by Maegan Abel
"Come here, Boog." I held out an arm toward Conner and he grinned at the nickname.
When he'd first started coming around after Zane moved home, I had a problem keeping myself from cussing in front of him. It had been a while since I'd had to worry about my language and I got in the habit of using the word 'booger' in place of all my 'bad' words. Conner was smart and he caught on quick, deciding it was a game. At some point along the line, I started calling him Booger. Although Zane hates it, it makes Conner laugh.
He leaned against my side where I sat on the foot of my bed and I wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, LeeLee," he said solemnly and the look in his eyes fully supported his words. I nodded, leaning in to squeeze him tighter.
"I forgive you," I said pulling him in front of me so I could look him in the eyes. I saw Zane standing in the hall, watching us, but I ignored him. "I hope you know how much you mean to me. You and your Daddy both. I would never do anything to hurt you and I would never do anything to keep you apart."
"I know." Conner looked down again and I tugged him in for a hug. "I love you, LeeLee."
I tensed, shocked at his words. He'd never said that to me and I wondered momentarily if Zane had told him to say it. I glanced over Conner's head to Zane, catching his eyes. He shook his head, clearly just as surprised as I was. I let the words settle around me for a moment, a tiny sliver of fear creeping in as I thought about the incredible meaning behind his statement. But, the warmth created by the honesty of this little person’s love quickly overtook the fear.
"I love you, too."
I should've expected Jordan to show up at my work again on Saturday night, perhaps a part of me did. But, I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy to see him. He stayed through the rushes, taking the same seat as the night before while he watched me work. He grinned at me every time our eyes met.
"Isn't that the same guy that was here to talk to you last night?" Nikki asked as she passed me. I just nodded, smiling widely. She stopped, narrowing her eyes as she looked me up and down. "The same guy? Two nights in a row?"
"We didn't… he's just a nice guy who helped me out when I needed someone," I said dismissively, making sure to keep my voice low so Jordan couldn't hear me.
Nikki gasped, looking over at Jordan and back to me. "Do you actually like him? Oh my god! Do you have your very own hotness monster?" She looked back at Jordan, being obvious about checking him out. "He is really sexy."
I glanced at Jordan, who was blushing, obviously having heard Nikki's remark as he met my eyes and looked away quickly. I shoved Nikki toward the other side of the bar. "Would you shut up? He can hear you!" I shook my head, trying to get back to work. "And, by the way, your obsession with Greek is weird considering you never went to college."
"Maybe that's exactly why I love it!" Nikki blew a kiss toward Jordan and I smacked her hand down.
"Leave. Him. Alone," I hissed. We both laughed as his face turned an even deeper shade of red. "He's sweet."
"You really do like him, don't you?" Nikki pursed her lips. "I approve. You two would make pretty babies. Hopefully they'll have his nose, though."
"Ugh. Kids. Sweet Jesus you are so in dreamland right now." I rolled my eyes before turning to the customers approaching the bar, hoping for a busy night. After this morning, I needed to get the thought of children as far from my mind as possible.
When I finished my shift, I stepped out into the street, finding myself actually looking for Jordan's smiling face.
He was leaning against the wall with two cups of fresh coffee in his hands. We walked, drinking our coffee, and I took him to one of my favorite places in Vegas.
We were on the top floor of the parking garage behind one of the casinos, the lights of the city on our side as we stared at the dark shadows of Mount Charleston and the sprawling Spring Mountains in the distance.
It was here, sitting side-by-side on the concrete, that Jordan kissed me. It was a sweet kiss, exactly as I expected from him. What I didn't expect was my reaction.
I felt more in the brief moment our lips touched than I had with any of the men I'd been with in the past. His lips were soft and as he turned his body toward mine, his fingers found the nape of my neck, holding me to him as he deepened the connection.
I leaned into the kiss, my own hands finding his waist, tracing the hem of his shirt. When my fingers skimmed his heated skin, he drew back, his breathing heavy.
"I… we should stop," he said. He immediately leaned in again, pressing his lips to mine in what started as a small kiss but quickly reignited the fizz of electricity that seemed to be passing between us. He pushed his body into mine, holding behind my head with one hand as he guided me backward. I tugged at his shirt and he broke the connection just long enough to remove the obstruction.
I splayed my fingers across the tight skin of his stomach, pulling him closer as he rested on his weight on his hands above me. His lips explored my throat, working down to my collar bone where he grazed me with his teeth. I drew in a sharp breath, my hips moving against his as my back arched. He pulled back again, resting his forehead on my sternum as he tried to regain his breath.
He shook his head slowly, his words broken between ragged breaths. "I can't… we have to… not tonight."
I gripped his hips, tugging him against me as he spoke. When our bodies aligned, I could feel his arousal through his jeans and we both groaned in appreciation. His lips crushed against mine as he pressed himself harder into me, our bodies finding a frantic rhythm. I could feel his heart hammering against my fingers as I traced them along his chest to his shoulders. I noticed the pounding of my own heart as his hand slipped under my tank top, working its way up my stomach quickly.
When my hands found their way back to the waistband of his jeans, he pushed off of me quickly. He sat back with his hands on his knees, dropping his head and shaking it before standing. "Fuck," he said under his breath, adjusting himself slightly and clasping both of his hands behind his head as he paced.
I leaned up on my elbows, my heart still pounding as my eyes followed his movements. He grabbed his shirt from the ground and pulled it back over his head before offering me his hand.
I let him help me to my feet, taking a moment to straighten myself out, unwilling to speak first. I could see my hands shaking and hoped he didn't notice.
He placed his hand under my chin, using his index finger to lift my face to his. "I want to take you out first. I don't want it to be like this but, God…" He shook his head. "I want it." I let out a breath, noticing the weight lift as I realized the reason behind his rejection. “Do you work tomorrow?"
"No," I answered too quickly, causing us both to laugh. The tension seemed to melt away as he slipped his fingers to my cheek and leaned down, giving me just the softest brush of his lips.
"Then, may I take you out to dinner tomorrow?" he asked, leaning his forehead against mine.
I bit down on the inside of my cheek. A date. I didn't really do the whole dating thing but I couldn't find it in me to say no. More so, I didn’t want to say no.
"Yes."
He grinned and, even in the darkness, his eyes seemed to shine with excitement at my answer. He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me for a moment before leading me by the hand toward the stairs. When he said good night to me at the cab, his kiss was a little more lingering than last night. It left me filled with promise for our date on Sunday.
I spent the entire day Sunday feeling a blend of nervousness and excitement about seeing Jordan again. Also, there was a great deal of irritation at myself for feeling so nervous and excited. It was a vicious cycle.
I stood in front of the mirror hanging on my closet door, frowning at my reflection as I tried not to see all the problems with my clothes. This wasn't me; all this worrying about what someone would think of my outfit. It was frustrating.
I grabbed my phone from my dresser and considered canceling on Jordan for the fifth time. I ran my fing
ers over the screen, opening up my texts and seeing the most recent one from him.
Looking forward to tonight. X
I started typing a message to tell him I wasn't feeling well when I heard a tap on my door. Kas poked her head in and paused, both eyebrows raised as she assessed me. "I was just coming to see how it was going."
"It's not. I'm not. This isn't me." I gestured to myself with the hand still holding my phone. "I'm not this girl."
Kas tilted her head, scrutinizing my shirt for a moment before heading to my closet. She rummaged as she spoke. "Then make it you, Lili. Don't make excuses. This is good. It's not like this will be a long term thing. I mean, you said the guy is leaving in a few days, right?"
I sat on the foot of my bed, watching her flip through my clothes. "He leaves Saturday. He'll be stationed in Hawaii. It doesn't matter, though. I don't date, Kas. You know that." She pulled out several pieces and tossed them behind me.
"This. With your black tights and your red heels," she said with a nod, obviously proud of her selection.
I glanced behind me at the outfit. My favorite black and red patterned tank with a black mesh off the shoulder shirt. She teamed it with the pleated black skirt I used for work, which was longer than a lot of my others.
I reached behind me and released the zipper of the short pink and black dress I was wearing, tossing it toward the pile of discards next to the bed. Then I pulled on the outfit Kas had laid out, examining it carefully. "This might actually work."
I grabbed the tights she recommended from my top drawer and sat down beside her again to pull them on under my skirt. Once I was dressed and in my heels, I dug through my jewelry, pulling out a pair of black angel wing earrings with a matching necklace. I turned to the mirror again as I put the jewelry on, surprised at how well it came together.
"See. Maybe it is you after all," Kas said as she leaned her head over my shoulder, meeting my eyes in the mirror. I took a deep breath, meaning to thank her but the door to my room burst open and Conner ran inside.
"Conner, knock first." I heard Zane's voice coming down the hall.
"Sorry," Conner said as he climbed onto my bed. He immediately started jumping and I turned, laughing.
Zane tapped his knuckles against my doorframe uselessly and gave Conner a disapproving look. "You know better than to go into someone's room without knocking." He turned to me, his mouth open to say something but he froze. His eyes traced my body from my face to my shoes and back again without a word. I felt locked in place by gaze, unable to look away. It was an intimate type of stare and I could feel his eyes almost as if it were his fingers on my skin. My face warmed uncomfortably under his scrutiny.
Kas cleared her throat and Zane's mouth snapped shut, his eyes releasing me as he looked over at her and then at Conner. Anywhere but me. "Oh. Umm… I was going to take Conner to get some food and he wanted to see if you were hungry."
"Lili has a date tonight," Kas teased. I turned, narrowing my eyes at her in a wordless plea for her to stop talking.
Zane nodded, his eyes still on Conner. "Right. Of course. What about you, Kas? I know Tish is at the shop working on his stuff for the convention. You want to join us?"
Kas shrugged, swatting me playfully on the backside. "Think you can manage without a meltdown now?" She watched me curiously, gauging my expression.
I glanced away from the door, unsure of what she saw on my face. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks." I cleared my throat and headed out of the room, squeezing past Zane without meeting his eyes. I stopped in the bathroom, leaving the door cracked as I worked on finishing my makeup. I could hear Kas and Zane's voices coming from down the hall but I couldn't make out their words.
After a few minutes, a soft knock sounded on the bathroom door and it pushed open as Conner poked his head in. "You look pretty, LeeLee," he said with a huge smile. I couldn't help but smile.
"Thank you, Boog." I leaned down to give him a hug as Zane stepped into the doorway.
He watched us for a moment and I avoided his eyes, turning back to the mirror as Conner darted out the door. "He's wrong, you know." I met Zane's eyes in the mirror, pausing with my eye shadow brush halfway to my face. "You look beautiful." He looked away, clearing his throat as he reached for the door handle. "Have a good evening."
He pulled the door shut behind him, leaving before I could find my voice.
I let Jordan open the door as he led me out of the casino and toward the cab line after dinner. It was a little over the top for me, having dinner at such a fancy restaurant, but, honestly, the conversation flowed easily between us.
"So, can I take you out for a drink?" Jordan asked, holding open the door of the cab. I smiled, nodding once as I climbed in and scooted across the seat to make room for him. "Shadows," he said to the driver as he slid beside me, stretching his arm to wrap around my shoulders. I stiffened momentarily before forcing myself to relax.
"Why Shadows?" I asked curiously, letting myself lean into his body.
He looked over at me before reaching across with his other hand, tracing his fingers lightly over mine where they rested in my lap. "It seemed appropriate. It's where we first met, after all."
I laughed. "Even though I barely remember it."
He chuckled, leaning his face close to my ear as he spoke. "I could never forget it."
I cleared my throat, letting him take my fingers between his as he held my hand, both of us quiet for the remainder of the ride.
As soon as he paid the driver, he led me into the bar and to a table near the back corner of the room. The same table I vaguely remembered him sitting at the night of Zane's birthday when I came here to escape.
As the drinks started coming, I noticed the same thing that always made me feel comfortable at Shadows. The crowd. It was, as always, full of people I knew or at the very least, the type of people I felt suited me best.
I spotted Amber prowling near the tiny dance floor and I considered asking Jordan to take me somewhere else. Amber and I had a history that included a few shared experiences where she was told, flat out, they would rather have a repeat with me than her any day. To say she held a grudge would be admitting that I gave a shit what she thought and I didn't.
But, Jordan wasn't the normal type of guy I'd be with at Shadows and if I wasn't careful, Amber would be the girl that could run him off. I didn't want him to leave. Did I?
"Should we expect any of your buddies tonight?" I asked Jordan, attempting to distract myself from that line of thinking.
Jordan shook his head, tipping back his drink before answering. "Nope. They were going to some girly show."
"Is that so? And you didn't want to join them?" I laughed. Going to the topless shows was such a typical guy thing to do.
"Not at all. Honestly, that's part of the reason I didn't want to come to Vegas on our leave."
His answer sparked my curiosity. "Then why come with them? Why not go home and see your family or something?"
Jordan's eyes locked on mine for a moment, a darker shade of blue than I remembered them being. He spoke evenly. "My dad was murdered when I was in high school and my mom killed herself the day I graduated."
I swallowed against the bile rising in my throat, my mind racing to find words. I knew I should say something, but what was I supposed to say? This was none of my business and I never should've asked about his family. I wouldn't answer any of his questions about my past earlier.
"I was an only child so I don't really have any family left to see. With exception to my crazy Aunt Bitsy who lives in Illinois, but there's no way I wanted to spend ten days with her." Jordan laughed, easing some of the tension between us as we moved to safer topics.
It was almost an hour later when Jordan whispered in my ear that he wanted to take me back to his hotel room. I was immediately on edge again at the thought. I wanted Jordan but hotel rooms, beds in general, weren't my first choice. It was too intimate. I preferred things a little more fun. I waved the waitress over to order another r
ound, hoping to get Jordan drunk enough to see things my way.
I teased him while we waited, making a comment about beds being boring. When the drinks arrived, Jordan lifted his bottle in a toast. "Fine. To taking risks. Because 'freedom lies in being bold’.”
I tilted my head to the side, lifting an eyebrow at him as I lowered my glass without drinking. "Quoting Frost in a toast? Now you're boring and pretentious. God, I hope you're at least good in the sack." I smirked in challenge.
"I've never had any complaints."
I stifled a laugh. "You've never had me."
I raised my glass again. "May your life be easy… except when you want it to be hard."
Jordan laughed and raised his bottle, tapping the neck of it against my glass.
By the time he finished his beer, I could tell I had him. His words were slurring and I just had to find the right approach. "I have an idea." He raised his eyes to mine and I smiled coyly, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "The hall at the back. Second door on the right. Give me two minutes, then follow." I slid out of the booth without giving Jordan a chance to protest, heading toward the small ladies room. Another bonus of a bar this size was small bathrooms. Just enough room for what I needed.
I slipped in and left the door unlocked as I checked my reflection in the mirror. I stuffed my purse behind the faucet and fixed my hair. I was wiping away a few mascara smudges when Jordan stepped in behind me. He made quick work of the lock before he crushed his lips against mine.
The kisses were sloppy and so were our hands as we tugged at each other's clothing. I grabbed the small edge of the sink behind me and started to lift myself onto it. Jordan realized my intention and steadied me with his hands on my hips. His teeth caught my lip and tugged, earning him a hiss, the pleasure bordering on pain.