Now do you understand, Superman? I could fly. I did fly. I CAN fly because Robert’s looking up at me. Because Robert believes in me. Because that’s all there really is, Superman.
That's all there ever was.
Dear SUPERMAN,
The other day Jimmy Sinceri saw one of my comicbooks in my notebook and he grabbed it. And I said YOU BETTER GIVE IT BACK!
And he said I’M GONNA SHOW IT TO SISTER MARY JUSTIN!
And I said YOU BETTER GIVE IT BACK! again.
And he said WHO’S GONNA MAKE ME?
And I said ME!
And he started laughing and so did Duane Machado who flunked the first grade and so he’s a lot older than everybody else. And also a lot bigger and fatter and uglier. And Jimmy said he knew FOR SURE there wasn’t a real Superman and I was the STUPIDEST kid in the class and maybe I was the STUPIDEST kid in the entire world. And Duane said that Robert Sipanno was the second stupidest kid and they both started laughing again. Robert wasn’t around because he was in the lavatory. So I tried to grab the comicbook but I couldn’t because they’re a LOT bigger than me. Especially Duane who’s the biggest person in the class and who pushed me against the wall. Real hard. And so I said YOU JUST WAIT TILL I GET SUPER LIKE SUPERMAN! BOY ARE YOU GONNA GET IT!
And they both started laughing REAL HARD. And Jimmy said WHO’S GONNA GET SUPER—YOU?
And I said ME!
And he said HA-HA!
And I said YOU BETTER STOP IT!
And they both said HA-HA and then Duane pushed me again. So I pushed him back. So he hit me and I hit him and he hit me again and my nose started to bleed when I fell and he kicked me. And Jimmy just watched and laughed. And Duane said IF YOU GET UP I’LL HIT YOU AGAIN! And Jimmy grabbed my comicbook and he tore it up and he threw it allover me and he said SUPERMAN and they both HA-HA’d again. And so now I REALLY hate them and they don’t like me either. And neither does a lot of the other kids in school. In fact, just about everybody doesn’t like me very much except Robert. And you. And my mom said WHAT HAPPEND TO YOUR NOSE?
And I said I fell.
And she said YOU’RE SO DAM CLUMBSY!
And Robert said it don’t matter what everybody else says. Because he’s my friend and I’m his friend and we’re both your friend, Superman. And there’s nobody else we want to be friends with anyway except maybe Jimmy Olsen. Except he don’t go to Holy Redeemer School like we have to. So we talked about it a LONG time and we decided when we make our First Holy Communion next month, that’s when I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna fly, Superman.
I’m REALLY gonna fly!
I’m gonna jump off the roof of my dad’s apartment building so I can get a real good start. And then I’m gonna fly all the way to Holy Redeemer Church and get my First Holy Communion in front of Jimmy Sinceri and Duane Machado and Sister Mary Justin and everybody. Except Robert said maybe I should wait until AFTER we get our First Holy Communion and this way if something goes wrong then I’ll go to Heaven for sure. But I told Robert that I want to do it when EVERYBODY’S gonna see me, especially my mom and my dad and Veronica nextdoor. And Buster.
BOY are they gonna be surprised!
LOVE,
JERRY and ROBERT
PS: When I decide what time I’m gonna do it exactly, I’ll let you know OK? This way you can come and see it if you want. Or else you could watch it on your X-ray Vision.
DEAR SUPERMAN,
My mom said she’s gonna get me a new suit for my First Holy Communion, and so I’m gonna make sure it’s a green one. And just before I fly I’m gonna get some chalk and write KK on it. And then I’m gonna borrow my mom’s green towel and I’m gonna put it over my shoulders. And then I’m gonna climb up on the roof through the attic window and I’m gonna stand there until somebody sees me. And then I’m gonna wait until a few more people see me. And then I’m gonna put out my arms and bend down and jump up and flyyyyyyyyy all the way across the Clarion River and right to the foot of the altar where I’ll stick out my tongue and get my First Holy Communion wafer.
Except Robert said maybe I shouldn’t fly off my dad’s roof. Maybe I should fly off a wall or something. But I said the reason I can’t fly very far right now is because I gotta be higher up. Just like you, Superman. You’re ALWAYS jumping out of windows and stuff all the time and you’re not afraid of falling. And so neither am I. And I figure the only way I’m ever gonna do it is if I do it. And besides, I KNOW I can do it because I REALLY hate Jimmy Sinceri and I’ll show everybody. I will. You’ll see.
Goodby.
THE KRYPTONITE KID
and ROBERT SIPANNO
PS: I figure I’ll be doing it about 10:30 in the morning because Sister Mary Justin said Mass starts at 11. And it’s not this Sunday and it’s not next Sunday because it’s the Sunday after that. So don’t forget to remember.
Dear MAN of STEEL,
This afternoon we had to go to church like we always do so we could confess our sins to Sister Mary Justin. And every time we walk over to the church we have to stand in line like soldiers and we aren’t allowed to talk to NOBODY because Sister Mary Justin keeps walking up and down the line to check on us. And if she sees us talking, then she’ll pretend that she didn’t see us talking until it’s our turn to go into the booth. Which is when we’re supposed to confess it before she does or else we’re in REAL trouble, Superman.
That’s why I don’t like to talk when we walk over to church and Robert walks right beside me like he always does. And usually Stephen Lins walks right behind me but when Stephen got the mumps that meant that Jimmy Sinceri got to be right behind me. And since Jimmy don’t like me very much anyway he decided to poke me in the back and whisper names when Sister Mary Justin wasn’t looking. And Sister Mary Justin likes him a hole lot and so she hardly ever watches him anyway. So I couldn’t do nothing back because I couldn’t turn around because she might see me. So I kept walking and he kept poking and then he whisperd STUPID real loud and a couple people giggled. And Sister Mary Justin said WHAT’S GOING ON DOWN THERE? And nobody said nothing.
And a little while later Jimmy took out his fountain pen and he was gonna squirt it on the back of my shirt. Only I didn’t know it then. I found out later when Robert reached out and grabbed it real quick. And Jimmy whisperd GIMME MY NEW PEN BACK! And Robert didn’t say nothing. So Jimmy spitted on the back of Robert’s neck. And Robert didn’t do nothing. So Jimmy whisperd how he’s gonna punch Robert’s lights out after school SO GIMME MY PEN BACK! So you know what Robert did, Superman? He pretended he was gonna hand it to Jimmy but then he handed it to me instead. And then I dropped it down a drain in the road in front of Holy Redeemer Church where he could NEVER get it back. Wasn’t that good Ha-Ha?
Love,
JERRY and ROBERT
PS: You should have seen me after school, Superman! Jimmy chased me and Duane chased me and NOBODY could catch me. So I ran all the way up Old Lady Holbrook’s and I climbed the tree and I jumped right away. BOY did I jump! I couldn’t believe it. I NEVER went that far before. And it was real easy. You should have seen me, Superman. You should have SEEN me!
Love again,
THE KRYPTONITE KID
PS: Robert saw me.
DEAR SUPERMAN,
The other day Sister Mary Justin was teaching us how to write poems and stuff like that. She said a poem was just a bunch of words except they rhime. I thought it was spelt rime but Robert said there’s a H in it. And Sister Mary Justin said you’re supposed to write poems about people you love. That’s why a lot of people write poems about God and Virgins and stuff like that. And then she told us to go home and write a poem for our homework. And she said it should be about somebody we love a LOT like our mom or the Pope. And she said we’re not supposed to get help from anybody not even Robert. So here’s what I wrote and Robert didn’t help me at all and it goes like this:
ROSES ARE RED
AND BUSTER LIKES TOAST.
I LOVE YOU JESUS
AND ALSO TH
E HOLY GHOST. AMEN.
So how do you like it?
Your friend,
JERRY CHARIOT
PS: I told Robert we should write a poem about you because we love you more than God or anybody. But Sister Mary Justin don’t. That’s why I decided I better write about God this time and I could write about you next rhime. So I hope you don’t mind.
Dear SUPERPAL,
After school we went shopping and my mom told me how I’m gonna look real good in a white suit. And I said WHITE! And she pretended she didn’t hear me just like she always doesn’t when I say something she don’t like. So I said I AIN’T GONNA WEAR NO WHITE SUIT. I HATE WHITE. I WANT A GREEN ONE. And she still didn’t say nothing. But when we got to the store she told the man that we was looking for a white suit please. And I said WE AIN’T LOOKING FOR A WHITE SUIT. SHE IS. I WANT A GREEN ONE. And the man looked at me and then he looked at my mom and then he took out a white suit. And when he wasn’t looking my mom grabbed my ear and twisted it real hard and whisperd YOU’LL WEAR WHAT I TELL YOU TO WEAR! And when we went in the little room to try it on I felt real dumb because LOTS of other kids was in the store because it looks like just about everybody is getting a white suit for our First Holy Communion. Including me. And Duane Machado saw my mom going in with me and I heard him giggle REAL loud. So when his mom went in with him I giggled even louder so he would be sure to hear me back. And my mom said BE QUIET and she hit me. And that’s why people who are mothers should realize that kids ain’t always kids. Especially in front of other kids because that’s when they become people. So I hope you don’t mind if I do it in a white suit instead of a green one. Goodby
Your Pal,
THE KID AGAIN
PS: Robert said I forgot to tell you and Jimmy Olsen what his poem was and he hopes you like it a HOLE LOT because it goes like this:
ROSES ARE RED
AND SO IS MY MOTHER
EVERY TIME SHE GETS DRUNK
IN FRONT OF ME AND MY BROTHER.
Isn’t that good?
DEAR SUPERFRIEND,
Well, Sister Mary Justin didn’t think it was very good. In fact she hated it. And she told Robert he had to take it home and his mother had to sign it and he had to bring it back by Wednesday. In fact she said EVERYBODY should get their poems signed by their moms so they could see it. Or else their dads. So Robert said IS IT OK IF YOUR BIG BROTHER SIGNS IT? And Sister Mary Justin said NO ROBERT! She really doesn’t like Robert a hole lot. Almost as much as his poem. Which she HATED. But she liked mine quite a bit for a change. Especially the AMEN at the end even if it didn’t rhime very good. She still thought it was a REAL good idea to put it there. And then she said we should write another one by Friday and it could be about anybody we wanted. And so I said ANYBODY? And she said YES, JEROME, ANYBODY. And so as soon as I do it I’ll send it to you and I hope you like it as much as I’m gonna. So long.
LOVE,
Jerry Chariot and Robert
Dear SUPERMAN,
After school we went in Bacchio’s because I don’t write as slanted as groan ups do. But Mr. Bacchio said that Mrs. Bacchio wasn’t there and Robert said WHERE’D SHE GO? and Mr. Bacchio said she wasn’t feeling very good.
So Robert said MAYBE I COULD GO VISIT HER AT HOME BECAUSE TOMORROW’S WEDNESDAY AND I GOTTA SEE HER REAL QUICK.
But Mr. Bacchio said she didn’t want to see nobody right now. And even her telephone was disconnected. And she was NEVER gonna sell comicbooks no more and so you better get home boys because he was closing up early from now on.
That’s why Robert decided to write his poem for Friday RIGHT AWAY because this way his mom could sign both of them at the same time. It’s called “AMEN.”
ROSES ARE RED
AND FRECKLES ARE PINK
AND I LOVE MY MOM
MORE THAN SHE THINKS.
AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN.
Maybe that’ll help.
Love,
ROBERT SIPANNO and JERRY
Dear SUPERman,
The other day my brother Buster was sitting on the couch with Mary Louise. You know who Mary Louise is, don’t you? She’s the girl my brother always sits on the couch with a BIG nose when nobody’s looking. And my mom was in the kitchen making me wash the dishes so I couldn’t watch them like I usually can’t. Because every time Mary Louise comes over to sit on the couch my mom makes me do something so I can’t bother them. Only sometimes I peek when they’re not looking. Which is all the time because they keep looking at each other. And sometimes they rub their noses together. Which looks pretty dumb especially since they both got pretty big noses. But the other day they weren’t doing that. And they weren’t giggling like they usually do all the time. So I KNEW something was wrong.
And so did my mother.
That’s why she peeked in and started yelling. And then she started crying while she was still yelling. And then she called Mary Louise’s mom and kept whispering about what a EVIL daughter she had. And then my dad came home from work and I heard her whisper how Buster was petting Mary Louise Wesson and he had a erection. And I don’t know what a erection is but I know what a erector set is because I got one. That’s what you make things out of with. And I also know what petting is because I pet pets all the time. And so does everybody else except my dad. He hates them. That’s why nobody who lives in his castle is allowed to have one. Especially me. Because one time I asked him and he said I could have a goldfish. And I said A GOLDFISH? And he said OR ELSE GUPPYS. And I said I DON’T WANT GUPPYS! I WANT PUPPYS! But he said they make too much noise and they poop everywhere. And so I don’t know why mom got so mad at Buster again but I’ll probly figure it out after I get my Super branes. Which should be about the same time I fly. Which is just a couple weeks away. So don’t forget.
Your friends,
JERRY CHARIOT and ROBERT
Dear MAN of TOMORROW,
Well, today’s Friday and I just got it finished this morning and it’s called “TO SUPERMAN” and I hope you like it because it goes like this:
ROSES ARE RED
YOUR OUTFIT IS BLUE
I LIKE YOU BETTER
THAN JESUS THE JEW. AMEN.
So don’t forget to let me know if you like it. Goodby.
YOUR FRIEND,
JERRY CHARIOT AGAIN
PS: And then I’ll let you know if Sister Mary Justin likes it OK? Goodby again.
Well, SUPERPAL,
You’ll NEVER guess what my brother Buster was doing to Mary Louise on the couch in the living room the other day after school which I already told you about? Well, he wasn’t petting her hair which is what I thought. He was petting her tits. That’s what Buster said. And I said what’s a TITS? And he said A TIT IS A WOMAN’S BREST. And I said BUT MARY LOUISE DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY BRESTS HARDLY. And he said DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT MARY LOUISE THAT WAY! And I said WELL SHE DON’T. And he said YOU BETTER SHUT UP! And I didn’t and so he hit me. Real hard. Right in the head. And I just can’t figure it out, Superman? Why would Buster want to pet Mary Louise’s brests? I mean tits. I think it would be nicer to pet her head and this way you could pretend it’s a dog. If you have a dog. Which I don’t yet. But I thought as soon as I get Super and fly to Metropolis then maybe I could get one. And I could call him NITE. And then when your dog and my dog played together, we could yell HERE, KRYPTO NITE! Isn’t that good?
Your Pal,
JERRY
PS: I want you to know that was my idea and not Robert Sipanno’s.
Bad news, SUPERMAN.
Remember that poem I wrote which I called “TO SUPERMAN” which Sister Mary Justin hasn’t read yet? Well, she read it. And she hated it even more than I thought she would. And believe me, I thought she was REALLY gonna hate it. And I was right. She hated it so much that she didn’t even hit me. She just told me to get out of her sight. She said she NEVER wanted to look at me again. She said to get out, out of this classroom, out of this school, RIGHT THIS INSTANT!
And it was only 9 o�
�clock in the mourning.
So I waited outside behind the church all day until the bell rang or else my mom would’ve asked me why I was home so early. And when Robert came out we walked home together like we usually do and he said that Sister Mary Justin said that she was gonna call my mom and dad on the telephone. Tonight after supper. Which she’ll probly do FOR SURE because that’s the way she is, Superman. Which I’ll have to tell you about later because my mom just yelled up the steps it’s time to go eat supper. So I’ll have to let you know what happens after it happens. Which should be pretty soon. So goodby for now.
The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel Page 10