The following morning told her: her monthly flow began. It would require three days to complete, three days better spent here than cooped up like chickens in a coach where baths weren’t possible. Tuesday, she decided, she would make a decision about when to tell Ben the truth and when to depart, if the deception didn’t cause him to throw her out instantly.
At least she wasn’t pregnant, something she hadn’t considered in the heat of passion with Steve Carr. How tragic and ironic it would be for his first child to be born in his father’s footsteps, an embittered bastard. Love could compel people to do foolish and reckless things. But was love worth any price one had to pay, any sacrifice one had to make? She couldn’t answer, considering what she had done and would do for the love of Johanna, her father, and Steve Carr.
She hadn’t asked Ben why had Stella left; she would allow him to carry that damaging secret to his grave. She decided she would confess and leave the ranch next week.
At Fort Smith, the man in Ginny’s thoughts and dreams was receiving grim news on his twenty-eighth birthday. Steve couldn’t believe she was gone from his life. Her letter to him was bittersweet. He was angry she hadn’t gotten his explanation; Captain Cooper hadn’t returned until after her departure. No one had seen her leave. She wasn’t listed as a boat passenger or a stage passenger. Her horse was gone. He had asked Jake if there was a soldier named Myers who had been sent to Texas, the only female traveling alone that day. He had despised hearing there was, and her name was Cora, a brown-haired woman of around twenty years.
Why, Steve worried, had she vanished? How had she done it with such cunning and thoroughness? Even with his skills, it was hopeless to track her now after so much time had lapsed. This loss, atop that of his best friend, gave him feelings of loneliness and anguish, more intense than any he’d endured before meeting Anna. She had told him he picked at his wounds, kept them raw and open, and refused to let anyone, including her, help tend and heal them. He had realized that was true. She had told him that when the right time and circumstances came along, he would be ready and willing and eager to let go of the painful past. He knew now that Anna was that circumstance and this was the time for a fresh beginning.
He admitted that his troubles had molded him into a strong man, as she’d said, even stronger than he had comprehended until she entered his life. The bitterness eating at him was destroying him, might have destroyed his only hope for a bright future if Anna decided not to contact him. Steve couldn’t blame her for disappearing, as his behavior did appear uncaring and traitorous. That wasn’t true. He had come to realize he loved and wanted Anna Avery. Now, she possibly was lost to him, lost because she didn’t know of those feelings he’d been afraid to expose to her. He was worried about the mystery hinted at in her letter. She could be in danger this very minute and he was helpless to rescue her. Spirits, he hated that feeling.
He wondered what task she had to do, where, what lies she had told him, and what she had wanted to confess. If only he’d seen her that night before he left. If only he hadn’t left her escape money or given it to Jake. If only he’d put his note in with the money. He had trusted the clerk with the cash but not with a private message he had feared a nosy person might read.
It was too late for hindsight. On the wagontrain she had reached out to him, but he had pushed her away. “You solve your problems and I’ll solve mine,” he had told her. He could have learned her secrets long ago if he hadn’t been stubborn and defensive. She admitted lying to him in the letter so, when he found her again, she should be as understanding and forgiving as he would be with her. She loved him and wanted him; wasn’t that what her message implied? The next month or two would be terrible for him, waiting and hoping she didn’t change her mind. He had told Jake Cooper he would keep in touch by telegram. He could hardly wait to hear from her so he could go to her and tell her the overdue truth.
He prayed she hadn’t deceived him about being involved with the Klan. Timothy Graham hadn’t known anything about her when he was arrested in St. Louis, or claimed he hadn’t. Surely she had been only escaping the traitorous gang when he rescued her on the trail. Surely she wasn’t heading back South to aid the KKK again, to help them replace their losses, and to succeed where her father had failed. From what she’d told him, she had just motives for being vengeful. Wherever she had gone, he hoped she was safe and that he would hear from her sooner than she’d said. While he was waiting, he would take care of another tormenting matter, then complete one final job: finding and killing his best friend’s murderer.
Ginny fretted over allowing twelve days to pass since her arrival without finding the courage to expose her identity and ruse to Ben and Nan. She accused herself of being a coward, afraid of causing Ben pain, afraid of leaving these happy surroundings to place herself in peril in Colorado on the slim hope her father was still alive. What if she wrote to Steve in care of Captain Cooper, told him where to locate her, and asked him to come guide her to Colorado? What if he hadn’t returned to Fort Smith? What if he never returned to Fort Smith? What if he was dead, too, which was a possibility as he lived such a dangerous existence? Could she throw away all she had here on the ranch to chase uncertain dreams? She must, as she had no right to Johanna’s life. She had given Charles joy by playing his Anna. She had given Ben joy by playing his Johanna. It was her father’s turn to receive joy. Both deceptions had been trouble and anguish. It was time to be herself.
Tomorrow, she would go into town and send Steve a telegram. She would pray she meant enough to him for him to come help her out of this predicament. As soon as she heard from him or he arrived, she would tell Ben everything and hope he forgave her.
She continued to dress for dinner, one of the most enjoyable times of the day. Yet she was apprehensive and didn’t know why.
Ben smiled and said, “Stone, you’re finally back, Son. I have a surprise for you; your sister’s returned from England. And Stella is dead.”
The younger man looked stunned. “Johanna’s here?”
“Yep, and she’s beautiful. You don’t have to worry; I told you half of this ranch is yours when I die. Nothing can change that; it’s in my will.”
Stone saw the glow in his father’s eyes. He had to struggle not to let bitterness storm through him. “Did you tell her about me?” He watched Ben lower his head in shame. Well-deserved, he decided.
“No, Son, and you know why I can’t. Please understand.”
“Protection of the Chapman name is the most important thing to you,” Stone accused. “Not me or Mother or your precious Johanna.”
“It’s your name, too, Son. You don’t want it stained, either.”
“Mine by adoption only. I’d rather have it the right way. Being your half heir isn’t as important as people knowing what blood runs in my veins. All my life I’ve had to lie about who and what I am. How can you say you love me and want me when you’ve denied me since birth, when you made me a bastard in everyone’s eyes? My mother has loved you and served you for almost thirty years. Even after Stella found out about us and left, you still refused to marry her. Now that she’s dead, you’ll probably still find excuses not to do it. Yet you claim you love her and want her, too.”
Stone closed the distance between them to tower over his slump-shouldered father. He knew he was hurting the man, but he couldn’t stop himself, as he wanted to open Ben’s eyes. Now that he knew what love was, he had ammunition to fire at the man who had denied and hurt him and his mother, had hurt Johanna and her mother. First he had to wound his father, then help heal that injury for all their sakes. “How could a decent man take two women to his bed at the same time? You selfishly and cruelly used both of them, Father. You’ve cheated all of us. You still don’t think Mother is good enough to be Mrs. Bennett Chapman because she’s Apache, enemy and scourge of the whites. Because I carry your blood, I’m good enough to be adopted and to inherit half of your ranch, but because my mother is Indian and I’m a half-breed I don’t deserve for peop
le to know I’m your son, that I have the Chapman name by right of birth and blood. I loved you. I worked for you and with you for years. I would have done anything for you. I wouldn’t have known the truth about myself if I hadn’t overheard you and Stella quarrel that day because you’d have never told me. For the rest of my miserable life, you’d have let me think I was the bastard of an Indian…” He could never call his beloved mother a whore as most had whispered but never dared to say aloud because she was under the protection of Bennett Chapman. “I even had to pretend she wasn’t my mother so no one would guess the truth about you two. That isn’t fair, Father. Can’t you understand that?”
“I’ve hurt you worse than I realized, Stone, and I’m deeply sorry. But this isn’t the time to beat the past like a disobedient dog. Johanna will be down shortly, Son. She doesn’t know about us and this isn’t the time or way for her to learn that awful secret. Let’s talk about this later, please.”
“It is always ‘later’ with you, Father. Have you ever feared it might be too late for us when you decide to acknowledge me? When I have children, I want them to know who their grandparents are, what their bloodline is.”
“Times and people change, Son.”
“Not that I’ve seen, and I’ve been everywhere. People will always hate and reject Indians because people like you refuse to show your acceptance of them. I need peace, Father. That’s why I came home, to seek it. If we can’t settle this soon, it will be too late for us. Is that what you want?”
Ben looked at his troubled son. “Be patient with me, Stone. I know you’re right. I’ve been a coward for too long about a lot of things. I love you. Let me find the best time and way to explain this to your sister before we reveal the truth to everyone. I will, Son, I promise. Soon there will be no more lies and denials. But let’s drop it for now; I hear Johanna coming.”
“All right, Father, one last chance.” He needed a strong drink to calm his tension after the difficult talk and before a reunion with his “sister.”
As Ginny entered the room she noticed the man with his back to her and his head lowered as he poured a glass of whiskey from a liquor cabinet. She tensed when she surmised it must be Stone and deceitful work loomed before her.
“Your brother’s home, Johanna. Stone, you remember your sister…”
The man turned and his jaw went slack. His dark eyes widened in disbelief, then narrowed in suspicion. What pretense was she pulling now? How had she discovered his carefully guarded identity? What did she want from his family with this daring ruse? Force them to force him to marry her for dishonoring her? Women did that. Before he could think whether or not to expose her, he murmured, “Anna Avery, what are you doing here?”
Ginny went pale and trembled. Her heart pounded. Her lips parted. Her eyes gaped at him in shock. Her gaze slipped to the two Colts with S.C. on their butts: not for Steve Carr but for … Stella had lied or been wrong about Stone’s age; he wasn’t twenty-five! He had deceived her all along! He had made her feel sorry for him by claiming to be an embittered loner, a penniless drifter, a worthless bastard! She had loved him, believed him, surrendered to him! He was just like his father, a selfish user of women! He had told those lies to justify deserting her after they… Heavens above, if she truly had been Johanna … “You’re Stone Chapman, Ben’s adopted son? You lied to me, you sorry…” Anger and resentment choked off her remaining word. How could he have been so cruel and cold?
“You two look and sound as if you’ve met before,” Ben remarked.
Stone and Ginny looked at a curious Ben, having forgotten his presence during their shock. Both wondered what to say and do now.
CHAPTER 15
“We have, Father. He’s the man I told you about, the one on the wagontrain,” Ginny finally replied, “the one who rescued me from those outlaws during the time I was pretending to be Charles Avery’s daughter. He told me his name was Steve Carr, and I believed him, believed everything he told me.”
Stone realized she looked genuinely stunned to see him and to learn this news, but he hesitated to trust her and resisted believing her. He recalled how she’d invited him to come home with her, but never suspected she meant to his home. But she wasn’t Johanna Chapman; she couldn’t be Johanna; it must, his troubled mind reasoned, be another trick. “Pretended to be Avery’s daughter?” he scoffed. “You’re saying you aren’t?”
Ben chuckled and said, “Of course she isn’t, Son; she’s Johanna. She told me all about her adventures with you while she was trying to get home to us.”
Stone’s narrowed and chilled gaze glared into the woman’s eyes, which were filled with… panic and anguish. If she wanted him as a man, why claim to be kin? Of course, he was allegedly adopted! Was her scheme to insinuate herself into his family, win and wed him, then confess her deceit? What if the real Johanna came home and exposed her? Yet she looked so alarmed and so vulnerable, so betrayed by him. Maybe the little trickster hadn’t known Steve Carr was really Stone Chapman. Could he allow her to carry out her pretense so he could have her? No, because there was a vital secret she didn’t know that would prevent that. Only by exposing her could he have her, if he could trust and forgive her. “All about them, Father?”
“Yes,” Ben answered, ignorant of the situation between them. He hurriedly glossed over what he had been told about the reasons she’d left England and how she’d made it home. “Saints be praised, I have you to thank for saving her life. She said you were tough on her, but we’re both glad you were. Her daring ruse as Anna Avery held surprises she hadn’t expected. I’m happy you were there to help her. One of those undercover jobs of yours, I suppose. It’s dangerous to be a Special Agent for the Justice Department, Stone. I wish you’d give it up and come back to the ranch for keeps. We need you here, Son… Well, aren’t you going to hug your sister?”
The last word sliced through Stone like a white-hot knife carving out his resentful heart. After hearing Ben’s revelations—things only the real Johanna could know—he couldn’t delude himself. When he’d told the Fort Smith hotel clerk he was her brother, he couldn’t have imagined that would prove to be the case. Spirits help them, he had made love to his own half sister! Thank the Spirits she didn’t know the wicked truth. Johanna believed he was adopted, no blood kin to her, so she didn’t realize what they had done… Unless Stella had told her daughter the truth about him. If so, she knew and must be tormented to discover who Steve Carr really was.
As Ben went into deeper detail about their adventures, Stone didn’t listen to the tale he already knew. He was angry and bitter that he’d finally found a woman to love, only to learn she was his sister and a future together was impossible. He had to find a way to forget his forbidden feelings for her. Worse, if she didn’t know the truth, and he prayed she didn’t, he couldn’t tell her why he would reject her. If she had returned home for revenge or for profit, her greed and hatred had ruined both of their lives. If only they had trusted each other enough on the trail to confess their secret identities before things had gone too far between them. He had himself to blame; she had tried to confess to him several times, and he had halted her. He cursed Fate for allowing this cruel trick to be played on them. How could he accept what he had done? How could he stop desiring her? How could he forget she desired him, might love him, and might be devastated by the awful truth? He hadn’t deserted her at Fort Smith as she believed, yet she planned to contact him soon. What was she thinking at this difficult moment?
Ginny wasn’t listening to Ben, either; she was ensnared by doubts and questions. How could she expose her lies to her traitorous love and his deluded father? Yet anger at her ruse might soften the news of Johanna’s death. She feared both men might aim their vengeance at her, perhaps have her arrested for her dishonest action, as it could be labeled fraud. If only she’d told “Steve” she was Virginia Marston. Of course that would have evoked a much different confrontation at this time. She would already be exposed by Stone. She didn’t know or trust the man
she loved, so she mustn’t confess the truth yet, even to soothe Stone. She would leave an explanatory and apologetic letter behind when she left for Colorado. From what she’d observed on the trail, he wasn’t one to dupe. After pretending to be Anna and Johanna, he’d think her a liar and greedy. schemer; he’d never believe she loved him and had made reckless mistakes.
If Stone had feelings for her, he would behave differently at this moment. Being adopted, he had no reason not to reach out to her. Unless he couldn’t get past the word “sister” and was worried about seducing his adopted father’s daughter. They weren’t blood kin, nor were Johanna and Stone, so they hadn’t committed incest. Perhaps he resented her for being Johanna and for returning to share Ben’s love and possessions. Maybe he didn’t love her and feared she’d make demands on him. Perhaps it was only hurt pride over being fooled by her, and the belief the love she proclaimed was also a lie. She longed to reveal the truth about everything, but something about Stone compelled her to stay silent for now. Despite all he had done to her, she loved him and wanted him. There was so much she wanted to say and to ask, but not in front of Ben. She must speak with Ste—no, Stone—in private first. How could he scorn her when he was a liar and deceiver, too?
With recovered wits and poise, Ginny said, “Mr. Avery did have a daughter named Anna, Stone. What I said about her was true.” She gave a partial explanation for her pretense as Anna Avery. “You know why I left Fort Smith if you returned there and was given my letter.”
Midnight Secrets Page 33