Never Let Go

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Never Let Go Page 7

by Graysen Morgen


  When Finley got back inside, Greg asked, “How bad was it?”

  “She was in bad shape. She probably saw she was low on oxygen and inflated that vest when she was down pretty deep. It shot her to the surface quickly,” Finley replied, shaking her head.

  “Is she going to live?” Caitlin asked.

  “Oh, yeah.” Finley smiled. “She’ll have to be in a hyperbaric chamber for about four or five hours, but she’ll be fine. I don’t think she was sick enough to suffer any long-term effects.”

  Caitlin nodded and turned her head to watch the pilots as Tracey closed the cabin door.

  “Ready for takeoff,” Tracey said as she strapped into her jump seat.

  “Sector Merritt Island…Search and Rescue 6516. We are airborne and five minutes out from bingo fuel. Over,” he radioed as they lifted off.

  “6516…Sector. Copy. Return to base,” the dispatcher answered.

  “Mom, what is bingo fuel?” Caitlin asked.

  “Bingo is just enough fuel to get you back to base. So, it’s kind of like when the fuel light comes on in the car, and you have about thirty miles of reserve fuel to get to a gas station.”

  “Are we out of gas?” Caitlin squeaked.

  “No,” Finley laughed. “We’ll be fine.”

  “Ok.” Caitlin nodded.

  *

  When they landed, Caitlin walked around with aircrew as they did their post flight check. Then, the maintenance crew began the refueling procedures while they went to debrief in the operations office.

  “You had yourself a heck of a day, kid,” CDR. Douglas said to Caitlin. “Got to see all kinds of action.”

  “Yes, sir. Thank you for letting me come here today and fly with my mom.”

  “You’re welcome,” he replied, shaking her hand. “Easiest recruiting that I’ve ever done,” he said to Finley.

  “I’m not sure about that,” Finley laughed. “She was pretty wide-eyed between the ghastly woman in the litter and bingo fuel.”

  “First time jitters. We all get them.” He shrugged.

  Finley smiled as they walked out of his office.

  “It was fun showing you what we do,” Tracey said. “Your mom needs to bring you around more often, and I don’t mean just the base,” she added, looking at Finley.

  “She’s only here for a couple more weeks.”

  “Great. Let’s do a barbecue or something,” Tracey replied.

  “The Fourth of July is next week,” Greg commented, walking up on the conversation.

  “Can we have a party, Mom?” Caitlin asked. “And get fireworks?”

  “Actually, you can see the city fireworks show in the river really good from her house,” Tracey declared.

  “Cool,” Caitlin said. “Can we, Mom? Please?” she asked with a big smile on her face.

  “We’ll be on standby, guys,” Finley stated.

  “So, we won’t drink. No big deal,” Greg retorted. “Come on, Fin…” he begged like a little kid. “You have the best place for it, right down the road from the river.”

  Finley rolled her eyes. “Oh, all right,” she huffed.

  Tracy winked at Caitlin. “We’re still on for tomorrow, right?” she said to Finley.

  “Yes.” Finley nodded.

  “Sounds good.” Tracey smiled as she turned to go finish her flight maintenance log for the shift.

  “Come on, you can hang out with me while I do my paperwork. Then, we’ll shift change and be out of here,” Finley said to Caitlin.

  *

  After dinner, Caitlin called Nicole to tell her about her day, which only added fuel to the fire. Finley didn’t feel like hearing Nicole’s multiple reasons for why she shouldn’t have taken her to the base, up in a helicopter, or out on a search and rescue mission. Instead, she poured herself a tumbler glass of bourbon, which was filled with ice, and walked the two blocks down to the river to clear her head. She had only taken a few sips from the glass when she heard a voice.

  “You miss her don’t you?”

  Finley turned her head as Caitlin sat down next to her. “What makes you say that?” she asked.

  “She does the same thing when something’s on her mind. We don’t live by the water, but she goes out back and sits in the swing, usually with a drink in her hand too. I think this is when she’s thinking about you.”

  “How’d you get to be so smart?” Finley grinned at her.

  “I take after you.” Caitlin smiled.

  “Yeah, you do. More than I ever realized.” Finley sipped the last of the whiskey and swirled the empty glass of ice around. “I’m glad you’re here with me. I’ve missed you a lot.”

  “I’ve missed you too, Mom. I don’t blame you. You know.”

  “Blame me? For what?”

  “Us leaving. I don’t blame you for it.”

  “Thanks, kiddo.” Finley put her arm around Caitlin. “What’s the story your mom told you?”

  “Probably not the real one.” Caitlin stared out at the lapping water. “She said things just weren’t working out, and you were too busy for a family.”

  Finley felt a tear run down her cheek. She sighed, thankful it was dark out so Caitlin couldn’t see the sadness in her eyes. “Your Grandma Wetherby and I don’t get along, which you know. She helped your mom believe that the military life wasn’t what she wanted or you needed, on top of other things. So, she moved away and took you with her. I guess Dave came into the picture a couple of years later.”

  “Mom only married Dave because of grandma. She’s not happy with him. I don’t even think they do it.”

  “Caitlin!” Finley raised her eyebrows. “You should not be talking like that young lady.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Besides, I don’t want to even think about your mother and him.” Finley shivered at the thought.

  “I know I always see you at Grammy’s house when you visit, but when was the last time you saw Mom in person?”

  Finley held her breath and pictured the last time she saw her.

  “Don’t do this, Nic. I love you, and I love that baby more than anything in this world.”

  “I have to go, Finley. This is better for all of us. I’ll always love you, and she’ll always be our daughter.”

  That was seven years ago, and the last time Finley had seen Nicole Wetherby face to face.

  “The day she left with you. I called her a few times and tried to see her once, but after that, she made me keep all contact through your Grammy. I couldn’t bear seeing her anyway.”

  “I hate her for breaking our family up,” Caitlin cried.

  “Never say you hate your mother, Caitlin. I don’t ever want to hear that again. I know you’re upset with her, and that’s fine, but you don’t hate her. Please don’t think I hate her either. I could never hate her. She gave me you, and the best years of my life. I’ll always love her. I don’t agree with her choices, and I know she had a lot of help with those choices back then, but life goes on.”

  “I want to stay here with you, Mom.”

  “You mean after the summer?”

  “Yeah.”

  Finley’s heart broke. She wondered just how bad things were in Nicole’s house. She wished with everything she had that she could move Caitlin in with her permanently, but it was impossible. “You have school waiting for you in a few weeks and your mom misses you.”

  “Well, I miss you, and I never get to see you. You don’t yell at me, and you don’t have some jerk bossing you around. We have fun together. I like it here with you, Mom.”

  “I know, kiddo,” Finley whispered, hugging Caitlin. I know. Her chest felt constricted. She was still on the edge of a sharp sword, trying to decide whether or not she wanted to spend the next three years as an instructor at the swimmer school. Knowing how difficult life at home was for Caitlin, it would be twice as bad for her. She didn’t think she could stand to live in the same city as Nicole and her husband. She’d never felt so torn.

  “Hey, Mom…” Caitlin said
as they began walking back to the house. “What’s up with you and Tracey?”

  “Tracey? What do you mean?”

  “Are you dating?” Caitlin asked. “You can tell me if you are.”

  “What? No,” Finley laughed. “What gave you that idea?”

  “You seem pretty close. She likes you. I can tell.”

  Finley smiled and shook her head. “I promise, she and I are not into each other.”

  “Then what are you doing with her tomorrow?”

  “She goes on runs with me sometimes. It’s not a date, if that’s what you thought.”

  “Is she a lesbian, too?”

  “Yes.”

  “So, why not date her?”

  “You sure are full of questions all of a sudden.”

  Caitlin shrugged.

  Finley thought about the last woman she’d dated. It had lasted all of six weeks and was the longest relationship she’d had since Nicole. She’d given up on finding love years ago and had simply quit looking. Besides, no one compared to the love of her life, the woman she still loved with all of her heart and despised at the same time. “Tracey’s girlfriend is also in the Coast Guard. She’s at sea on a cutter ship at the moment. I’ve seen her a few times when she’s visited.”

  “Well, that stinks,” Caitlin uttered. “I really think she likes you.”

  “We’re good friends. Actually, Greg is a good friend of mine too. We all look out for each other.” She paused before they went into the house. “Caitlin, I haven’t dated anyone in a while and there hasn’t been anyone serious since your mother. I just thought you should know that.”

  “Do you still love her?”

  “I always will,” Finley sighed.

  Chapter 7

  July 4th arrived in the middle of the following week. Finley, Greg, and Tracey were all on standby for the next forty-eight hours.

  “I can’t believe you talked me into throwing a party,” Finley mumbled as she sprayed some dirt off the small deck outback with the water hose.

  “If you recall, it wasn’t really my idea. It was your friends’.”

  “Touché.” Finley grinned, squirting her with water.

  “Hey! What was that for?” Caitlin squealed.

  Finley shrugged and laughed.

  “Care for some company?” Tracey said, coming up the path along the side of the house. A pretty, Asian-American woman was walking next to her.

  “Hey, Lillian! I didn’t know you’d be here.” Finley smiled, giving her a hug when they walked up.

  “I got liberty at the last minute and decided to drive up. I have to go back tomorrow though.”

  Finley looked around for Caitlin, who had gone into the house with the neighbor’s daughter to dry off and start putting some of the food together. “Come inside, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

  Tracey and Lillian followed her through the open doorway.

  “Caitlin, this is Boatswains Mate Petty Officer Third Class Lillian Taka, Tracey’s girlfriend.”

  “Oh, the one on the ship,” Caitlin said, smiling. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Lillian, this is my daughter, Caitlin.”

  “I’ve heard all about you too,” Lillian replied, wiggling her eye brows. “Something about going on a search and rescue call.”

  “Yes! Oh, my God, it was so much fun!”

  Lillian laughed. “I wish my job was that exciting.”

  “Are you kidding me? You patrol for drug smuggling boats and refugees,” Tracey retorted. “All I do is hoist her ass in and out of the water,” she added with a grin, nodding towards Finley.

  “Yeah, yeah.” Finley rolled her eyes and laughed. “Come on, you showed up early, so I’m putting you to work,” she said, explaining that she needed an extra hand with the grill, and the girls could use some assistance on the dessert cake recipe they’d found online.

  “I’ll stay in here with the girls, if you want to go outside with her,” Lillian said, knowing baking wasn’t exactly Tracey’s forte.

  *

  “I’m glad Lillian is here with you,” Finley mumbled, as she basted the chicken breasts that were cooking on the grill, with barbecue sauce.

  “Why is that?” Tracey asked, turning the shrimp and vegetable skewers.

  “Caitlin thought you and I were dating,” Finley replied.

  “Seriously?” Tracey laughed. “Um…not likely.”

  “Exactly.”

  “So, that’s why she knew about Lillian.”

  Finley nodded.

  “What about her other mother?” Tracey bit the corner of her mouth and looked at her friend. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

  Finley shrugged. “There’s not much to say really. We were high school sweethearts that I thought were madly in love, until seven years ago when she walked out of my life, taking our daughter with her,” Finley sighed. “She’s now married to a man.”

  “Holy shit,” Tracey whispered.

  “Yep.” Finley nodded.

  “I see why you don’t talk about it. You still love her, don’t you?”

  “Always,” Finley murmured, flipping the chicken.

  Tracey patted her on the back. “I need a beer,” she laughed.

  “I’ve found that whiskey goes pretty good with that story,” Finley replied.

  “Even better. I wish we weren’t on standby. My luck, I’ll have one drink and we’ll get called out.”

  “That’s how it usually happens.”

  “I remember one night about three and half years ago, when I was stationed in Miami. The night I met Lillian. I hadn’t been there long, maybe five or six weeks. I had forgotten about being on standby when I went out with a couple of friends. She was on liberty because her ship was in port after three months at sea, and she and her mates were tossing them back. The next thing I know, my phone went off in the middle of the night. I woke up, still three sheets to the wind, with no idea how much I’d drank. Plus, I was naked…on her living room floor,” Tracey laughed. “She was passed out beside me.”

  “Oh, no.” Finley smiled and shook her head.

  “Yeah, not one of my best moments. I mean it was great, at least what I remember of it anyway.” She grinned.

  “You didn’t go out on the call, did you?”

  “No. Of course not. I never answered. As soon as the sun came up, I went to the hospital, puking my guts out, with a hangover from hell. I told them I’d eaten raw oysters the night before, so they gave me a nausea prescription, and wrote me a physician’s note saying I was suffering from food poisoning.”

  “Wow. You went all out,” Finley replied.

  “I had to. I’ve never had a bad mark, and I’ve never made that mistake again. The only good thing that came out of it was my relationship with Lillian,” Tracey said, replacing the skewers on the grill with raw ones. “I’m going to take these inside and see how the cake is coming,” she added, referring to the skewers that were cooked.

  Finley nodded and basted the chicken again. Then, she plopped down in a deck chair and closed her eyes behind her sunglasses, letting her skin soak up the hot sun.

  “What’s burning?” Tracey asked, stepping back outside a few minutes later.

  “Shit!” Finley shrieked, jumping up to check the chicken. Thankfully, some barbecue sauce had dripped down on the burner, and the chicken wasn’t on fire.

  Tracey laughed. “They’re having a blast in there. How long is Caitlin here for?”

  “She goes home next week,” Finley said, removing the cooked chicken from the grill. “Swimming season starts in October, so she has to be ready for tryouts when school starts next month.”

  “I forgot you said she was a swimmer.”

  “Yeah. She’s probably going to be better than I was at her age.”

  “That’s awesome. I’m assuming she wants to be a rescue swimmer too.”

  “I’m not sure. I really want her to go to college, and a swimming scholarship is very possible. I was
offered one when I graduated, but with Nicole pregnant, I needed a career right away, not a degree.” Finley shrugged. “Anyway, her club coach is trying to get her onto the USA Junior National Team, which will more than likely happen this year. Maybe she’ll get a chance at the Olympics one day.”

  “Do you think that is more successful than what you do every day, saving lives?” Tracey asked.

  “No, not exactly. I just want her to do what she wants to do and be her own person. If she came to me tomorrow and said she was done with swimming, I’d never mention it again. If she graduates high school and joins the Coast Guard, I’ll be standing proudly beside her in my uniform when she signs up and leaves for boot camp. I’m not really pushing her in any direction. I guess it’s more like watching to see which way she goes and offering as much guidance as I can along the way.”

  “Caitlin is one lucky kid to have you as her mother.”

  “Thanks,” Finley uttered.

  *

  The party had gone better than expected. Greg and a few others from the base had shown up with a massive box of fireworks, which pretty much turned things into a block party when the neighbors all came outside. Thankfully, no one was called in.

  Finley was half asleep on the couch, while sitting up with her feet resting on the coffee table, completely beat from the day. Entertaining people used way more energy than swimming in the ocean, rescuing people. She wondered how some people did this on a weekly basis. At least the house wasn’t a wreck. Tracy and Lillian had stayed late to help her and Caitlin clean up.

  “I had a lot of fun today,” Caitlin said, plopping down next to her with a large piece of layered, red, white, and blue cake, on a plate. It was the last remnants of the creation she’d made with the help of Lillian and the neighbor, and had been a complete hit. It was yellow cake, with a layer of strawberries, a layer of blueberries, and whipped icing. Getting in the spirit of the holiday, they’d also added little American flags on toothpick sticks that Caitlin had found at the party store.

 

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