by Jordan Marie
Maybe I want to hear him tell me he has the same regrets I do.
“So you’re saying nothing has changed?” I murmur, my stomach lurching with the words, because while that might be true for him, everything has changed for me.
“Well, it hasn’t, has it?”
“I guess not,” I agree, feeling like a kite that once was soaring in the sky with the wind pushing me higher and higher toward the warmth of the sun, but now is tattered and crashing back to earth with a harshness that only reality can bring.
“All I’m saying is, it was just sex, Petal. It doesn’t exactly have to mean anything. Everyone has sex.”
“I’ve never been… like everyone, Luka,” I whisper softly, wondering why it hurts so much that he doesn’t understand that. “Maybe it would have been better if I could be, but I’m not. I’ve only…”
“Only what?” Luka prompts me when I trail off, panicking I am giving away too much.
“It’s not important.”
“Finish what you were saying, Lo’.”
“Do you realize you only call me Lo’ when you’re trying to get me to agree or—?”
“Trying to get in your pants?” he jokes, and he quickly turns to look at me. His eyebrow is quirked up in question, he’s wearing a lazy smile, and strangely enough he looks more relaxed—more like the Luka I fell in love with.
“I’d say you already succeeded in that tonight,” I tell him, shaking my head, but I find myself smiling at him too.
“Finish what you were saying, Lo’.”
“It wasn’t anything important, Luka,” I lie. “I know you’re right. My sisters tell me often enough. I shouldn’t take things so seriously, but I’ve never really been like most people are when it comes to relationships.”
“Well, most aren’t married at seventeen,” he sighs.
“Yeah. And most are okay with enjoying sex without worrying about anything else.”
“You don’t enjoy sex?” he asks, and I know he’s dying to call me a liar.
“I do… but I’ve only ever shared that… with you.”
God. Why did I go there? Why did I tell him that?
“You’ve not been with anyone else since our divorce?”
“Go ahead, Luka, you can laugh. God knows my brothers and sisters do. That’s the reason they started this whole ‘Get-Petal-A-Date’ campaign.”
“I’m not laughing Lo’. Are you telling me the reason you went out with that asshole tonight was to get laid?”
“No! Well, not specifically.”
I watch as Luka’s hands flex against the steering wheel. This was not the conversation I thought we’d be having after sex.
How did I manage to mess things up with Luka yet again?
20
Luka
Present:
“What was I, Lo’? Just a stand-in? Jesus!”
“Will you shut up? Geez. Shouldn’t the past have shown both of us not to jump to conclusions? You know how my family is. They think it’s their right to know everything, and since I haven’t gone on a date in forever—”
“But you have dated, Lo’. You’ve gone on dates since the divorce,” I growl. I can’t help that the tone of my voice comes out accusatory. It’s something that’s always pissed me off. It’s hard for a man to see the woman he has thought of as his forever go out with other men. There were nights I had to drink until I passed out just to keep from killing one of the bastards.
“Well, yeah. A couple of times in the beginning. Mostly because Mom, Maggie, and Mary wouldn’t shut up,” she mutters. I glance over at her, and she looking down at her hands. She’s picking imaginary lint from her clothes. It’s another one of her nervous gestures, and for some reason, it makes me smile.
“One day you’re going to have to learn to live your life without letting them have a say in it,” I chastise, and I know I shouldn’t have. Still, there’s an old bitterness inside of me that I’ve never been able to let go.
“Believe it or not, Luka, I have… or at least I was, until…”
“Until?”
“Can we just drop this?” she mutters, looking out the window.
“Maybe you and I have dropped things way too often, Lo’. Don’t you look back sometimes with regrets? Wish we had done things differently?”
“Every. Damned. Day,” she answers unequivocally and immediately.
“So have I, Lo’. So have I.”
“Let’s just say,” she begins, “seeing you with Tani was like a giant sign from the universe that I need to stop living in the past. It wasn’t that spectacular to begin with.”
Her words register, and I’m not sure how I feel about them. She’s not wrong, but then again, she’s not completely right either. There’s so much I would like to say to her, but they are things I don’t want to bring up between us. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with Petal, and somehow that has to stop.
“Not all of it was bad, Lo’,” I tell her, and it seems to be a familiar refrain between the two of us—especially tonight. But I need her to keep admitting it to me at least.
“No. Not all of it was bad,” she says with a sad smile, “but still, seeing another woman hug you, kiss you… I couldn’t argue with Maggie. I can’t keep hiding from the world. I love my son, but I’m also a woman… my own person. It’s not healthy to ignore that.”
“Have you been ignoring that?” I ask before I can stop myself.
She lets out a loud sigh, and I figure she’s going to ignore my question. Instead, she surprises me.
“Mentions of cobwebs growing in undisclosed areas were made,” she jokes, and even in the low light in the cab of the car, I can see her blush.
“I think we just took care of any cobwebs,” I tell her, slowing down so that I can stare at her a little longer.
“I guess we did.” She smiles, and her gaze holds mine for a minute before I am forced to look back at the road.
“Ask me how many dates I’ve been on in the year we’ve been divorced, Lo’.”
“Luka, it’s really none of my business.”
“Ask me, Lotus Petal,” I order, and fight my smile when she visibly reacts in distaste.
“How many dates have you been on?”
“The other night with Tani was the first time I’ve asked a woman out since our divorce papers were signed. I knew it was a mistake when I did it, and after she tried to kiss me—she knew it, too.”
“You don’t have to say that, Luka,” she whispers, and she’s not looking at me, but I can hear the doubt in her voice. With a sigh, I pull over to the side of the road yet again—although sadly, not for the same reason as earlier. “Luka? What are you doing?” Petal asks, surprised. “Listen, I know we got carried away earlier, but maybe—”
I reach over and pull her hand to my groin, and then I flatten the palm of her hand against the outline of the raging cock-stand I still have—despite coming just a little bit ago.
“Do you feel that, Lo’?” I know she does, because she’s pressing her hand hard against the rigid shaft. I watch her face, and when her tongue comes out to lick hungrily against her lips, I groan. I wrap my hand around the side of her neck and bring her lips to mine. I curse the damned seatbelt that keeps me from scooping her up and pulling her onto my lap.
She immediately opens her mouth for me, hungry for my kiss in a way she’s never been before. She’s almost as aggressive as me, and feeling her hunger for me is the sweetest taste of heaven I’ve ever had. I own her mouth, devouring her with my kiss and bruising her lips carelessly. I could get drunk just from the taste of her.
“Luka,” she whispers breathlessly when we finally break apart.
“I need you again already. I have never come harder in my life than I did back there beside the road, Lo’, and I’m already close to coming again. That doesn’t just happen, honey. I’ve been without a woman for a long time.”
My lungs feeling like they’re on fire from the burning need raging through me. I didn’t think abo
ut my words, but I immediately feel the way her body tenses. I guess I’m not the only one to jump to conclusions.
“Lo’, I’ll spell it out for you,” I tell her, putting my fingers under her chin to bring those blue eyes up to my face. I need her to see me when I talk. I need her to see the truth. “I haven’t wanted another woman—but you.”
I watch as the truth hits her. Her dark blue eyes widen, and her pupils dilate. Her breathing stalls as her hand flexes against my cock.
“I haven’t wanted anyone else either, Luka. I never have, but there’s so much between us…”
“How about we go with whatever happened tonight and take it day by day?”
“Day by day?” she whispers, her stare clouding with confusion.
“No expectations, no demands, Lo’. Let’s just… go slow and take it—”
“Day by day,” she finishes, biting on her bottom lip.
“Can you do that?”
“Can you?” she asks me in return.
“I think it’s the best way. We have to worry about River. We don’t want to confuse him.”
“Blue’s not going to keep his mouth quiet…”
“I’ll deal with your brother.”
“Please,” she responds. “You know as well as I do, it’s not going to be contained to just one brother,” she half laughs, but I hear the stress in her voice.
“I learned how to tangle with the Crayon boys years ago when it came to you. I think I can handle it.”
“I’m just not sure why you want to,” she whispers, her teeth worrying the side of her bottom lip.
“The reason is what it has always been, Lo’. I want more of you.”
“I want more of you, too.”
“Then we start tonight,” I tell her, giving her a quick kiss and then turning away from her before I give in to my desire to fuck her right here in the truck.
“We start… What do you mean?”
“I mean River is with your mother. The house is empty, and I’m not done with you tonight, Lo’. Not by a long shot.”
“Oh…” she breathes out as I pull onto the main road.
I look over at her briefly. “Any arguments?”
“None,” she says, surprising me. I find myself hoping she has a lot more surprises in store for me tonight.
21
Petal
Present:
“Look what the cat dragged in,” Mom mutters from the breakfast table the next morning. I ignore her, although I know I am blushing.
“I’d say it’s more like: ‘Look what the worn-out pussy dragged in’,” Maggie teases with a laugh.
I cut her a mean look. “Don’t you have a home to eat breakfast in?”
“I do, but then I’d have to go grocery shopping, and that requires too much effort. I guess we don’t need to ask you how your date went.”
“We should probably ask her if she used protection,” Cyan smirks.
“I raised nothing but a bunch of horny boys and easy daughters,” Mom grumbles, taking a drink of her coffee.
“Hey! I resemble that remark!” Cyan jokes.
“We all do,” Maggie agrees.
“I thought you were the ones who said I needed to get laid?” I exclaim, going to the cabinet to find a bowl. After the workout Luka gave me this morning, I’m starved.
“You did, but Jesus, make them work for it a little bit,” Mom says, shaking her head. “In my day, a girl didn’t just spread her legs and roll out the welcome mat. A man had to work for it.”
“I thought you told us White and Gray were products of free love rallies in Kansas?” Maggie asks, smiling sweetly.
“Just because it was free, dear, doesn’t mean it was easy,” Mom answers. Maggie and I look at each other as I sit down, each of us clearly rolling our eyes and not getting the distinction.
“Bullshit,” Cyan coughs.
“Is that any way to talk to your poor, sainted mother?” Ida Sue asks, trying to look upset, but ruining the effect by sticking out her tongue.
“Did I miss something? When did they give you sainthood?”
“They haven’t yet. Damned bureaucrats. I’m sure it’s coming soon, however,” Mom answers Cyan, and I swear I think she might be serious. Maggie and I grin at each other.
“So was it good?” Maggie asks me.
I can’t stop myself from grinning in return. “There’s no cobwebs now, that’s for sure,” I brag, taking a bite.
“I don’t want to hear about my sister getting laid,” Cyan groans.
“My stomach is even sore,” I add—my grin growing larger.
“La, la, la, la! I can’t hear you!” Cyan sings.
“And I may not walk the same for a week,” I add just to irritate him more, but I’m not really lying either. Luka was a machine last night. I didn’t think a man could go that many times. Once we got to the house, he had me against the wall, on the couch, in the shower, and then woke me up two more times through the night. When he said he had been storing up, apparently he wasn’t lying. This morning, he was complaining his balls were sore, but that didn’t stop him from using his mouth on me before I left.
“Now you’re just bragging,” Maggie sighs.
“Of course I’m not. If I was bragging, I’d tell you how I discovered I’m double-jointed and can put my legs up around my—”
“And,” Cyan all but yells, “I’m out of here! I’d rather walk in on Mom and Jansen again than hear how my little sister spent her night of debauchery.”
“You’re a fine one to talk about debauchery. I know the kind of clubs you hang in, Cyan,” Maggie says with a smirk.
“Why are we even using the word ‘debauchery’?” asks Mom. “Is that even a word anymore?”
“After last night, I think it should be,” I giggle, and Maggie gives me a high-five.
“See? All my girls are easy,” Mom complains, sounding like she might be going into mourning. She really would if she knew Craig Weston wasn’t the reason I was smiling and sore this morning. I can’t find it in me to care either. Last night was one of the best nights of my life, and I already want more. There’s even this small hope inside of me that thinks maybe there’s a chance Luka and I can get things right this time.
“So you’re saying they’re taking after you?” Jansen asks, coming in the kitchen and smacking Mom’s ass with the back of his newspaper.
“Jansen, you take that back right this instant!” Mom growls.
“Hush your whining, Lovey. I like you just the way you are.”
“You’re an old goat,” she huffs, but she’s smiling when he walks behind her and hugs her close, nuzzling the side of her neck.
My mother has made parts of my life hell, but I’m not stupid. I know she had a reason, and I don’t judge her for it. I can’t even say I wouldn’t have done the same in her shoes. I’m so glad she found her happily-ever-after with Jansen. He’s a good man, and they’re good together. My mom deserves that after the hell she’s been through.
“I’m out of here. I got a meeting at eleven,” Cyan says as he kisses Mom on the cheek.
“What kind of meeting?” I ask, curious. Cyan keeps things close, but he’s been more and more secretive lately.
“Never you mind, nosy-britches.”
“Britches?” I snort.
He laughs, leaving and shutting the door behind him.
“When is Luka bringing River home?” asks Mom. “Jansen and I were going to take him fishing out at the old goose pond.”
Just the mention of Luka makes my body flush.
“No name-calling today?” Maggie asks.
“No need now that my Petal has seen the light and moved on. So what time?” she prompts.
I have to bite my tongue before I tell her I’m not moving on. I won’t tell her. I am not sure where Luka’s mind is, and we promised to take it day by day with no stress. My mom would definitely be stress.
“Sometime after dinner. He decided he’d take some alone-time with River this evenin
g, because I have a color job at the shop scheduled at four.”
“Well, shit. I hope he doesn’t keep him too late,” Mom whines.
I want to add that I don’t either, but our reasons are completely different. I just want to see Luka again. I’ve barely been away from him for an hour, and my body is already craving him again.
I might be in trouble.
22
Luka
“I’ll have a beer.”
I look up to see Black standing beside me at the bar. Just what I fucking need. He sits down, despite me giving him a look that clearly says: “Back the fuck away.”
“Imagine my surprise when I go to check on my sister and find her crying her eyes out.”
“Back off, Black. What goes on between me and Petal is none of your business.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. When it involves me finding my sister crying, sick, and alone while she’s ready to give birth to my nephew, it is my fucking business.”
“Sick? She’s not sick. I just left her. She was fine.”
“Except she’s cried so much, she’s made herself sick. You promised me you were going to take care of her. That’s the only reason I stood back and let you marry her,” Black tells me, and he’s pissing me off.
“Stay out of it, Black. This is none of your business,” I warn him.
He grabs my collar and pulls me around to him. I jerk away—but when I see the anger on his face, I stop. I’ve seen Black angry before. I’ve seen Black angry and even had it directed at me before. This is different.
“My sister made mistakes, Luka. I won’t deny that. But, she was sixteen. You don’t have that excuse.”
“I didn’t know she—”
“Save it. I’ve heard it all before. It doesn’t matter. Petal made mistakes, but at least she owned up to them, and she’s giving a hundred percent now to try and fix them. You, on the other hand—”