“Meredith, Joel,” I say quietly toward them after stopping mid stride. “Let’s go, the doctor or nurse will be coming to meet with us.”
“Okay,” Joel says, taking his wife’s puzzle book and tote bag following us both into the meeting room where Brielle’s surgeon Dr. Bradley waits.
“Hey Dr. B, these are Brielle’s parents, Meredith and Joel.” I introduce as we sit around the table.
“Everyone breathe,” Dr. Bradley says slowly, “Brielle is in recovery. The surgery was extensive but successful. Now when Brie, Jase, and I talked, the goal was to remove the endometrial plants with the knowledge that if absolutely medically necessary we would do a partial or complete hysterectomy. With that being said, let’s discuss what we found.” Dr. Bradley carefully reviews the images taken from the surgery with us, which show Brielle’s right ovary completely immersed with endometrial plants, while her left fallopian tube appears to be attached to her uterus from the next image from more endometrial plants. She continues to talk about the extensive spread even with the Lupron treatment, and the decision of the complete hysterectomy.
I’m suddenly void of thought, I knew this was an option – a strong one at that, but a part of me never saw it as a reality. What changes? Anything? Everything? Nothing?
“Jase?” Dr. Bradley says.
“Yeah?”
“Are you all right? Do you have any questions?”
“No. Yes. No. What do I need to do? What do we need?”
“You need to breathe. Nothing changes, except in eight weeks when all this surgery pain is gone; your girl will hopefully be pain free. Which is something she hasn’t experienced in a lot of years, so that is something I am just going to hope you can figure out on your own,” she says with a laugh. “But again until then, she is on minimal activity for three weeks, and then we will increase activity slowly. I’ll have my office set some follow up appointments, and she will need replacement hormones.”
“That’s it? Replacement hormones?”
“That’s the hope.”
“Dr. B, don’t give me the answer I want to hear, give me the answer I need to hear to this question all right? How bad is it gonna get before it gets better?”
“It’s going to be a rollercoaster, so pick a comfy seat, buckle up, and try to enjoy the ride.” Dr. Bradley lightly taps my shoulder as she stands before she walks out of the meeting room passing by a nurse who walks in to inform me that I am allowed into the recovery waiting and Meredith and Joel will be allowed back once they move her into a single room.
“I don’t have to go pee,” I whine for the umpteenth time just as I have for the last two hours since the nurse took out my catheter when I promised I would pee on my own if she would. I have gnawed on ice chips, sipped iced apple juice, and even gagged on warm chicken broth, still no pee.
“You have twenty minutes to urinate before we reinsert the catheter, Ms. Sava.” Nurse Bossy pants orders before stalking back out of my private room.
“Babe,” Jase chuckles behind his hand, “you really need to try again.” Standing he helps me up and to the in-suite bathroom and I unmistakably bitch and moan the entire fifteen long dreadful steps there listening to my parents make small talk to avoid piping in with their two cents. Once I am safely seated the bastard leaves me, alone, unable to get up without excruciating pain on my own.
Asshole.
Dickhead.
Fucktard.
Douchenozzle.
“Jase,” I call out excitedly after an overwhelming amount of time passes or at least it seems like it. “Jase!”
“Did you pee this time?” He sighs calling into the room from what I can only guess is my bed, unmoving.
“Nooooo,” I whine.
“Then shut up and keep trying. The nurse will be back in in five minutes if you don’t tinkle. Turn on the water, it helps toddlers.” He grumbles.
Does he not get that I am trying? I have been trying. There is just no pee in me to pee out. I mean, for serious… nothing. Oh, oh, oh sweet baby Jesus in a manger, the angels have heard my plea and there is a drop. Not just a drop, a trickle, and full stream. “JASE!” I shout as loud as I can manage. Before I can even close my mouth he is in the bathroom, wide eyed with worry. “Oh hi, I peed.” I say with the biggest smile I can muster. “Could you please call off the catheter Nazi?”
“For fuck’s sake, I thought you fell,” he laughs before helping me after I wipe to the sink to wash up then back to the bed. Pain or no pain, I just dodged the biggest bullet of the day. Now, maybe I can eat a grilled cheese for dinner.
One full day, multiple laps around the floor unit, and a few too many subpar meals later, Dr. Bradley has finally agreed to send me home under the very watchful eye of the Sava hospitality crew, also known as – my parents, Shellie, and Jase. I swear my room probably resembled a local block party last night from the loud ruckus pouring into the hall. Between teaching my parents how to play Taboo and a few rounds of Battle of the Sexes Movie Rendition, the nurses finally shut us down around nine so other rooms could rest peacefully. I’m still in some serious pain but distractions are essential to recovery, of that I am certain.
Me – please make them all go away
JR – for a while
Me – a looooooooooooooong while
JR – tomorrow sometime, your parents came to see you…like you asked
I don’t know why I bother trying to reason with him. He is so damn stubborn, I guess that’s also why I love him. But I just want to sleep, absorb everything that’s happened, be alone, maybe cry without someone asking why I’m crying. Oh, I don’t know why I’m crying, I just had massive, life changing surgery at twenty-four. I can’t have babies with the incredibly gorgeous man sauntering toward me right now with a smile that melts my insides, yet all I can think of doing is crying. All I want to do is cry. I hate crying, I never ever in my life have cried so much. It must be the imbalance of no longer present hormones.
“Hey beautiful,” Jase rasps, “time to take your meds.”
“Kay,” I agree holding out my hand automatically without question.
“Nope, everyone’s gone. No more treating you like “I’m supposed to” under the watchful eye.” He says with an irritating lilt to his voice causing me to cock a brow in mock misunderstanding. “Don’t give me that fucking look. You’re not glass, they think you are going to shatter the second you hear something negative or have to raise a finger. Heaven forbid you cry in front of them and tell them to leave you the fuck alone.”
“Jase,” I whisper.
“No,” he stops me. “You will not break. You are not fucking broken already. You knew, we knew going into surgery this outcome was possible.” Before I even realize it, Jase is beside me in bed, gingerly tucking me into his chest as tears fall freely from my eyes. “There’s no one here but us, I sent everyone to my mom’s place. It’s just us, no doctors, nurses, moms, dads, friends, cameras, no one, no one but you and me. Now let it go.” He coaxes me gently.
“I can’t, I can’t let it go. I’m the funny one, the strong one, the one who holds everything together.” I sniffle and muddle my words into his chest trying to work my way closer to him without inflicting more pain to myself.
“I don’t know why you insist we continue to have this conversation.” He sighs into my hair. “You are so incredibly headstrong and I love you for it, but you are constantly rebuilding this wall and I don’t know how many times I’ve got to remind you that I will tear it down. But I’m your person – the one you never have to hide from, Ellie. I’m here, I’ll always be here. I’ll always protect you. I always have, even when I was gone, I was here. You didn’t see me, but I was. It’s the privilege of family and friendship.” His words wash over me laced with conviction.
“I’m done.” I whisper.
“Come again?” He asks, clearly confused.
“I’m done hiding,” I swallow.
“It’s about time,” he laughs but stops when I begin to tremble
with unshed tears that are now falling faster from my eyes. “Whoa, what’s up? Does something hurt or is this a fleeting moment?”
“It’s…” I try but I lose my words and tears continue to rain down my face for moment following my revelation of no longer hiding from the one person who has always been able to find me no matter if I wanted to be found or not. “It’s just that even though I finally pulled my head from my ass, we won’t have drop dead gorgeous babies for other parents to be jealous of!” I sob.
“What’s wrong with you?” he laughs and kisses my head. “What if I can promise we will practice all the time to make the babies we can’t have and then make fun of our friends that lose endless nights of sleep, get shit on, and spend thousands on college tuition?” His counter sounds promising and lightens the mood enough to elicit a snort.
“I think I got snot on your shirt.” I groan wiping away my tears as I catch my breath.
“I’ll take snot over shit, now take your meds before this conversation turns to a level of crazy neither of us can handle.”
“Antibiotic, hormone replacement, oh gummy bears!” I say after I take each one.
“It’s a vita…” he begins but stops and tucks me into bed instead. “Get some sleep, tomorrow is a new day on a new rollercoaster. Wake me if I can be of assistance. I love you,” he says on a yawn. Don’t think I didn’t think of waking him up a few times on the premise of “because I can,” I most certainly did… I just figure – he has seven weeks of this hell… I should pace myself.
“You know Shann, if you would put even a quarter of the effort into this workout as you are into the petty fucking argument you have going on with Kelly, I am hands down, one-hundred percent certain, you’d actually be able to not fall under thirty seconds behind my lap time the next run after lunch.” Lucas taunts Shann from across the gym. The gym Shann should be using to train legs today, but it appears only his thumbs need training by looks of the speed texting going on as I watch quietly from the doorjamb.
“Why don’t you keep your little fucking mouth shut,” Shann bites back before sitting on the stationary peddler. “Maybe, if you would have done that yesterday, we wouldn’t have two extra hours today.”
“Holy shit, you bitch more than your little girlfriend up at the house over coffee with Brielle.” I smirk at the exchange.
“Fuck off Boss,” Shann says giving me a single man salute.
“No problem, you, Shann get the rest of practice off.” I almost cave and laugh when he winks at Lucas, almost. “Go see Brie; she’ll need your help. Before you tell me no, remember whose balls are bigger – yours, hers, or mine. Oh and she is signing your check this week and did I mention she’s been stuck with your little girlfriend for the past hour?”
“Son of a bitch.” Shann moans making his way past me.
“Oh Shann, Lucas is right, ya know. Put in the effort, you could in fact be as good as he is… or better.”
“I am better than him.”
“Not right now, you aren’t!” Lucas laughs.
“Let’s go,” I chuckle, following Shann out the door. “Lucas, track two, ten minutes. Suit up; I’m kicking your ass again today.”
“Fuck.”
Practice, it starts at four in the morning with the in-gym work out until dawn and a six-mile bike ride, then breakfast. The guys only get tormented if they torment each other, me, or Brielle gets overly bored or a girlfriend annoys her. Lately Shann’s been asking for it all around, although he and Lucas practically live here now that it’s off season, routine is routine but you have to mix it up. I kept my personal trainer that I used throughout the seasons, but he’s now the team trainer. I have to say, I don’t remember him being this lax on my ass. Cell phones in the gym? Hardly.
We’ve hit week six of eight since Brielle’s surgery date. She’s agitated, stir crazy, annoyed, and hornier than a teenage boy looking through his dad’s hidden set of playboy magazines or first discovering pornhub. Oh yeah, she definitely hornier than a teenage boy discovering pornhub. Don’t think I haven’t tried to relive the itch that needs scratching, but there’s only so many ways to put off what that little seductress wants and there is only so much a man can take. To make matters worse, I still have Tweedledee and Tweedledum encouraging her overactive perverse behavior.
So, color me confused when I walk into the house and both Lucas and Shann are setting the dining room table that has only been used for matters that I should not begin to imagine, lest the bulge in my shorts reappear in a very unseemly time. Brielle and Kelly are moving around the kitchen, removing dishes from the oven and stirring others on the stove. The house smells of garlic, onion, oregano, and cheeses – it’s like a pasta house. The woman has stooped to new lows. She’s bringing in reinforcements, she’s cooking; it’s official, she is Satan.
Clearing my throat I do what any normal man in my position would do, “When’s dinner ready?”
I play stupid.
“Oh you’re back early,” Brie smiles with her eyes looking me up and down. “Go clean up, we are going to eat in about ten minutes, Shellie should be here soon. It’s family game night.” She winks before spinning around.
What is happening? I’m so confused, first it’s “I need you, get these people out of the house!” and now she is all “let’s have family night, lalalala… I love having all these people here, go suffer with your blue balls alone sir.” Well, let’s see how she enjoys the blue bean because fair is fair.
“Holy shit you sound like a little bitch,” Hannah cackles into the phone after I spend fifteen minutes unloading everything I can possibly think of into her unusually uninterrupted ear before I catch on she’s in on this. My Hannah Banana, my go-to-always-in-Team-Jase’s-Corner-Hannah-Banana-Secret-Spy, is a traitor.
“YOU TRAITOR!” I hiss into the phone, which clearly does nothing but evoke even more side-splitting laughter from my cousin.
“Stop, I’m gonna pee, I’m gonna pee!” she cries. “Carter stop laughing,” she continues through her labored breathing. “He isn’t going to like you in a second either.”
“Hannah, you are still talking into the phone. Tell your piece of shit husband, he gets nothing for Christmas. Nothing.” I grouch.
“Aww honey, he’s sad with you.” Hannah fake pouts.
“Unfuckingreal. I’m going to go suffer through family night. You bitches be ready when Ellie calls you a big heap of sexual frustration, because this means war.” I say determinedly before sternly adding, “And I don’t go to war without coming back the victor.”
“You two crack me up!” Hannah bursts into a fit of giggles again, “Beware, she has the same mindset champ. Oh, see you in a month! Love you!”
“Love you even though I wanna punch you.” I laugh before ending the call and heading downstairs to begin the week of torture. A week of sexual frustrating war, a war I will win – the war I’ve been winning for eight long doctor’s orders weeks.
Dinner was delicious, games were a blast, but when all is said and done, the best part of the night is being able to hold Brielle in my arms while drifting to sleep. Oddly, it’s the first night in weeks that everyone has left without being prompted. Mom took off and then Shann, Kelly, and Lucas followed right behind her. Oh wait, it’s not so odd, not when my gorgeous Ellie looks like the cat that ate the canary.
“You look radiant, happy, like you.” I smile making my way closer to her. Brie’s eyes flitter slightly, then scan my face.
“I feel like me,” she smiles. “You know what would make me feel even more like me?”
“Hmm?” I ask. I mean at this point what’s the harm, I know her end game. She is going to either lure me into Satan’s, I mean her, trap or say bed.
“A little massage…”
“Like a foot massage because you spent so long cooking for me, for everyone?” I suggest.
“You could start there,” the little minx purrs, taking my hand, making a beeline toward the bedroom.
Today is the day… e
ight weeks post-surgery. All my restrictions are null and void as of who the hell knows, I’m dying from lack of intimacy. I neeeeeed him, like bad. He’s so peaceful though…
Jase’s alarm is set to go off in approximately four minutes, in precisely six minutes he will receive a text from Lucas stating that he and Shann will be taking the week off.
“Why are you watching me sleep,” he mumbles.
“You aren’t sleeping,” I giggle. “Your breathing has been altered for a bit now, you’ve not moved an inch. You’re not sleeping.” All too quickly he flips to his side and eyes me suspiciously.
“Most people would find it odd that you know whether or not they are fake sleeping or not.”
“Most people should find it odd to fake sleep,” I counter.
“Hmm, are you waiting for my alarm to go off?” he asks slyly.
“No.”
“Liar, you blinked twice. It’s your tell.”
“I don’t have a “tell”,” I say and hold my eyes wide open.
“My alarm isn’t going to go off, the boys aren’t going to text me, and no one is going to come near the property today.” Jase says with a smirk pulling me closer to him.
“But I thought, maybe I’d go shopping with Kelly while you guys practiced.” I offer up my best lie.
Finding Brielle (a Forever & Always novel) Page 15