by Joan Wolf
Henri nodded slowly. “It wouldn’t hurt to try.”
“Good,” Carlotta said. “I’ll write immediately.”
Leo stood up. “Gabrielle is expecting you to be at the circus for the evening performance. Is your wagon still here?”
“Yes,” Henri said. He ran his fingers through his thinning black hair. “It is going to be a very improvised performance.”
“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Leo said encouragingly.
“We’ll come up with something,” Carlotta said. “Tell Gabrielle not to worry. We’ll be back in time for the show.”
They got through the evening performance in good form. Henri and Carlotta added some more somersaults and twists and turns to lengthen their act, and though it was not as good as when Franz was with them, it was better than nothing.
The rest of the circus had been very relieved when Henri and Carlotta showed up, and they were even more relieved when Leo explained the arrangements that had been made for Franz’s care. Paul and Sully had already spread the word about the frayed rope, so it was a fairly comfortable group of people who drove back to town from the circus grounds that evening.
After dinner at the small hotel where they were staying, Paul and Sully and Emma and Gerard decided to go to the cafe with the group from the other hotel.
“I’ll go with you,” Gabrielle said.
Mathieu and Albert looked at her in surprise. “I thought we were all going to play cards,” Mathieu said.
But Gabrielle had decided that she didn’t want to spend the evening in such close company with Leo. She was beginning to feel as if she was married to him, she was with him so much. And such a feeling was not safe. God knows what it would lead to, she thought.
“I’ve changed my mind,” she said to her brother. “I think it would be good for me to be with the others tonight. We have all had a very painful day.”
Mathieu turned to Leo. “Perhaps we could play chess, Leo.” The hopeful look on his face hurt Gabrielle.
We are all becoming much too attached to Leo, she thought.
Leo looked from Mathieu to Gabrielle. She could see clearly that he wanted to go with her. He opened his mouth to speak, looked back to Mathieu and stopped. Then he said quietly, “Chess would be fine. My brain is in need of some sharpening.”
Mathieu grinned. “I can help you with that.”
Albert said to his sister, “Perhaps I will come with you for a while.”
She smiled at him. “That would be nice, Albert.”
The evening at the cafe was not at all pleasant, however. Jeanne flirted with Luc all evening and Pierre steamed. “I wish Pierre had never married Jeanne,” Albert said as he and Gabrielle walked back to the hotel.
Gabrielle sighed. “I do, too. She is surely causing a lot of trouble.”
“He should just leave her,” Albert said. “We would do fine with a three-piece band.”
“It’s not as easy as that. There is a legal bond between them that’s not so simple to break.”
“Jeanne doesn’t act as if there’s a bond between her and Pierre. She was flirting with Luc all night.”
The voices of Sully and Paul floated back to them as they walked on ahead.
“I know,” Gabrielle said. “I don’t know what’s wrong with her, Albert. I don’t know what possessed Pierre to marry her, but he did, and now we’re stuck with her.”
“I don’t think she’s pretty at all,” Albert said. “She’s not half as pretty as you, Gabrielle.”
Gabrielle reached her arm around Albert’s thin, boyish shoulders and gave him a hug. “Thank you.”
“Leo thinks you’re pretty,” Albert said. “He watches you. I’ve seen him.”
Gabrielle thought it was a good thing that the dark kept Albert from seeing the flush that rose to her cheeks. “Leo is just concerned that we get the gold delivered. He is not interested in me, Albert.”
“I think he is,” Albert said stoutly. “I like Leo, Gabrielle. He’s a good man. It would be a good thing if you married him.”
“Don’t talk like that,” Gabrielle said sharply. “Leo is an aristocrat in his own country. There is no way he is going to marry a circus girl. Please don’t pin your hopes on such a thing happening, Albert, because it won’t.”
There was silence as they walked along. The hotel entrance was halfway down the street. Albert said, “He said he would help me with my art.”
“And I believe he will do that,” Gabrielle said. She squeezed his arm. “He does not have to marry me in order to help you, Albert. He will help you because he likes you and because he sees that you have talent.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I am sure of it.”
They had reached the hotel door. Gerard and Emma had already gone in and Sully was holding it open for them. Colette bounded in first, followed by Gabrielle and Albert. The two of them went to look in the salon to see if Mathieu and Leo were still there, but the room was empty.
“Gone to bed,” Gabrielle said.
“Do you like Leo, Gabrielle?” Albert asked.
“Yes, of course I like Leo. He has been very kind to us. But I meant what I said before, Albert,” she said impatiently. “Don’t be imagining that something is going to happen between us, because it won’t.”
“If you say so.” But he didn’t look as if he believed her.
“It’s time for you to go to bed,” she said.
He started toward the stairs, then stopped and turned when she didn’t follow. “Aren’t you coming?”
“In a moment. I am going to take Colette to the kitchen to see if she wants a drink. Go ahead, I’ll be up in a minute.”
Albert nodded. “Good night, Gabrielle.”
“Good night,” she replied.
She clucked to Colette and started toward the kitchen. After Colette had lapped up some water from a bowl, Gabrielle went back into the hallway, hesitated, then went into the salon and sat on the hard sofa.
She was afraid to go upstairs. She was afraid to be alone with Leo.
He had been so wonderful today. He had taken charge of the whole Franz situation and resolved what had seemed to her at the time to be an unsolvable problem. Andre would never have done that. But then, Andre had been a boy. Leo was a man.
What would it be like to make love with Leo?
She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. Colette came over and pushed her face into Gabrielle’s lap. “If it wasn’t for you, I would have found out last night what it was like to make love to Leo,” Gabrielle said.
Colette gazed up at her with adoring brown eyes.
Gabrielle kissed the top of her head. “I love you, too.” She sighed.
What am I going to do?
Leo’s kiss had shaken her to her very marrow and she knew what she wanted to do. She also knew it wasn’t the wise thing to do.
She could get some of the herbs that all the circus women used to prevent pregnancy from Carlotta. She had used them the whole time she had been married to Andre, and they had worked.
We could have an affair. My brothers wouldn’t have to know.
She petted Colette’s sleek, fawn-colored head and let her thoughts dwell on what it would be like to have an affair with Leo. She shivered again.
What would I do when it was over? she thought. I’ve already had my heart broken once. Do I want to go through that again?
Twenty-Two
Leo was sitting up in bed reading when she came into the room. When he saw her, he closed the book, put it on the table next to him and said, “You’ve been a while. I heard the others come down the hall about fifteen minutes ago.”
He was wearing his nightshirt, with the covers pulled up to his waist. The nightshirt was open at the neck and showed his strong throat and part of his chest. His eyes looked like twin aquamarines. Her stomach turned to jelly just looking at him.
“I took Colette to the kitchen for a drink,” she said. “She was thirsty.”
Colett
e looked at Leo, then padded over to the mattress against the wall and lay down.
“Good girl,” Gabrielle said.
Leo didn’t say anything; he just looked at her.
“Who won the chess game?” she asked, trying to make her voice light.
“Mathieu won easily,” he replied. “I was a little distracted.”
“Yes,” she said. She hadn’t moved from her place just inside the door. “It has certainly been a distracting kind of day. I cannot thank you enough for all of your help, Leo. You were wonderful.”
“I don’t want your thanks,” he said. His voice sounded a little harsh. “I just didn’t want you worried.”
She swallowed and told herself to act naturally. She took off her blue jacket and hung it in the wardrobe. Then she turned around to face him once more. “What a night we had at the cafe,” she said. “Jeanne started to flirt with Luc, then Pierre got mad and tried to make her leave with him. She wouldn’t and Luc stood up for her and Pierre stormed out, furious.” She shook her head. “Now that Franz is out of the picture, apparently she is going to set her sights on Luc.”
He frowned. “I thought Luc was in love with you.”
“Luc thinks I’m married and out of his reach,” she pointed out. “He didn’t seem at all averse to a flirtation with Jeanne.”
“Damn,” he said. “Someone should rein that girl in.”
“Pierre tried tonight. He told her to come back to the hotel with him. But she said there was nothing there for her. What do you think she could mean by that, Leo?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “It could be anything.”
She began to undo the long braid that hung down between her shoulders. When she had finished, she went to the table where she had laid out her things and picked up a brush. “Gianni had some ideas for adding to his act. I thought they sounded good. The rope-dancing act is going to be shorter without Franz.”
“Did I tell you that Carlotta was going to write to a cousin of hers, to see if he could fill in until Franz is able to come back?” he asked.
She stopped brushing her hair. “No, you didn’t tell me. Carlotta and Henri didn’t tell me. They didn’t ask me.”
“I told them to go ahead,” Leo said.
The hand holding the brush fell to her side. Her hair was hanging all around the shoulders of her white shirt. She glared at him. “You didn’t have the authority to do that! I have said I would pay Franz his salary. How can I afford to pay an extra man as well?”
“You need to have a good rope-dancing act. Carlotta and Henri by themselves will not do the job. You saw how it was this evening. You need at least three people.”
Her nostrils quivered. “You don’t know what my costs are. It is very expensive to feed all of the horses as well as pay out salaries. I have to have enough money left over to keep us over the winter, when we are not per-forming.”
He said softly, “I have plenty of money. I would be happy to pay for this extra rope dancer.”
She went rigid. “No! I am not taking any money from you, Leo. The circus is my responsibility, not yours.”
“Then use some of the money that you are getting for delivering the gold.”
“That money is for Albert.”
“I am going to take care of Albert. He can live with me for free, and I will make sure he gets the proper instruction. I will also introduce him to the people who will commission paintings from him.”
She stared at him, her eyes wide. “Why are you doing this?” she whispered.
“I am doing it because I like Albert and I think he has a very great talent. It is a big thing for you and Albert, Gabrielle, but it is not a big thing for me. For me, it will be easy. Truly.”
After a moment the tension went out of her and she nodded. “Well then, I suppose I can pay this extra person and keep the money from the gold to make sure we can get through the winter.”
He smiled at her. “Of course you can.”
The jelly in her stomach got a little mushier. She said starkly, “The reason I stayed downstairs was that I was afraid to be alone with you.”
His face became very sober. “Afraid?”
“Afraid of how you make me feel,” she said, boldly meeting his eyes.
There was silence as they looked at each other. Then he said, “You make me feel that way, too.”
She folded her lips. “I know.”
“I want to make love to you, Gabrielle, but not unless you want it, too.”
I owe him so much, she thought. He took care of Franz today, and he is going to take care of Albert. I should show him gratitude, not rejection.
“There is an herb I took when I was married to keep from getting with child. I need to get some from Carlotta before we can do anything.”
His blue-green eyes glinted. “A good idea.”
She raised her chin. “Now, turn your back while I get undressed. I’m tired and I want to go to sleep.”
Obediently, he turned his face away from her and she quickly disrobed, pulling her nightgown over her head. Then she went over to the bed, turned back the covers on her side and got in.
He rolled toward her, reached for her hand and kissed it “Good night, sweetheart,” he said.
“Good night,” she whispered in reply. Briefly she met his eyes. She looked away, pulled the covers up over her shoulder and curled up to sleep.
She had said she was tired, but she lay awake for a long time with many thoughts going through her head. Uppermost in her mind was the thought that gratitude alone decreed that she give Leo what he wanted. She held on to that thought, using it to justify what she was going to do, using it as a shield to hide the deeper, more troubling truth from herself—that, foolish as it may be, making love to Leo was what she most profoundly wanted to do.
There was a thunderstorm in the middle of the night. Gabrielle was made aware of it by Colette, who landed on her feet at three o’clock in the morning.
“What the…” Leo said, and sat up.
Gabrielle was on her knees, petting the dog. “Colette is afraid of thunder. Look, she’s trembling.” Her voice softened. “It’s all right, baby. Nothing can hurt you. I’m right here.”
Colette began to scramble up the bed so she could get between Gabrielle and Leo.
Leo said, “This is ridiculous. If we let her back in now, we’ll never get rid of her.”
“She’s scared, Leo,” Gabrielle said.
“She’s enormous!” he said. “She has to weigh eighty pounds. There is no room for her in this bed with you and me.”
“You’re mean,” Gabrielle said.
“Get her back on her mattress and I’ll sit with her until the storm is over,” he said. He did not sound happy.
Gabrielle said, “Colette, I’m afraid that the days when it was just you and me in the bed are over. Come on, girl. I’ll stay with you until the storm is over.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Leo said irritably. “I said I’d do it.”
“She wants me, not you,” Gabrielle said. “Come on, cherie.” She got out of bed and coaxed the dog to follow her. Then she took her over to her mattress. Colette stood on it, looking at her. Another flash of lightning came through the open window and Gabrielle rubbed the dog’s head. “It’s all right, baby. It’s all right, girl.”
The thunder rolled and Colette jumped.
Leo came over with the quilt off the bed folded up. He put it on the floor next to Colette’s mattress and said to Gabrielle, “Here, sit on this. Perhaps she’ll lie down if you’re sitting.”
Gabrielle did as he said, all the time talking to Colette in a soothing voice. Slowly, Colette lowered herself to me mattress.
“Good girl,” Gabrielle said.
“I’ll get you your jacket. You’re going to be cold sitting there in your nightdress,” Leo said. He went to the wardrobe and returned with her blue jacket, which Gabrielle put on.
Lightning flashed again, then the thunder. Colette flinched, but she didn’t g
et up. Gabrielle continued to pet her.
“Get back into bed,” she said to Leo. “There’s no point in us both losing sleep over this.”
“Actually,” he said, “my feet are freezing on this floor. Is there room on that quilt for me, too?”
“I think so,” she said. “But you don’t have to do this, Leo. She’s not your dog.”
He didn’t answer, but lowered himself to sit beside her.
Colette poked her nose in his direction and he smoothed his hand over her forehead. “What a lot of trouble you are, little girl,” he said. But his voice was soft.
The thunder rumbled again, and Colette was quiet.
“She’s all right as long as she’s not alone,” Gabrielle said.
“Has she always been afraid of thunder?”
“Since I got her, when she was eight months old.”
There was silence as they both listened to the storm.
He said, “When I was a boy I had a dog named Regent—he was afraid of thunder, too. He was a foxhound who wouldn’t hunt.”
“What did you do with him when it stormed?” she asked.
She could hear the smile in his voice as he answered, “I let him in the bed with me.”
“Aha,” she said, and laughed.
“My parents would have had palpitations if they had known. I always worried about him when I went away to school, wondering if anyone was taking care of him when it stormed.”
“Was it hard to leave your family and home and go away to school?”
“At first it was, then I got used to it.”
“Are your parents alive, Leo?”
There was a long silence. Then he said, “My mother is alive, my father is dead.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know how terrible it is to lose a father.”
The thunder rolled again, but it sounded as if it was moving away.
He said, “My father had some kind of a disease that ate away at his insides. He was in a lot of pain for a long time.”
“How terrible,” she said. She spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb the mood of confidence that had come across him. “Terrible for him, but also terrible for your mother and you to have to watch him.”