by Tatiana Xavi
Screaming as loudly as I could, I hated becoming food again. I didn’t want to die like this with these weird men in this ugly room smelling of death. Screaming until someone covered my mouth, I bit down hard and shook my head to tear through flesh and draw blood. Even after blood dripped down my throat, I refused to let go until someone slapped me across the face.
Once his hand left my mouth, I screamed again. Smiling too, I felt God answering my prayers as the men stole my blood and left me with too little. Passing out, I hoped Daddy and the others made it out of the city before they too became cows.
Having a strange dream, I saw four little girls eating strawberries which left their mouths red. The laughing children affixed bows on each other’s ponytails. Even looking like normal girls, I knew they were more.
A man stood over them and tipped his black cowboy hat. He wore a black suit with a white shirt and a skinny black tie. He looked like the hipster kid from my high school except this man had snake eyes and a mustache.
The man told the girls to be good. He told them to do their homework and study hard. He told them never to lie, cheat, or steal. After telling them to eat their veggies, he tipped his hat again. Walking away, he told them to grow up to be strong, happy girls who made the world weep.
Waking to thoughts of the soul eater, I blinked as the light from the dull bulb above me burned my eyes. Feeling fuzzy, weak, and emptied out, I realized the soul eater let me live again. Did my soul taste bad after all the monsters ate from me?
When someone licked my face, I mumbled for them to stop. Yet my mouth felt full, and I made no sense. The licking continued until I turned my head.
Arms and legs dangling off the ends of the table, I find the men were gone. Had they finished with me or had this big dog scared them off?
The dog whined and licked at my face again. Blinking a few times, I only wanted to sleep. The dog nudged me with his nose, wanting me to get up.
Yes, I needed to get up. The men might return, and I didn’t want to be their cow anymore. The soul eater hadn’t taken me, and I could still survive. My legs worked, though not well enough to hold me up.
Falling off the table, I came face to face with the bald man. He lay on the ground, his dull eyes lifeless. Looking around, I saw the other men were also dead.
Even with no obvious injuries on them, I knew the men were dead. When crawling over the bearded one, my knee dug into his groin, and I suspected if he were alive the man would have reacted.
The dog I followed was bigger than any I’d ever seen, and he reminded me of Nick’s Siberian Husky. Whiskey Pete didn’t like me, but he didn’t like anyone besides Nick and his wife, Lana. Whiskey Pete loved Lana so much he let her eat him.
Crawling after the big white dog, I struggled to see through my hair while not vomiting. Twice, I failed. The dog waited for me, quietly whining while I dry heaved. My stomach, though, refused to give up the food from lunch. Returning to me, he licked at my face, consoling me.
I was impressed by what a good dog he was, and I’d never really liked dogs. I especially didn’t like when they licked me. This dog was nice, though, and he showed me the way out of hell.
Hearing muffled voices, I stopped crawling. The dog looked back at me, and his eyes flashed blue in the weird lighting. I told him to come back, but he ran down the hallway and disappeared. While I should have thanked him, I didn’t think he would understand. My words came out jumbled like my mouth was full.
The voices I followed were muffled except for a loud and frantic one which belonged to Abner. Climbing the stairs on my knees, I reached the level where Zippy sat bleeding. Her face was very pale and her eyes glassy. When she saw me though, she lifted her arms as if to hug me.
Crawling to Zippy, I let her cradle me in her arms, even though she was covered in blood. Her arm was wrapped up, so maybe the bleeding had stopped.
“Oh, baby, it’s been a bad day,” Zippy whispered.
When Abner touched me, I flinched before realizing he was offering his coat. Until I slid the military jacket over me, I hadn’t realized I was naked. I wished I never realized because the moment I did, I started shivering.
“This place is full of monsters,” Abner whispered, suddenly quiet even though he had been loud before I arrived. Seeing me might have caused his training to kick in.
Abner glanced at me and then returned to keeping watch. “Your daddy went looking for you. He killed a lot of the freaks. Ten he found some people, but he couldn’t find you. We need to find him, so he’ll know you’re okay.”
Nodding, I didn’t try to speak, but I did look up at Zippy who still held me. Her eyes stared at the wall until she felt me watching her.
“Only you can change you,” Zippy reminded me.
I just nodded. My head was full of the same cotton feeling as my mouth. Turning my head, I noticed the Asian man from the rooftop as he held a young woman. They looked similar, and I sensed they were siblings. Cousins, at least. The ends of the girl’s hair were pink as if they had been dyed before the world died.
“Where’s Morgan?” I mumbled. After a few tries, Abner understood me.
“Don’t know. Ryan ran with her, and we haven’t seen them since.”
Abner reached into his shirt pocket and fiddled with his cigarettes, but he didn’t pull one out.
“Man, I wish the death girl was here. Never thought I’d be rooting for zombies, but I’d like to see them come here and rip these freaks apart.”
I nodded because I didn’t want to talk. Zippy tightened her grip on me, and I felt Daddy. Didn’t hear or see him, just felt him approaching. Zippy must have felt him too because she softly exhaled like she had been holding her breath until he returned.
“Sami,” Daddy whispered, always keeping to training. “Are you hurt?”
Shaking my head, I easily lied even if I knew by his expression my lie contradicted my present condition. I crawled toward Daddy and leaned into his embrace, feeling immediately better knowing he was safe.
“Are we going now?” a man said from farther down the hallway. “You got your girl. Can we go now?”
The man wasn’t very tall. He wasn’t skinny or fat. His hair was brown as were his eyes. He looked forgettable, and I felt guilty for thinking this about him. He also looked like a jerk, but I felt less guilty for thinking that.
“Are we leaving?” a redheaded woman asked, standing next to the jerk.
Daddy glanced in their direction, giving them one of his nasty glares. They backed up like most people do when they see his face turn cruel.
“I’m going to find you clothes,” Daddy said. His gaze fell on Zippy, and he showed no emotion, but I knew he was worried. “Can you move?”
“I’m not staying in this shithole.”
Daddy gave her a little grin and then walked away. When he returned, he was carrying my missing backpack. Abner stood guard while Daddy helped me dress. Jerk and the redheaded woman kept looking outside while the Asian couple sat very still in the corner. Everyone was waiting for Daddy to save them.
Before we joined the others, Daddy took my face in his strong hands and stared into my eyes. He wanted to fix what happened, but there were no words. I smiled for Daddy because I didn’t need the words. Daddy was why I was alive because I never forgot my training and I never forgot who I was fighting to return to.
Even if my body felt strange and I couldn’t walk in a straight line or speak coherently, I was ready to leave. I didn’t know what killed the men. While I figured maybe the dog had, I noticed no wounds on them. When Whiskey Pete bit Leo, he left a large gushing wound behind. Yet those men looked unharmed.
This place was full of monsters we didn’t understand. I wanted to leave and keep walking until we were at site four. The dream of taking Leo to the townhomes and Bellamy keeping us safe felt foreign. Distant like it was something I had dreamed many years ago.
Daddy was pissed and held his guns like he was looking forward to shooting someone. Behind him, Zippy a
nd I stumbled along. We held weapons neither of us was strong enough to use. The Asian couple was right behind us. Jerk was right behind them. The scared woman with her oddly cut red hair stayed close to Abner who brought up the rear with his big gun.
Scared and on alert, we heard footsteps coming from the block from where I was taken, and Zippy injured. As the scared woman ground her teeth, the Asian girl asked if she could have a gun and Daddy handed her one. The Asian man lifted a baseball bat and glared hard in the direction of the footsteps. Jerk just stepped behind Zippy and me.
Morgan and Ryan appeared from around the corner. His gaze was behind them, watching for attackers. While I smiled when I saw them, they didn’t smile in return.
“Where were you?” Daddy growled at Ryan.
When I giggled at the sound of Daddy growling, everyone frowned at me because my giggling sounded weird.
“The crap hit the fan, and we ran and hid,” Ryan said. “What were we supposed to do?”
Ryan said the words with conviction, and he gave Daddy an angry stare. When he looked at me though, his gaze softened, and I thought he might cry. I was probably too tired to understand, but I probably looked worse than I thought. Ryan still believed I belonged with him, and he protected what was his.
“Let’s get out of here before the sun goes down and the freaks can move around easier,” Jerk said.
Daddy rolled his eyes, unimpressed by Jerk’s bravado now that he had other people around to do the heavy lifting.
Once we started walking, Daddy opened fire a few times on spying faces in windows. The Asian man’s name was Kei, and he told us the monsters had slaves. He said the slaves were the ones who grabbed me because the monsters couldn’t come out during the day.
Kei also said he and his twin sister Kiko arrived in Overton with nearly two dozen people searching for a way to an enclave. The rest of their group was killed or turned into slaves. Kei said they had traveled from the West Coast which wasn’t a good place to be anymore. Zippy made a smartass comment about how the West Coast was never a good place, and Kei smiled. He smiled easily, as did Kiko. I could see why they made good survivors. They never forgot to be human, even though they were prey now.
When we reached the highway where the dog creatures waited for us, Daddy opened fire on them. He killed two giant dogs and wounded more. After enough of them had died, the monster dogs ran back to their side of the city and didn’t bother us afterward.
Daddy likely wished we had just done this in the first place. When he looked at me, he was apologizing for making the wrong choice earlier. Doing the only thing I could, I smiled at him like I didn’t have a care in the world. Daddy returned my smile, but I knew he was hurting. Yet he pushed the pain inside and returned to his soldier mode.
Walking past the dead creatures, they looked like giant hairless dogs with long distorted jaws and bulgy eyes. I didn’t want to imagine what a pack of them could do. Fortunately, they didn’t follow us as we walked down the highway.
By the time we were an hour outside of the city, Jerk had a name. Logan was from Denver. He announced the Denver part like it made him special.
The redheaded woman didn’t want to talk. I was okay with this because she was jittery. The only thing she said beside her name was how she wanted a gun. Paige did mention being an Arkansas native as if this meant she was good with guns. Daddy didn’t give her one, though. He didn’t like Arkansas, and he never shared his weapons with people he didn’t trust.
In the city, Paige squeaked whenever we saw one of those faces. Once on the road, she squeaked whenever we spotted zombies in the distance. I couldn’t understand how she remained alive so long with all the squeaking.
Hours before the sun set, the group made camp in the woods. Logan said sleeping outside was bullshit while Paige squeaked at every noise. Kiko asked for a second gun because she was twice as nervous in the woods as on the road. Kei held his baseball bat and looked around for something to hit.
Weakened from blood loss, Zippy was why we stopped so early. Soon cuddled in a sleeping bag, she needed to rest for a long time, but we had until dawn. The new people wanted to put a lot of distance between us and the horror show we’d left behind. Having been trapped there for weeks, they figured anywhere was better. The only thing Daddy and Logan agreed on was the group needed to leave as soon as possible.
Sitting next to Zippy, I watched Morgan get comfortable on the ground. Abner created a makeshift chair for her, using a pile of backpacks. Morgan grinned at him, and Abner relaxed for the first time since Ryan told us we were being hunted.
All the quiet got me thinking. As my mind returned to the dark room with the strange men, I thought about how my back still hurt even though the wound was closed. I hadn’t noticed while escaping, but I was no longer bleeding from the wound when I followed the dog out of the room.
Running my fingers over my wrists where the strange men fed from me, I found swollen skin like raised scars. Those areas were tender, but they weren’t raw. I healed while I was unconscious. No matter this blessing, I wondered about the other stuff. The ugly stuff the men could have done between when I passed out, and they died.
No one can change you except you.
Zippy kept saying this to me, and I could feel her thinking it as we stared at the half-hidden moon. Zippy was right in a way. Those men hadn’t changed me, but I was different now. My body wasn’t the body of Samantha Adkins. It was the body of the girl who was bitten by a zombie and survived with a growing hunger.
As I ate a can of beans, Logan sat nearby, giving me dirty looks. He wanted me to offer him food, but I didn’t. I honestly didn’t think he would be alive in a few days and I wasn’t wasting food on him. There were also houses not too far away. If he wanted food, he could search them and find something to eat.
Nearby Kiko and Kei smiled, sharing an unspoken joke. They earlier claimed to be able to communicate psychically. Kei said the talent came in handy when cheating in school or during card games. They could also talk bad about people without anyone hearing. Kiko said the best part was as long as they spoke with their minds that she could avoid listening to Kei’s annoying voice.
Long after it got dark, Daddy kept watch alone while the others rested. Eventually, I joined him, knowing he was hurting and needed reassurance I was okay. We didn’t speak, but he wrapped an arm around me as we worked to forget what happened in Overton.
When I needed to go to the bathroom in the woods, I took a gun and an ax. Daddy wanted to go with me, but I promised I would be just outside the clearing. With my hair in one of its frizzier moods, I teased how he would be able to see me the whole time. Daddy smiled, but he was upset and had no way to express it.
When I was ready to return to the clearing, Ryan appeared, looking tense like Daddy. Even in the darkness, I could see his blue eyes were filled with pain. Ryan stepped closer and opened his mouth to speak. Closing it, he shook his head. He took my hands and tried again to speak.
“I promised my grandmother I would keep Morgan alive. I promised her before I promised to keep you safe.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Ryan shook his head, his grip tightening on my hands. “You’re so young, and I should have found a way to protect you too.”
“If you want to survive out here, you have to learn to let things go. If you keep carrying around all the pain and regret, it’ll weigh you down until you can’t run anymore. Daddy is upset too, but he can’t think about it. He has to stay strong, and you do too. For Morgan and me. You need to forget about today and think about tomorrow.”
Ryan shook his head. “If I knew you were unconscious for it all, maybe I could do what you say, but…”
A sound in the distance interrupted him, and Ryan stepped closer to protect me from the monster. Except there was no monster and I was more heavily armed than him. An animal howled, and another one responded. They spoke for a few minutes then others joined in. Standing, Daddy listened and waited. By the time Ryan a
nd I returned to where the others slept, Daddy had sat back down.
The animals weren’t close enough to worry about, so Daddy pretended like he wasn’t worried. The world was ugly enough with just the zombies and scavengers. Now with these new monsters, we felt suffocated as if all hope was gone except we’d also seen miracles.
I recovered from the zombie bite. Bellamy controlled zombies. While Grant was right about how scary the south could be, we wouldn’t be in the south for much longer.
When we returned to the clearing, Ryan offered to keep watch. Kei and Kiko said they would help too so Daddy could rest. They made promises about not falling asleep and being extra watchful. Kiko also pointed out how between the three of them they were nearly equal to Daddy.
Zippy woke when Daddy joined us. She opened her eyes, tightened her grip on my hands as I lay facing her, then fell back to sleep. I felt Daddy cuddle up against my back. With them on both sides of me, I was warm and safe. I even felt like we were a family. Another miracle as I saw it.
I dreamt of Bellamy spinning in a field. She was maybe ten years old and didn’t wear the clown makeup. She was still Anastasia in the dream.
Wearing a bright smile, she seemed so happy as three girls joined her. They laughed and spun around. No matter how happy they were and how much they played, darkness lingering around them.
Turning away from the girls, I saw the man with the snake eyes and mustache. He didn’t see me, having eyes only for the four girls who were pretending to be airplanes. His snake eyes watched them until they disappeared into the woods. Then he looked at me and smiled.
Happy to wake up, I could see Zippy watching me. She looked relaxed and maybe a little stronger. We smiled at each other, and I knew by Daddy’s breathing he was still sleeping. After realizing the sun wouldn’t be up for another few hours, I lifted my head and spotted Ryan talking with Kiko. Kei stood nearby, swinging his bat as if practicing. Resting my head, I smiled as Zippy cuddled closer.
“Sleep, baby. When you wake up, we’ll be one day closer to home.”