An awkward silence filled the room. Isaac’s heart beat violently inside his chest. Usually Wrong was the cause of all this. If he had stayed where he was wanted, none of this would have happened. He wanted to go back to the dining room and beat that old man like he stole something—’cause he had. He’d stolen Isaac’s youth, his mother, his brother and a whole host of other things Isaac couldn’t think of right now.
Feeling the rage boiling in him again, Isaac clenched his fist as his jaw tightened. He closed his eyes and sunk into the realization that no matter how much Jesus he possessed, a part of him still carried the root of anger and bitterness. Nothing he could do about it, it was just there. Then Isaac remembered that God’s Word says that when he is tempted, God would make a way of escape for him.
His eyes sprung open with the realization. “Life is about choices.”
“What?” Nina asked without looking his way.
“Nothing,” Isaac responded while looking for his way of escape. “I’m going out for awhile. I’ll be back.”
As Isaac swung open the screen door, Cassandra ran after him. “I’m coming with you, Isaac. Wait up.”
“I’m sorry,” Marvin said, as he and Donavan joined Nina in the living room. “I didn’t mean to cause problems by bringing Cassandra here with me.”
Nina waved her hand dismissively. “I’m not upset about her.”
Marvin looked at her suspiciously. “You sure?”
“Yeah, yeah. Isaac just needs to learn some respect.” She dismissed Marvin’s comment, but her thought, nonetheless, betrayed her. Her knees became weak with memories.
They had met at a nightclub. She still remembered how the honey oozed out of Isaac’s chocolate-coated mouth as he asked, “Have you been waiting long?”
She looked into those deep chestnut eyes. Eyes that seemed to read her every thought and intent. Lord have mercy. “Waiting for what?”
“A man. Someone to take care of you, like you deserve.”
I’m still waiting, Isaac, Nina said within herself. She turned her face from Marvin as she wiped away the lone tear that trickled down her cheek.
34
Memories plagued Isaac also. Nina was the only woman that had stuck to his soul. The one he wanted. But he had never measured up in her sight. They just couldn’t get the dance right. It still hurt when he thought about that night so many years ago, when he came to her practically on bended knee.
“You’re carrying my baby—you belong with me,” Isaac had said to Nina.
She looked down at her hands. “We’re not married.”
Isaac opened the closet and threw her clothes onto the bed. “I don’t know what these people have been filling your head with, but,” he said, pointing at her belly, “that’s mine. And that makes you and me family.” Nina had started attending church and Isaac believed that the church was turning her against him.
Nina had opened her mouth and told him, “I will not live with you.”
Kneeling down in front of her, Isaac tilted her head toward him so he could look into her eyes. She was sad, he could tell that right off. But there was something else in those eyes, something he hadn’t noticed before. Was it peace? No, no, maybe it was conviction he’d seen. Or maybe it was both. He couldn’t be sure at the time, but there had definitely been something different about her.
“You know I don’t want nobody but you,” he’d said while rubbing her shoulders. “It’s you and me against the world. Come on, baby, come home with me. Please.”
She put her hands to her face as a tear fell to her cheek. “I can’t live in your world anymore. I don’t belong there.”
Isaac had jumped up, agitated. Beg mode over. “Where do you belong, if not with me, huh?”
Nina flinched, but said nothing.
“Girl, who do you think will treat you better than I have? Look around.” He grabbed the clothes off the bed and flung them on the floor. “You happy in these Salvation Army rags? I kept you in Gucci and St. John’s. Whatever you wanted, all you had to do was ask. What other man do you think can afford you? Shoot, truth be told, Nina, I barely can.”
Silence.
Isaac strutted around the room. Anger magnified. “I’ve done everything you asked me to do, so what’s the problem?” he’d yelled.
No matter what he had done to her through the years—no matter how angry he had made her, he could always look into her eyes and see how much she loved him. But as she looked at him at that very moment, and their eyes locked, he’d found no love for him there. “Nina, don’t you know how much I care about you?”
Nina softly said, “If you care for me, let me go.”
He was a man. He could take just about anything, but to look into those sad eyes everyday and know that she had stopped loving him was more than he ever wanted to endure. He turned away from those unloving eyes and surrendered. “Fine, stay here. Rot here if you like, I don’t care.”
Isaac knew one thing for sure. Nina was the same yesterday, today and forever. Whether he was living for the Lord or running the streets, she wanted nothing to do with him. She’d told him that she couldn’t live in his world. Now, Cassandra was a different matter all together. He could have her if he wanted. She’d made that abundantly clear. But he was closed for business and not taking applications anytime soon. It was late when Isaac and Cassandra pulled up in front of Nina’s house. Marvin and Nina were sitting on the porch. Isaac was at least thankful that Usually Wrong hadn’t driven back to Chicago without Cassandra.
Nina came toward Isaac with her hand on her hip and her finger waging. “Isaac, do you know that you’ve been gone for three hours?”
Isaac hunched his shoulders. “I was driving around. What’s the big deal?”
Still waging her finger in his face, she told him, “The big deal is, Marvin needs to get back to Chicago to tend to his family and he couldn’t leave without Cassandra since he brought her here.”
Angry, Isaac said, “Don’t tell me about his family.” Isaac pointed a finger at Marvin as he stepped off the porch to join them on the sidewalk. “He destroyed his family when he murdered my mother.”
Marvin held up his hands and continued walking toward them. “I don’t want you and Nina arguing over me. I’m leaving. I was just waiting on you to get back with Cassandra. I didn’t want you to have to drive all the way to Chicago to drop her off.”
“I don’t need your help,” Isaac said. His anger was making him so illogical that he was willing to drive Cassandra all the way to Chicago to avoid letting his father do anything for him.
“How do you know what we need?” Nina challenged. She was angry, reckless and just flat out didn’t care tonight. “You run off with Cassandra and leave us here to fend for ourselves. I’m grateful that your father was kind enough to stick around. Somebody had to see about me and Donavan, because we sure needed help.”
“I drove around with Cassandra.” He was screaming at Nina. “I knew you didn’t want her here, so I drove all around town just to keep her out of your face. My God, what do you want from me?”
Nina stole a quick glance at Cassandra. Cassandra put her hand on Isaac’s arm. Tension was thick, but no one said anything.
Marvin took that moment to hug Nina and thank her for allowing him to visit with his grandson. “I’ve got to get home to my wife and children.”
“How many times have you beaten her since you’ve been married?” Isaac asked with hatred in his eyes.
Marvin turned sad haunted eyes on Isaac. “Son—”
“Don’t call me that,” Isaac demanded.
Marvin continued. “You may never forgive me for what I did, but I want you to know that I am truly sorry for how I destroyed my family. Your mother was a good woman. But I was drunk all the time back then, so I just didn’t notice how good she was. I haven’t taken a drink in fifteen years.”
Isaac put his hands in his pocket, trying his best not to get any angrier than he already was. He had a choice. Choose not to fight, Isa
ac. Choose what God would want.
“I’m going to get out of your way,” Marvin told him. His eyes were swimming in a pool of liquid matter. “I know you don’t need a father anymore. You’re all grown up. But if you should need a friend, someone to talk to, give me a call.”
With friends like him, Isaac would call Mickey first.
Nina put her arm on Marvin’s shoulder as he turned to walk away. She glared back at Isaac like he was the villain here. Like he was the one who’d killed somebody’s mama instead of the other way around. She needed to be glaring at the one she was consoling—watch out for his left hook.
Cassandra turned to Isaac and asked, “When do you think you’ll be back in Chicago?”
Isaac looked over at Nina. The sling was still on her arm. “I’m not sure. But, I’ll call and let you know something soon. Okay?”
“All right. I’ll talk to you soon,” she said as she walked over to Marvin’s car and got in on the passenger side.
When Marvin and Cassandra drove off, Nina marched back into the kitchen to finish this fight once and for all. “You should be ashamed of yourself, Isaac Walker.”
“Is Donavan sleep?” Isaac asked Nina.
“Yes, of course he’s sleep. It’s eleven at night.” Nina’s hand was back on her hip.
“That sounds like a plan. Goodnight, Nina, I need to get some rest.”
“Oh, no, Isaac. We are going to finish this conversation.”
“Not tonight. I’m tired and I’m going to bed,” Isaac told her as he walked up the stairs and into his bedroom, leaving Nina standing in the living room with her mouth hanging open. Aimlessly driving around town had whupped on Isaac, so he fell out on the bed with his street clothes on.
The next morning, Isaac was feeling a bit repentant. So he rose early and set about making pancakes for everyone. His first two batches burned. He had stirred the new mix and put more batter in the skillet when Nina walked into the kitchen. She had taken the sling off her arm. She held her arm close to her body as she opened the refrigerator and poured herself a glass of juice.
Pointing at her arm, Isaac asked, “Why’d you take it off?”
“It’s time, was all Nina said as she put the juice back in the refrigerator.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her words irritated him because they were the same words she’d spoken to him the night he dreamed about her coming to him. The night she and Donavan got shot.
She turned to face him. “Time for life to be normal again. Time for me to fluff my own pillows and cook my own meals. Time for you to go home.”
He placed the bowl down on the counter and glared at her. “So, it’s like that, huh?”
Tension clung to the air as they stood their ground, neither yielding. Both seeing their own stubborn reality and getting it wrong.
“Whatever,” he said when Nina wouldn’t respond. He scooped the pancakes off the skillet.
Nina turned to him then and let him have it. “You’re supposed to be a Christian, Isaac. If you can’t forgive others, what makes you so sure that God can continue to forgive all the mess you get yourself into?”
Pointing the spatula in her face, he said, “You need to take your own advice.”
“What are you talking about?” She was screaming. Just couldn’t take him one second longer.
Ignoring the temper tantrum, he said, “You spout off about forgiving everybody under the sun. You released Mickey for shooting you, and Charles for dumping you. But you haven’t forgiven me, Nina. I don’t care how much you claim it.”
“I have.” The sneer could be heard in her voice from here to Alabama.
“Then why do you hold me hostage to the things of the past? You won’t let me close to you. Won’t even consider a future with me, and I know why.”
She just glared at him.
“You don’t trust me. And the reason you don’t trust me is because you haven’t forgiven me.”
“Like I said, I forgave you a long time ago. Her words were tight and drawn out.
Isaac leaned against the kitchen counter and shook his head. “No. Not completely. I believe that you forgave some of the things that I did to you. But the one thing you still hold onto is the women. You don’t think I would be faithful to you. Admit it, Nina.”
She laughed. “Do you even know the definition? How can I believe you would be faithful when you’re always flaunting your women in front of me? Don’t think I’ve forgotten how you used to tell me that your other girlfriends were my wife-in-laws.”
Of all the things he wished he could take back, those words would be on the top ten. He’d hurt her when he spouted off that nonsense. But he had been young and stupid. “Look, Nina, I’m sorry that I ever said that to you. But I haven’t flaunted a woman in front of you in years.”
“What about Cassandra?”
Okay, maybe he did let Cassandra rub on his shoulders and squeeze his hand just to tick Nina off. But he had been mad about her huddled conversation with Charles. “I didn’t ask Cassandra to come here. I know you’re not mad at me for dating someone. Don’t forget, you were engaged.”
She shook her head, calming down. “I’m not upset about you dating. Your women just always seem to end up on my doorstep.”
“I’m sorry about that too.” It seemed like he was always apologizing to this woman, but this time he really was sorry. He knew the incident Nina was referring to. His old girlfriend, Denise, had followed him to Dayton one weekend. After he picked up Donavan and headed back to Chicago, she knocked on Nina’s door. Denise hoodwinked Nina into believing that she was pregnant. Begged Nina to help convince Isaac to marry her. The girl was no more pregnant than he was. That’s when he stopped fornicating. To this day, he wasn’t sure if he left Denise alone for God or because of how hurt Nina sounded when she tried to convince him to marry another woman.
She waved off his compassion. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m just tired of dealing with you and your women.”
They stood staring at each other, silence eating up the minutes. Isaac’s cell phone rang and he leaped on it. “Yeah?”
“Hey, Isaac, my boy. How are things going?” It was Bishop Sumler.
“Not too good, Bishop. How are things going with you?” Isaac asked in a voice that sounded as if he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks and was about to collapse at any moment.
Bishop didn’t seem to notice as he got right to the point. “That’s why I’m calling. There are a few things going on here that could use your attention.”
“Can Keith work on it?”
Bishop hesitated for a moment and then said, “I have Keith working on some other things. I really need you here if you can get away.”
Isaac looked at Nina’s arm again, the one that had a sling on it, before she removed it to prove to him that she didn’t need him. The look of sadness in her eyes told him that she wanted him out of her hair so he told Bishop, “All right. I’ll be there.”
Isaac hung up the phone and turned back to Nina. “Well, I guess you got your wish. I might not be needed here anymore, but Bishop needs me back in Chicago.”
“Yeah, Bishop always seems to need you, Nina mumbled.
“What did you say?”
Nina didn’t back down, she rolled her eyes heavenward and said, “That man means you no good. He knows you’ve got all these anger and unforgiveness issues—and what does he do about it? Does he pray for you; try to guide you in the right direction? No, your Bishop uses you as his henchman. He feeds on your anger issues and lets you do all of his dirty work.”
“I’m no body’s henchman, Isaac said angrily.
Nina squeezed her eyes shut and then reopened them. “All right, fine. I’ve said what I’ve wanted to tell you about that man for some time now. But if you don’t believe what is so very obvious, then I can’t help you. Go to Chicago, Isaac. It’s for the best.”
“I don’t need your permission,” he told her as he walked out of the kitchen. He turned back ar
ound and said more compassionately, “I’ll take Donavan with me so you don’t have to worry about taking care of him and yourself.”
“That’s fine. When will you bring him back?”
“A couple of days.” He turned and headed for his son’s room.
A tear trickled down her face. “Run away like you always do.”
35
Isaac was in an uncomfortable place. He sat in Bishop Sumler’s office thinking over his life and his ministry. Everything was up in the air. He had been praying, asking God to direct him. But he still didn’t know which end was up, or where he was going from here.
He believed, deep in his heart, that God had forgiven him for his transgressions—the rest of the world may never, but God had. He believed he was still called of God, still meant to do something. He just didn’t know what it was. He also thought about what Nina had said about Bishop Sumler using him as a henchman and that he wasn’t able to get rid of his issues because of continued association with Bishop. Lord, could this be true?
Sumler greeted Isaac jovially as he rushed into his office. “Sorry I’m late. Putting out a fire on the other side of town.”
Isaac knew all about the fires Bishop put out. He’d done the same for him when he’d gotten himself caught up with Denise. Isaac still wondered how much that New York relocation had cost Bishop.
Sumler sat behind his desk and fumbled around for some papers. “Isaac, my boy, I think it is your time.”
Nina had just told him it was time for him to leave her house. He wondered what time Bishop thought it was, but didn’t ask.
“I’ve got two churches that do not have a full-time pastor. The one in West Virginia and one here.” Bishop looked at Isaac and smiled. “What I want to know is, which one do you want to start your career as a pastor in?”
Isaac wanted to jump out of his seat and shout hallelujah. About time something good occurred in his life. But something kept him in his seat. Maybe it was the way Bishop called preaching a career. Wasn’t it supposed to be a ministry? Or maybe it was the memory of Pastor Paul reaching out to people most of Christendom had given up on. Wasn’t that what this walk was supposed to be about?
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