Brad popped the rest of the strawberry into his own mouth, wiped his hands on the blanket and reached for another.
Cassidy held up her hands. “I’m good. Thanks. That was great. Very yummy.”
“Are you still searching for a guy like me, Cassidy?”
Or do you want a guy like me?
“I don’t even know what kind of guy you are anymore. I thought I knew who you were, then you left me.”
“I know I did, and I’m sorry.” He twirled a strawberry in his fingers. “Maybe you can tell me what you’re hoping for and I can tell you if that’s me.”
“Okay. I’m hoping for someone who’s strong, not necessarily physically, but you know, mentally and emotionally. I’d like someone who has goals and dreams. Someone who wants a family someday. Someone who’s funny and makes me laugh.” Cassidy’s face turned wistful and dreamlike. “Most of all, I want someone who loves me for me, just the way I am.”
Damn, that’s me. Whether I want it to be or not, that’s me.
Brad took her hands — his face serious yet kind. “I’m strong. I go out into fifteen-foot waves and surf some of the most dangerous waters. I have goals and dreams, too. One of them is to have a beautiful girl like you on the beach waiting for me each day.” He cupped Cassidy’s jaw in his palm and stroked her cheek with his thumb.
Okay, surfer boy. Back off.
“I like you for you, Cassidy. I always have. I was stupid to ever let you go. All I need to know is if you still want me, too.”
Before Cassidy could answer him, Brad’s lips were on hers. He pulled her closer and Evan watched in horror as their mouths parted and tongues emerged — not just Brad’s, Cassidy’s, too.
What is she doing? She said she wouldn’t kiss him. That’s not even a kiss. It’s a tonsil hockey tournament.
Cassidy put her hand on Brad’s chest, but Evan couldn’t tell if it was to pull him closer or push him away. What Evan did know was that the kiss went on far longer than it should have.
What the hell is this shit?
Finally, they decided to come back up for air. Brad had a big goofy smile on his face. Evan’s blood turned to lava.
How could she do this to me? We had a deal.
“God, I’ve missed your kisses, Cassidy.” Brad sighed, leaning back on the blanket.
“Thanks,” she blushed a deep shade of red, “for saying you like me for me. It’s nice to hear after months of thinking I wasn’t good enough for you. Why did you choose surfing over being with me?” Cassidy sank back on the blanket beside Brad so they were both staring up to the stars.
Oh great, now you’re going to lie down with surfer boy. Just invite the guy to stay the night already.
“At the time, I chose surfing because I missed it so much, but I’m not so sure I made the right choice.” Brad rolled onto his side and put his arm across Cassidy, essentially trapping her on the blanket. “Come to California with me. We could have a perfect life together if you’d only find a way to get over your stupid fear of the water. We could have everything we’ve ever wanted.”
Brad kissed her again, hard on the mouth. His body shifted onto her, obviously pinning her to the blanket.
Evan watched as Cassidy started to struggle underneath of Brad. Her hands pounding his shoulders and he could hear her mumbled protests.
I’m going to kick the shit out of this asshole once and for all.
Evan lunged for Brad just as he cried out in pain. Brad rolled off of Cassidy and back onto his side of the blanket, grabbing his groin, groaning.
Evan reached out a hand to Cassidy, but she shook her head and waved him to stay where he was.
“What the hell was that for, bitch?” Brad gulped in big breaths of air.
“It’s not a stupid fear, you jackass. And if you really liked me for me — like you claimed you did two minutes ago — you wouldn’t insist on trying to change me. I’m sorry my stupid fear of water doesn’t fit into your perfect little world. Oh, and how about for forcing yourself on me? Just because you’ve had the privilege of kissing me before, doesn’t mean I want you pinning me to a blanket in the dark, in the middle of the wilderness. Think with your brain for a change.”
Cassidy kneeled near Brad’s face. “If you ever call me a bitch again, that little ouchie you feel right now is going to feel like a mosquito bite compared to what you’ll feel next time. I’m a New Yorker. We don’t put up with garbage like that.”
Evan followed Cassidy as she strode back toward the campsite. He turned on his camera light so she could see where she was walking.
“Cassidy, wait,” Brad called. “I’m sorry. I thought you wanted me to kiss you again.”
The scenic outlook hadn’t been far up the trail so they made it back to the campsite quickly. That also meant Brad wouldn’t be far behind them. Evan hoped for a few more minutes walking on the trail since he still hadn’t figured out what the hell just happened back there. He needed more time to sort things out.
He wasn’t sure who he should be mad at more, Brad for forcing himself on Cassidy, or Cassidy for letting Brad kiss her in the first place. She was supposed to avoid kissing him, not encourage him.
“Didn’t you forget someone?” Zoe stumbled out of her tent in a sequin top, skinny jeans, and what had to be three-inch stilettos. Apparently she thought there was a possibility of going clubbing later.
“Yeah, he was a little sore after our hike, so he stayed behind to rest.” Cassidy snapped. “Nice outfit. Great choice for hiking.”
“Wow, sounds like you had another winner of a date. What are you at now, zero for three?”
“I don’t know. I guess it depends if you count the challenges plus the fact he’s my ex-boyfriend. That could put me at zero for like … a thousand.” She grabbed the paper plates from dinner and tossed them into the garbage bag.
Zoe put her hand on her hip. “You really did have an awful date, didn’t you? I guess you’re not the kind of girl guys like Brad want to date, huh?”
Cassidy balled her hands into fists at her side. “I did not have an awful date and for your information, Brad does want to date me. He kissed me, not once, but twice tonight. Okay? Oh, and did I mention he asked me to come back to California with him? So why don’t you do something useful for a change and shut up until it’s your turn to play second-fiddle again?”
Cassidy stormed into her tent leaving Zoe with her mouth hanging open like a suffocating guppy.
“Cassidy! Where are you?” Brad hobbled into the camp. He limped to the door of her tent, breezing past Zoe without a glance. “Come out and talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. Go have fun with Zoe.”
Zoe sauntered over to Brad with her best bedroom eyes firmly locked on his. She stood in front of him, blocking his way to Cassidy’s tent and put a hand on either side of his face, forcing him to look her directly in the eyes.
“Why get upset about her when you can have me and be happy?” Zoe practically purred. “Just say the word and I can make you forget all your troubles.”
“I know, but we had a misunderstanding. I wanted to clear it up before my date with you, Zoe, if Cassidy would just give me a chance to explain.”
He tried to move around Zoe to get to Cassidy’s tent, but Zoe quickly diverted his attention again by kissing him. A small groan escaped his mouth.
If I have to watch this joker kiss another girl …
“Let’s get out of here.” Brad broke away from her kiss, his eyes glazed over with lust. “I’m sure we can find a nicer place to continue this.”
“Sounds good.”
Brad gave one last glance back to Cassidy’s tent before he slipped his arm around Zoe’s waist. “Your loss again, Cassidy,” he called over his shoulder as he strolled out of the campsite with Zoe, leaving a quiet tension in their wake.
Evan sighed. He turned his camera off and set it on the picnic table. His shoulders ached. Even with the weight of the camera gone, he still felt weighed down.
He had to talk to Cassidy now while everyone else was away from camp. It might be the only chance they got to try to sort this out.
Cassidy stepped out of her tent. “Are they gone?”
“Yeah, lover boy has gone off on his date.”
“Don’t call him that.”
Cassidy sat down opposite Evan at the picnic table and threw her mic pack to the side before putting her hand on his. He folded his arms across his chest. “What the hell happened back there, Cassidy? How could you do that to me?”
“Evan, you can’t be serious. You know I didn’t want to kiss him.”
“I’m not so sure anymore. You didn’t even try to push him away. Hell, you were thanking him afterward for saying a few nice things about you. What the hell?”
“I did push him away, or did you forget I put my knee in his very sensitive place?”
“No, I saw that, and I’m glad you did. I was on my way to save you, despite your earlier actions.”
“Again, Evan? We’re really going to do this again? Jealousy is really ugly on you.”
“Brad is really ugly on you.”
“You’re so frustrating,” Cassidy yelled, getting up from the table and pacing around the fire. “I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to do. I’m playing along with the show. I don’t know what you expect from me.”
“Really? ’Cause I was pretty sure we agreed you’d do everything you could not to kiss that punk and the first chance you get, you’re swapping spit together. Just tell me the truth. Do you still have feelings for him?”
“Evan, how many times do I have to tell you it’s not like that? I had to kiss him or it would blow our cover.”
“You didn’t answer my question. Do you still have feelings for him?” His pulse pounded in his ears.
Cassidy wiped a tear trickling down her cheek. “I don’t know, okay?”
Evan didn’t think his blood pressure could get any higher. “You shouldn’t still maybe have feelings for him if you’re getting into bed with me.”
Cassidy looked at him with tears streaming down her cheeks, but he didn’t care. The hurt, the betrayal in his heart because of her made those tears almost invisible.
She sniffled and wiped her nose with a corner of her sleeve. “I don’t think so, but I can’t help it if I have some unresolved issues about our breakup. I promise you I didn’t want to kiss him again.”
“Well, you didn’t have to like it so much.”
“I didn’t like it. I would think a smart guy like you could see through what I was doing and not be so petty and jealous.”
Evan fumed. He could feel his anger and frustration pushing past levels he wasn’t accustomed to dealing with. He’d never been so messed up emotionally and he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do about it. How had he ever believed a girl would be worth this effort, this annoyance — this pain?
“I thought a smart girl like you would’ve been able to see a better way out of a situation other than kissing a guy you think you don’t like. That leaves me with one thought. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted a chance to feel those old feelings for him again. You wanted another chance to test the water with him before you jump in and leave me on the shore at the big finale.”
Cassidy’s face fell. “We had a plan and I tried my best to follow through with it so we wouldn’t get caught. You have to believe I didn’t want to kiss him. Brad is my past, regardless of what old feelings there may or may not still be between us.” She took a step toward him and he took a step back. “You are my future. Okay? Please, believe me. I did that for us.”
Tears ran down her cheeks as she stared at him with pleading eyes, but all he could see was her lips on Brad’s.
“Thanks for taking that bullet for us, Cassidy. That makes me feel so much better about you kissing another man — to help me out.”
Images of Cassidy and Brad swirled through his thoughts. He could still hear the smacking of their lips as their mouths parted, letting their tongues explore what they’d been missing all this time. He shook his head trying to force the moments from his memory — trying to force the ache from his chest.
“I want to believe you, but after what I witnessed tonight, I can’t. I can’t sit by and watch this anymore. After tonight, our working commitment to each other is fulfilled. I’m going to say you turned in early after your exciting date so I’m done filming. I’m going to bed. Alone.”
Like I will the rest of my life. He picked up his camera and headed toward the tent designated for the film crew and equipment.
“Evan, stop. You knew Brad was my ex and there would always be more between us then there was with the other contestants. You knew I had to finish this show without breaking contracts, so don’t get all high and mighty on me now. You’re just as much to blame for this mess as I am.”
Evan stopped walking and turned around to face Cassidy. Pain and betrayal pounding in his chest. “How would you feel if I’d given in to one of Zoe’s advances? I’ve certainly had plenty of opportunities.”
Anger and jealousy flashed across Cassidy’s face but she remained silent. There was nothing she could say and he knew it.
“This — it’s different. You didn’t sign a contract saying you’d be on a show to date her.”
“I didn’t know a contract was so important to you.” Evan shook his head feeling defeated. This wasn’t what he’d signed up for. This wasn’t what either of them had signed up for. “I know you didn’t come here expecting to fall in love with your ex-boyfriend again — or to have some fling with me.” Evan sighed, feeling the pain of his next words before he even said them. “But I can’t share you, Cassidy.”
Fire sparked in Cassidy’s eyes before she spoke again, “Susan was right to warn me about you, wasn’t she? I was just another checkmark on your production to-do list. And using my obligation to the show against me is just your way of conveniently ending things.”
His jaw clenched at the mention of Susan’s name. How dare she meddle in his life? Again. “Susan should have kept her mouth shut for once. She doesn’t know anything about me or my history with other girls.”
“Really? Because she certainly seemed to know a lot about you.”
Regardless of what Susan had said, Cassidy made her own choices — including the choice to kiss Brad tonight. “You were nothing like the others. They were silly little flings. You were … ” Evan shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t even know who you want, and I’m not about to wait around while you figure it out.”
“Don’t do this, Evan. I only have feelings for you — just you. Brad broke my heart a long time ago. Don’t you go breaking it too, Evan Burke!”
Evan wanted more than anything to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything would be okay. But it wasn’t okay. Not when all he could see was Brad and her together.
Everything he’d always feared about falling in love had come true. He’d lost the love of his life — it just happened sooner than he feared it would. Lesson learned.
“I’ll see you at the finale, Cassidy.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cassidy gazed into the full-length mirror. A deadpan expression was the best she could summon, what with the gapping void where her heart used to be. It was either that or crying and she desperately wanted to make it through the finale without tears.
After the fight, she’d spent the night alone in her tent, trying not to cry loud enough to draw attention to herself. The last thing she’d wanted was to explain the reason for the mascara streaks running down her cheeks.
She wasn’t sure if Evan heard her crying that night or not. If he had, he hadn’t cared enough to comfort her. But then why would he? He was the reason she’d been crying in the first place. He was the one who didn’t want to be with her anymore. He left her — just like Brad had.
Susan had been right. Evan left her as soon as his production commitment was over. She was an idiot for not seeing it coming sooner. The kiss with Brad was probabl
y the perfect excuse to leave her. She’d fallen right into his trap.
Cassidy had only seen Evan for a few hours the following day while they’d packed the tents and hiked back to where they’d started. He hadn’t said a word to her. He hadn’t winked, cocked an eyebrow in her direction, or even clenched his jaw. If there was ever a real-life description of a stone cold expression, it could be found by looking at Evan.
When he’d shut off his camera for the last time back at the production trailers, he turned and walked away without a goodbye. He may as well have stuck a knife in her chest and cut out her broken heart. She’d managed to hold back her tears until she’d been dropped off at the isolation hotel to wait overnight for the finale. Then she’d spent the night hiding in bed with a box of tissues and chocolate chip cookies from room service.
So far today, she’d managed to keep it together, but she wasn’t sure what would happen when she finally saw Evan again. As far as she knew, he was still scheduled to film the finale. If he was out in the studio, there was a distinct possibility she’d make a huge spectacle of herself by becoming a sobbing mess on the interview couch.
Even if they weren’t together anymore, she still needed to make it through the finale with their relationship, or lack of relationship, hidden. She didn’t want to risk getting on Chip’s bad side and end up meeting the show’s lawyers.
Cassidy straightened her dark blue dress against her body and fought back tears. Squaring her shoulders and raising her chin, she tried to appear more put together than she felt. Instead, she ended up looking like a constipated drill sergeant.
She already knew Brad would choose Zoe — the sounds of kissing coming from their shared tent was all the evidence she needed. How could he possibly choose her after everything they’d been through? After she kneed him in the groin? That wasn’t exactly a turn-on for most men.
She didn’t love Brad, anyway.
The pain stabbing her chest with every stilted breath and memory of Evan was her irrefutable proof.
If she could get through this last ceremony, she’d be free. Free to go back to New York and put this whole messy affair behind her. She could get back into her work, spend time with Keira and her friends, and somehow find a way to forget Evan and the life she’d never have with him. Maybe at some point, her heart would stop hurting. Maybe someday she’d figure out why every man she loved ended up leaving her.
Falling for You Page 21