so lately fond of saying.”
Great. This was the day of meeting new people and humiliating myself in front of them all with my tale of woe and misery.
“You're just saying that because I popularized it first,” Iona said.
“I should emphasize that I never would have considered this person under normal circumstances,” Lockwood said. “Never, not ever.” He shifted in his seat to turn around and look at me. “I fear that I am leading you horribly astray by placing this option before you. But…” He took a deep breath and looked me square in the eye. “How far are you willing to go with this?”
It was a startling question, like a spear filed to a point, piercing right to the heart of the issue. If I was honest, part of me just wanted to…give up. To go back home, pretend like none of this ever happened. It was too hard to deal with, especially if it was going to end in Mill's death no matter what I did. And I was starting to suspect it would, because...
Because Mill's death was my greatest fear.
I shook my head. I didn’t want to face any of this anymore. It was getting too painful.
I wouldn’t say I loved him. Not yet, at least. But that didn’t mean I didn’t care about him or want him around. But I was the one responsible for all this mess, and I was the one who cared the most out of anyone about him.
“I don’t know, Lockwood,” I said. “I want to help, but…”
“How much do you want to help him?” Lockwood asked, his gaze hardening.
Everyone’s eyes shifted to mine, and I froze to my seat.
Is this what peer pressure was like?
The Oracle’s words just kept circling around in my head as if they were stuck on repeat:
It's all on you.
“I can’t let him die, Lockwood,” I said. “I’ll meet this...friend of yours.”
“Very well, then,” Lockwood said. “I should suggest that we do drop off the girls, first, though.” And he turned his head, his profile in shadow. “Because unlike Iona, I do care about what happens, and this...this place we go...” He bowed his head. “...it is not safe. No. Not remotely. Though,” and he lowered his voice to a gentle timbre, “I suppose nowhere really is, anymore.”
Chapter 28
We pulled up to Xandra’s house, and nobody moved, silence pervading the car. Laura and Xandra seemed to have no intention of getting out of the car, and I for one was not getting out again. Not when I was turning right around and leaving again. Why would I? So I could do a round of “hi and goodbye” with my parents? Or with Mill? I shuddered. I needed to go, to get this done. Time was wasting.
“I am not saying this to be mean,” Lockwood said, turning around. “But you two have to get out.”
“This is really that dangerous?” Xandra asked.
“No, I simply cannot stomach any more bickering from the two of you,” Lockwood said. “And also, Maroon 5 are a terrible, terrible band, and pineapple on pizza is an unholy evil that I place only slightly lower than Draven. Now...get out.”
“Go!” Iona shouted, making both of them jump in their seats.
“Maroon 5 are awesome, I don't care what any of you say,” Xandra muttered, throwing open her door. “What do you even know, Lockwood? Adam Levine's voice is magical.”
“I know quite a bit about magic and nothing about that man is magic,” Lockwood said.
Xandra wheeled around and peered back inside the car.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” she asked me. She sounded pretty serious, so I shot Lockwood a questioning look.
“Is it about Maroon 5?” I asked. “Because I really don't have time for them...well, ever, actually.”
“Harsh. But no, it's not about them.”
“You have two minutes,” Lockwood said when I glanced at him. “If we are going to do this mad, mad thing...I would really would rather get it over with.”
He was doing such a good job of filling me with confidence.
I crawled out of the car, and Xandra shut it behind me before I was barely outside. “What’s going on?” I asked. “Are you okay?”
Xandra sighed heavily. “Cassie, I have to ask… how far are you willing to go to save your vampire boyfriend? Because I don’t know about you, but Lockwood seems really nervous about whatever is about to happen to you. And he doesn’t strike me as the person to really…react that way.”
“Well, gee, Xandra, you’re right.” I poured on the withering sarcasm. “That is pretty scary. Because I definitely haven’t had my life on the line since the night Byron chased us.”
She didn’t flinch away from my bristling comment. “Come on, you’ve been dating this guy for all of what…like, six weeks now? I know that your life has been beyond crazy and I can’t even imagine what it’s been like for you…” She was being completely serious. She was worried. Her usual sarcasm and wit was set aside, and her big blue eyes were staring intently at me, her whole focus on me.
She wanted me to hear what she was saying. It was coming right from the heart.
“This is your life, Cassie. I get that you care about him and all, but…he's kinda already dead.”
“Undead, but...” My heart sank. “You’re right.” I stared down at my dirty tennis shoes. “This is my life. Vampire stalkers. Instaphoto vampire gangs. Road trips halfway across the country to keep my family from getting murdered by vampires. Trips to Faerie to stop wars between the two major faerie courts. And now a vampire Lord is coming after literally everything I care about.”
Xandra stared at me, and my mouth went sort of dry. I'd had no intention of just dumping that all on her. I hadn’t even realized that all of that had been weighing on me as much as it had been.
“It’s just insane, you know?” I said. “I never intended for any of this to happen. And somehow, all of you got roped into it. And I’m sorry for that.”
“Cass, you don’t need to apologize,” Xandra said. “You know, you can back out at any time. Mill wouldn’t want you to suffer because of him. You don’t owe him anything—”
“But I do, Xandra,” I said. “I owe him so much. He has saved me more times than I can count, all the way up to at Byron’s place last night. He's protected me and carried me, bleeding, out of harm’s way. He's never complained, not even once, about any of it.”
Xandra’s face fell, and she looked sheepish.
“And it’s not just about him,” I said. “It may be the driving force right now, but you're just as much at risk, long-term. So is Laura. My parents. Your parents, for housing us. There is so much I'm worrying about right now that I feel like my head might explode.”
To demonstrate it, I pressed my palms against both sides of my head, hoping that maybe somehow, miraculously, it would help in some small way.
“I'm dealing with a lot right now,” I said. I exhaled heavily, running my fingers through my hair. “This is my life. A crazy, screwed up mess that I literally can’t see a way out of. It’s just black. No light at the end of the tunnel for me.”
“There’s always a way out,” Xandra said. “It may be a firefly, or maybe even just a reflection, but that light will show up.”
“Yeah, well, I appreciate your optimism,” I said. “Knowing my luck, it'll be a train coming straight at me.”
Xandra stared up at the moon over our heads, only a few nights away from being full. “You feel stuck.”
“Yeah, that’s about right,” I said.
“I’m sorry, Cassie,” Xandra said. “I can’t even begin to understand. But I hope you know...I wish I had the power to help. This whole time I’ve felt pretty useless. I’m not a vampire or a faerie. Werewolves are cool, but I’m definitely not one of those either.” Her face split into a grin. “Now the Oracle…her, I’d like to be.” She gave me a gentle nudge with her elbow, and I smiled in spite of the icky sick feelings the anxiety was giving me.
“I appreciate you telling me all this,” Xandra said.
“Honesty is kind of hard for me,” I said. I swallowed hard and laughed hollowly. “The sharing part...it'd be a lot easier to lie about how I'm feeling. It's funny...of all the lies I told in New York, the ones that made basically the whole town turn on me, and made my parents pick up and move across the country…I never could have imagined the life I live now is more unbelievable than any lie I could’ve ever come up with then.” I shook my head. “There's some deep irony there.”
“Life's like that,” she said. “It feeds you irony until you're stuffed, then serves irony-laden desserts.”
“I've had my fill of that.” I smiled. “But...at least I met you because of all this. And you’ve been a better friend to me than pretty much anyone else in my life ever has been. You have definitely vaulted past Jacquelyn in the best friend Olympics.”
The familiar sarcastic smile of hers returned, and she gave me a shove in the arm. Then she surprised me by throwing her arms around my neck and giving me a tight hug. “Wow, I'm so awesome, beating out the vampire that burned down your house and helped poison your boyfriend.”
I closed my eyes for a second, allowing her affection and support to wash over me. It gave me a boost of strength, bringing warmth to my weary bones. “You are awesome, Xandra.”
She went quiet on me. “What are you going to do now?”
“The only thing I can think of is to make different choices now,” I said.
She gave me a quizzical look. “What...?”
“All my choices that got us into this mess, right?” I waited for that spark of understanding in her eyes. “So I’m going to have to make different choices to get us out.”
“What, like do
the opposite of what you'd usually do?” she asked. “Instead of going left, go right? Instead of ordering the crispy chicken sandwich, you go with the grilled instead?”
“Something like that,” I said. “Whatever choice I would have made originally, I need to go against my first gut reaction and really think about it from here on out.”
“That sounds good, but will it work?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Your guess is as good as mine.”
The car window rolled down and Lockwood peered out at us. “Come along, Lady Cassandra.”
“All right, I’m coming,” I said, turning to reach for the door.
“Look, Cassie,” Xandra said, moving to stand back in front of my view, holding the door closed. “I just want you to know that I support whatever you do, but I don’t want to see you actively throw your life away for some vampire boyfriend that you’ve only had for a few weeks.”
“Well, that’s not exactly plan A,” I said. “And besides, there’s more on the line than just Mill. Though I’d be lying if I said that he wasn’t the primary reason I’m sort of in freak out mode.”
I glanced passed Xandra at the house and saw my dad standing in the window of the living room, peering out at me.
We made eye contact, and he waved at me. I waved back.
We needed to go. I could explain everything to them after we got back. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too late. And we wouldn't die. Because that would be really tough to explain. At least it wouldn't be my problem anymore, strictly speaking.
“Be safe, okay?” Xandra said as she withdrew her hand, letting me open the car door.
“Thanks. See you guys in a bit.” And I ducked into the car, letting her close it behind me.
She gave me a hesitant wave as we backed up in silence and drove away into the deepening night.
Chapter 29
“You know, guys, I’m getting kind of tired of running all over the city trying to find someone who can help us,” I said, staring at the back of Lockwood’s head. “Iona knows a guy. Lockwood knows a guy who might be able to help. Well, I once met a random hobo beneath a bridge overpass that said he had cosmic powers.” I sagged against the seat. “I hope the actual help shows up soon, because I'm kinda drowning here, people. Also, when did Tampa become the home for every mythical creature in the universe, huh?”
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