by Jordan Marie
“Is there a problem, Petal?” Daniel asks, concern etched on his face.
I look back at Luka’s father, wondering how someone that evil could ever be Luka’s father. It seems impossible that his blood could flow through Luka’s veins.
“No problem, Daniel. I was just explaining to Mr. Parish that how I choose to discipline my son only concerns me, River, and Luka. I think we’ve said all we need to say to each other, wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Parish?”
“For now.”
“I’d say forever,” I counter. “Thanks, Daniel,” I tell him with a weak smile. I take maybe three steps when I hear Luka’s father give one last warning. I guess he decided to ignore the fact that Daniel is standing there. Maybe he thinks he can buy him off—and maybe he can. I don’t know, and I’m too tired to care at this point.
“Ms. Lucas. Stay away from my son.”
I look over my shoulder toward him. “My name is Parish, too. You keep forgetting that.”
I walk away. There’s more that I want to say, but you should never poke a bear with a stick. I smile, because I’m pretty sure Mom would push the stick up this particular bear’s ass if she could.
I’m going to have to talk to Luka and my mother both soon. Neither of those conversations are going to be fun. I bend down at the vending machines and hug River close for a minute, just absorbing the feel of his arms around me and that sweet scent that is my son that never goes away—even if it’s covered in mud and whatever animal he manages to find to play with. Yesterday, it was a frog.
“You okay, Mom?”
“Yep. What do you say we go to the store and I pick up stuff to make fried chicken for dinner, and then we go visit your Dad?”
“Yes! And we can watch movies, too! Just the three of us!”
“Just the three of us,” I agree.
“This is the best day ever!” he proclaims excitedly.
I laugh. It does seem like a good day, even after having to deal with Luka’s dad.
29
Luka
Present:
“You didn’t have to do this,” I tell Petal again.
We’re snuggled on the couch, River between us, watching one of River’s favorite movies about a boy with a pet dragon. Petal showed up with River in tow and a bag full of groceries. While I was on the couch with River watching TV, she made supper. She fixed River’s favorite fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy. I would have been fine eating that, since I’ve missed Petal’s cooking, but she insisted I had to eat soup and crackers. I didn’t argue because my stomach did feel like the ninth level of hell. Still, I made her store the chicken in the fridge. You better believe as soon as I’m able, I’ll be eating that.
“I’m enjoying it,” she murmurs, kissing the top of River’s head and running her fingers through his blond tresses. “It’s really nice.” That seems like the understatement of the century to me; it’s more than nice. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay honey,” I answer. I feel like crap, truthfully, and yet I still have never been happier.
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” River says, leaning against Petal, his big blue eyes—so much like his mother’s—filled with the need to sleep.
“It’s okay, little man, but we do need to talk.”
“Daddy’s mad like Grandfadder.”
“I’m not mad,” I answer with a sigh, hating that my father has to be such a miserable human that my son will never know what it means to have that figure in his life. He’s got Jansen and he’s a good man. Ida Sue would never believe me, but I’m glad they both are part of my son’s world.
“Your grandfather wasn’t mad either, little man,” Petal adds in. “He’s just…” She seems unable to find the right word. I’d like to say he’s just an asshole, but we try not to use words River will repeat way too easily.
“Grumpy?” I add helpfully.
“You can say that again,” she agrees with a laugh.
“We need to talk about you not getting your homework done,” I tell River, directing the conversation back to him. I’m pretty sure he knows what’s coming next though, because he throws me a curve—one that I didn’t see coming.
“I was bad. Will Mommy slap me like she did Grandfadder?”
“Crap,” Petal murmurs.
“You what?” The words come out as a snarl. I know Petal thinks I’m upset with her because I see the way her face drains of color. That’s not it—not even close. I saw the shape my father was in the other night.
“Can we talk about it later? After we talk with River and get him to bed?”
“You slapped him, Petal. I need to know what he said to you,” I insist.
“And I will tell you… later,” she says, and something about the way she says it makes me think I might not want to hear.
“You will tell me,” I insist like a dog with a bone.
“I said I would, Luka.”
“Mommy and Daddy fighting?” River interjects.
“No, honey. We’re not. I promise. Now let’s talk about homework,” Petal says, changing the subject.
“Uh-oh…” River mumbles, and I almost want to laugh at the look on his face. I turn my attention back to my son, but I’ll find out just what kind of poison my father is trying to spread soon. I can’t let anyone ruin this chance with Petal. If tonight has shown me anything, it’s that my world revolves around my wife and my son.
I’m not giving this up. Not again.
30
Petal
“This is beautiful, Luka,” I whisper, looking around in awe. When he showed up at my mom’s this morning, I wasn’t sure what to expect. He even asked to let my mom babysit. She’s still not what one could say her “old self” around him, but she’s making an effort to be nicer… or at least civil. Maybe she feels since we’re getting divorced that she won. Maybe she is starting to see that Luka is nothing like his father.
After we left River, we drove for an hour with very little talking between us. He begged me to spend the day with him, and because I’m weak where Luka is concerned, I agreed. Now we’re standing in front of a beach along the Texas coastline. Luka comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me, bending so that he can burrow his lips against my neck and kiss me. I close my eyes and drink it in.
I thought our marriage was over…
“It’s nowhere near as beautiful as you are,” he murmurs against my neck.
“Luka… what’s going on? What is this all about? We’re supposed to be getting divorced next week. I’ve moved out…”
“I don’t want a divorce, Lo’. I don’t want any of that. I want my family back. There’s still reason to fight for our marriage—to fight for us.”
“River will be—”
“I’m not talking about River, Petal. I love our son, I do. But I love his mother. This is about you and me. There’s still something between us. That same thing that pulled us together to begin with. We’re magic together, Petal. You don’t just turn your back on that,” he says urgently, and he turns me around to face him.
I see so much in his face. A face I love with all my heart. I want to believe him, but I can’t be the naïve child I was coming into this marriage—not anymore. I have River and his welfare to think of. I have to protect my son.
“We are. But we are surrounded by so much toxic—”
“They don’t matter, Lo’. This is about you, me, and River. We’re the ones who matter.”
“The world doesn’t work that way, Luka. If I agree to this—and you know I want to, you even know I love you—what else changes?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you willing to move? To start over somewhere else, away from Mason and—”
“My parents? That’s what this is about, isn’t it, Petal? You hate my parents.”
“They hate me, Luka. This can’t work as long as your father continues to direct his hate at me.”
“What about the hate your mother turns my way? I put up with it, Petal. For you,
I put up with it. Why can’t you?”
“My mother can’t hold a candle to your family, Luka. Besides, she’s really trying. She has been since River was born.”
“Trust me, Petal. She might have calmed down, but she’s not going out of her way to make me feel part of the family.”
“I think you’re wrong, but if we move…”
“What about my job here? My career? I’m not going to get that anywhere else, Petal. You expect me to turn my back on that?”
“You don’t know if you will or not if you don’t try. It could happen…”
“Same old Petal. You’re seeing all of this from what you want and need. You’re not taking anything else into consideration.”
“If you believe that, then you don’t really know me at all,” I say, my heart feeling broken. Why can’t he understand that moving is not what I want either? I love my brothers and sisters. I love my mom. Moving isn’t an easy solution for me, but I’d be willing to do it… for Luka.
“We can make this work, Petal. I know we can. We can make it work in Mason.”
“Move with me, Luka.”
“Petal…” he starts, but I see the answer in his face. I see it, and it’s a white flag waving in front of my face. It’s time to give in. Time to walk away.
It’s over…
Present:
“Spill,” Luka tells me.
We talked to River about his homework. It was really our fault. We had been sitting down with him and going through his assignments in class. With my trip and Luka working more hours after one of his deputies quit… things just got away from us. We have to work harder to keep that from happening. River has to be our number one priority.
We worked together to get River to sleep, and I’ve somehow managed to dodge Luka’s looks or whispered questions up until this point. I look at the clock on the wall. It’s 9:30 at night. I know we’ve been sleeping and spending every moment we can together, but I don’t want to take it for granted that he’s okay with me staying late—or all night. I used to worry about getting found out myself, but the closer I get with Luka, the less I care. I faced his father today and survived. It may have just been a year, but it’s a year in my life that I’ve grown wiser and stronger being on my own. I won’t let him—or my mother—intimidate me anymore. Mom may have good reason for her hate toward the Parish family, but Luka is not his father. He’s not even close. Somehow, I have to make her understand that.
“It’s getting late, Luka…” I start, trying to warn him, but I don’t get the chance to elaborate before Luka walks over, pulls me close into his arms, and looks down at me sternly.
“Tell me what happened, Petal.”
I sigh, realizing I’m not going to get out of this.
“It’s nothing, Luka. The same old crap your father always pulls on me. ‘Stay away from my son, you ruined his life.’ Same old story, different day.” I shrug it off.
I’ve purposely kept Luka in the dark about what I suspected—and confirmed—about his father and my mother. I’d like to say it’s because I don’t want to hurt Luka by telling him how truly awful his father is. That’s not it, however. It has more to do with the fact that I’m afraid to know how he would react. Would he believe me? Would this ruin all chances we have of making this thing between us last? Would Luka say something about my mother that I could never forgive? I have so many questions and fears when it comes to it all, it has just been easier to remain silent. That’s going to have to change if Luka and I are going to try and make this last long term. I know it, but it doesn’t mean I’m not dreading it. Nor does it mean that I’m ready to face it all right now. I’m not. I need a little more of the happy we have right now between us. I want more time with Luka just in case it doesn’t last.
“Where did you see him?” Luka asks, and the anger on his face is visible. So much for having a nice relaxing night and trying to make him feel better. It’s things like this that always made me feel defeated.
“He was at River’s school,” I tell him, flopping down on the couch in disgust. Talking about Luka’s father is draining.
“What on Earth for?”
“Someone called him to tell him that River was called into the principal’s office.”
“Why would they do that? My father barely sees River. Besides, what happens with our son should not involve anyone else but us.”
“I said something similar,” I mutter as Luka sits down beside me.
“What did he tell you?”
“He reminded me of who he is, his power and his connections. Do we really have to talk about this right now? Wouldn’t you rather see me naked or something?”
“We can talk about it while you’re naked—but we are still going to talk.”
“You’re killing the mood,” I grumble. “There’s nothing to discuss. Your father is an asshole. He always has been, and I’m pretty sure he always will be.”
“It must have been pretty bad for River to see you slap him,” Luka answers, his voice full of concern.
“I’m sorry about that, Luka,” I answer regretfully. That sick feeling in my stomach I used to get in the past lodges in my throat—making me second-guess everything.
“Petal—”
“I know you hate when your father and I… Crap! Luka, I swear, I didn’t mean for River to see anything. I sent him to the vending machines for a snack until I could get away…”
“Whoa, slow down. I wasn’t blaming you, honey. I want us to talk about what happened, that’s all.”
“That’s different,” I whisper.
“Different?”
“Talking about things. Before, it was always a fight, and it was me you usually were disappointed in.”
“We got started off all wrong, Lo’. If I could go back and change things, I would,” Luka insists, his voice oozing with regret.
“That’s my fault. I should have never lied to you,” I confess. Out of everything, that’s the one thing I feel guilty about—the one thing that I always wish I could go back and change.
“You shouldn’t have, but I helped make it easier by keeping our relationship a secret.”
“I asked you to do that, too. I didn’t think I was, Luka, but the older I get, the more I see how stupid I was at sixteen. Heck, I didn’t get much smarter at seventeen.”
“If you were stupid, then so was I, Lo’. I should have agreed to move. I could have stopped the divorce. I stubbornly wanted to be enough…”
“You were. It’s just…”
“Why do I feel like there are things you’re not telling me, Lo’?”
I swallow down words that want to bubble out. I swallow down the guilt of keeping my secrets.
Still, what if I tell Luka what I suspect about his father? What if I tell him exactly what the man has been saying to me? Luka never believed me in the past, and I truly did try to tell him. What if this new Luka, the one I’m starting to love even more than the old one, still refuses to believe me when it comes to his dad’s hate toward me and my family?
Will it kill all of the hope I have inside where Luka is concerned? Am I being stupid in even hoping we have a future? Was all of this a big mistake?
“Petal?” I hear Luka ask, then his voice drops down. “Lo’, talk to me.” My gaze—which I am sure is full of panic—centers on him. “Talk to me. Let’s do it right this time. We can’t change the past, honey, though we can learn from it. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’m here, and I’m in this thing one hundred and ten percent. Trust me. Talk to me.”
His hand curves into the side of my neck as he pleads with me. I swallow down the fear.
Can I do this?
31
Luka
“We need to talk.”
I stare at my door, unable to process what I’m seeing.
“The mother-in-law from hell. What the fuck are you doing here? Haven’t you done enough damage?” I’m drunk. I’ve been drunk for three days. If my mind doesn’t change, I’m going to be
drunk the rest of the week—maybe longer. I got my divorce papers in the mail, and I’m celebrating with a bottle of Jim Beam. It seemed appropriate. Doesn’t everyone celebrate like that when they lose everyone they love?
“Petal has been crying for three days.”
“I don’t know why. She got exactly what she wanted,” I growl. “She’s a single woman now. It’s like we were never together. You should be out celebrating, too. Here, let me pour you a glass,” I tell her, holding up the bottle. Then I notice there’s only one drink left in it. It sure isn’t going to that bitch. “Never mind, there’s none left,” I tell her before downing the last of it.
“Do you really think staying drunk is the best way to fix this shit storm?” she mutters, her nose scrunching on her face as she looks at me.
“The best way to fix this mess would have been to kill you. You destroyed everything,” I mumble, the room starting to move without me. I need to sit down before I fall down.
“That would be how you see things.”
“That’s not how I see them, lady, that’s how they are! You sabotaged my marriage from the very beginning,” I yell, falling back on the couch and suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. That’s Ida Sue’s fault, too. She’s probably poisoning my air.
“You don’t think the fact you were messing around with my underage daughter gave me a right to be pissed off?”
“I didn’t know she was underage! I did everything I could to make it right! I married her!”
“That’s why you married her?”
“Yes! No! Fuck! I don’t know! I loved her, alright? I know it’s crazy, but I would have married her even if she wasn’t pregnant! Despite all the lies and shit… I loved her.”
“You ever tell her that?” Ida Sue asks, watching me way too closely. Does she see what I am now with Petal gone? A man alive, but dying inside?